Author Topic: Dear Dog:  (Read 89377 times)

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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #855 on: October 08, 2014, 04:58:37 PM »
Dear Kira,

Must you go from sleeping to singing the song of your people just as your human is sipping a cup of hot coffee?

Still much love,


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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #856 on: October 31, 2014, 04:06:00 AM »
Sam, can we just go over a few of the laws of physics?

1) You are not able to bi-locate. This means you cannot be on the bed at dusk for your nightly ritual of looking out the window before we close the blinds for the evening AND also be snoozing on the spare lounge . Running between the two and jumping on them and barking in frustration will not help. It WILL annoy the Humans, who will ban you from both until you calm down.

2) You have 4 feet. To run on lino, you need to slow down a little, or you do the 'puppy rhumba' and look like a spider trying to rollerskate. While I find this highly amusing, it means you spend a great deal of energy to move only a few metres. It also means you have zero chance of catching that cat the chickens are making a fuss about, because it takes you too long to charge out the back door.

3) You are a dog. That means, you have free range through the house, may sleep or snooze as you wish, and are expected to guard. You are paid for this service in treats, pats, long walks, adoration by your family and the public (no really, these guys almost have their own fan-club with the local Zumba group!), and large chewies and pigs ears. You do not have to stay up when your Human can't sleep. Should you do so, please cease and desist the grumbling every 10 minutes after midnight because you think it's past sleepy time. When the Human finally goes to bed, it is very impolite to growl every time they move because you want them to stay put.

And 4) I love that you love watching tv documentaries. Especially animal docos like the cassowary one from the other day. The look on your face when you saw the size of them was priceless, as was your "I want to play!" attempts to engage with the chicks. I'm going to youtube it one day.

Your provider of delicious chewies
Good news! Your insurance company says they'll cover you. Unfortunately, they also say it will be with dirt.


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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #857 on: November 24, 2014, 09:11:29 PM »
Dear Suzi

You poor baby!  I know I'm a big ol' meanie for taking you to the Doctor yesterday, but that torn dew claw was really sore, wasn't it?  She gave you a nice nap and you woke up and it was all gone, and that big yellow 'No Chew!' bandage on your foot.  And The Cone of Shame around your neck.  Yeah, it's not much fun, is it?  Poor pup! 

You're being such a good kid though, not chewing the bandage even when the CoS is off, that I just want to pick you up and cuddle you silly. 

So please don't get offended when I see you trying to walk with that bandaged paw (slipping, limping, half jumping, poor thing!) and have to stifle a giggle, OK baby?

Love and hugs and kisses
Mum xxx

Dear Ella

You are not a horse.  It is amusing to watch you grazing the grass next to the pony, but stealing his apples and carrots and taking them back into the house is really not nice.  Nor is stepping on a wet, soggy half chewed apple in bare feet...

Also, please forgive him for occasionally playing with your toys.  You did leave them where he could get them, after all.

Auntie Julian xx


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Re: Dear Dog:
« Reply #858 on: November 25, 2014, 12:39:05 AM »
Dear dog,

You have known me your whole life.  I let you outside just seconds before.  I consider it to be in poor form for you to proceed to growl and bark at me in the kitchen as you stand outside the patio door. Did those 3 seconds of freedom erase my image from your memory?

It also drives me insane when you frantically circle to go out and yet the moment you sprint through that door you stand confused in the driveway, staring around in befuddlement with no clue as to why you are suddenly outside.
« Last Edit: November 25, 2014, 12:41:21 AM by Idlewildstudios »