News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • December 14, 2017, 07:48:16 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)  (Read 1510458 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Dogface

  • Guest
Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1620 on: November 06, 2009, 11:05:24 AM »
I haven't had too many impossible requests, but there are a few that stick out in my mind.

<background> So I work at a gym at the front desk and have been since I was in high school. If you're in town for a day or so and just want a one day workout, it costs $10. We also don't have a cash register; all cash we get goes into a locked safe in the back (I can't open it; there's a slot in the top where you can shove money in, but since I don't have the key, I can't get anything out). Because of this, we have no way of giving change if we receive cash. I have no idea why we don't have a cash register. We've needed one for years and years and we still don't seem to be any closer to getting one. </background>

So a few years ago, when I was in high school, there was this guy who would always come in and pay for a one-day workout on Sunday when I worked. And every single week he would try to pay with a $100 bill. The first time it happened was understandable since there's no way he would've known. I told him we didn't have a cash register and couldn't give change but he could try getting change from the business next door. He did, so he paid and worked out. But this kept happening, about 5 or 6 times. And every time I would explain to him that we couldn't give change. He'd go get change from another business, pay, and work out. Only to come in with a $100 bill the next week. *headdesk*

This next one happened to my mom, who worked the same position I did at my job on different days. Evidently she got a call from somebody wanting to know the racial makeup of the gym's members. :o She said that the gym didn't have that information and the guy hung up. She thinks it might've been a prank, but you never know...

I wonder if he was trying to pass counterfeit money.  

If so, that was a stupid way to do it. They'd be certain to remember him.  >:D

I wouldn't discredit something just because it's a stupid thing to do. If people always did the smart thing, we wouldn't have sites like this.  >:D

I just thought of something.  Maybe he had the "hots" for you and wanted you to know he had money.

D: I hope not, I was only about sixteen at the time. Besides, making yourself look incapable of learning isn't a good way to make yourself attractive. To anybody.  :P

blue2000

  • It is never too late to be what you might have been
  • Member
  • Posts: 6172
  • Two kitties - No waiting. And no sleeping either.
Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1621 on: November 06, 2009, 01:00:30 PM »

So, so true.  I mean, a guy tried to rob a bank with a spoon.  That seems as though it would be extremely stupid and memorable, but it didn't stop him from trying!  http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20091027/od_uk_nm/oukoe_uk_poland_robber

The little variety store down the street from us got robbed at knifepoint. A butter knife.

I had to wonder - if they were looking around the house for something threatening, what on earth made them think a butter knife was the weapon of choice?? All those high cholesterol warnings?!?
You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Ornery

  • Member
  • Posts: 501
Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1622 on: November 06, 2009, 01:34:42 PM »
There was a man here who robbed a convenience store.   In the midst of this the clerk talked him into filling out an entry for a drawing/sweepstakes  they were holding.   Big surprise when the cops pulled up in his driveway after he put down his name and address on the entry form.

Animala

  • Rowr!
  • Member
  • Posts: 9680
Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1623 on: November 06, 2009, 01:57:12 PM »
There was a man here who robbed a convenience store.   In the midst of this the clerk talked him into filling out an entry for a drawing/sweepstakes  they were holding.   Big surprise when the cops pulled up in his driveway after he put down his name and address on the entry form.
The clerk should get extra points to think of something like this in the middle of a robbery.

Coruscation

  • Member
  • Posts: 1001
Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1624 on: November 06, 2009, 02:15:37 PM »
Someone tried to rob our local bank with his finger in his pocket making a gun shape.

R_Suerte

  • The more we think we know about, greater the unknown.
  • Member
  • Posts: 431
Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1625 on: November 06, 2009, 02:22:05 PM »
There was a man here who robbed a convenience store.   In the midst of this the clerk talked him into filling out an entry for a drawing/sweepstakes  they were holding.   Big surprise when the cops pulled up in his driveway after he put down his name and address on the entry form.
The clerk should get extra points to think of something like this in the middle of a robbery.

Maybe it was Corporate Policy.   ;D

Twik

  • Member
  • Posts: 28884
Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1626 on: November 06, 2009, 02:27:09 PM »
There was a man here who robbed a convenience store.   In the midst of this the clerk talked him into filling out an entry for a drawing/sweepstakes  they were holding.   Big surprise when the cops pulled up in his driveway after he put down his name and address on the entry form.
The clerk should get extra points to think of something like this in the middle of a robbery.

Maybe it was Corporate Policy.   ;D

Snorfle!

Oh, there goes the diet Coke again....
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

KarenK

  • Member
  • Posts: 2109
Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1627 on: November 06, 2009, 02:35:35 PM »
I know we're sidetracking this thread, but I've got a personal dumb robber story.

A man stole about $200 worth of lobsters that my SO had in a crate under his float at the dock to sell later. He then called around to fishmarkets looking to unload his booty. He called a market owned by another fisherman and reached the off-duty police officer who was working that afternoon. Who, knowing that the lobsters had to be stolen, proceeded to tell the man, "Sure, come on in! We'll be glad to buy your lobsters!" Police were waiting when he showed up.

Twik

  • Member
  • Posts: 28884
Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1628 on: November 06, 2009, 02:39:55 PM »
I know we're sidetracking this thread, but I've got a personal dumb robber story.

A man stole about $200 worth of lobsters that my SO had in a crate under his float at the dock to sell later. He then called around to fishmarkets looking to unload his booty. He called a market owned by another fisherman and reached the off-duty police officer who was working that afternoon. Who, knowing that the lobsters had to be stolen, proceeded to tell the man, "Sure, come on in! We'll be glad to buy your lobsters!" Police were waiting when he showed up.


Kind of sounds like a friend of mine from high school who had an unfortunate drug habit, and got into petty crime. His spree ended when he broke into a car to steal some high-end photographic equipment. The trouble was, how to unload it for cash?

Fortunately, he thought, he found an ad in the paper a few days later for someone looking to buy *exactly* that sort of camera and equipment....

Because the buyer had just had his own stolen.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Starchasm

  • Member
  • Posts: 2787
  • And the mome raths outgrabe.
Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1629 on: November 06, 2009, 02:52:31 PM »
I started a dumb criminals thread in Coffee Break!  ;D

MineralDiva

  • "Diva"
  • Member
  • Posts: 2937
  • "I shall plant my feet and let them have it!"
Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1630 on: November 06, 2009, 03:37:08 PM »
I know we're sidetracking this thread, but I've got a personal dumb robber story.

A man stole about $200 worth of lobsters that my SO had in a crate under his float at the dock to sell later. He then called around to fishmarkets looking to unload his booty. He called a market owned by another fisherman and reached the off-duty police officer who was working that afternoon. Who, knowing that the lobsters had to be stolen, proceeded to tell the man, "Sure, come on in! We'll be glad to buy your lobsters!" Police were waiting when he showed up.


He stole your lobsters and then got "pinched!"  How poetic is THAT?  LOLOL  (Sorry, couldn't resist the obvious pun!)

artk2002

  • Member
  • Posts: 13835
    • The Delian's Commonwealth
Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1631 on: November 06, 2009, 04:01:16 PM »
I know we're sidetracking this thread, but I've got a personal dumb robber story.

A man stole about $200 worth of lobsters that my SO had in a crate under his float at the dock to sell later. He then called around to fishmarkets looking to unload his booty. He called a market owned by another fisherman and reached the off-duty police officer who was working that afternoon. Who, knowing that the lobsters had to be stolen, proceeded to tell the man, "Sure, come on in! We'll be glad to buy your lobsters!" Police were waiting when he showed up.


He stole your lobsters and then got "pinched!"  How poetic is THAT?  LOLOL  (Sorry, couldn't resist the obvious pun!)

I'll bet he was steamed when he got nabbed.  I know that I'd be crabby.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Mrs. Pilgrim

  • I use cleaning for therapy. The carpets don't brag about needing cleaning, and the dishes don't diss me.
  • Member
  • Posts: 354
  • I love waffles--but only the food kind.
Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1632 on: November 06, 2009, 04:26:41 PM »
On topic:

I worked a number of low-gratitude jobs during and after undergrad; one of them was at a national department-store chain (which is well known for its line of excellent tools).  I worked in the housewares and linens department at the time.  Our department had a very small room which doubled as "deposit your stuff here" and "very limited stockroom".

Well, one day as I reported in, the woman who would soon be our department manager was talking with a couple of older (but not quite elderly) women who were sitting at our desk.  The DM-to-be spotted me, and with what I didn't realize was a malicious smile, told the customers I would be glad to help them.

I surely would be happy to help them; let me just drop my purse in back, and I'll be right with you.  Fifteen-second operation, and I'm back to lend a hand.  (During the ensuing discussion, I only remember one of the women spoke.)

Me:  All right, thanks for your patience.  How--
Customer:  Speak up!  (turns to her companion) Kids these days mumble.  No respect.
Me:  (louder, assuming she might be hard of hearing) I'm very sorry, ma'am.  How may I help you?
C:  (hands me a flyer-catalog, opened to a page displaying a sheet set) I want this right here.
Me:  Oh, yes, these are very nice.  I'll be happy to go get them and be right back so you can see them.  What size do you need?
C:  Regular.
Me:  (pause; I will note here that, in the U.S., beds and linens typically come in the sizes Twin, Full, Queen, and King) Regular?
C:  Regular-sized.
Me:  Um...ma'am, I don't believe there's such a size.  Do you mean Twin, or Full perhaps?
C:  I mean REGULAR.  (turns to her companion) Kids these days are awful stupid.
Me:  (starting to seethe)  Ma'am, may I ask, where do you get the impression that these sheets are offered in a size called "regular"?
C:  Can't read either, can you?  (shows me on the page, pointing to where the sale price is listed, and then "reg. $XX" appears)
Me:  Oh, I see, ma'am.  That "regular" refers to the regular PRICE of the sheets, not the size.
C:  I can't believe this!  (turns to her companion) Office girls never know anything.
Me:  Ma'am, if I can ask you the dimensions of your bed--
C:  REG-U-LAR.  How many times do I have to repeat myself?!
Me:  (takes a deep breath) Well, if you'd be willing to come around to the displays, we could figure out what size bed you--
C:  REGULAR.  REGULAR.  REGULAR.  Get it through your thick skull, you stupid *****.

At that point I'd had enough, so I summoned a co-worker to my assistance who has a great deal more patience than I have even now.  When co-worker arrived, I smiled with obvious insincerity at the customers and said (and this is as close as I can get it), "Well, as I'm obviously too lacking in cerebral functionality and linguistic capacity to comprehend your expressed requirements, I'm afraid I'll have to attend to other endeavors and ask [co-worker] to assist you in fulfilling your demands.  Have a pleasant day."  And turned on my heel and went across the department.

Later, I went to my co-worker and apologized for doing this to her.  She told me that the customer spent the first three minutes complaining about how "office girls" are usually stupid fluffbrains and how I was very disrespectful and unhelpful.  Then she started going through the same business about "regular" sized sheets.  When Co-worker couldn't comply, the customer then told her companion that people of Co-worker's racial heritage were indeed as stupid as she'd always thought, and they left in a huff.

I wonder if they ever got "regular" sized sheets.  I also wonder if, instead of trying to decipher her meaning, I should have just sold her some "full-sized" sheets with the package label removed...?

Sometimes, you just can't be as helpful as you'd like.
"Use the proper word, not its second cousin." --Mark Twain, Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offenses

Mrs. Pilgrim

  • I use cleaning for therapy. The carpets don't brag about needing cleaning, and the dishes don't diss me.
  • Member
  • Posts: 354
  • I love waffles--but only the food kind.
Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1633 on: November 06, 2009, 04:28:18 PM »
I know we're sidetracking this thread, but I've got a personal dumb robber story.

A man stole about $200 worth of lobsters that my SO had in a crate under his float at the dock to sell later. He then called around to fishmarkets looking to unload his booty. He called a market owned by another fisherman and reached the off-duty police officer who was working that afternoon. Who, knowing that the lobsters had to be stolen, proceeded to tell the man, "Sure, come on in! We'll be glad to buy your lobsters!" Police were waiting when he showed up.


He stole your lobsters and then got "pinched!"  How poetic is THAT?  LOLOL  (Sorry, couldn't resist the obvious pun!)

I'll bet he was steamed when he got nabbed.  I know that I'd be crabby.

You guys are trying to steal the spotlight with your puns!  How shellfish of you!
"Use the proper word, not its second cousin." --Mark Twain, Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offenses

MineralDiva

  • "Diva"
  • Member
  • Posts: 2937
  • "I shall plant my feet and let them have it!"
Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1634 on: November 06, 2009, 04:33:16 PM »
I know we're sidetracking this thread, but I've got a personal dumb robber story.

A man stole about $200 worth of lobsters that my SO had in a crate under his float at the dock to sell later. He then called around to fishmarkets looking to unload his booty. He called a market owned by another fisherman and reached the off-duty police officer who was working that afternoon. Who, knowing that the lobsters had to be stolen, proceeded to tell the man, "Sure, come on in! We'll be glad to buy your lobsters!" Police were waiting when he showed up.


He stole your lobsters and then got "pinched!"  How poetic is THAT?  LOLOL  (Sorry, couldn't resist the obvious pun!)

I'll bet he was steamed when he got nabbed.  I know that I'd be crabby.

You guys are trying to steal the spotlight with your puns!  How shellfish of you!

Okay, I'll clam up now.  *ducks and runs away laughing*