Author Topic: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)  (Read 705583 times)

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blueyzca01

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Tsaiko

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #3481 on: September 29, 2014, 08:31:19 PM »
I doing GIS (mapping and databases) for a branch of the government. A few years ago, we were doing analysis at several different locations. This involved gathering a lot of data, making sure it was clean and everything was filled out that was supposed to be filled out, and then running it through a program that did a specialized series of analyses on it. The output was a bunch of reports  with statistics, maps, breakdowns of area, etc. This was all automatically generated and standardized, so customization was not an option.

Some of the data we dealt with was sensitive in nature. It wasn't exactly classified, but it was definitely not stuff you wanted made public. An example (though not relevant to what we were doing) would be the location of some sort of archaeological site. Put that on a map, and you'd have some idiot with a shovel going where he definitely shouldn't be going to try and dig it up. There had been problems with this exact thing happening, even though we did not send maps anywhere but back to authorized people at the locations. Because of this, we had procedures in place on how to deal with sensitive data and worked with each location on what they did/did not want showing up in maps/used in the analysis.

I was at one location gathering data and speaking with this guy about what he did/did not want on the maps when it came to sensitive data. I swear this was the conversation:

Guy: We want everything included in the analysis so we can have the maps.
Me: I can do that. All the maps come back to you though and you can decide whether and how to distribute them.
Guy: No, we don't want this showing up on the maps. People won't be able to interpret it correctly.
Me: Okay, then you're options are A, B, and C.
Guy: I don't like those options. I want you to put it in the analysis and in the maps, just not where others can see.
Me: All the maps come back to you. So you decide who will see them. Or are you asking me to make two sets of maps: one set with the sensitive data or one set without?
Guy *speaking like I'm dumb*: No. I want you to put it in the analysis and make one set of maps where only I can see the data, but others can't.
Me: Wait. Are you asking me to make maps where if you look at them you see all the sensitive data but if other people look at them, the maps won't have it on them?
Guy: Exactly!
Me: You do realize we are talking about paper maps, right? Anyone who looks at the paper maps will be able to see what is on them. I can include the data, but everyone will see it. Or I can leave it out, and it won't show up at all. I can't make it appear on the maps just for you.
Guy: Why not?

I seriously don't know where people get the idea that this is possible.

StarDrifter

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #3482 on: September 29, 2014, 08:41:26 PM »
Maybe he thought you could password-protect them, like the Marauders' Map?
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SDG31000

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #3483 on: September 30, 2014, 05:00:43 AM »
I volunteer at a local charity shop and we get strange requests all the time, but one lady last week took the biscuit.

Note that we only sell what people donate to us, we don't buy in stock at all.

Lady- I like these shoes, but the size is too small.
Me- I'm afraid that is the only size we have.
Lady- I like these shoes, but the size is too small
Me- We only have that size, we only have what is donated to us and that is what we were given.
Lady- I want these shoes, but they are too small. Go and see if you have any bigger ones.
Me- We don't have any bigger ones, we only have those ones.......*repeat about 5 more times*

In the end I think she got bored and gave up, but nothing I said could get across the fact that we only had the pair of shoes she was holding and there was no way I could get them in a bigger size.

Cherry91

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #3484 on: September 30, 2014, 05:20:45 AM »
I volunteer at a local charity shop and we get strange requests all the time, but one lady last week took the biscuit.

Note that we only sell what people donate to us, we don't buy in stock at all.

Lady- I like these shoes, but the size is too small.
Me- I'm afraid that is the only size we have.
Lady- I like these shoes, but the size is too small
Me- We only have that size, we only have what is donated to us and that is what we were given.
Lady- I want these shoes, but they are too small. Go and see if you have any bigger ones.
Me- We don't have any bigger ones, we only have those ones.......*repeat about 5 more times*

In the end I think she got bored and gave up, but nothing I said could get across the fact that we only had the pair of shoes she was holding and there was no way I could get them in a bigger size.

She clearly thought that if she wore you down, you would go to that magical land known as "the back" and conjure up a fitting pair of shoes...

camlan

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #3485 on: September 30, 2014, 08:51:19 AM »
I volunteer at a local charity shop and we get strange requests all the time, but one lady last week took the biscuit.

Note that we only sell what people donate to us, we don't buy in stock at all.

Lady- I like these shoes, but the size is too small.
Me- I'm afraid that is the only size we have.
Lady- I like these shoes, but the size is too small
Me- We only have that size, we only have what is donated to us and that is what we were given.
Lady- I want these shoes, but they are too small. Go and see if you have any bigger ones.
Me- We don't have any bigger ones, we only have those ones.......*repeat about 5 more times*

In the end I think she got bored and gave up, but nothing I said could get across the fact that we only had the pair of shoes she was holding and there was no way I could get them in a bigger size.

Related to that, this weekend I was in line to check out at a major US department store that has high prices in general, but really good deals can be found on the clearance racks. But, you know, the merchandise is *clearance*, which means the store is clearing it out.

The woman in front of me did not understand this.

Customer: I like this shirt, but I want it in green. I saw green shirts on the rack, but not in my size.

Sales clerk: Let me check inventory. Oh, I see on the tag that this is clearance. This may be the only color we have in this size. But let me check . . . . No, sorry, we don't have this size in green. It is available at Store X and Store Y (both in cities within a 40 minute drive of where we were).

Customer: There is no way I can get there. I need this shirt in green. Go check out back!

Sales Clerk: I'm sorry, but we don't have any more green shirts in this size in the store. We do have the blue and the pink, though. Or I can call one of the other stores and have them hold a green shirt in your size for you.

Customer [speaking very slowly, as if to a child who cannot comprehend, and in a very angry tone]: I want this shirt in this size in green. What can't you understand about that?

Sales Clerk: I'm sorry, we just don't have that shirt in that size in green anymore. It's a clearance item, which means that we have reduced the price to sell it to make way for new stock. You can choose another color, I can have another store hold a green shirt for you, or you can order the shirt on-line, but there will be a $10 delivery fee.

Customer: I shouldn't have to pay for delivery when you should just have the shirt in the store!

At this point, another sales person happened by, figured out something was wrong, and took over the difficult customer. As my stuff was being rung up, I could hear them going through exactly the same exchanges. The customer ended up snapping out something pretty rude to the second sales person and then stomping out of the building.

I'm not sure what the customer expected the poor sales clerk to do--hop in her car and drive to the nearest branch of the chain that had the shirt, buy it for her and drive back?
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


otterwoman

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #3486 on: September 30, 2014, 09:06:06 AM »

Related to that, this weekend I was in line to check out at a major US department store that has high prices in general, but really good deals can be found on the clearance racks. But, you know, the merchandise is *clearance*, which means the store is clearing it out.

The woman in front of me did not understand this.

Customer: I like this shirt, but I want it in green. I saw green shirts on the rack, but not in my size.

Sales clerk: Let me check inventory. Oh, I see on the tag that this is clearance. This may be the only color we have in this size. But let me check . . . . No, sorry, we don't have this size in green. It is available at Store X and Store Y (both in cities within a 40 minute drive of where we were).

Customer: There is no way I can get there. I need this shirt in green. Go check out back!

Sales Clerk: I'm sorry, but we don't have any more green shirts in this size in the store. We do have the blue and the pink, though. Or I can call one of the other stores and have them hold a green shirt in your size for you.

Customer [speaking very slowly, as if to a child who cannot comprehend, and in a very angry tone]: I want this shirt in this size in green. What can't you understand about that?

Sales Clerk: I'm sorry, we just don't have that shirt in that size in green anymore. It's a clearance item, which means that we have reduced the price to sell it to make way for new stock. You can choose another color, I can have another store hold a green shirt for you, or you can order the shirt on-line, but there will be a $10 delivery fee.

Customer: I shouldn't have to pay for delivery when you should just have the shirt in the store!

At this point, another sales person happened by, figured out something was wrong, and took over the difficult customer. As my stuff was being rung up, I could hear them going through exactly the same exchanges. The customer ended up snapping out something pretty rude to the second sales person and then stomping out of the building.

I'm not sure what the customer expected the poor sales clerk to do--hop in her car and drive to the nearest branch of the chain that had the shirt, buy it for her and drive back?

Well, yes. I used to do that all the time for my customers. It was expected by upper management that we would transfer stock between stores when needed. For a large enough sale, I would drive to the other store and bring back the items for customers the same day. For a small item, I'd have it shipped over within a few days.

Dindrane

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #3487 on: September 30, 2014, 09:26:47 AM »
If the store was on the high-end side, I might expect that for regular merchandize, because I think it's reasonable to expect that a store will have a variety of sizes/colors stocked for what they actually have in stock. I would at least think it's a reasonable question.

But for items on clearance? What you see is what they have, and offering to have another nearby store hold the item you want so that you have a chance to go get it is about the limit of what any customer should expect. The fact that they can do that is already pretty good customer service, for items the store is actively trying to get rid of.

Regardless, continually insisting that a store should have something you want just because you want it is toddler logic. Plus, she never asked if they could have the item from the other store delivered, she just kept insisting that the store she was in should already have it.


Shalamar

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #3488 on: September 30, 2014, 04:55:58 PM »
I may have posted about this already; if so, I apologize ...

... this happened years ago when I was a temp.  I was assigned to a pharmaceutical supplies company for a couple of weeks - they were preparing for a convention and needed someone to type up their brochure.  Now, this was before word processors existed, so I did all of the brochure on an old-fashioned typewriter.  That meant that when my supervisor wanted to make some changes, I had to use White-Out and fit things in as best I could.

She came along one day and said "I have to add (Blah) to Page 3."  I said "That'll be tricky - Page 3 is already pretty full.  Can we put (Blah) on a different page?"  "No - it has to go on Page 3, because that has related products."  Okay, fine, I squeezed (Blah) on somehow.  She came by a bit later and said "I have another product to add to Page 3."  Once again, I said "It'll be really hard to fit that in.  Can't it go on a different page?"  Nope.  Once again, I managed to do it.  Then she came by again.  "Another item for Page 3."  At that point, I said "I can't.  There is literally no more room."   Giving me the impatient "You're just making excuses" expression that I'm sure we've all seen at one time or another, she said "Oh, just do your best".  I begged her to let me just retype the whole brochure from Page 3 onwards, but that was no good either - she didn't think we had enough time.  Sigh.

I once again pulled off a miracle and got the new product to fit.  The page looked awful (there was essentially no more white space left), but it was there.  Thankfully, she had no more amendments for me!

dawnfire

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #3489 on: September 30, 2014, 11:23:43 PM »
I volunteer at a local charity shop and we get strange requests all the time, but one lady last week took the biscuit.

Note that we only sell what people donate to us, we don't buy in stock at all.

Lady- I like these shoes, but the size is too small.
Me- I'm afraid that is the only size we have.
Lady- I like these shoes, but the size is too small
Me- We only have that size, we only have what is donated to us and that is what we were given.
Lady- I want these shoes, but they are too small. Go and see if you have any bigger ones.
Me- We don't have any bigger ones, we only have those ones.......*repeat about 5 more times*

In the end I think she got bored and gave up, but nothing I said could get across the fact that we only had the pair of shoes she was holding and there was no way I could get them in a bigger size.

I think she's mistaken you for a shoe store.

LadyDyani

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #3490 on: October 01, 2014, 09:17:57 AM »
Every time I am given a new task at work, I am told to make it "High priority". I have one major task that I've been told to make the #1, and to do nothing else until it's done. This major task will take a couple months to complete, and I've been on it a month now. Five smaller (3-5 day) tasks have been given to me over the past few weeks, and periodically I've been asked why they haven't been done yet. Each time I point out my major task and mention that I was told to concentrate on it until it was done, and I get the answer "Okay, just make sure you do it first thing after major task." This quote is repeated for each and every one of the smaller tasks, one at a time. Every couple days I'm asked about another one.

A week later, I'm asked about the smaller tasks again.

Did I mention I only have one boss? And he's the one repeatedly asking? And he's the one that told me major task was the highest priority?
English doesn't borrow from other languages, it follows them down dark alleys and beats them up and searches their pockets for loose grammar.

greencat

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #3491 on: October 01, 2014, 11:41:05 AM »
Every time I am given a new task at work, I am told to make it "High priority". I have one major task that I've been told to make the #1, and to do nothing else until it's done. This major task will take a couple months to complete, and I've been on it a month now. Five smaller (3-5 day) tasks have been given to me over the past few weeks, and periodically I've been asked why they haven't been done yet. Each time I point out my major task and mention that I was told to concentrate on it until it was done, and I get the answer "Okay, just make sure you do it first thing after major task." This quote is repeated for each and every one of the smaller tasks, one at a time. Every couple days I'm asked about another one.

A week later, I'm asked about the smaller tasks again.

Did I mention I only have one boss? And he's the one repeatedly asking? And he's the one that told me major task was the highest priority?

Could you try giving your boss a written timeline of when you expect the tasks to be completed?

LadyDyani

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #3492 on: October 01, 2014, 12:25:27 PM »
Every time I am given a new task at work, I am told to make it "High priority". I have one major task that I've been told to make the #1, and to do nothing else until it's done. This major task will take a couple months to complete, and I've been on it a month now. Five smaller (3-5 day) tasks have been given to me over the past few weeks, and periodically I've been asked why they haven't been done yet. Each time I point out my major task and mention that I was told to concentrate on it until it was done, and I get the answer "Okay, just make sure you do it first thing after major task." This quote is repeated for each and every one of the smaller tasks, one at a time. Every couple days I'm asked about another one.

A week later, I'm asked about the smaller tasks again.

Did I mention I only have one boss? And he's the one repeatedly asking? And he's the one that told me major task was the highest priority?

Could you try giving your boss a written timeline of when you expect the tasks to be completed?

Nah, I've been working for him since 2008, there is no changing him. In the past I've done everything to point out that I can't fit 100 hours work into a 40 hour work week, at one point in 2012 I was sending him a spreadsheet breaking down my day into 15 minute increments.

As it is I'm sending him a daily update, but he still asks about the smaller tasks.
English doesn't borrow from other languages, it follows them down dark alleys and beats them up and searches their pockets for loose grammar.

Sirius

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #3493 on: October 06, 2014, 10:30:58 PM »
Like the guy who told me he wanted 27 hours of dictation transcribed by the following day.  I told him, "That isn't going to happen," and explained why.  He got very upset and accused me of being uncooperative.  No, I just know that it takes an hour to transcribe 15 minutes of dictation, and that's only if you can understand what you're hearing.  What he wanted me to transcribe were interviews, which take longer. 

There was also the contract transcriptionist who told me I should be letting them know beforehand that the doctors are going to use new terms.   Okay, as soon as I get a crystal ball that actually works.

Winterlight

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #3494 on: October 07, 2014, 09:54:52 AM »
So he wanted 27 hours of transcription done in less than 12 hours?

I think he flunked math.
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