Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)

[Editeer]

I think Snowflake wins the thread for "Most Impossible Patron Request." 

[Cami]

A couple of years ago I talked to someone who HAD to get in touch with a past employee.

Our conversation was several rounds of:

Her: You're making it very difficult to get through to you.  This is a very important matter and I need her contact information NOW.
Me: I'm sorry to be the one to have to tell you this, but she passed away from cancer last year.

She would continue to insist that I didn't understand and that I was being obstructionist.  She asked to speak to the manager (which was myself.)  Honestly, woman!  If there was someone else who could deal with you, I'd have passed you off without a second thought!

I don't think she expected me to be Harry Potter because even in Harry Potter they can't bring back the dead.

Did you actually use the word DEAD?  Maybe she didn't understand the euphemism "passed away" and though the woman had just quit?

I once had a job in which one of the duties was providing current addresses and phone numbers of members to other members.  Naturally, there were times when a person who was being sought had died.   A truth I learned in the first few weeks is that my assumption that the term, "passed away" was uniiversally understood was quite wrong.  Not one person to whom I used that term understood what I meant.  It was quite surprising to me. So after a while, I just would say, "I'm sorry. Member died in [year]." No problems.

Until I got a new boss, who was shocked that I was being "so blunt". She felt it was rude to be so blunt and forbid me from using the word, "dead". Oy.

[Layla Miller]

A couple of years ago I talked to someone who HAD to get in touch with a past employee.

Our conversation was several rounds of:

Her: You're making it very difficult to get through to you.  This is a very important matter and I need her contact information NOW.
Me: I'm sorry to be the one to have to tell you this, but she passed away from cancer last year.

She would continue to insist that I didn't understand and that I was being obstructionist.  She asked to speak to the manager (which was myself.)  Honestly, woman!  If there was someone else who could deal with you, I'd have passed you off without a second thought!

I don't think she expected me to be Harry Potter because even in Harry Potter they can't bring back the dead.

Did you actually use the word DEAD?  Maybe she didn't understand the euphemism "passed away" and though the woman had just quit?

I once had a job in which one of the duties was providing current addresses and phone numbers of members to other members.  Naturally, there were times when a person who was being sought had died.   A truth I learned in the first few weeks is that my assumption that the term, "passed away" was uniiversally understood was quite wrong.  Not one person to whom I used that term understood what I meant.  It was quite surprising to me. So after a while, I just would say, "I'm sorry. Member died in [year]." No problems.

Until I got a new boss, who was shocked that I was being "so blunt". She felt it was rude to be so blunt and forbid me from using the word, "dead". Oy.

So how many members went to live with a nice family on a farm after that point?

[Cami]

A couple of years ago I talked to someone who HAD to get in touch with a past employee.

Our conversation was several rounds of:

Her: You're making it very difficult to get through to you.  This is a very important matter and I need her contact information NOW.
Me: I'm sorry to be the one to have to tell you this, but she passed away from cancer last year.

She would continue to insist that I didn't understand and that I was being obstructionist.  She asked to speak to the manager (which was myself.)  Honestly, woman!  If there was someone else who could deal with you, I'd have passed you off without a second thought!

I don't think she expected me to be Harry Potter because even in Harry Potter they can't bring back the dead.

Did you actually use the word DEAD?  Maybe she didn't understand the euphemism "passed away" and though the woman had just quit?

I once had a job in which one of the duties was providing current addresses and phone numbers of members to other members.  Naturally, there were times when a person who was being sought had died.   A truth I learned in the first few weeks is that my assumption that the term, "passed away" was uniiversally understood was quite wrong.  Not one person to whom I used that term understood what I meant.  It was quite surprising to me. So after a while, I just would say, "I'm sorry. Member died in [year]." No problems.

Until I got a new boss, who was shocked that I was being "so blunt". She felt it was rude to be so blunt and forbid me from using the word, "dead". Oy.

So how many members went to live with a nice family on a farm after that point?

Ha! What's funny is that the most common response after I'd inevitably end up HAVING to say, "S/he died," was: "What? Why didn't you say that to begin with? We're farmers, we don't use fancy language. Just tell it to me plain."

[Firecat]

At some point, I probably would have lost it and said "Ma'am"...waited for silence and then proceeded very slowly..."She is dead.  She died.  She is no longer alive.  She. Is. Dead."

I'd be tempted to respond, "Well, I believe she's still in CrestView cemetary, plot #1234. You could try her there."

She wouldn't voom if you put four million volts through her. She's bleeding demised. Bereft of life! She rests in peace!
She is no more. She has ceased to be. She has run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. She is an EX-EMPLOYEE!

No, no she's resting.

She's pining for the fjords!

[dirtyweasel]

I used to work for a solar company and we had a few customers who were a bit demanding if not Special Snowflaky.

Customer #1

We built a solar system for him and explained to him in great detail through out the project how his solar system would produce more power during the summer than he would during the winter because we get more sunlight during the summer.  This was explained at every visit, on his contract and in every manual that we handed to him so he knew this going into the project.  We received a very irate call from him at the beginning of December demanding to know why his solar production was down compared to summertime and we explained to him (again) how he'll produce more during the summer than the winter because the days are longer and there is more sunlight. 

This wasn't good enough and he demanded that we build a bigger solar system so that his solar produced just as much during the winter as it does during the summer.  The problem is that he only paid for a medium sized system and he was asking us to upgrade his system to a large system for free.  We explained that this wouldn't be possible unless he paid for the upgrade and he became irate with us and threatened to go to the BBB.  Well, he never did and last we heard he wanted to sue a local airport because "the shadows from the airplanes were causing his solar production to go down."   

Customer #2

I'm not sure about other solar companies, but at our company it usually took us about five to six weeks to finish a project because of all the designs, permits and miscellaneous things that go into developing a good solar system.  We had a customer demand that we finish his project within two weeks.  When we explained that this was impossible because it takes two weeks just to draw up a design and get a building permit from the city he grudgingly accepted our answer, but that didn't stop him from calling us everyday for the next two weeks demanding to know why his solar project wasn't done.  We actually expedited his project and finished within four weeks which is unheard of for us, but he still complained that how long it took.

[Slartibartfast]

Totally O/T, but I really really want solar panels at my house!  Unfortunately, the thunderstorm/hurricane season is bad enough that it would be totally impractical, since hail damage would ruin them at least every few years    If someone ever designs hail-resistant solar panels, though, I'll sign up!

[LazyDaisy]

I used to work for a solar company and we had a few customers who were a bit demanding if not Special Snowflaky.

Customer #1

We built a solar system for him and explained to him in great detail through out the project how his solar system would produce more power during the summer than he would during the winter because we get more sunlight during the summer.  This was explained at every visit, on his contract and in every manual that we handed to him so he knew this going into the project.  We received a very irate call from him at the beginning of December demanding to know why his solar production was down compared to summertime and we explained to him (again) how he'll produce more during the summer than the winter because the days are longer and there is more sunlight. 

This wasn't good enough and he demanded that we build a bigger solar system so that his solar produced just as much during the winter as it does during the summer.  The problem is that he only paid for a medium sized system and he was asking us to upgrade his system to a large system for free.  We explained that this wouldn't be possible unless he paid for the upgrade and he became irate with us and threatened to go to the BBB.  Well, he never did and last we heard he wanted to sue a local airport because "the shadows from the airplanes were causing his solar production to go down."   

snipping the quote...

I'm having a silly Friday afternoon and I do know what you are referring to really, but what popped immediately to my mind is that you will need to increase the number of planets or make the Sun get bigger. Talk about an impossible patron request 

[rose red]

At some point, I probably would have lost it and said "Ma'am"...waited for silence and then proceeded very slowly..."She is dead.  She died.  She is no longer alive.  She. Is. Dead."

I'd be tempted to respond, "Well, I believe she's still in CrestView cemetary, plot #1234. You could try her there."

She wouldn't voom if you put four million volts through her. She's bleeding demised. Bereft of life! She rests in peace!
She is no more. She has ceased to be. She has run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. She is an EX-EMPLOYEE!

No, no she's resting.

She's pining for the fjords!

This topic is reminding me of Rosanne Barr's tv show when Aunt Jackie is calling a relative to tell them her dad's dead.  Horrifying and funny.

[TheaterDiva1]

At some point, I probably would have lost it and said "Ma'am"...waited for silence and then proceeded very slowly..."She is dead.  She died.  She is no longer alive.  She. Is. Dead."

I'd be tempted to respond, "Well, I believe she's still in CrestView cemetary, plot #1234. You could try her there."

She wouldn't voom if you put four million volts through her. She's bleeding demised. Bereft of life! She rests in peace!
She is no more. She has ceased to be. She has run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. She is an EX-EMPLOYEE!

No, no she's resting.

She's pining for the fjords!

Pining for the fjords?  What kind of talk is that?

[Kariachi]

At some point, I probably would have lost it and said "Ma'am"...waited for silence and then proceeded very slowly..."She is dead.  She died.  She is no longer alive.  She. Is. Dead."

I'd be tempted to respond, "Well, I believe she's still in CrestView cemetary, plot #1234. You could try her there."

She wouldn't voom if you put four million volts through her. She's bleeding demised. Bereft of life! She rests in peace!
She is no more. She has ceased to be. She has run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. She is an EX-EMPLOYEE!

No, no she's resting.

She's pining for the fjords!

Pining for the fjords?  What kind of talk is that?

Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got him home?!

[Clair Seulement]

I used to work for a solar company and we had a few customers who were a bit demanding if not Special Snowflaky.

Customer #1

We built a solar system for him and explained to him in great detail through out the project how his solar system would produce more power during the summer than he would during the winter because we get more sunlight during the summer.  This was explained at every visit, on his contract and in every manual that we handed to him so he knew this going into the project.  We received a very irate call from him at the beginning of December demanding to know why his solar production was down compared to summertime and we explained to him (again) how he'll produce more during the summer than the winter because the days are longer and there is more sunlight. 

This wasn't good enough and he demanded that we build a bigger solar system so that his solar produced just as much during the winter as it does during the summer.  The problem is that he only paid for a medium sized system and he was asking us to upgrade his system to a large system for free.  We explained that this wouldn't be possible unless he paid for the upgrade and he became irate with us and threatened to go to the BBB.  Well, he never did and last we heard he wanted to sue a local airport because "the shadows from the airplanes were causing his solar production to go down."   

snipping the quote...

I'm having a silly Friday afternoon and I do know what you are referring to really, but what popped immediately to my mind is that you will need to increase the number of planets or make the Sun get bigger. Talk about an impossible patron request 

Right? Because apparently, as far as this guy was concerned, the current solar system is only big enough for one.

[Fleur-de-Lis]

I used to work for a solar company and we had a few customers who were a bit demanding if not Special Snowflaky.

Customer #2

I'm not sure about other solar companies, but at our company it usually took us about five to six weeks to finish a project because of all the designs, permits and miscellaneous things that go into developing a good solar system.  We had a customer demand that we finish his project within two weeks.  When we explained that this was impossible because it takes two weeks just to draw up a design and get a building permit from the city he grudgingly accepted our answer, but that didn't stop him from calling us everyday for the next two weeks demanding to know why his solar project wasn't done.  We actually expedited his project and finished within four weeks which is unheard of for us, but he still complained that how long it took.

Why indulge the flake? The way to deal with that is to show the timeline estimate and to say "in accordance with the estimate, plans were submitted on x date."

Let him call City Hall and hound them for rush approval; don't burn *your* firm's cred with architects and planners forcing them to "snap to it" for one flake.

I would hate working for you if I was the architect or in the approval office. This is a time to give the receptionist a "dealing with a crappy customer" bonus and let the process draw out in its normal time.

[catgal]

    She's pining for the fjords!


Pining for the fjords?  What kind of talk is that?

TheaterDiva10 it's Monty Python's Dead Parrot sketch - very, very funny guys.

ETA: D'oh - just watched the sketch and realised that is the next line 

[StarFaerie]

    She's pining for the fjords!


Pining for the fjords?  What kind of talk is that?

TheaterDiva10 it's Monty Python's Dead Parrot sketch - very, very funny guys.

TheaterDiva10 was quoting the sketch too. That's the answer to "pining for the fjords."