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Author Topic: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)  (Read 1449505 times)

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nutraxfornerves

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  • Posts: 1674
Leo Rosten, the Yiddish maven, tells a story that goes like this:

Someone calls a law office and the receptionist answers "Smith, Smith, Smith, and Smith."

"Hello, may I please speak to Mr. Smith?" "I'm sorry, but Mr. Smith is in court."
"Well, then, can I speak to Mr. Smith?
"Sorry, Mr. Smith is out of town."
"How about connecting me ot Mr. Smith?"
"He won't be in until 1 PM."
Sigh. "Okay. I'll talk to Mr. Smith."
"Speaking."

Nutrax
The plural of anecdote is not data

Black Delphinium

  • The Black Flower
  • Member
  • Posts: 7960
It feels like every new hire for our AP department has been named Mike, which is funny in a confusing way.
When angels go bad, they go worse than anyone. Remember, Lucifer was an angel. ~The Marquis De Carabas

Ms_Cellany

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  • Big white goggie? No. Hasn't seen him.
After we had consecutive new hires with the last names of German, Greenberg, Goldberg, and Greene, I told my bosses that if the next one started with G, I was quitting.
Bingle bongle dingle dangle yickity-do yickity-dah ping-pong lippy-toppy too tah.

mime

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I worked in an office that had a woman who was VP in Marketing, and had had the nickname "Tiny" for many years. There was also new accounting intern named Tini (pronounced "teeny"). One day two auditors had asked to speak to the VP.

Conversations went something like this:
Auditors (at reception): We're here to speak to Ms. Reed.
Receptionist (to an assistant): Take then to Tiny's office. (which was a big corner office)

Assistant takes auditors to Tini's desk (which barely qualified as a cubicle)

The auditors stood there, bewildered, until I noticed them

Me: Are you looking for Tini or Tiny?
Auditors:  ???
Me: Ms Reed?
Auditors: *big sigh of relief* yes!


camlan

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Let's say my name is Sally Jane Smith. I got hired at a small family owned company.The owner's name was Sally Joe Scott--same first name, same initals.

To avoid confusion, I suggested that I could go by "Jane." But there was already a Jane on staff. So I suggested that I go by "Sally Jane," but there was already a Sally Jane on staff.

I ended up just using my initials, so everyone at work called me "SJ."

And then we hired another Sally, and yet another Sally Jane. We had "Upstairs Sally Jane," and "Downstairs Sally Jane," and "Sales Sally."

The owner remained just plain Sally, but it was very common for people to double-and-triple check just which Sally you meant.

(The names have been changed, but the amount of duplication was real. In a company with 30 employees.)
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


faithlessone

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My office currently has 8 men named Lee.

Out of 17.

It's crazy.

Luckily they all have different last name initials, so we have Lee B, Lee E, Lee G, Lee H, Lee K, Lee M, Lee P and Lee W. But still! I've informed my boss that if he hires anyone else called Lee, I'm insisting they change their name. By law if necessary. ;D

Ms_Cellany

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  • Big white goggie? No. Hasn't seen him.
In college, I lived in a co-ed dorm that had three Erics. They ended up with the nickames Fruitbat, Half-A-Bee, and Schwa.

(bonus points for anyone who can figure out the nicename sources.)
Bingle bongle dingle dangle yickity-do yickity-dah ping-pong lippy-toppy too tah.

Outdoor Girl

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Where I used to work, there were 4 of us and all of us had a first name that started with M.  We hired a new guy.  Whose name started with G.  On his first day, I told him he was going to have to change his name to Matt so he could fit in with the rest of us.  There was a heartbeat of a pause while he figured out I was kidding and then he laughed.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

Lorelei_Evil

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that wretched demi-bee...

FauxFoodist

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I used to work for a drug store where, in succession, the warehouse person hired was George, Paul then John.  They said the next guy hired was going to be called Ringo.

===========================================================================

At work, I'm dealing with an internal recruiter who really doesn't have a clue.  She knows we're severely shorthanded and that I've been working like crazy BY MYSELF to assist my entire department on a task that is normally done by four full-time employees (she claims to understand then "forgets" why I am behind and insists I drop everything else I'm doing to complete her task...after I've already done that way too many times...after I've already stated that I can no longer push back these other tasks that are issues of compliance and can result in us being further short-staffed.  She even tried demanding to me we hire someone else to do the compliance tasks...except for the fact that the one other person we brought in (a temp) isn't being allowed to access the things we need her to access because she's a temp...and that Recruiter's dept is the one blocking her access (so pay someone else to come in and not be able to help either???).  The recruiter also forgets that she's insisted I do something one way, so I do it that way, then turns around and asks me why I did it that way!!! (like, don't fill out this form then why didn't you fill out this form or don't do this task then why didn't you do this task -- I have to admit I did lose my cool this morning because she did it yet again!!! Freaking make up your mind already!!!)

I do get to laugh and share the unreasonable requests with my section of the department.  We all know they are insane.  As far as the insistence I get all of this stuff done ASAP...well, I just refuse to give up my life anymore (I was putting in a lot of OT and working from home and getting nowhere, including the fact I was still getting berated for being behind and getting ZERO acknowledgement or gratitude from my area for me working the additional time).  It stung so I stopped and, frankly, I'm much less stressed out these days because I won't let work take over my outside-this-job life.  And now our recruiter thinks I should magically come up with another employee to do my work so I can focus on her recruitment tasks only.  I don't know why she thinks the only thing in my job description is recruitment; last time I checked, I don't work for HR and that's not my title (recruiter).

Yeah, not going to happen...
« Last Edit: March 24, 2014, 03:13:05 PM by SoCalVal »

PastryGoddess

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In college, I lived in a co-ed dorm that had three Erics. They ended up with the nickames Fruitbat, Half-A-Bee, and Schwa.

(bonus points for anyone who can figure out the nicename sources.)

Ha!! my college friends and I had a running Schwa gag going for about 5 years.  Drove people crazy

BB-VA

  • Member
  • Posts: 847
Let's say my name is Sally Jane Smith. I got hired at a small family owned company.The owner's name was Sally Joe Scott--same first name, same initals.

To avoid confusion, I suggested that I could go by "Jane." But there was already a Jane on staff. So I suggested that I go by "Sally Jane," but there was already a Sally Jane on staff.

I ended up just using my initials, so everyone at work called me "SJ."

And then we hired another Sally, and yet another Sally Jane. We had "Upstairs Sally Jane," and "Downstairs Sally Jane," and "Sales Sally."

The owner remained just plain Sally, but it was very common for people to double-and-triple check just which Sally you meant.

(The names have been changed, but the amount of duplication was real. In a company with 30 employees.)

I worked at a place where I had the same first name as an established employee.  My last name starts with B and her started with D, so at first they tried BB and BD - but that didn't work too well, with the rhyming issue.  So then it was First Name 1 and First Name 2, but nobody really liked that.  So she became First Name and I became BB.   It sorta worked.  Anyway, I got part of my web handle out if it. 
"The Universe puts us in places where we can learn. They are never easy places, but they are right. Wherever we are, it's the right place and the right time. Pain that sometimes comes is part of the process of constantly being born."
- Delenn to Sheridan: "Babylon 5 - Distant Star"

EveLGenius

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  • Posts: 233
Many members of my family have doctorates, and I distinctly remember one poor person who called near Christmas:

Caller:  May I speak to Dr. Genius?

Me:  Which one?

Caller: (confused) There's more than one?

Me:  There are five in the house right now, and we expect a few more later this afternoon.  Do you have a first name?

Caller: (sound of despair) No...

Me:  Male or female?

Caller:  Male! 

Me:  Political Science, Law, Law History, Comparative Religions-

Caller: (relieved, happy voice) Law!

Me:  That's Ted.  Just a moment, and I'll get him for you.

ladyknight1

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  • Posts: 11821
  • Not all those who wander are lost
Just like when my DH's family is all together and someone asks for Mr. Lastname.

Caller: Is Mr. Lastname there?
Me: Which one?
Caller: There's more than one?
Me: Do you want the mayor, the senator, the insurance agent, the sales manager, the locksmith, the professor or the simulations engineer?
“All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

hjaye

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  • Posts: 996
Would it be possible to take the different people same names to it's own thread and get back to the impossible task requests?

Thanks