Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)

[Shores]

I had this whacko when I was manager of a spa/salon:

(8:00 am)
me: Hello Customer, I'm calling from BlahBlahSpa about the appointment you have scheduled with Brenda today at 4:00 pm. Unfortunately, Brenda's husband died about an hour ago and she's not going to be into work for a couple days. We're trying to fit in all of her appointments with other stylists, but the soonest I can fit you in is tomorrow morning.

Cust: well, this is just unacceptable! I need my roots touched up TODAY!

Me: Yes, ma'am, I understand and I really am very sorry. (insert promises of massive discount- I think started with 50% off and by the end was offering it free if she'd just back off). We've called in the only stylist that we had off today, but we can't get every thing in. Obviously, this is a tragedy no one expected.

Cust: Well this is just fine and dandy! Why do I have to suffer because HER husband died? You need to find me another stylist TODAY! What the *#&$ kind of business are you running?

At this point I'm in tears. One of the stylists ended up canceling a doctor's appointment for her child in order to do this customer's hair that afternoon. The worst part?


The customer was my mother. Who knew Brenda, who had known Brenda's husband.

Yeah, the witch got her hair done, but I made sure to tell her that I had never in my life been ashamed of being her daughter before, but I was that day. She claimed temporary insanity later, but to date, she's my 2nd worst customer encounter ever.

[wordgirl]

Whoa, Shores, if my mother ever behaved that way I'd stop being Customer Service Lady and start being Enraged Daughter in a heartbeat. I'm glad she claimed temporary insanity. Poor you for having to deal with it.

[Shores]

Whoa, Shores, if my mother ever behaved that way I'd stop being Customer Service Lady and start being Enraged Daughter in a heartbeat. I'm glad she claimed temporary insanity.

I was. I told her to stay clear of the front desk when she came in because I didn't even want to see her.

[wordgirl]

Whoa, Shores, if my mother ever behaved that way I'd stop being Customer Service Lady and start being Enraged Daughter in a heartbeat. I'm glad she claimed temporary insanity.

I was. I told her to stay clear of the front desk when she came in because I didn't even want to see her.

Retroactive ((hugs)).

[ginlyn32]

As an ex-cashier, I can totally sympathize with the "can't you check in the back?" mentality. For the love of all that is Holy, people, do not wait until the day of a holiday to pick up necessary foodstuffs for said holiday. OF COURSE we don't have any more cranberries/cranberry sauce/good stuffing mix/gravy in stock, it's 10am on Thanksgiving morning! We've been out of most of that stuff for days at this point. Plan ahead, would you, please?

When I worked at Meijer (midwest Walmart-like store), I had a customer who was just agast that we were out of plastic eggs the night before Easter! I told him that we'd been out since last week.

He actually had the nerve to ask me if we would be getting another shipment in soon! Uh...not until NEXT year!

Oh...and I don't know why people think that stores like Meijer and Walmart can order things for people. They can't. They get whatever Corporate sends them on a truck. About the only ordering I know of that goes on is in the Grocery, Deli, Baker and sometimes Meat depts.

Once there was this customer who was mad at me because it was 10pm, the Meat Dept was closed and I wouldn't go cut her some ribeyes. I told her that that was not possible because I didn't know HOW to cut ribeyes! One has to be a butcher to know that! Apparently, working at a superstore means that you should be able to do whatever a patron asks! Heck, I didn't even run the registers.

GInger

[Stormtreader]

The most frustrating one for me was at my old company.  For a little background, understand that our CEO was my boss and that the man was used to everyone catering to him.

So, the date is 9/11/01.  CEO was at a Meeting IN THE MIAMI AIRPORT Miami when the towers fell with a meeting in Atlanta the next day.

CEO:  Magiccat, I need you to find out what's going on with my flight.  This lady at the counter says all the flights are cancelled.
Me:  Sir, terrorists have attacked the United States and flown planes into buildings.  They have grounded all flights until further notice.
CEO:  Well, I have a very important meeting in Atlanta.  I need to get a flight.  See if you can find another one for me.
Me:  Sir, with all due respect...no planes are flying in the near future.
CEO:  You're not listening.  I have to be in Atlanta.  Find me a flight.
Me:  Sir, have you been watching the news?  Due to terrorists attacking our country using airplanes as their weapon, all flights have been grounded.  No one is getting on an airplane today.
CEO:  Well, that's unaccpectable.  We can't just grind to a halt, I have a business to run.
Me:  ( )  Sir, how about I try to get you a rental car and you can drive...it might be a challenge as I bet everyone else is renting cars too.
CEO:  You get on that!  I need to be at that meeting tomorrow!

Needless to say, he did NOT get a flight that day...he didn't even get a rental car, because they were all gone.  We ended up having one of our employees in Miami DRIVE him to Atlanta and paid her for milage.

Some things and people are just impossible.

Wow! And I thought some of these stories were bad, but this is just an example of pure, simple self-centered stupidity.

Worse than that, can you imagine being the poor woman that had to drive him all that way, no doubt with him hrummphing and whinging the *whole way*? I hope that poor woman got paid more than just for her petrol.

[Sirius]

These are great!

I briefly worked at a medical billing company. Basically doctors offices would send us the information and we would bill the patient's insurance company and then the patient. We sent out two bills and then a third one would be sent that was printed on pink paper with a big warning that the account was going to collections if a payment wasn't made. You wouldn't believe how many people only received that bright pink one. There was also apparently a rampant mail stealer all over out state that only stole those first two bills.

Anyway my favorite story is this one. We answered patients billing questions via phone all day long. A patient called and demanded to speak to someone about her account. I was the lucky one that answered this call. I pulled up her information and told her what date her visit was, how many bills had gone to her house, etc.

Patient: I do not want these bills. Please put me on your do not call list. If you continue to send me these bills I will report you to my attorney
            for harassment.
Me: Ma'am I can't do that. We are not asking you to open credit card this is about a bill for services rendered.
Patient: If you continue to harass me I will sue you for all of your money.
Then she hung up the phone.

I think I laughed for a good twenty minutes and was not at all sorry when I sent her to collections about a month later. However, in the mean time she did send us a formal looking letter asking us to cease and desist our harassment.  

I keep getting a bill for $0 from the hospital where I had surgery earlier this year.  According to the included statement my two insurance policies paid the entire charge, so I don't owe anything.  I've read that bill over very carefully, and it still says $0.  The last one included lab charges, and the charge was still for $0.  Makes me wonder if I should send them a check for $0 so they'll stop wasting money on printing statements.

[wordgirl]

You know, I'm thinking these stories would make a great category over on the main site.

[magiccat26]

Worse than that, can you imagine being the poor woman that had to drive him all that way, no doubt with him hrummphing and whinging the *whole way*? I hope that poor woman got paid more than just for her petrol.

Oh yes, she was not thrilled, but managed to be a good sport!  Our group sent her a gift card and a flower arrangement as a thank you ("supposedly" from the CEO...but it was our idea!)

When he finally got back into the office, he still couldn't figure out what the "big deal" was.    I swear there were days during my 7 years with that man that I just wanted to run him over repeatedly with the clue-dozer!

[Shea]

I have no idea what the fixation with "white" horses was. It was weird.

Perhaps she wanted to put rings on her fingers and bell on her toes and ride to Banbury Cross?

It's entirely possible. I forgot to add that this particular guest was probably somewhere between 13 and 15, so maybe she was just really immature and had read too may Pony Club books? If it had been a little child I would have just thought it was funny, but this girl was old enough to know better. But it would have been weirder if it had been an adult woman rather than a young teenager. Still, though .

[smuflo]

This is one of my favorites from a previous employer.  It requires a bit of background, so stick with me. I’m going to try and explain this is somewhat generic terms for those of you without a biology background.  Let me know if this isn’t clear 

I used to do computer-based genetic analysis.  The lab used to depend on my team to help them create good, clean data for our product and research. 

When processing a new batch of tissue, the lab did something called a “pilot” in which they sequenced a small amount of the DNA from that tissue to test the results of their processing.  I then put this pilot through our computer programs to analyze how much if the information was “junk” and how much was viable and unique sequences.  We used this information in the pilot to estimate the results when we did a full-scale run of that tissue. 

So I get a phone call one day and it is Lisa, the head of our lab.  The following conversation takes place.

Lisa: Hi, so we’ve got customer X coming in today, but I’ve just realized their pilot is only just now going through sequencing.  They should be able to get you the data by 3m today, but the meeting is at 2.  How quickly can you do your analysis?
Me: The processing time is usually about 2-3 hours, so the earliest I’d have information is about 5pm.
Lisa: Well that is too late, the customers are only stopping by for a quick meeting, so they’ll be gone shortly after 3.
Me: I’m sorry, but I can’t make the computers run faster than they do.  I can drop everything and work on your data as soon as it shows up, but that is the best I can do.
Lisa:  Hmmm, well could you tell me what you think the results of this pilot will be?
Me: You want me to predict the results of the test run?
Lisa: Yes.. if I had estimates, that would make the customer happy.
Me:   I can’t predict the results because I have no idea if your processing was successful.  A pilot is a test run, used to predict the results of the full run; I can’t predict the results of a test run because I haven’t seen the data.
Lisa:  Well can’t you just give me an estimate.
Me: Explaining the concept of “test run” again.

Cycle repeated a few more times…

Me: Lisa, I’m not sure what you want me to do.  Do you want me to go down to the lab, place the dish with the samples in it up to my forehead, and then use my psychic powers to determine how many of the samples are junk DNA?  Because really, it sounds like that is what you are asking for.
Lisa: Well, ok maybe I was asking you for something impossible.

[Miss Vertigo]

I had a doozy with my ex-boss. Background: we worked on the editorial side of a big public website. Boss had an idea for a column and wanted to use a similar format to one that appeared on the website of a big national newspaper. The conversation, which dragged on for a good hour over email, went something like this.

Boss: Can you find me an example of the 'Past Notes' column from [well known national newspaper's website]? I want to take a look at the format.
Me: *quickly finds several examples of said column, emails links*
B: Ah. No, that's not it. I need the 'Past Notes' column.
M: That is the 'Past Notes' column.
B: No it isn't. 'Past Notes' was in a different format.
M *points Boss towards big 'PAST NOTES' header at the top of the screen*
B: Ah. Well maybe it wasn't called 'Past Notes' at all. Can you take another look for it?
M: Sure. Are you sure you saw it on [well known national newspaper's website] or somewhere else, perhaps?
B: Actually, I don't know.
M. Well, OK. Can you remember anything about what it may have been called?
B: No.
M: OK, what about a columnist? Can you remember who authored it?
B: No.
M: Any of the subject matter that was covered?
B: No.
M: I'll be honest boss, I'm going to struggle.
B: *pauses* They were dated. Does that help?
M: *headdesk*

The man was the editor. I sometimes wonder how he made it into work every day.

[2littlemonkeys]

Goodness, some of the behavior of people during tragedy/death is appalling. 

One of the stories reminded me of a family I used to nanny for.  We were on vacation when a hurricane changed course and was going to graze the area we were visiting.  It was barely a Category 1 so there was no mandatory evacuation.  We were going to be fine, the house we were renting had storm shutters and we weren't in any real danger.  So the Dad decided the best course of action was to hunker down and sit tight.  The mom had other ideas.  She spent the whole night on the phone with various charters screaming at the poor soul who picked up the phone that she wanted a plane and she wanted a plane NOW.  At this point, the storm had already kicked up the wind and it was raining pretty hard.  Of course, due to the storm, no pilot was going to fly unless it was a life or death situation (and it so wasn't).  I felt really bad for the poor people on the other end of THAT phone call. 


And in honor of this thread...courtesy of Notalwaysright.com

Heaven Sent Deliveries, Moses Speaking
CALL CENTER | OHIO, USA

Caller:  ”My furniture is scheduled for delivery today and I have a big problem: it’s going to snow!”
Me: “Okay, we can reschedule you for–”
Caller: “No, I need it delivered today!”
Me: “What would you like me to do?”
Caller: “I want you to make it not snow!”
Me: “… Excuse me?”
Caller: “I want you to make it not snow during my delivery!”
Me: “Ma’am, I can’t control the weather.”
Caller: “WHY NOT?!”

[magiccat26]

She spent the whole night on the phone with various charters screaming at the poor soul who picked up the phone that she wanted a plane and she wanted a plane NOW.  At this point, the storm had already kicked up the wind and it was raining pretty hard.  Of course, due to the storm, no pilot was going to fly unless it was a life or death situation (and it so wasn't).  I felt really bad for the poor people on the other end of THAT phone call. 

This reminds me of that scene from "The Devil Wears Prada" 

[Yarnspinner]

I've told this story before, but it's a 9/11 story and seemed semi appropriate for here.

Happened to a friend of mine who was staffing the reference desk at her library branch.

The phone rings on 9/12 and Crazy Woman starts in.

Crazy: My television doesn't work!
Friend: I'm sorry?
Crazy: My television stopped working yesterday morning!  I used to get (lists channels) and now I can only get one.  Why is my television not working?
Friend: Um, Ma'am, this is the library...
Crazy: My television set isn't working.
Friend: Do you have cable?
Crazy: No.  I have antenna on the roof.
Friend (takes deep breath): Okay, ma'am.  You know that two planes crashed into the World Trade Center yesterday and destroyed them, right?
Crazy: What does that have to do with my television?
Friend: Ma'am, there was a very powerful signal coming from the towers that transmitted television to antennas.
Crazy: When will they have it back up?
Friend: I don't know if they ever will, Ma'am.  The towers fell.  People are dead.
Crazy: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WATCH MY PROGRAMS?
Friend: Ma'am, I am sure that the families of the approximately 3000 people who died would be happy to trade problems. *click*