Author Topic: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)  (Read 661933 times)

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2littlemonkeys

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Julian's story reminded me of an HP Request from many years ago.

I used to work in market research and most of my job was writing up questionnaires and arranging focus groups or larger quantitative studies (done by phone or in malls).

One such study we did was for an amusement park and it was designed to be a tracking study.  Tracking studies are basically a series of studies that use basically the same questionnaire.  Over time, the results are compared with each other.  As such, if you (the client) add a new question, you can't track it through the whole study.  You can only start tracking it at the time it was added.  I always thought that was just common sense but we all know how that goes.

This particular study was done every six months or so.  So we're on the third or fourth cycle when the client added a new question to the study.  When she got the report for that cycle, she was upset that we only had one data point for that question (because she just added it) and wanted us to go back and get responses for the other cycles.

1)  We do not have a time machine.
2)  We aren't planning on getting one either.

I'm not sure how my boss managed to convince her of her folly but she was on the phone behind closed doors for a LONG time.

Onyx_TKD

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Edited to remove evolution/creation discussion. Apologies to the mods.
« Last Edit: June 26, 2014, 03:43:50 PM by Onyx_TKD »

cass2591

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Your post is gone because it never should have been there in the first place. This is not the place to debate evolution v creationism, and I would think that you would know that.
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kherbert05

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I had something similar happen once 20+ years ago when I worked in a drugstore in LA (so very very far from the Canadian border).  I was young (18) so I wasn't quite sure how to handle it when a customer tried to pay with a traveler's check for Canadian dollars so I called a manager to approve it.  He did a cursory glance and approved it, which surprised me, so I said, "But it's Canadian dollars."  He then looked at it again, this time actually looking at it, and told the woman, "I'm sorry, but we can't accept this."  She protested and said, "But we accept your money all the time!"  I think he did point out that we were far from the border and that that might be the case in states close to the Canadian border but not in Los Angeles.  I think she huffed then left.  I really don't know why she thought it would be okay as I can't think of any place in LA (other than, maybe, a bank) that would take a traveler's check for foreign currency.
I once had a bank in Canada refuse my traveler's checks. Apparently there had been some counterfeit Amer Express travelers checks. This was in a small town, on PEI that didn't have much in the way of tourist trade. The people cashing the counterfeit checks were hitting the non-tourist community. So they told me I would have to go into Charlottetown, Cavendish, Summerside, or Brudenell (all common destinations for tourists) to cash the checks.

Then they asked my 10 yo cousin if she was on an errand for her parents or Nanna. Michelle told them she had just walked over with her cousin and nodded at me. The manager asked me why hadn't I told her I was Nanna's granddaughter that was completely different, I wasn't a stranger. They cashed my checks with no problem then. I think they were suspicious at first because they really don't get tourists in town except may the small museum, when the church advertises a lobster boil, and maybe stopping for gas or at Tom Hortons. Most tourists just speed down main street and never stop.

Then they asked my cousin who was behind me in line, if she needed something for Mom or Dad. When Michelle told them I was her cousin things changed.
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Outdoor Girl

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...Then they asked my 10 yo cousin if she was on an errand for her parents or Nanna. Michelle told them she had just walked over with her cousin and nodded at me. The manager asked me why hadn't I told her I was Nanna's granddaughter that was completely different, I wasn't a stranger. They cashed my checks with no problem then. I think they were suspicious at first because they really don't get tourists in town except may the small museum, when the church advertises a lobster boil, and maybe stopping for gas or at Tom Hortons. Most tourists just speed down main street and never stop.

Ummmm...  kherbert05? It's Tim Horton's.  We get a little crazy about our Timmy's up here.  ;D
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

kherbert05

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...Then they asked my 10 yo cousin if she was on an errand for her parents or Nanna. Michelle told them she had just walked over with her cousin and nodded at me. The manager asked me why hadn't I told her I was Nanna's granddaughter that was completely different, I wasn't a stranger. They cashed my checks with no problem then. I think they were suspicious at first because they really don't get tourists in town except may the small museum, when the church advertises a lobster boil, and maybe stopping for gas or at Tom Hortons. Most tourists just speed down main street and never stop.

Ummmm...  kherbert05? It's Tim Horton's.  We get a little crazy about our Timmy's up here.  ;D
I know better. There is a Tom character on the TV show I'm watching. Sorry.
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Julian

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Julian, Anything verging on math makes my eyes cross, however, I understand the part about slicing the pizza.  So I am sending YOU virtual Tim Tams, Gramma's Chocolate Chip Cookies and Supreme Meat Lover's Pizza, just 'cause it sounds like you need it.  Oh...and one big bottle of virtual wine.  Red or white--your choice.

Thanks Yarnspinner, I'll have that bottle of red please...

I was having a vent to a friend the other day, and we figured out it was like making cake pops.  Only the long way round.  You make multiple cakes, then cut them down to crumbs because that's what the customer wants.  Then they tell you  they want cake pops actually, did they not mention this? so you then mold the crumbs into round cake pops.  Then after doing all this they decide the cake pops should be cubes - which you could have cut in the first place. 

Now, where did I leave my cork screw...?

Outdoor Girl

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...Then they asked my 10 yo cousin if she was on an errand for her parents or Nanna. Michelle told them she had just walked over with her cousin and nodded at me. The manager asked me why hadn't I told her I was Nanna's granddaughter that was completely different, I wasn't a stranger. They cashed my checks with no problem then. I think they were suspicious at first because they really don't get tourists in town except may the small museum, when the church advertises a lobster boil, and maybe stopping for gas or at Tom Hortons. Most tourists just speed down main street and never stop.

Ummmm...  kherbert05? It's Tim Horton's.  We get a little crazy about our Timmy's up here.  ;D
I know better. There is a Tom character on the TV show I'm watching. Sorry.

No worries.  I thought it was kind of funny, actually.  I skimmed over it the first time then went, 'Wait a minute...'  :D
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

Twik

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The whole thing is utterly surreal...like he's one melting clock short a Dali painting.

Now there is a simile worth stealing!
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Yarnspinner

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This week is not closing fast enough and I still have one more day to go.

Dear Patron:

While we appreciate that you probably have several issues of which we are not really cognizant, there comes a point where we can no longer handle all the serious glory that is you. 

You have been coming here for the last three years.  You have had no trouble whatsoever creating your own Facebook account, you play Farmville without trouble and are able to find movies to watch on youtube by typing into that little rectangle on the top of the page.

But now, apparently, your caseworker told you you had to find a job and that you should look for jobs online. Suddenly, you are a computer newbie, have no idea how to type, let alone use a mouse.    You can't figure out how to access the email address you used to create your Facebook account.  In fact, all seven of us have helped you--at least twice each--to create new email accounts and you immediately lose the information for passwords and how to type in your name.  (Bonus points because, although you have so many new accounts, you can only remember to bring the information about your FIRST account that you created incorrectly (there is no such email address as @xyzYahoo.com) and cannot access no matter how hard you try.

You get more points for claiming that we are responsible for all your accounts being deactivated and shut down.  And for not being able to understand ANYTHING the warning say.  When my boss said that there was nothing more we could do for you because you refused to remember exactly how your password was typed out, he actually meant there is nothing more we can do for you if you refuse to follow protocol.  Calling us mean and nasty doesn't make us have the warm fuzzies for you, either.  After having to spend two and three hours a day with you, you would be a little on the rude side, too.

Bring in a friend to help you, or a savvy thirteen year old or your mother...we don't care, but we cannot help you anymore.

P.S. No, you cannot "just" transfer your yahoo account to gmail.  It doesn't work that way.
« Last Edit: June 27, 2014, 03:49:44 PM by Yarnspinner »

violinp

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Dearest, darlingest (not really) Patron yesterday:

I realize that you really, really wanted to see Maleficent in 3D. However, we no longer have it in 3D format. Therefore, you can't see it in 3D. We still have it in - oh, you're really angry at us? Because...why? Maleficent has been in theaters for almost a full month. That's four weeks in which you could have chosen to see the movie in 3D, and yet you think we're horrible people for finally having to drop it, because several new movies have come out in that time and we need to make room.

Oh, now, after berating my co - worker, you want to berate my new manager too? Great. Just great. Fortunately, she didn't tolerate your ire and just gave you re - admit passes and told you to have a nice day.
"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends" - Harry Potter


Jocelyn

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Dearest, darlingest (not really) Patron yesterday:

I realize that you really, really wanted to see Maleficent in 3D. However, we no longer have it in 3D format. Therefore, you can't see it in 3D. We still have it in - oh, you're really angry at us? Because...why? Maleficent has been in theaters for almost a full month. That's four weeks in which you could have chosen to see the movie in 3D, and yet you think we're horrible people for finally having to drop it, because several new movies have come out in that time and we need to make room.

Oh, now, after berating my co - worker, you want to berate my new manager too? Great. Just great. Fortunately, she didn't tolerate your ire and just gave you re - admit passes and told you to have a nice day.

I attend a knitting group at the local library, as do several of the librarians. As we were leaving last Tuesday, the librarian at the front desk grabbed her colleagues to ask about the availability of Maleficient on DVD for checkout. Apparently the caller was not willing to accept that libraries don't get copies of current first-run movies, and that they have to wait til the DVD goes on sale...

MissRose

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This guy called into my department and complained about the wait time.  I apologized and he then said you need to hire more people.  I wish I could have said, tell me something I don't know and a lowly agent has control over hiring decisions .. NOT !

Yarnspinner

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Dearest, darlingest (not really) Patron yesterday:

I realize that you really, really wanted to see Maleficent in 3D. However, we no longer have it in 3D format. Therefore, you can't see it in 3D. We still have it in - oh, you're really angry at us? Because...why? Maleficent has been in theaters for almost a full month. That's four weeks in which you could have chosen to see the movie in 3D, and yet you think we're horrible people for finally having to drop it, because several new movies have come out in that time and we need to make room.

Oh, now, after berating my co - worker, you want to berate my new manager too? Great. Just great. Fortunately, she didn't tolerate your ire and just gave you re - admit passes and told you to have a nice day.

I attend a knitting group at the local library, as do several of the librarians. As we were leaving last Tuesday, the librarian at the front desk grabbed her colleagues to ask about the availability of Maleficient on DVD for checkout. Apparently the caller was not willing to accept that libraries don't get copies of current first-run movies, and that they have to wait til the DVD goes on sale...

Jocelyn, if librarians had a dime for every movie patrons request while said movie is still in theaters (or not even out yet--one patron has been hounding me since 2012 for "Finding Dory" a movie not scheduled to come out until 2015)  we could build our own libraries and run them as we saw fit.   

Which reminds me of a patron who called and wanted to know if we had a book by Thomas Clancy.  The title he gave me was unfamiliar and I could not find it in our catalog or on Amazon or even googling Clancy's complete works.  Fifteen minutes later, the patron finally says "Well, he was talking about it this morning on [radio show whose name I have forgotten] and how he is through outlining it and is getting ready to write it."

"So you think we have a book that is still, primarily, in the author's HEAD?" 

"Well, it was worth a try."

I shake my head in perplexity.....

violinp

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Dearest, darlingest (not really) Patron yesterday:

I realize that you really, really wanted to see Maleficent in 3D. However, we no longer have it in 3D format. Therefore, you can't see it in 3D. We still have it in - oh, you're really angry at us? Because...why? Maleficent has been in theaters for almost a full month. That's four weeks in which you could have chosen to see the movie in 3D, and yet you think we're horrible people for finally having to drop it, because several new movies have come out in that time and we need to make room.

Oh, now, after berating my co - worker, you want to berate my new manager too? Great. Just great. Fortunately, she didn't tolerate your ire and just gave you re - admit passes and told you to have a nice day.

I attend a knitting group at the local library, as do several of the librarians. As we were leaving last Tuesday, the librarian at the front desk grabbed her colleagues to ask about the availability of Maleficient on DVD for checkout. Apparently the caller was not willing to accept that libraries don't get copies of current first-run movies, and that they have to wait til the DVD goes on sale...

Jocelyn, if librarians had a dime for every movie patrons request while said movie is still in theaters (or not even out yet--one patron has been hounding me since 2012 for "Finding Dory" a movie not scheduled to come out until 2015)  we could build our own libraries and run them as we saw fit.   

Which reminds me of a patron who called and wanted to know if we had a book by Thomas Clancy.  The title he gave me was unfamiliar and I could not find it in our catalog or on Amazon or even googling Clancy's complete works.  Fifteen minutes later, the patron finally says "Well, he was talking about it this morning on [radio show whose name I have forgotten] and how he is through outlining it and is getting ready to write it."

"So you think we have a book that is still, primarily, in the author's HEAD?" 

"Well, it was worth a try."

I shake my head in perplexity.....

Okay, you win. Sheesh, that's crazy.
"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends" - Harry Potter