Author Topic: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)  (Read 689256 times)

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Josiepug

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #120 on: November 17, 2008, 04:48:37 PM »
And in honor of this thread...courtesy of Notalwaysright.com

Heaven Sent Deliveries, Moses Speaking
CALL CENTER | OHIO, USA

Caller:  ”My furniture is scheduled for delivery today and I have a big problem: it’s going to snow!”
Me: “Okay, we can reschedule you for–”
Caller: “No, I need it delivered today!”
Me: “What would you like me to do?”
Caller: “I want you to make it not snow!”
Me: “… Excuse me?”
Caller: “I want you to make it not snow during my delivery!”
Me: “Ma’am, I can’t control the weather.”
Caller: “WHY NOT?!”


This reminds me of my mother trying to cancel some kind of repair insurance after my grandfather died. This was in the early 90s so my mind is a little fuzzy on what kind of policy it was.

Mom: I need to cancel the insurance policy for Josiepug's Grandfather. He recently passed away.
Insurance Agent: I need to speak with the owner of the policy before I can do anything.
Mom: Um - he died last month. I can send you a copy of the death certificate if that will help.
Insurance Agent sounding disgruntled: I need to speak with Mr. Josiepug's Grandfather. I can not cancel this policy without his direct consent.
Mom: What part of he is dead are you not getting????
Insurance Agent: I must insist on speaking with the customer directly.
Mom: If you can find a way to call Heaven please let me know. I would really like to speak to my father as well.
She then slammed down the phone.

We still giggle about that conversation to this day. I think she eventually called back and got someone else. Not sure if she had words with a supervisor or not. My Grandfather died suddenly and it really upset my mother and she had to be put on seditives. We've got several stories of her dealings with the funeral home and various other organizations while on those drugs. It's almost been 20 years but my mother gave us enough stories for another 20 during those weeks.

djinnidjream

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #121 on: November 17, 2008, 05:00:47 PM »


Yeah, the witch got her hair done, but I made sure to tell her that I had never in my life been ashamed of being her daughter before, but I was that day. She claimed temporary insanity later, but to date, she's my 2nd worst customer encounter ever.

So what was the first worst?
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Shores

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #122 on: November 17, 2008, 05:10:37 PM »


Yeah, the witch got her hair done, but I made sure to tell her that I had never in my life been ashamed of being her daughter before, but I was that day. She claimed temporary insanity later, but to date, she's my 2nd worst customer encounter ever.

So what was the first worst?
well. That one didn't fit in this category, but that would be the man who called when i worked tech support and threatened to kill our tech guys if they came on his property.. . But still wanted his tv fixed. Lol, i guess he DOES fit. But that guy was actually frightening. We ended up calling the cops on him.
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Sirius

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #123 on: November 17, 2008, 05:12:01 PM »
Josiepug, it sounds to me as though your mom ran into someone with a script who was not, by jiggies, going to deviate from that script no matter how much real life might interfere.  My dad ran into someone like that when he called my mother's only credit card to let them know that she had passed away.  He asked for a supervisor, and the supervisor told him he'd need to send a certified copy of her death certificate to them and then they'd cancel the credit card.  Fortunately, the hospice people had told my dad to get a bunch of certified copies of my mom's death certificate, and he'd done so.  He told me he'd gotten something like 25 certified copies, and ended up having to use them all.  

camlan

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #124 on: November 17, 2008, 05:17:17 PM »
I remembered another one, from one of my very first jobs. It was at a theater ticket clubwhere you bought a membership and then you could order tickets for any show at the live theaters in town. One year, Katherine Hepburn came to town in the play, West Side Waltz. This was a big deal.  It was easily going to be a sell out. Before tickets went on sale to the public, the theater's own subscription seats would be sold, as well as the tickets for our club members.

We were swamped with orders. Inundated. Mailbags full of requests. And we got a lot of new members because word got out that we had tickets. We had to do a lot of phone calling for West Side Waltz, because we had seats, but not the seats people wanted. They wanted orchestra, we had mezzanine. They wanted 9 seats, we couldn't 9 seats together, but we could get a group of 4 and a group of 5. Most people were pretty happy that they could get tickets at all and if we could make a reasonable arrangement for them, they were satisfied.

But not one woman. She wanted a large number of center seats within 10 rows of the stage. Now, for every single show, the management had held out most of those seats. We had a very, very limited number of seats in the range she wanted, and most were isolated pairs of seats or even single seats. Oh, and she placed her order late, so that when it came in, most of the tickets had already been assigned. So, before I called her, I checked ticket availability for every performance and made a list of alternatives to offer her.

She was upset when I told her that getting 12 tickets together was simply impossible. I managed to calm her down from that, and started offering her dates and various seating arrangements. None of which had all 12 seats in the first 10 rows. She turned them all down. "I never sit further back than the 10th row. It's absurd to even offer those seats." She was miffed and offended and very, very snooty. She accused me of having seats and withholding them from her (we bought those tickets--any that we didn't sell were a dead loss, so sure, I was holding back tickets). We went around and around and and she yelled and she stamped her foot and swore at me. Finally she demanded a refund of her money. Since we hadn't even cashed her check, I offered to send that back to her (normally, we wouldn't have done this, but we knew we could sell those seats). Her final words were along the lines of "I'm sure I can do better at the box office. I don't see why your club exists." I had to bite my tongue not to tell her, "Look, lady, I can get you into the theater. For this particular show, that's about the best anyone is going to be able to do."

Tickets went on sale at the box office to the general public a week later. There were no orchestra seats available for any performance--I heard this from the box office manager himself. There were limited mezzanine seats and some balcony seats.

A few days after the box office opened, one of my co-workers answered the phone. And then waved me over. It was the same lady, now asking for the 12 seats she had been promised (her word) for the performance on the 27th. The rest of the staff knew the story and we listened as Tom politely informed her that those seats had been sold and her money refunded. If she would like some of the remaining few tickets we had, she would need to send in another check and we could see what could be done. You could hear her sputtering on the other end of the phone. In the end, I think we were able to find her 12 seats for one performance, but they were scattered all over the theater. 
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


Josiepug

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #125 on: November 17, 2008, 05:35:33 PM »
But not one woman. She wanted a large number of center seats within 10 rows of the stage. Now, for every single show, the management had held out most of those seats. We had a very, very limited number of seats in the range she wanted, and most were isolated pairs of seats or even single seats. Oh, and she placed her order late, so that when it came in, most of the tickets had already been assigned. So, before I called her, I checked ticket availability for every performance and made a list of alternatives to offer her.


I think we ran into this woman's son recently. I work at a concert arena. We put all available seats for sell, but the show's producers often hold some seats for media, company bigwigs, families of the performers, etc. Sometimes as the show date gets closer the producers will realize they don't need all of those seats and will release some of them to the public for sale. We have no control over this and never know when or if the producers are going to release seats. Anyway this very scenario happened with a recent show.

A fan had purchased tickets when they went on-sale. He got good seats. However, the show released a few really good seats right before the show. The fan figured this out and sent us a long email telling us we were going to go to Hell and that we had ruined his anniversary and that we were going to rot in Hell forever and ever. He ended his tirade with about 50 lines of "expletive" you. I'm sure he would not be happy that this little gem was promptly sent around the office and we all got a good giggle out of his overreaction.

2littlemonkeys

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #126 on: November 17, 2008, 05:37:00 PM »
She spent the whole night on the phone with various charters screaming at the poor soul who picked up the phone that she wanted a plane and she wanted a plane NOW.  At this point, the storm had already kicked up the wind and it was raining pretty hard.  Of course, due to the storm, no pilot was going to fly unless it was a life or death situation (and it so wasn't).  I felt really bad for the poor people on the other end of THAT phone call. 

This reminds me of that scene from "The Devil Wears Prada"  ;D

LOL, I almost fell down when I saw that.  But I didn't work for the person that movie was allegedly supposed to be about.   Just a suburban housewife with an entitlement complex.  ;)

nutraxfornerves

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #127 on: November 17, 2008, 05:38:53 PM »
A classic from the history of computing. Charles Babbage was a 19th Century British mathematician who developed the first concept for a programmable computer. He wrote
Quote
On two occasions I have been asked, — " Pray, Mr. Babbage," if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out ?" In one case a member of the Upper, and in the other a member of the Lower, House [of Parliament] put this question.  I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.

Nutrax
The plural of anecdote is not data

thebeckster

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #128 on: November 17, 2008, 06:12:19 PM »
Oh, I just remembered another one.

I worked in a bank branch that was in a downtown office building, and the building lost power. Someone got the number for the branch, called us and wanted someone to go to the lawyers office to let them know they wouldn't be in for their appointment. The lawyer with the office on the 11th floor. That's right, just hike up those 11 floors for me to let them know I won't be in.

I explained to her this wouldn't be possible, as we had other things to do than take messages for everyone in the building, let alone hiking up 11 floors, and she said "What am I supposed to dooooooo? They won't answer their phones." I told her, maybe they aren't answering because they also have no power and the phones aren't ringing, she said "But YOUR phone rang. Can't you take a message?" Again I told her no, and when she started arguing with me, I told her I would transfer her to the department in charge of the building. I then transferred her to the security guard who sat inside the building door and played video games all day.

Shea

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #129 on: November 17, 2008, 06:13:02 PM »
She spent the whole night on the phone with various charters screaming at the poor soul who picked up the phone that she wanted a plane and she wanted a plane NOW.  At this point, the storm had already kicked up the wind and it was raining pretty hard.  Of course, due to the storm, no pilot was going to fly unless it was a life or death situation (and it so wasn't).  I felt really bad for the poor people on the other end of THAT phone call. 

This reminds me of that scene from "The Devil Wears Prada"  ;D

LOL. "It's just, I don't know, drizzling!" ::lightning, thunder BOOM, entire palm tree goes flying past the window:: :D


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Shoo

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #130 on: November 17, 2008, 06:25:06 PM »
Whoa, Shores, if my mother ever behaved that way I'd stop being Customer Service Lady and start being Enraged Daughter in a heartbeat. I'm glad she claimed temporary insanity.
I was. I told her to stay clear of the front desk when she came in because I didn't even want to see her.

Okay, wait.  This was your mother and you didn't just tell her she couldn't come in PERIOD and hang up on her?  Because that's what I would have done.

supotco

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #131 on: November 17, 2008, 06:51:00 PM »

Well, I have plenty of clients who don't seem to realise that I do not write the tax laws, and that breaking them is illegal and not something I am willing to do, since I have no intention of spending time in jail and/or being thrown out of my professional association.

However, this particular person was a tourist. For background, the building I work in was built sometime in the 17th century and was once a coaching inn. I live in England, in Historic University City, and therefore it is not uncommon that buildings that old are in use as homes, university buildings, offices. I appreciate that where TouristWoman (hence TW) came from there may be no buildings of such an age and if there are, they are museums. However, my listed building is an accounting firm.

So, I am surprised at the staff entrance with my security tag by Tourist Woman

TW; 'Hi, can I come in?'
Me: 'Who are you here to see?'
TW: 'Oh, I just want to have a look around'
Me: 'Sorry, that's not possible'
TW: 'But whyyyyyyy?'
Me: 'Erm, this is an accounting firm'
TW: 'Oh but I want to see the inside'
Me: 'Sorry, that's impossible. It's an accounting firm, and this is the middle of the working day. We cannot just let people wander around'
TW: 'Oh don't be so mean, it can't be an office, it's too old'
Me: 'No I assure you it is, look at the nameplate on the gate. I cannot let you in'
TW: 'Ur so meeeeeeen' (or words to that effect). 'I'm going to tell the tourist office!'
Me: 'Splendid. Please do.'




cluebyfour

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #132 on: November 17, 2008, 07:06:13 PM »
When I was in college I worked the lingerie department.  A woman asked me for a specific type of bra.  The ensuing exchange:

Me: Sorry, ma'am, that style has been discontinued.  Can I show you something similar?
W: Do you have any in the back?
Me: No, we've been all sold out for several months now.
W: Can you call another store?
Me: Unfortunately, no one carries that style anymore.  It's been discontinued by the manufacturer. 
W: I just need one.
Me: (shows her an almost identical style) This is the closest thing we have...
W: Can you call another store that hasn't discontinued it?
Me: The manufacturer discontinued it.
W: (blank stare)
Me: They don't make them anymore.  They're no longer available.
W: So you don't have any?
Me: Sorry, no.
W: I'll just try another store. (walks off in a huff.)

Sycorax

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #133 on: November 17, 2008, 07:11:01 PM »
Oh yes, Supotco,

I known this situation!
TW: 'Oh don't be so mean, it can't be an office, it's too old'
If I'd get one Euro every time someone marches in our yard and demands to have a tour through our house, I could afford real big signs on every corner of our property, saying: "No, that's not a 'castle' you can visit, but the house we live in! And no, the fact that you're paying taxes doesn't give you the right to go in because we don't get tax money for keeping this house up."

Just this morning I was dealing with an older couple who insisted on having a tour because "it's not fair to keep such an old house for yourself". Fact is that this house was built by my husband's great-grandfather and that he works hard for keeping it in shape.

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Suze

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #134 on: November 17, 2008, 07:16:45 PM »
you could put up a sign that you give tours every Feb 31 from 12 to noon

>ducking<
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