Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)

[VorFemme]

Oh, wow, that is gorgeous!!

[Doll Fiend]

She is the friend of a friend. She did reply. Tried to weasel the impossible out of me. Gave her the "I'm sorry, but that is just impossible." line.
The FoF messaged as well. Apologizing. Turns out Bride is a crocheter and she thought to pass on the pattern, not have me make some for her.

[Queen of Clubs]

That the bride does crochet herself just makes it worse, IMO.  She ought to know how much work it is and how much that work would be worth.  Sheesh!

[PastryGoddess]

That the bride does crochet herself just makes it worse, IMO.  She ought to know how much work it is and how much that work would be worth.  Sheesh!

I think it was the FOF who asked not the bride.  I could be wrong

[Carotte]

That the bride does crochet herself just makes it worse, IMO.  She ought to know how much work it is and how much that work would be worth.  Sheesh!

I think it was the FOF who asked not the bride.  I could be wrong

What I understood is that FoF passed the picture to Bride just as a "hey, look, I know you crochet, you might be interested in this".
Bride understood "hey, Doll Fiend made one, I'll ask her to make me 5 more at an outrageous price and deadline".
Then Bride might have complained to FoF "your friend is ruining my wedding! she doesn't want to make me 5 thingies for tomorrow!".
Then FoF apologized to Doll Fiend and told her she never intended for Bride to request anything and she's sorry for her friend behaviour.

So yeah, like Queen of clubs said, that Bride actually does crochet makes it so much worse!

[Doll Fiend]

Thank you Carotte. That is basically it. FoF and Friend are connected through craft groups. I am not sure if FoF does crochet or not.

I haven't heard from Bride yet, but FoF is now a Friend.

[TootsNYC]

There are many theories about who wrote the plays we attribute to Shakespeare.  As far as I know, Edgar Allen Poe has never been a candidate.

After H.G. Wells invented the time machine and accidentally allowed Jack The Ripper to escape into the future, he went back in time and asked Poe for help containing the situation. Poe agreed, but he had some demands of his own. Once Wells finally convinced him that there was no way they could remake the Earth into a hollow sphere, even with a time machine, Poe decided to settle for being William Shakespeare. It was dead easy, too, since they just had to bring the complete works back in time with them and have Poe copy them out long-hand. What with all the excitement they clean forgot about Jack The Ripper, but he made the mistake of stopping in Chicago during the Capone era and brought a knife to a gunfight, so happy endings all around.

But then who is buried up in Baltimore in Poe's grave?

Ulysses S. Grant. Which leaves us with the perennial question: Who's buried in Grant's tomb?

Grant and Mrs. Grant.

[Mediancat]

No one -- no one's buried in a tomb. They're entombed there, but that's not quite the same thing.

Rob

[TootsNYC]

In all my years, I've never heard that part of the riddle/joke!

Thanks, Rob!

[White Dragon]

I am trying to complete a very simple task: email a document to someone.

"Dear colleague,

Please let me know the name of your contact for Project Xavier.
I have the document ready to send, but your requisition form did not have the contact information filled in.
I have checked your Projects Wolverine, Colossus, Nightcrawler and Storm, but they do not have the contact number either.
In addition, I have checked all emails related to these projects and the contact is not mentioned.

I have checked Moira's projects Magneto and Mystique, as she uses the same vendor, but she doesn't have the contact information either.
As Project Xavier's head office has several hundred people, I will need a contact name. Then I can call and get the email address for your document.

Signed, White Dragon"

Colleague's response"

"Have you checked Project Xavier?"

Why yes, yes I have. 

"Oh. How about Project Cyclops?"

Ummm. As Project Cyclops has only one document, no...the contact isn't there either.

"Oh."

A few seconds later, he cc'd me on an email asking someone for the information. 

It's hard to convey why this is frustrating, except that I made a point of saying that I had looked for the info - and he told me to do what I just did (he didn't read the email through.)
This colleague does this all the time - gives instructions that seem to make perfect sense - except that you can't actually do what you need to do because something, somewhere is garbled or missing.

It's like the Mobius Strip of Confusion. There is no end. Ever!

[MariaE]

Why don't you just send the document to him, and have him forward it to the contact himself?

[gmatoy]

Why don't you just send the document to him, and have him forward it to the contact himself?

I love the idea of giving it back to him to take care of it; however, I have the feeling that might blow up in White Dragon's face!

[White Dragon]

Why don't you just send the document to him, and have him forward it to the contact himself?

I love the idea of giving it back to him to take care of it; however, I have the feeling that might blow up in White Dragon's face!

I would like to give him the document to send, but the whole purpose of my job is to have me (at $X to the client) spend the time doing the fiddly stuff like this instead of having him ($way more) do it.

That's one reason I make a point of telling him that I've turned over all the rocks before I go bug him with questions.
It's just that sometimes his requests are less possible than others.

[Mediancat]

In all my years, I've never heard that part of the riddle/joke!

Thanks, Rob!

You're quite welcome.

Rob

[Yarnspinner]

I am having all I can do right now to not run into the back stacks and scream and scream and scream.

The patron is really a nice man but to say he is uneducated is being very kind. 

He wants me to find a book about Christ.  But not just a biography or an extrapolation.  He wants a book WRITTEN by Jesus himself explaining what his parables mean.  And, oh, if I can find the Ten Commandments as explained by Moses (and a biography of Moses written by one of his contemporaries while I am at it) that would be great.

Of course, everything I have pulled, including Bible for Dummies and "Don't KNow Much About the Bible" or "The Essential Teachings" have been what he is looking for because, frankly, he doesn't know what he is looking for.  (He asked me about the pyramids in Washington D.C. and when he explained what he was talking about it turned out he was referring to Mount Rushmore.)

I appreciate anyone's efforts to educate themselves, but if you are NOT willing to put some thought into what you want and not willing to read what is given to you, then I am afraid I cannot help you.

I sent him downstairs to our children's room because he has asked for something "really really easy about Christ."