Author Topic: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)  (Read 690385 times)

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Mrs. Pilgrim

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1635 on: November 06, 2009, 05:28:18 PM »
I know we're sidetracking this thread, but I've got a personal dumb robber story.

A man stole about $200 worth of lobsters that my SO had in a crate under his float at the dock to sell later. He then called around to fishmarkets looking to unload his booty. He called a market owned by another fisherman and reached the off-duty police officer who was working that afternoon. Who, knowing that the lobsters had to be stolen, proceeded to tell the man, "Sure, come on in! We'll be glad to buy your lobsters!" Police were waiting when he showed up.


He stole your lobsters and then got "pinched!"  How poetic is THAT?  LOLOL  (Sorry, couldn't resist the obvious pun!)

I'll bet he was steamed when he got nabbed.  I know that I'd be crabby.

You guys are trying to steal the spotlight with your puns!  How shellfish of you!
"Use the proper word, not its second cousin." --Mark Twain, Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offenses

MineralDiva

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1636 on: November 06, 2009, 05:33:16 PM »
I know we're sidetracking this thread, but I've got a personal dumb robber story.

A man stole about $200 worth of lobsters that my SO had in a crate under his float at the dock to sell later. He then called around to fishmarkets looking to unload his booty. He called a market owned by another fisherman and reached the off-duty police officer who was working that afternoon. Who, knowing that the lobsters had to be stolen, proceeded to tell the man, "Sure, come on in! We'll be glad to buy your lobsters!" Police were waiting when he showed up.


He stole your lobsters and then got "pinched!"  How poetic is THAT?  LOLOL  (Sorry, couldn't resist the obvious pun!)

I'll bet he was steamed when he got nabbed.  I know that I'd be crabby.

You guys are trying to steal the spotlight with your puns!  How shellfish of you!

Okay, I'll clam up now.  *ducks and runs away laughing*

kitty-cat

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1637 on: November 06, 2009, 05:35:55 PM »
I know we're sidetracking this thread, but I've got a personal dumb robber story.

A man stole about $200 worth of lobsters that my SO had in a crate under his float at the dock to sell later. He then called around to fishmarkets looking to unload his booty. He called a market owned by another fisherman and reached the off-duty police officer who was working that afternoon. Who, knowing that the lobsters had to be stolen, proceeded to tell the man, "Sure, come on in! We'll be glad to buy your lobsters!" Police were waiting when he showed up.


He stole your lobsters and then got "pinched!"  How poetic is THAT?  LOLOL  (Sorry, couldn't resist the obvious pun!)

I'll bet he was steamed when he got nabbed.  I know that I'd be crabby.

You guys are trying to steal the spotlight with your puns!  How shellfish of you!

Okay, I'll clam up now.  *ducks and runs away laughing*

Why? Ya'll are some real pearls.




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KarenK

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1638 on: November 06, 2009, 06:35:47 PM »
I know we're sidetracking this thread, but I've got a personal dumb robber story.

A man stole about $200 worth of lobsters that my SO had in a crate under his float at the dock to sell later. He then called around to fishmarkets looking to unload his booty. He called a market owned by another fisherman and reached the off-duty police officer who was working that afternoon. Who, knowing that the lobsters had to be stolen, proceeded to tell the man, "Sure, come on in! We'll be glad to buy your lobsters!" Police were waiting when he showed up.


He stole your lobsters and then got "pinched!"  How poetic is THAT?  LOLOL  (Sorry, couldn't resist the obvious pun!)

I'll bet he was steamed when he got nabbed.  I know that I'd be crabby.

You guys are trying to steal the spotlight with your puns!  How shellfish of you!

Okay, I'll clam up now.  *ducks and runs away laughing*

Why? Ya'll are some real pearls.

You guys kill me! ;D
« Last Edit: November 06, 2009, 06:40:45 PM by KarenK »

MineralDiva

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1639 on: November 06, 2009, 06:46:06 PM »
I know we're sidetracking this thread, but I've got a personal dumb robber story.

A man stole about $200 worth of lobsters that my SO had in a crate under his float at the dock to sell later. He then called around to fishmarkets looking to unload his booty. He called a market owned by another fisherman and reached the off-duty police officer who was working that afternoon. Who, knowing that the lobsters had to be stolen, proceeded to tell the man, "Sure, come on in! We'll be glad to buy your lobsters!" Police were waiting when he showed up.


He stole your lobsters and then got "pinched!"  How poetic is THAT?  LOLOL  (Sorry, couldn't resist the obvious pun!)

I'll bet he was steamed when he got nabbed.  I know that I'd be crabby.

You guys are trying to steal the spotlight with your puns!  How shellfish of you!

Okay, I'll clam up now.  *ducks and runs away laughing*

Why? Ya'll are some real pearls.

You guys kill me! ;D

No, no.  We "krill" you!  LOLOL

MineralDiva

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1640 on: November 06, 2009, 06:48:19 PM »
We'd better quit before we get harpooned! 

artk2002

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1641 on: November 06, 2009, 07:24:40 PM »
We'd better quit before we get harpooned! 

Naw.  I'll bet we can claw another pun or two out of here.
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squeakers

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1642 on: November 06, 2009, 07:29:18 PM »

Men can get breast cancer, too.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the idea of denying your son water because of the color of the bottle cap.

I had no idea men could get it too. You learn something new everyday!

I agree. In my religion it is a sin to deny anyone water, so I don't get it either.

Oh, yes, men can get breast cancer.  It's nowhere near as common; in close to 20 years of doing medical transcription I've typed summaries on maybe a half dozen men with breast cancer.  One man came from a family where the females had a nasty breast cancer history, so he was being taken quite seriously. 

If people come with it, they can get cancer in it.  I know that I can never get prostate cancer, for instance, but my husband could get breast cancer.

Technically, you can.  Google Skene's gland cancer.
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Sirius

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1643 on: November 07, 2009, 01:54:52 PM »

Men can get breast cancer, too.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the idea of denying your son water because of the color of the bottle cap.

I had no idea men could get it too. You learn something new everyday!

I agree. In my religion it is a sin to deny anyone water, so I don't get it either.

Oh, yes, men can get breast cancer.  It's nowhere near as common; in close to 20 years of doing medical transcription I've typed summaries on maybe a half dozen men with breast cancer.  One man came from a family where the females had a nasty breast cancer history, so he was being taken quite seriously. 

If people come with it, they can get cancer in it.  I know that I can never get prostate cancer, for instance, but my husband could get breast cancer.

Technically, you can.  Google Skene's gland cancer.

I didn't know that!  Then again, I type for the VA, so this type of thing doesn't come up.  The articles I read said it was very rare, which is probably why I've never heard of it, although I have typed on men with breast cancer.

nutraxfornerves

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1644 on: November 07, 2009, 03:29:26 PM »
I've been reading the archives of the Customers Suck Forum and found this gem from a librarian Animals in the Bible

A note of caution: although this post is quite polite, if you decide to check out other threads, be aware that the forum can get rather wild & wooly, as the primary purpose is for people to vent. In particular, offensive language is tolerated.

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Dazi

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1645 on: November 07, 2009, 08:26:45 PM »
To be fair I am not 100% sure this story should go here or in the Special Snowflake thread, but here it is...BG:  My hairdresser has been cutting my hair for over 15 years.  I have very dark brown/auburn hair, naturally very wavy/sort of curly.  I have a lot of natural highlights, from deep red wine, dark copper/carmel and some that are nearly purple.  Most people assume I dye/highlight my hair, some think it is permed.  I do not do anything to it.  I don't blowdry it or curl it.  I don't even own a blowdryer, or a curling iron (I actually do have a flat iron, but rarely use it).  Eng BG

A few weeks ago I went to get my hair cut.  I had to wait as my hairdresser "Lisa" had just started a consultation on a dye job/hair cut.  No problem for me, I brought a book with me.  I sat down and started reading as they started their consultation.A few minutes into the consultation, I hear slightly raised voices, but I really wasn't paying any attention to what was going on.  Lisa comes over to me and asks if I would mind coming to speak with her client  "Jill" about my hair.  I go over to speak with her.  Introductions are made...

Jill: You have lovely hair dear. 
Me: Thank you very much.
Jill: You know I asked Lisa here to do my hair like she does yours, but she says she only cuts it. So I wanted to know who perms and dyes it.
Me: <smile> This is my natural hair ma'am. 

Jill: Well, that can't be.   So do you dye it yourself?  Does some other stylist perm it?
Me" Ma'am this is how my hair naturally is.  It isn't dyed or permed.
Jill to Lisa:  I want my hair like hers!
Lisa:  As I said before I may be able to get it close, but not exactly.

Jill:  You two are lying, I don't know why you refuse to do my hair like you do hers.
Jill to Lisa:  I demand you do my hair like you do hers! < much other mumbling and cursing>  You two are lying to me. etc, etc.
Lisa:  I am sorry Ma'am, I don't think I am going to be able to help you.

Jill storms out.

I get my hair cut, it takes all of 5/10 minutes.  I go outside minus nearly 6 inches of hair.  I stop to get lunch a few blocks next door to other hair place. I have to walk in front of other hair place's front windows to get to resteraunt.  Who do I see?  Jill having a consultation with "Ned" (who btw, was my hairdresser prior to Lisa and who I still use occasionally if I can't get in to see Lisa).  She sees me, points to me.  I continued on my way. A few minutes later Ned comes over to ask me what the ehell is going on.  I relay the story from Lisa's shop.  He starts laughing...laughing with tears streaming down his face laughing.

When she saw me, she told him that she wanted her hair like mine and the hairdresser at the other place told her it was impossible.  Ned told her he might be able to get it close, but there was no way to get it exactly the same because everyone's hair takes chemical processing a little differently, etc, etc. Then he goes on to add...and that is how her hair naturally is, so we might have to play around with combining a few shades. That is where.She.went.ballistic and stormed out.

Apparently, there is no way Deity gave me this hair colour it *has* to be from a bottle.  Ned said I am always a good source of entertainment.

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1646 on: November 07, 2009, 08:34:43 PM »
To be fair I am not 100% sure this story should go here or in the Special Snowflake thread, but here it is...BG:  My hairdresser has been cutting my hair for over 15 years.  I have very dark brown/auburn hair, naturally very wavy/sort of curly.  I have a lot of natural highlights, from deep red wine, dark copper/carmel and some that are nearly purple.  Most people assume I dye/highlight my hair, some think it is permed.  I do not do anything to it.  I don't blowdry it or curl it.  I don't even own a blowdryer, or a curling iron (I actually do have a flat iron, but rarely use it).  Eng BG

A few weeks ago I went to get my hair cut.  I had to wait as my hairdresser "Lisa" had just started a consultation on a dye job/hair cut.  No problem for me, I brought a book with me.  I sat down and started reading as they started their consultation.A few minutes into the consultation, I hear slightly raised voices, but I really wasn't paying any attention to what was going on.  Lisa comes over to me and asks if I would mind coming to speak with her client  "Jill" about my hair.  I go over to speak with her.  Introductions are made...

Jill: You have lovely hair dear. 
Me: Thank you very much.
Jill: You know I asked Lisa here to do my hair like she does yours, but she says she only cuts it. So I wanted to know who perms and dyes it.
Me: <smile> This is my natural hair ma'am. 

Jill: Well, that can't be.   So do you dye it yourself?  Does some other stylist perm it?
Me" Ma'am this is how my hair naturally is.  It isn't dyed or permed.
Jill to Lisa:  I want my hair like hers!
Lisa:  As I said before I may be able to get it close, but not exactly.

Jill:  You two are lying, I don't know why you refuse to do my hair like you do hers.
Jill to Lisa:  I demand you do my hair like you do hers! < much other mumbling and cursing>  You two are lying to me. etc, etc.
Lisa:  I am sorry Ma'am, I don't think I am going to be able to help you.

Jill storms out.

I get my hair cut, it takes all of 5/10 minutes.  I go outside minus nearly 6 inches of hair.  I stop to get lunch a few blocks next door to other hair place. I have to walk in front of other hair place's front windows to get to resteraunt.  Who do I see?  Jill having a consultation with "Ned" (who btw, was my hairdresser prior to Lisa and who I still use occasionally if I can't get in to see Lisa).  She sees me, points to me.  I continued on my way. A few minutes later Ned comes over to ask me what the ehell is going on.  I relay the story from Lisa's shop.  He starts laughing...laughing with tears streaming down his face laughing.

When she saw me, she told him that she wanted her hair like mine and the hairdresser at the other place told her it was impossible.  Ned told her he might be able to get it close, but there was no way to get it exactly the same because everyone's hair takes chemical processing a little differently, etc, etc. Then he goes on to add...and that is how her hair naturally is, so we might have to play around with combining a few shades. That is where.She.went.ballistic and stormed out.

Apparently, there is no way Deity gave me this hair colour it *has* to be from a bottle.  Ned said I am always a good source of entertainment.



Wow.  I'll usually bring in a picture of the color/style I want, or point to someone that has it, if possible.  I don't, however, expect miracles.  Just get it close :)

That said, apparently red hair is the hardest color to dye anyway.  I have gotten the exact auburn-y shade I covet only once, using the same mixture of dyes.  It's always been close, but still. 

Sirius

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1647 on: November 07, 2009, 08:39:08 PM »
I had someone at church come up and ask me where I had my highlights and frosting done, as she wanted some just like them.  I had to tell her that it was all natural, but at least she believed me.  It's amazing when people don't believe that your natural hair color is really your natural hair color.

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1648 on: November 07, 2009, 11:13:01 PM »
I had someone at church come up and ask me where I had my highlights and frosting done, as she wanted some just like them.  I had to tell her that it was all natural, but at least she believed me.  It's amazing when people don't believe that your natural hair color is really your natural hair color.

I've had the opposite thing happen; people think my red hair is natural when it is in fact 100% out of a bottle!  Dazi, I'm jealous of your natural color!  ;)

Ned's right, of course; even if yours wasn't natural, her hair would probably not take the dye the same.

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #1649 on: November 08, 2009, 05:25:06 AM »
i work part time in retail at a national shoe store...

Last week we had a unique sale... for thursday and friday only everything was half off.. then on Saturday our normal sale was starting. so.. Friday night, an hour prior to the close of the store, the girl i was working with and I started to put up the sale signs. we cannot do this on Saturday morning, as all signs MUST be up prior to the start of the sale..

often we will get people in who will insist on getting the sale offer, even though it starts the next day.. and we allow this.. the signs are up.. ok. we explain that the sale doesn't start for another day, but if they persist, they get the sale.

a "lady" came in with her children (teenagers) to take advantage of unique sale.. she was there at 6:30.. saw us putting up signs and decided she should get regular sale too. we said no. she insisted. we said no.

if we didn't have unique sale, fine. we told her that she could choose which sale she wanted, but she couldn't combine them. she was upset. still made her purchase. grumbling the entire time. the wierd thing is, the unique sale was so much better than our usual one. she saved tons of money! but she wanted to combine the sale.. and we don't allow that.

When my sister worked for national health food chain, corporate policy was that sales posters etc had to put up after the shop had closed for the day but before the staff could go home.  And no, they wouldn't pay overtime for assistants to stay late to do it, so the salaried managers and deputy managers had to do it (the no overtime wasn't adhered to hwere impractical eg if someone was off sick, but there were still strict guidelines to follow).