Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)

[nekoro]

I was working at a call center when I got a call from a customer who had been working with my manager to solve an issue.  Said manager worked 6-2.  I got the call around 3.

"I need to speak with Manager X."

"I"m very sorry, she is not here. I can-"

"That's unacceptable!"

That last was spat with venom.

Okaaaaayyy.....do you want me to pull her out of my rear for you?

[Reika]

This is a recent one. If I really wanted to scrub my brain, I'm sure I could find another.

Lady wanted to know why we were taking premium payments out of her claims (I work for an insurance company that has life, disability and supplemental health insurance) and why she received a payment history in the mail. I was impressed she actually read that part, since she clearly didn't read the rest of the letter, which clearly stated that her premiums weren't paid on a regular basis so we were taking the difference. And I explained that to her for at least a half hour in as many different ways as possible. So I turned it around and asked her if she wouldn't kept an account open for a customer who didn't pay. Her comment was "Oh hell yes I'd kick their sorry 'butt' out." But couldn't get why the same thing would apply to her.  

It clearly showed that were spans of time where we didn't get any payment at all, would receive one month's worth to keep the policy from lapsing, then multiple payments per month that equally half of the premium payment. We really should have just canceled the policy at one point since we normally give up to 60 days for a policy to lapse with no payment and there were times that it went for longer than that, but for some reason they didn't. And the claims processors were being nice, instead of taking all of the money they should have, they were only taking one month's worth of premiums per claim.

Ended up putting her through to a supervisor who after 10-15 minutes of repeating the same info I did finally had to bluntly tell her, "Ma'am, if you had paid like were supposed to, then this wouldn't be happening."

ETA: The impossible part? She wanted all of the past due premiums to be waived.

[kareng57]

This is a recent one. If I really wanted to scrub my brain, I'm sure I could find another.

Lady wanted to know why we were taking premium payments out of her claims (I work for an insurance company that has life, disability and supplemental health insurance) and why she received a payment history in the mail. I was impressed she actually read that part, since she clearly didn't read the rest of the letter, which clearly stated that her premiums weren't paid on a regular basis so we were taking the difference. And I explained that to her for at least a half hour in as many different ways as possible. So I turned it around and asked her if she wouldn't kept an account open for a customer who didn't pay. Her comment was "Oh hell yes I'd kick their sorry 'butt' out." But couldn't get why the same thing would apply to her.  

It clearly showed that were spans of time where we didn't get any payment at all, would receive one month's worth to keep the policy from lapsing, then multiple payments per month that equally half of the premium payment. We really should have just canceled the policy at one point since we normally give up to 60 days for a policy to lapse with no payment and there were times that it went for longer than that, but for some reason they didn't. And the claims processors were being nice, instead of taking all of the money they should have, they were only taking one month's worth of premiums per claim.

Ended up putting her through to a supervisor who after 10-15 minutes of repeating the same info I did finally had to bluntly tell her, "Ma'am, if you had paid like were supposed to, then this wouldn't be happening."

ETA: The impossible part? She wanted all of the past due premiums to be waived.

Funny how it's always "different" when the shoe-is-on-the-other foot, isn't it?

I was trying to work with a customer who hadn't paid us a dime for his ads. "I have to think about whether I'm going to pay for this, I don't know whether I've gotten much business from them". Uh - you HAVE to pay us, you signed a contract!  I tried to get that across as politely as I could.  Finally I said - "what if I came into your shop to have my windshield replaced, and I said that I'd come back and pay for it in six months if I decided that I was happy with it?  Would that be fine with you?"  "Of course not, that's completely different!"

In your own case - sometimes it really doesn't pay, over the long term, to keep giving concessions like you did with this customer - your company would have had grounds for cancelling her policy, as you say.  For a lot of customers (no, not all) - once you give a little leniency, they start expecting a lot of leniency.

[Black Delphinium]

As an ex-cashier, I can totally sympathize with the "can't you check in the back?" mentality. For the love of all that is Holy, people, do not wait until the day of a holiday to pick up necessary foodstuffs for said holiday. OF COURSE we don't have any more cranberries/cranberry sauce/good stuffing mix/gravy in stock, it's 10am on Thanksgiving morning! We've been out of most of that stuff for days at this point. Plan ahead, would you, please?

[FoxPaws]

I think a lot of customers picture "the back" as Aladdin's cave, complete with a grant-your-retail-wish genie in a lamp.  

[BarBee]

After lurking for over a year, this thread demanded that I add my impossible patron request.

I have a lovely intelligent patron who reads a wide variety of authours.  She just finished the Amelia Peabody series by Elizabeth Peters and was reading some nonfiction about Egyptology; she then came in and wanted to read a biography of the well-known archaeologist Amelia Peabody Emerson!  I tried everyway I could think of to convince her that APE is a fictional character by Elizabeth Peters.  She said she knew about the Peters' series because she just finished reading them but she read an article that APE was a real person who wrote diaries that Peters used to write her series.  After 15 minutes, I had a line of patrons wanting attention so I told her that I would check on the matter and let her know what I found when she next came in.  She, of course, could not remember the magazine name or the title of the article.  I swear she must have being dreaming the whole thing.

There also was the mother who demanded that I get the recording of Abraham Lincoln giving his Gettysburg Address.  She knew it exsisted because she had watched a program on PBS about Lincoln and they played that recording!!  I tried to tell her that what she heard was a recording of an actor reading the Gettysburg Address; there were no recordings of Lincoln presenting the address because there was NO recording equipment in the 19th century.  Finally I told her to call the local PBS station and ask them about it!!  The program manager of the station was not happy with me!

[artk2002]

There also was the mother who demanded that I get the recording of Abraham Lincoln giving his Gettysburg Address.  She knew it exsisted because she had watched a program on PBS about Lincoln and they played that recording!!  I tried to tell her that what she heard was a recording of an actor reading the Gettysburg Address; there were no recordings of Lincoln presenting the address because there was NO recording equipment in the 19th century.  Finally I told her to call the local PBS station and ask them about it!!  The program manager of the station was not happy with me!

Next time, just send her to this link.

(Dang... something else that can make me cry!)

[caranfin]

After lurking for over a year, this thread demanded that I add my impossible patron request.

I have a lovely intelligent patron who reads a wide variety of authours.  She just finished the Amelia Peabody series by Elizabeth Peters and was reading some nonfiction about Egyptology; she then came in and wanted to read a biography of the well-known archaeologist Amelia Peabody Emerson!  I tried everyway I could think of to convince her that APE is a fictional character by Elizabeth Peters.  She said she knew about the Peters' series because she just finished reading them but she read an article that APE was a real person who wrote diaries that Peters used to write her series.  After 15 minutes, I had a line of patrons wanting attention so I told her that I would check on the matter and let her know what I found when she next came in.  She, of course, could not remember the magazine name or the title of the article.  I swear she must have being dreaming the whole thing.

Have you ever read the customer reviews of The Princess Bride on Amazon? I think you'd appreciate them.

And for those of you who work in retail... I'm sorry, but many stores do keep merchandise in "the back." Customers don't know who does this and who doesn't. Don't call them stupid for asking you if you have one in "the back," because at the last store they visited, someone said "Let me know if you don't see your size, and I'll check in the back."

[Black Delphinium]

After lurking for over a year, this thread demanded that I add my impossible patron request.

I have a lovely intelligent patron who reads a wide variety of authours.  She just finished the Amelia Peabody series by Elizabeth Peters and was reading some nonfiction about Egyptology; she then came in and wanted to read a biography of the well-known archaeologist Amelia Peabody Emerson!  I tried everyway I could think of to convince her that APE is a fictional character by Elizabeth Peters.  She said she knew about the Peters' series because she just finished reading them but she read an article that APE was a real person who wrote diaries that Peters used to write her series.  After 15 minutes, I had a line of patrons wanting attention so I told her that I would check on the matter and let her know what I found when she next came in.  She, of course, could not remember the magazine name or the title of the article.  I swear she must have being dreaming the whole thing.

Have you ever read the customer reviews of The Princess Bride on Amazon? I think you'd appreciate them.

And for those of you who work in retail... I'm sorry, but many stores do keep merchandise in "the back." Customers don't know who does this and who doesn't. Don't call them stupid for asking you if you have one in "the back," because at the last store they visited, someone said "Let me know if you don't see your size, and I'll check in the back."

I only question thinking we have some "in the back" at times when the item(s) in question are seasonally in high demand, and it is the day before or day of the holiday for which it meant.

[BabyMama]

Hello, Gibsongirl,

Right, because the barn freezer has a pocket compartment that taps directly into e-hell, which has frozen over due to the inanity of the request!

This compartment is pretty close to the corner where we store the customers who want their mares "really" covered and not only inseminated because "my girl should have some fun with that too".

Sycorax
who's never seen a mare 'having fun' by becoming covered

Sycorax, and it's always these same people who want their colts to breed at least once, "so they fully experience life"....Like stallions go up to geldings and are like, "Guess what YOU'RE missing out on!!" 

[gibsongirl]

After lurking for over a year, this thread demanded that I add my impossible patron request.

I have a lovely intelligent patron who reads a wide variety of authours.  She just finished the Amelia Peabody series by Elizabeth Peters and was reading some nonfiction about Egyptology; she then came in and wanted to read a biography of the well-known archaeologist Amelia Peabody Emerson!  I tried everyway I could think of to convince her that APE is a fictional character by Elizabeth Peters.  She said she knew about the Peters' series because she just finished reading them but she read an article that APE was a real person who wrote diaries that Peters used to write her series.  After 15 minutes, I had a line of patrons wanting attention so I told her that I would check on the matter and let her know what I found when she next came in.  She, of course, could not remember the magazine name or the title of the article.  I swear she must have being dreaming the whole thing.

There also was the mother who demanded that I get the recording of Abraham Lincoln giving his Gettysburg Address.  She knew it exsisted because she had watched a program on PBS about Lincoln and they played that recording!!  I tried to tell her that what she heard was a recording of an actor reading the Gettysburg Address; there were no recordings of Lincoln presenting the address because there was NO recording equipment in the 19th century.  Finally I told her to call the local PBS station and ask them about it!!  The program manager of the station was not happy with me!

I love the APE series, and am beginning to read the Vicky bliss series.  The last book of Vicky's series implies what the customer was claiming.  (The Laughter of Dead Kings, for those of you who are interested.)

However, right at the beginning, Peters makes a statement about how fictional series' have alternate timelines, (ones that don't advance exactly with real time), so YES she should have known it IS fiction.  Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

[LeeLee88]

I've worked in far too many retail locations, and as a result I have far too many terrible stories of customers' bad behavior (e.g. leaving fresh feces in the changing rooms  ) but here's one about asking me to do the impossible.  I was working in a perfume/luxury goods sort of store, and a customer comes in with a grocery bag full of travel sized bottles of lotions, body washes, what have you.  She comes up to me, and is very sweet and nice while she tells me that she just wants to return these as the scent just doesn't appeal to her.  Smiling me dutifully starts pulling items out of the bag while she goes to look around, and this is when I realize that except for one aloe vera lotion, I have never seen any of this stuff before.  I had been working in this store for about a year at this point, and our store specialized in selling fragrances that had been discontinued by the company I worked for; some of the fragrances we specialized in had been most popular in the '80s. 

So, I hadn't seen any of these fragrances before, and while the customer is looking, I go get my manager because not only do I not recognize this as product we could have sold the woman, but it has been used (think crusties on the outside) until it was almost gone, some was so old it was discolored, and others had price tags on them that were not only *not* our price tags, they were so old they had turned yellow, and the glue had completely dried out.  My manager takes one look at the woman and explains to me to let her handle it.  Apparently, this woman had a habit of purchasing products from our store off of Ebay for a very small fee, and then coming back into our store to get a refund that was considerably more than what she was owed.  Oh, the fragrances I didn't recognize?  They had been discontinued in the mid-'70s  and after a smell-check, they were definitely past their shelf life. 

My manager handled the woman really well, and even though the woman started yelling at me (why be sweet if you aren't getting your way, I guess) my manager somehow satisfied the woman enough to get her out of the store peacefully, then told me to not bother waiting on that customer should she be back in, just let the manager know she was there and go about my business.

[BabyMama]

Have you ever read the customer reviews of The Princess Bride on Amazon? I think you'd appreciate them.

:::opens a new Internet window to Amazon:::  

ETA: :::snigger::: W. Goldman has abridged this classic by omitting over 100 pages of the original. If anyone has an available copy of the original by S. Morgenstern or knows somewhere to get it please email me!!! I would be much abliged. Thank You Very Much!

[LeeLee88]

Oh sorry, just one more from the same store as the other one:  A customer who wanted to know if she could use body powder to douche, and when i said 'no', she says, "And why not?" with all seriousness.  I started to smile, but realized she wasn't joking, and so had to give this older woman a very brief lesson on lady parts.   

[Kaylee]

Have you ever read the customer reviews of The Princess Bride on Amazon? I think you'd appreciate them.

:::opens a new Internet window to Amazon:::  

ETA: :::snigger::: W. Goldman has abridged this classic by omitting over 100 pages of the original. If anyone has an available copy of the original by S. Morgenstern or knows somewhere to get it please email me!!! I would be much abliged. Thank You Very Much!

Oh, dear.   

Well....at least they're reading books?