Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)

[Yarnspinner]

We have had a series of irate parents at school. In each case the family decided to change a child's name long after the birth certificate was signed. Many times the reason given is I'm not with him (meaning the father) anymore. Or we thought person child was named after would give us money and they didn't so we changed the name. Other times it is we just felt like it.
Thing is they don't legally change the name. Now the teachers at my school let the kids put their new names on daily work but we are required by law to use the legal name on things like attendance, report cards, and standardized test. The parents still throw fits.

In S.A. black culture, the concept of naming and family is very fluid. Also, it's traditonal among some cultures (e.g. Zulu) to wait until you've had a child or two before getting married (the weddings are DAYS-long affairs, with cows being slaughtered, etc. Very lavish), so what usually happens is the child is given the mother's surname, plus usually a Zulu/Sotho/etc name and a "Western" name (usually English, but sometimes Afrikaans, even Russian, German, etc.). Some also have a nickname completely unrelated to their names. Then they don't actually USE the mother's name and are known by their father's surname! I often want to scream, "Just register the child in the dad's name already!!"

So you will have a child whose book labels all say, "Lucky Nkosi", but the classlist says, "Lehlohonolo Dube". Which is fine if you know the child, but if another teacher has to mark that child's test or something, they get very confused and don't know where to write the mark down.

Or, a parent must fill in a tear-off slip for an extra-mural. It has a space for the parent's name, a space for the child's name, and a space for the grade. So the parent will write, "I Pinky parent of Snowy in Grade 1...", completely leaving out the surname and which Grade 1 class the child is in! So you look at all the Grade 1 classlists and can't find the child because Snowy is a nickname and the child's name is Lesedi or something. How are we supposed to know what is going on? Sometimes even the child's class teacher doesn't know the child responds to Snowy, and will say, "That child isn't in my class." Then, when the child is not signed up for that activity, you get an irate phone call from the parent demanding to know why.

We've had the opposite thing, too, where the child's legal name is Lesedi Kekana, but her parents call her Snowy and she uses her father's surname. And her parents NEVER told her what her legal name was, so the teacher is calling out, "Lesedi Kekana," and little Snowy sits there not knowing her own name!!

Parents seem to think teachers are psychic.

May I just say: AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (Lily curls into fetal position and sucks thumb.)

[little bird]

I'm another ex-retail worker who HATED the "you must have one in the back" customers.  Our back room was the size of a very small closet.  Trust me when I tell you that I KNEW what was back there.  If they were looking for a pair of black pants and I knew we had some in there, I'd check anyway just to be safe.  However, if a customer was looking for an electric blue dress in their size, I'd know if one was back there or not.  It was cool if the customer accepted that I might actually know what my shop had in stock but I hated the ones who started in with the "you just don't want to sell to me, you're too lazy to go check".  Eventually I just started going back and standing in the closet for a couple of minutes. 

I also hate the whole "that's unacceptable" thing when that's just the way we do things.  Working in insurance, I hear this a LOT.  Client let their workers' comp policy lapse and then try to get us to rewrite?  Yeah, that's a 'no' no matter how often you tell me it's unacceptable.  I don't know where this whole unacceptable thing came from (probably one of those awful consumer magazines that taught my retail customers to try to barter with me -- always hard keeping a straight face when someone's trying to barter with you over a cocktail dress) but I wish it would crawl back in its' hole and die.

[VorFemme]

Yeah - I worked in insurance for a while (high blood pressure, nightmares, and what I am sure were trying to become ulcers convinced me to try something else).  There were customers who wanted to pay the CHEAPEST possible insurance - then screamed when they didn't have comprehensive coverage (hitting an animal, a flying object hit them, or theft were comprehensive - not collision) AND rental reimbursement while their car was in the shop.

Kind of like ordering a burger off the value menu and then complaining that they didn't get fries, a drink, and an ice cream cone with it........plus the burger was too small.

Or it turned out that they didn't mention an accident or three that they'd had in the last couple of years, that their spouse's license was pulled for excessive use of alcohol or drugs while driving, or that they were trying to register Grandma's house in a GOOD area of town as where the car was garaged instead of their apartment in the middle of Crime Alley................or all three plus any of a host of other questions that were ASKED by the sales person that they ignored or LIED about to get that "cheapest possible rate".............

I still remember the one email exchange about an accident that was going to court - but the accident happened BEFORE he bought a policy from our company..............the comment from our insured?  "You must have solved this by now"............no information ever about where the accident happened, who was driving, what vehicle(s) were involved, what insurance company he had had a policy with at the time, or WHAT happened at all.

Just "you must have solved this by now", a wife that spoke no English, and a grown son who didn't know anything about the situation (he tried to ask his mother - SHE insisted that we had to talk to her husband).  Her husband NEVER returned a phone call to anyone (I checked on the computer file a few times as I kept getting told to send him an email).

Insurance has its own special snowflakes............some of them you can tell are special snowflakes to the rest of the bloody world - others might just be rude to us artificial intelligences on the other end of the telephone or computer connection.............

[ShadowLady]

DH was telling me about the time he worked at MickeyD's back in the 80's.  And every Sunday after church let out, this one guy would come in and want a burger with lettuce and tomato on it.   Every week. For months on end. 

They had to explain to him, every time, the only lettuce they had was the shredded for the big mac (he wanted leaf lettuce) and they did not have tomatoes at all, it was not offered on any of their sandwiches back then.  No tomatoes in the building at all.  But he just kept coming back and asking.  Maybe he was hoping to wear them down into submission.

[mumma to KMC]

Yeah - I worked in insurance for a while (high blood pressure, nightmares, and what I am sure were trying to become ulcers convinced me to try something else).  There were customers who wanted to pay the CHEAPEST possible insurance - then screamed when they didn't have comprehensive coverage (hitting an animal, a flying object hit them, or theft were comprehensive - not collision) AND rental reimbursement while their car was in the shop.

Kind of like ordering a burger off the value menu and then complaining that they didn't get fries, a drink, and an ice cream cone with it........plus the burger was too small.

Or it turned out that they didn't mention an accident or three that they'd had in the last couple of years, that their spouse's license was pulled for excessive use of alcohol or drugs while driving, or that they were trying to register Grandma's house in a GOOD area of town as where the car was garaged instead of their apartment in the middle of Crime Alley................or all three plus any of a host of other questions that were ASKED by the sales person that they ignored or LIED about to get that "cheapest possible rate".............

I still remember the one email exchange about an accident that was going to court - but the accident happened BEFORE he bought a policy from our company..............the comment from our insured?  "You must have solved this by now"............no information ever about where the accident happened, who was driving, what vehicle(s) were involved, what insurance company he had had a policy with at the time, or WHAT happened at all.

Just "you must have solved this by now", a wife that spoke no English, and a grown son who didn't know anything about the situation (he tried to ask his mother - SHE insisted that we had to talk to her husband).  Her husband NEVER returned a phone call to anyone (I checked on the computer file a few times as I kept getting told to send him an email).

Insurance has its own special snowflakes............some of them you can tell are special snowflakes to the rest of the bloody world - others might just be rude to us artificial intelligences on the other end of the telephone or computer connection.............

AHHHHH!! Insurance. I loved the people who blamed ME for the underwriters finding out a drunk driving ticket. Or parents who yelled at ME for having their policy either canceled or rates go way up due to child's driving record. (Kids you are only going to hide those tickets from your parents for so long).

People who totally cheaped out on their policy drove me nuts. Not because I thought everyone should have comp/collision on their paid off car, but because those people would be the first to raise a stink if something happened to their car. Oh and not adding towing on for $7 a term then having the nerve to call me up and complain about not being reimbursed drove me nuts.

I only worked in the insurance field for 4 or 5 years, but it felt like a life time.

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

::Parents seem to think teachers are psychic.::
May I just say: AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (Lily curls into fetal position and sucks thumb.)

Oh, so you know how I feel on a daily basis. 

[Kari]

Caller: Can you publish my book?
Me: I'm sorry, sir. While we are a publishing company, we only publish our own magazines.
Caller: Really?
Me: Yes, sir.
Caller: You can't publish my book?
Me: No, we don't do that. We're not that kind of...
Caller: COME ON! (hangs up)

Yikes. I left out about a minute of his needling me and trying to convince me to publish his book.  

[little bird]

Insurance has its own special snowflakes............some of them you can tell are special snowflakes to the rest of the bloody world - others might just be rude to us artificial intelligences on the other end of the telephone or computer connection.............

Oh absolutely.  I'm on the carrier end of things, so I don't deal with insureds, only with agents.  And every single day, it amazes me that some of these people still have their jobs.  I've only been in the industry for about a year so I'm sure I still have a lot of my will-to-live left to lose, but so far... this job does not give me back any of my faith in humanity.

Best one from today:  Orders came down from on high (from the state) that we were to cancel a policy immediately because the insured was paying employees under the table.  Agent calls up screaming about due diligence and a bunch of other terms that really had no place in the conversation and said he was suing us for not giving the insured 60 days.  Uhhhh, trust me, we don't have to do that in this situation.  Get your lawyer, ours will laugh you out of court.

[Hillia]

Oh, insurance.  Back in the late 70's/early 80's, my mom (an RN) would do life insurance medical exams to earn extra money.  She was interviewing one young man, in his early 20's, who still lived at home with his parents.  She asked his parents if they'd like to stay in the room to help him with the questionnaire, since they had told her he had never done any 'grownup' things before.   Nope, he's fine.  Are you sure?  No, he'll be fine.  Ok then.

Going down the list of standard medical questions, she landed on 'Do you use drugs recreationally?'  He said, oh yeah, sure.  She looked at him in surprise and asked if he was sure.  Yes, he was sure.  Would he like to ask his parents about that question?  No, everything was fine.  She gave him many, many chances to say 'What?  Drugs?  Oh, silly me, I thought you said, um, pugs...' but he stuck to it, so that's how she submitted his application. 

Not surprisingly, his application was denied. 

Not surprisingly, his parents raised holy heck. 

Surprisingly, her boss gave the parents our home phone number to get them off his back, so they called our house and screamed at her every night for a week until my father threatened them with the police.

[TychaBrahe]

See, this is where I'd have a hard time not pointing out to the customer that he gets a bill each and every month, surely he could have KEPT the customer portion of the bill? We keep that portion of all of our bills in our filing cabinet. I'm amazed that other people don't do the same.

When Strom Thurmond retired from the Senate in 2003, after serving since 1954, he closed up his Capital home and went back to South Carolina.  In the process, he submitted a receipt to get his water service deposit back.  The water company was shocked that he still had his receipt after 50 years.  Most people don't keep files with that degree of care, but let me tell you if Senator Thurmond had had to register one of his children for school, he wouldn't have had a problem in doing so.

[Miss Misha]

Ahhh, insurance.  Health insurance is its own special circle of e-he!!.   I work for a integrated regional HMO who has begun to sell deductible benefit coverage to patients who previously only paid a co-pay, or fixed fee, for services.  Under the deductible coverage, they pay full price for what ever medical services they receive until their deductible is met.  This has led to some mighty interrrresssting conversations:

"What do you mean I'm on a deductible plan!!! No one told me!"  Um, did you read the packet of information that came with your insurance card?  Attend your employer's open enrollment meeting where they explained the plan change?  Maybe you should have.

"I just want to know the exact cost for XYZ procedure."  Whereas that seems like a reasonable request, but I can only give you an estimate as I have to wait for the provider to perform the procedure, record precisely what he or she did to you, based on your overall health, pre-existing conditions and your specific health conditions, then have our systems process your claim to find out, to.the.penny, exactly how much your service will cost.  Healthcare is not retail pricing.

"If I went to hospital/provider-down-the-street, they wouldn't charge me for services, they'd bill me."  You might want to go to that office and notice that sign prominently displayed in their lobby, like just about every other health provider's lobby that reads, "We expect payment at time of service" or some variation thereupon.  Doctors expect payment at time of service these days and did you also know they no longer do house calls? (end sarcasm)

"The provider ordered/performed services that I didn't know would cost extra.  I refuse to pay for them."  Um, you got them, you pay for them.  It's up to you and your provider to make medically necessary decisions, regardless of cost.

"I asked the desk clerk/janitor/random person behind the desk what this would cost and they said wrong-cost."  Thank you for letting me know so I can contact their supervisor and have the employee counseled to not give erroneous information to our patients.  I'm sure that employee will never be that helpful to you or any other patient again now that you've gotten them in hot water.

Give me a minute, maybe some more will come to me. 

[MasterofSquirrels]

a lady came into the office last week... she wanted a soil test kit. they are $9.00 each. These soil kits are used by farmers and weekend gardeners alike to know what thier soil needs for optimal crops.

weekend gardener comes in. she has 6 small garden plots. convo:
me: so you'd like 6 test kits? they are $9.00/each
WG: no, i want to put 6vials in one sample.
me: i don't think you can do that. you would need 6 kits for accuracy
WG: no i want one...
co-worker: the test's don't work like that. you can put soil from all your gardens in one kit, but it may not be accurate. depends on what you are growing.
WG: i want one kit. i don't want to spend more than $9.00
me:   
other co-worker: you are going to need to get more than one kit if you want accurate results. they don't do what you are asking. you can combine the soil from all of your gardens, but your result may not be accurate.
WG: fine. i guess i'll take 2.

umm... i know that 6x$9.00 is more than you want to spend, but goodness, you can't get something for nothing!!

[thebeckster]

But I want something for nothing, and I will argue with you until I get it!

[ginlyn32]

One of the things I hate about being a consumer AND a former retail employee is the seasonal items!

When I used to live in the Frozen Wasteland of the North (no, not Canada....Indiana   ), we had a very bad winter one year. We got snowstorm after snowstorm. Well one day I was at work when I take a call from a customer looking for snowsuits. This was about a week before Christmas. I had to tell her that we were all out of snowsuits in the sizes that she needed and probably would not be getting any more.

She was just OUTRAGED that we could run out of something like that. Didn't we know it was COLD outside? Didn't we know it was DECEMBER? Yes, I assured her that I thought the practice of marketing winter items in the Summer was stupid, but that was unlikely to change her situation. I asked her if she needed a coat for her child, and she said no. I told her that she could always check Goodwill and other thrift stores, but it was not a guarantee that she was going to find one.

As a customer, last winter my oldest son had his coat ripped at school. The arm of the coat was almost ripped right off. So I go in search of a coat. I was lucky to find one as it was January at the the time! Usually can't find any! Even around Atlanta. I was thinking that I'd have to order one off the internet, but even that is not certain.

One time I had a customer get mad at me because we were all out of swimsuits. In November. Uh...yeah, I don't think you're going to get THAT lucky! I told the lady that I had the same situation and to wear a sports bra and spandex shorts with a t-shirt over it.

Even better was the time I worked at a hotel and had a guest scream at me because it was raining.

Ginger

[wordgirl]

Actually, Miss_Misha, our local hospital is experimenting with something called fixed-price billing, where they say "For procedure X, the charge will be Y and you'll know in advance how much you will be expected to pay." They can only do it for hospital fees (not doctors' bills, though some doctors have agreed to do the same thing) but it's proven very popular and oddly enough, saved them a ton of money. And they got most insurance plans to play along!