Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)

[Dazi]

PeterM's email post reminds me of strange situation I run into from time to time at my job.  Someone will send me a inquiry request and ask me to call them at # provided...only when I call, I get the message "this subscriber is not accepting incoming calls".

What?!?! Then they call griping that you never got back with them. 

Same thing happens with addresses.  I'll get a fax that states something like "I've moved recently and never received my paperwork from your office".  That's it, no name, no address, no phone number, no reference#.  Drives me bananas.

[HorseFreak]

PeterM's email post reminds me of strange situation I run into from time to time at my job.  Someone will send me a inquiry request and ask me to call them at # provided...only when I call, I get the message "this subscriber is not accepting incoming calls".

What?!?! Then they call griping that you never got back with them. 

Same thing happens with addresses.  I'll get a fax that states something like "I've moved recently and never received my paperwork from your office".  That's it, no name, no address, no phone number, no reference#.  Drives me bananas.

I get that all the time! People call for information or to set up an appointment, but when I call back their voicemail is either full or not set up. I usually just toss those out since I don't have time to chase people all day. It's also frustrating when I leave a message that says, "...please call me back on my direct line at 555-555-5555," and they call back two hours later on the main line. It can take hours or even until the next business day for me to get a message like that since our receptionist can't forward calls. I gave you my cell number for a reason!

[MissRose]

This person is a snowflake and fits this Harry Potter category too:

Customer: I just got a notice about past due service but I've not used service Y with you.

MissRose: I can help you.  I do need some verification detail so I can check that out for you.

Customer: *provides detail for account verification*

MissRose: The account was closed recently due to billing issues. The bill is valid.

Customer: I've not used service Y in X time.  I demand a refund of the past charges.

MissRose: Let me check a few things for you, just a few moments please.

*after checking for customer*

MissRose: I find no recent contacts in our systems requesting closure of services, I am sorry to say.  After consulting with my boss, I can offer X refund only.

Customer: That is not good enough, I want more as I was not using it and was not aware that it existed.  I will speak to my card company about it.

MissRose: You may do so as its is your choice.  Since you choose to do so, we cannot offer any refund to you.

Customer: I will be calling them right now, good bye.

[deadbody]

I used to work in collections.  This one was as much brain-hurty as Harry Potter worthy but here goes. This happened in mid-August

DB: Me, your fearless contributor
MD: Caller on the other line.  Somewhat Math Defecient

DB: Thanks for calling, how can I help you?
MD: I want to set up a payment plan for my bill.
DB: Sure I can help you with that, looks like you owe about $500.  What were you thinking of for a monthly payment?
MD: I want to pay $50/month.
DB: Sure we can set that up (goes into speil about how we set up  payment plans)  The first payment will come out in September.
MD: So will this be paid off by Christmas?
DB: No, to do that you need to pay $125/month
MD: I can't afford that, I can pay $50/month
DB: I can accept that as a payment, but it will take about a year to pay off
MD: But I want it done by Christmas
DB: Then you will need to pay more each month
MD: I can't afford that, why can't I pay $50/month and have it paid off by christmas?
DB: Simple math sir, we can do $50/month and pay it off in about a year, or $125/month to pay it off by christmas
MD: That doesn't make any sense but I guess $50/month

[Sirius]

PeterM's email post reminds me of strange situation I run into from time to time at my job.  Someone will send me a inquiry request and ask me to call them at # provided...only when I call, I get the message "this subscriber is not accepting incoming calls".

What?!?! Then they call griping that you never got back with them. 

Same thing happens with addresses.  I'll get a fax that states something like "I've moved recently and never received my paperwork from your office".  That's it, no name, no address, no phone number, no reference#.  Drives me bananas.

Like the year my dad fussed about not getting a Christmas card - and he'd moved and not told anyone so we all got the cards we'd mailed him returned to us.  I set him straight about that, believe me.

[AfleetAlex]

My usual (good-natured, I promise!) response to things like that is, "Well, I failed my ESP test!" In other words, I can't read your mind! 

[gingerzing]

My "favorite" are the requests I get for materials.  Usually from our website's contact us page and frequently are just these two lines.  (If I am lucky I get the second line.)
"I would like a poster of a chart and some handout brochures.  Thank you"

Problem?  My email is not set up to send physical materials through the internet.  And while the disk drive is not a cup holder, nor does it transfer posters from my office to the person requesting the material.
 Now if I can get an actual physical mailing address....

Added points if the person requesting the materials has written a long drawn out reason why they need materials and still forgets to give me mailing address. 

Additional points if what they requested has been out of print for more than 15 years.  And refuses to understand why I can't just send them that one brochure just this one time.  (In some cases we don't even have a copy in our archive. Let alone an extra to send to them.)

[ladyknight1]

He had responded. Or rather, his email provider had responded, with a form letter explaining that the gentleman I had dared to email was not willing to accept emails from just anyone. No, he had standards, and if I wanted him to respond I had to hie myself to the provided link with hat in hand and give a darned good reason why the gentleman should condescend to grace me with a reply. I'm willing to concede the remote possibility that the actual email contained slightly less scorn, but you get the gist.

People sign up with these email providers because they provide a way to weed out most of the spam that comes in.   No offense, but it has nothing to do with you, his friends and family members have to do the same thing.  I have several friends and family members who have a 3rd party spam filter that requires you to fill out a short form to verify that you are an actual person they know.  I don't take it personally and It only takes a few seconds to complete.

It took more than a few seconds this time, due to some problems with the site. But I do understand your point. The thing is, though, if you're deliberately emailing someone and asking for a response, I think it's on you to proactively add that email address to your approved list. As I said, if this had been a personal communication I would've just ignored it and not bothered to do what was necessary to get my reply through. Since it was work, I jumped through the hoops. But I still think it's ridiculous, and I'd like to see whatever evidence exists that this significantly cuts down on spam.

I refuse to complete the questionnaire to get on the approved list with the one email provider I know of that does that. Worse, I have students complete our online interest cards to receive emails of interest to them, who use that particular provider. I know they will not actually receive the emails, but I can't change anything!

[PastryGoddess]

He had responded. Or rather, his email provider had responded, with a form letter explaining that the gentleman I had dared to email was not willing to accept emails from just anyone. No, he had standards, and if I wanted him to respond I had to hie myself to the provided link with hat in hand and give a darned good reason why the gentleman should condescend to grace me with a reply. I'm willing to concede the remote possibility that the actual email contained slightly less scorn, but you get the gist.

People sign up with these email providers because they provide a way to weed out most of the spam that comes in.   No offense, but it has nothing to do with you, his friends and family members have to do the same thing.  I have several friends and family members who have a 3rd party spam filter that requires you to fill out a short form to verify that you are an actual person they know.  I don't take it personally and It only takes a few seconds to complete.

It took more than a few seconds this time, due to some problems with the site. But I do understand your point. The thing is, though, if you're deliberately emailing someone and asking for a response, I think it's on you to proactively add that email address to your approved list. As I said, if this had been a personal communication I would've just ignored it and not bothered to do what was necessary to get my reply through. Since it was work, I jumped through the hoops. But I still think it's ridiculous, and I'd like to see whatever evidence exists that this significantly cuts down on spam.

I refuse to complete the questionnaire to get on the approved list with the one email provider I know of that does that. Worse, I have students complete our online interest cards to receive emails of interest to them, who use that particular provider. I know they will not actually receive the emails, but I can't change anything!

What do you mean? If you completed the short questionnaire, they could receive the emails they are requesting.  You do know that you don't have to actually tell the truth on those things.

In your personal life you absolutely don't have to deal with these types of providers, but this is your job and those students who are interested are helping to pay for the schools expenses..no?  Why would you deliberately do something that deprives potential students of information?

[Onyx_TKD]

He had responded. Or rather, his email provider had responded, with a form letter explaining that the gentleman I had dared to email was not willing to accept emails from just anyone. No, he had standards, and if I wanted him to respond I had to hie myself to the provided link with hat in hand and give a darned good reason why the gentleman should condescend to grace me with a reply. I'm willing to concede the remote possibility that the actual email contained slightly less scorn, but you get the gist.

People sign up with these email providers because they provide a way to weed out most of the spam that comes in.   No offense, but it has nothing to do with you, his friends and family members have to do the same thing.  I have several friends and family members who have a 3rd party spam filter that requires you to fill out a short form to verify that you are an actual person they know.  I don't take it personally and It only takes a few seconds to complete.

It took more than a few seconds this time, due to some problems with the site. But I do understand your point. The thing is, though, if you're deliberately emailing someone and asking for a response, I think it's on you to proactively add that email address to your approved list. As I said, if this had been a personal communication I would've just ignored it and not bothered to do what was necessary to get my reply through. Since it was work, I jumped through the hoops. But I still think it's ridiculous, and I'd like to see whatever evidence exists that this significantly cuts down on spam.

I refuse to complete the questionnaire to get on the approved list with the one email provider I know of that does that. Worse, I have students complete our online interest cards to receive emails of interest to them, who use that particular provider. I know they will not actually receive the emails, but I can't change anything!

What do you mean? If you completed the short questionnaire, they could receive the emails they are requesting.  You do know that you don't have to actually tell the truth on those things.

In your personal life you absolutely don't have to deal with these types of providers, but this is your job and those students who are interested are helping to pay for the schools expenses..no?  Why would you deliberately do something that deprives potential students of information?

When she said they were signing up for "emails of interest to them," I got the impression they were signing up for an automated newsletter or something similar. In that case, the email address probably doesn't accept replies, so there is no way for the form to be filled out.

[amylouky]

He had responded. Or rather, his email provider had responded, with a form letter explaining that the gentleman I had dared to email was not willing to accept emails from just anyone. No, he had standards, and if I wanted him to respond I had to hie myself to the provided link with hat in hand and give a darned good reason why the gentleman should condescend to grace me with a reply. I'm willing to concede the remote possibility that the actual email contained slightly less scorn, but you get the gist.

People sign up with these email providers because they provide a way to weed out most of the spam that comes in.   No offense, but it has nothing to do with you, his friends and family members have to do the same thing.  I have several friends and family members who have a 3rd party spam filter that requires you to fill out a short form to verify that you are an actual person they know.  I don't take it personally and It only takes a few seconds to complete.

It took more than a few seconds this time, due to some problems with the site. But I do understand your point. The thing is, though, if you're deliberately emailing someone and asking for a response, I think it's on you to proactively add that email address to your approved list. As I said, if this had been a personal communication I would've just ignored it and not bothered to do what was necessary to get my reply through. Since it was work, I jumped through the hoops. But I still think it's ridiculous, and I'd like to see whatever evidence exists that this significantly cuts down on spam.

I refuse to complete the questionnaire to get on the approved list with the one email provider I know of that does that. Worse, I have students complete our online interest cards to receive emails of interest to them, who use that particular provider. I know they will not actually receive the emails, but I can't change anything!

What do you mean? If you completed the short questionnaire, they could receive the emails they are requesting.  You do know that you don't have to actually tell the truth on those things.

In your personal life you absolutely don't have to deal with these types of providers, but this is your job and those students who are interested are helping to pay for the schools expenses..no?  Why would you deliberately do something that deprives potential students of information?

I refuse to do these, because I hate those programs, and if people comply with them they'll stay around longer. I do think that the use of those programs is rude, especially when you have requested someone to email you and then make them do the work for your choices.

I support our email billing process at my company. If we get a "click here to verify yourself" response to an ebill, we don't do anything with it. We just wait for the customer to call in and complain that they didn't get their bill, and tell them they need to add us to their list themselves. We don't monitor the email inbox that these go back to, and are not going to take the time to add that as someone's responsibility, when it is the customer's choice to use those programs.

[hobish]

My usual (good-natured, I promise!) response to things like that is, "Well, I failed my ESP test!" In other words, I can't read your mind! 

I have told people - also good-naturedly, "My crystal ball is perpetually cloudy," and, "I'm sorry, but we're fresh out of pixie dust and the elves just up and quit." Believe it or not i am one of the more pleasant people in my department to deal with.

[PastryGoddess]

He had responded. Or rather, his email provider had responded, with a form letter explaining that the gentleman I had dared to email was not willing to accept emails from just anyone. No, he had standards, and if I wanted him to respond I had to hie myself to the provided link with hat in hand and give a darned good reason why the gentleman should condescend to grace me with a reply. I'm willing to concede the remote possibility that the actual email contained slightly less scorn, but you get the gist.

People sign up with these email providers because they provide a way to weed out most of the spam that comes in.   No offense, but it has nothing to do with you, his friends and family members have to do the same thing.  I have several friends and family members who have a 3rd party spam filter that requires you to fill out a short form to verify that you are an actual person they know.  I don't take it personally and It only takes a few seconds to complete.

It took more than a few seconds this time, due to some problems with the site. But I do understand your point. The thing is, though, if you're deliberately emailing someone and asking for a response, I think it's on you to proactively add that email address to your approved list. As I said, if this had been a personal communication I would've just ignored it and not bothered to do what was necessary to get my reply through. Since it was work, I jumped through the hoops. But I still think it's ridiculous, and I'd like to see whatever evidence exists that this significantly cuts down on spam.

I refuse to complete the questionnaire to get on the approved list with the one email provider I know of that does that. Worse, I have students complete our online interest cards to receive emails of interest to them, who use that particular provider. I know they will not actually receive the emails, but I can't change anything!

What do you mean? If you completed the short questionnaire, they could receive the emails they are requesting.  You do know that you don't have to actually tell the truth on those things.

In your personal life you absolutely don't have to deal with these types of providers, but this is your job and those students who are interested are helping to pay for the schools expenses..no?  Why would you deliberately do something that deprives potential students of information?

I refuse to do these, because I hate those programs, and if people comply with them they'll stay around longer. I do think that the use of those programs is rude, especially when you have requested someone to email you and then make them do the work for your choices.

I support our email billing process at my company. If we get a "click here to verify yourself" response to an ebill, we don't do anything with it. We just wait for the customer to call in and complain that they didn't get their bill, and tell them they need to add us to their list themselves. We don't monitor the email inbox that these go back to, and are not going to take the time to add that as someone's responsibility, when it is the customer's choice to use those programs.

Good point. 

[MissRose]

I just had a customer who wanted his billing details updated on his account.  Unfortunately, he was not able to answer the required security questions.  Also, he was not logged into his account where he has that detail stored as the main person to tell me the answers.  He kept complaining that he could not hear me despite my volume on my headset turned on high, my mic right next to my mouth and speaking a bit louder than normal.  He then went to tell me I had an attitude problem and demanded my supervisor.

I transferred him as requested, the customer still complained about me, the volume and the process.  He was on the phone with the supervisor lead person for 10 minutes or more.

A boss a level above the person who gets the escalated call said he was listening in for a few minutes, and backed up both me and the lead person in our handling of the issue.

[Raintree]

I'll never forget, from my photofinishing days, the impossible cropping requests.

People would see their 4x6 print of a group shot, and want an 8x10. But an 8x10 will cut off the sides of a picture because it's a different aspect ratio to a 4x6. You can decide what you want cut out, but you have to cut out something. Think about it. Double 4 inches, and you get 8 inches. Double 6 inches, and you get 12.  Not 10. Therefore, if you want to see the entire picture you saw in your 4x6, you have to order an 8x12.

So this woman comes in, upset because in her 8x10, the people standing at the sides are cut out. I explained that she'd have to get an 8x12 to get them all in.

"Oh no, it has to fit into my 8x10 frame that I bought for this picture."
"Well then, you can either have the people at the edges cut off, or we can make the whole thing smaller but you'd have black lines above and below the image on the 8x10."
"Oh no, I don't want black lines. I want it to fill the whole frame."
"Well unfortunately you can't do that without losing the people at the edges."
"No, I want all the people included."
"Well I'm afraid you'll have to get an 8x12 and use a different frame."
"But I want to use THIS frame. That was the whole idea."

I can't tell you how many times I had similar conversations. I still am not sure why it was so hard to understand the concept of dimensions and also the idea that if you crop out the top, you also have to crop something off the sides.