Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)

[Shalamar]

I missed it in the original post on my first read as well, but the OP of the cigarette post works in an ordering facility and the person asking for the "red box" is trying to order large quantities for his store.

Yep ... And woe betide you if you sent the wrong stuff!   We were NOT allowed to guess.

[laud_shy_girl]

I worked for a county library in the UK. The Library I worked for was on the border of the county and people could be members of both county librarys if they chose. It's a free service. Each county has there own set of librarys and they are completely autonomous within that county.

I got a phone call on our late night (every library stayed open till 7PM one night a week)
A lady had rented a DVD from another library and they had left the security lock on it. That library had closed for the night and so she was calling the next library closest to her that was still open to see if we would unlock the case.

This confused me as no library in my county uses locking cases. I explained this and we realized she got it from Other county Library.

Annoying but hay, Except... 

She does not get it. I explained six ways to Sunday, that because we don't lock our DVD's, we have no way to unlock Other library's DVD for her.

Her: But she thought she was allowed a card for our Library. Why wont we unlock it?
Me: See above
Her: But her library is closed
Me: See above
Her:  She knows we don't have anything to do with her library, but no library in her county is open (They don't stay open as late as us.)
Me: see above

This goes on for 20 minutes with her getting more and more annoyed. All I could do was keep apologizing and saying I would love to help, and if we had the means to do it we would unlock it. However we can not as we don't have the key/gadget to unlock it.

In the end she huffed and moaned I was "no help" before hanging up on me.

[MissRose]

Oh my, what part of that conversation did that patron not get !!!! ??

I worked for a county library in the UK. The Library I worked for was on the border of the county and people could be members of both county librarys if they chose. It's a free service. Each county has there own set of librarys and they are completely autonomous within that county.

I got a phone call on our late night (every library stayed open till 7PM one night a week)
A lady had rented a DVD from another library and they had left the security lock on it. That library had closed for the night and so she was calling the next library closest to her that was still open to see if we would unlock the case.

This confused me as no library in my county uses locking cases. I explained this and we realized she got it from Other county Library.

Annoying but hay, Except... 

She does not get it. I explained six ways to Sunday, that because we don't lock our DVD's, we have no way to unlock Other library's DVD for her.

Her: But she thought she was allowed a card for our Library. Why wont we unlock it?
Me: See above
Her: But her library is closed
Me: See above
Her:  She knows we don't have anything to do with her library, but no library in her county is open (They don't stay open as late as us.)
Me: see above

This goes on for 20 minutes with her getting more and more annoyed. All I could do was keep apologizing and saying I would love to help, and if we had the means to do it we would unlock it. However we can not as we don't have the key/gadget to unlock it.

In the end she huffed and moaned I was "no help" before hanging up on me.

[dawbs]

This is me shopping for hubby. He sends me to the hardware store for say, No More Gaps. Since I have been shopping for him before I know to ask "What kind?"

Him: How many kinds can there be?

Me: Based on when you sent me for screws there are probably at least ones for wood and metal.

Him : Don't be silly, just get whatever they have.

Me: What do you need it for?

Him: Gaps in the wall boards

I get to the hardware store and there are (I counted) thirteen types of No More Gaps in our small store. I manage to get the right one.

Ahh, yes.  I used to work at a small helpful type hardware store.
Me:  "What size do you need"
Customer:  "oh, whatever is standard"
Me:  "I'm afraid they're not standard--do you have the old part?  or do you know what brand/color/size/etc it was?"
Customer:  "No, I just need you to give me what is standard"
Me:  It's most likely X or Y size--X uses standard measurements, Y uses metric--if you had an idea of what brand it was, it would give me an idea of whether or not you need the metric piece.

The end result was usually the wiser people, if they were things like screws (that is, cheap!) buying a variety and throwing the extras in their 'extra screws and bolts' bin at home.  The more likely outcome was them insisting that there was no way that they needed metric--they were good Americans.  THis often ended with an angry return/exchange later in the day.

[Luci45]

Ahh, yes.  I used to work at a small helpful type hardware store.
Me:  "What size do you need"
Customer:  "oh, whatever is standard"
Me:  "I'm afraid they're not standard--do you have the old part?  or do you know what brand/color/size/etc it was?"
Customer:  "No, I just need you to give me what is standard"

And this is why so many companies make "One size fits all" products. We have never found a shower repair kit or toilet repair kit in that size that actually fits.

We always go in with brand and product number, and whenever an unfortunate person tries to help us and points to the "one size" product because they don't have it, we thank them an leave.

That person has dealt with the clueless so long he's given up, and we are not Harry Potter so we can't force fit the 'one size' repair. (By the way, have you noticed women employees are more likely to know what we need? I think they have to prove their worth, whereas the powers that be just throw a male in because he should automatically know that stuff.)

Thank goodness now for the internet, because after we check out the big home improvement stores, we can get on line and get exactly the part we need from the manufacturer.

[MissRose]

Background: I had a customer call in at least 3 times today to request secure detail but it cannot be released due to lack of verification then later he is not listed anywhere to be given the detail once he could verify.

Customer: I have verified the account with you, why can't you give me the detail?

Me: We cannot as you are not listed anywhere, is Person Y or Z available, they can verify the account and give consent for you to have the detail.

Customer: No, Person Y is on leave, Person Z doesn't work here.

Me (after consulting with my boss electronically for workarounds which she is not able to do): We are sorry, we cannot do anything yet.    If Person Y can give us a quick contact in some way, and verify then give consent then we can help.  We can have a note on the account after Person Y contacts us then we can make changes.

Customer: I still can't see why you cannot help me.  I've done all you have asked.  *hangs up on me*

[Slartibartfast]

I had that happen from the other side, MissRose, when I took over my small (and largely ignored) library.  There was a "Friends of the Library" bank account which hadn't been touched for ten years, but which still had a good chunk of money in it.  The bank was taking out a $5/month fee for inactivity.  I called to find out how I could stop that - depositing apparently didn't count as "activity."  Unfortunately, despite the fact that the account was very clearly for "Friends of XYZ Library" and I was the library manager/sole employee and I had the backing of the mayor and the whole town council, the bank couldn't tell me anything about the account even in general terms because I wasn't on the account.  And they couldn't tell me who was on the account, because I wasn't on the account    So I had to find two random people from ten years ago without having anything to go on.  I finally found someone who could give me a list of possible names, and I got a sympathetic bank rep who was able to tell me which two on the list were on the bank account - one moved a thousand miles away and the other one died eight years ago.

I fought with the bank for the better part of two years about that account before giving up.  It was only a few hundred dollars in there, but that was about a year's worth of budget for me 

[Yarnspinner]

Must be full moon library week.....I just told a patron that I was sorry I could not see into the past (yes, I am a little burned out today) because last week, he applied for a job with a company in Other Town.  And now he needs to get back into the account he created to see if he has an interview.

Not sure how he did this the first time or if he can even read as I had to guide him through the process of simply logging on...."Choose patron"  (patron clicks on "guest" which is in tiny letters below the BIG word "patron.")

No, choose patron. 

We finally got him to the internet aaaaaaaaaaand..... "What job did I apply for?" he asks.

"I don't know, sir.  You said you had an account."

"Yeah."

"What was the company?"

"Other Town."

"No, the company IN Other Town."

"Can't I just type in [type of job] and Other Town and see what comes up?"

"That won't help you.  You had an acount with the company?"

"Yes."

"So you can google the name of the company and go to the employment section and access your account."

"Yes."

"So what was the name of the company?"

"Other town."

We thought he had applied for a government position in Other Town, but no, that wasn't it either."

I finally said "I am truly sorry, Sir, but I have no way of finding out what you did last week, what company you applied to or what passwords you used."

He had had the same conversation with at least one of my coworkers before he got to me.

Seriously, I am scared for the future.

[EnoughAlready22]

Background: I had a customer call in at least 3 times today to request secure detail but it cannot be released due to lack of verification then later he is not listed anywhere to be given the detail once he could verify.

Customer: I have verified the account with you, why can't you give me the detail?

Me: We cannot as you are not listed anywhere, is Person Y or Z available, they can verify the account and give consent for you to have the detail.

Customer: No, Person Y is on leave, Person Z doesn't work here.

Me (after consulting with my boss electronically for workarounds which she is not able to do): We are sorry, we cannot do anything yet.    If Person Y can give us a quick contact in some way, and verify then give consent then we can help.  We can have a note on the account after Person Y contacts us then we can make changes.

Customer: I still can't see why you cannot help me.  I've done all you have asked.  *hangs up on me*

I understand the customer's frustration in this one.  I have run into this several times in my current job.  I will call to get information or to solve and issue, and the company will not speak to me because my name is not on the account.  I will rattle off a list of my co-workers and management, and no, they are not on there either.  I try to explain to them that anyone else is no longer with the company.  That doesn't matter, they still won't talk to me and won't give me a way to solve the issue.  I'm still not sure how I am supposed to solve these issues if they won't speak to any current employees.

[elephantschild]

Background: I had a customer call in at least 3 times today to request secure detail but it cannot be released due to lack of verification then later he is not listed anywhere to be given the detail once he could verify.

Customer: I have verified the account with you, why can't you give me the detail?

Me: We cannot as you are not listed anywhere, is Person Y or Z available, they can verify the account and give consent for you to have the detail.

Customer: No, Person Y is on leave, Person Z doesn't work here.

Me (after consulting with my boss electronically for workarounds which she is not able to do): We are sorry, we cannot do anything yet.    If Person Y can give us a quick contact in some way, and verify then give consent then we can help.  We can have a note on the account after Person Y contacts us then we can make changes.

Customer: I still can't see why you cannot help me.  I've done all you have asked.  *hangs up on me*

I understand the customer's frustration in this one.  I have run into this several times in my current job.  I will call to get information or to solve and issue, and the company will not speak to me because my name is not on the account.  I will rattle off a list of my co-workers and management, and no, they are not on there either.  I try to explain to them that anyone else is no longer with the company.  That doesn't matter, they still won't talk to me and won't give me a way to solve the issue.  I'm still not sure how I am supposed to solve these issues if they won't speak to any current employees.

That's not the fault of the company you're talking to, though, but a oversight on the part of your company.   Why didn't someone make sure the account was tranferred to the name of someone else before that co-worker left? 

I do understand the frustration. I've been in your shoes ... because my company did a round of layoffs directed by some goon in corporate who had no idea what any of the folks laid off actually did, or what accounts their names might be on. We struggled to correct it for quite a while. I guess I just wish the "corporates" of the world did their workers the courtesy of having some idea what they did and how their absence might affect those left behind ...

[EnoughAlready22]

Background: I had a customer call in at least 3 times today to request secure detail but it cannot be released due to lack of verification then later he is not listed anywhere to be given the detail once he could verify.

Customer: I have verified the account with you, why can't you give me the detail?

Me: We cannot as you are not listed anywhere, is Person Y or Z available, they can verify the account and give consent for you to have the detail.

Customer: No, Person Y is on leave, Person Z doesn't work here.

Me (after consulting with my boss electronically for workarounds which she is not able to do): We are sorry, we cannot do anything yet.    If Person Y can give us a quick contact in some way, and verify then give consent then we can help.  We can have a note on the account after Person Y contacts us then we can make changes.

Customer: I still can't see why you cannot help me.  I've done all you have asked.  *hangs up on me*

I understand the customer's frustration in this one.  I have run into this several times in my current job.  I will call to get information or to solve and issue, and the company will not speak to me because my name is not on the account.  I will rattle off a list of my co-workers and management, and no, they are not on there either.  I try to explain to them that anyone else is no longer with the company.  That doesn't matter, they still won't talk to me and won't give me a way to solve the issue.  I'm still not sure how I am supposed to solve these issues if they won't speak to any current employees.

That's not the fault of the company you're talking to, though, but a oversight on the part of your company.   Why didn't someone make sure the account was tranferred to the name of someone else before that co-worker left? 

I do understand the frustration. I've been in your shoes ... because my company did a round of layoffs directed by some goon in corporate who had no idea what any of the folks laid off actually did, or what accounts their names might be on. We struggled to correct it for quite a while. I guess I just wish the "corporates" of the world did their workers the courtesy of having some idea what they did and how their absence might affect those left behind ...

That's a very good point.  I can not answer for those before me, but I will make a note to have things like that reviewed in the future.  To be more specific, I deal with corporate taxes.  The majority of these calls stem from us getting a bill for unpaid taxes.  My call is to get more information on the tax, time period, etc. that they say we owe in case it is just a mistake and we really don't owe anything.  It's frustrating when I'm trying to resolve an issue but can't get any information.  At least some states will direct me to a form that can be filled out and signed by the CEO to have me added to the list.  The other states just give me headaches.

[elephantschild]

Oh, I'm sympathetic. So many times it's not up to the people whom it actually affects!

I regularly download information from a service we get here. It's a job I "inherited" when others were transferred or let go. (Actually, no one officially gave it to me, but no one else was doing it or knew how to do it, so I figured it out and took it over. That's happened with a lot of things ... it's rough to be the one who cares! )

Then the bills abruptly stopped being paid for the service. None of the higher-ups had any idea what I was talking about when I tried to figure out whose responsibility they were. The company wouldn't (initally) tell me who they were going to, although I had the log-in info. It was a mess.

[snowflake]

Not really a patron request, but in the same vein. 

I ordered some widgets from Widgets R Us when I worked for OurTown Medical Labs.  I got an invoice from them and paid it, and then started getting late notices for completely different invoices.  I called up to see what was wrong and was told that they were way past due and that I needed to pay them.  But when I asked for details about the ordering and delivery, I was told that since I wasn't on the account, I couldn't have that information. I informed them that there would be no payment without them proving that the items had been ordered and delivered.

I started getting nasty phone calls from A/R clerks there.  Once again, they told me my name wasn't listed on the account.  I was very confused because I had started that account.

I finally got a hold of the main account manager at Widgets R Us.  She was giving me the same information but this time she said, "Well you aren't listed on the account for OurTown Hospital or OurTown University Labs. 

That's when it clicked. "This is OurTown Medical Labs.  We aren't affiliated with the Hospital or University. Those are different accounts and I'm not sure why we are getting their bills."

She says, "Well why do they have different names?"

"Because they are different companies."

"But they're almost the same."

"No, they have OurTown in the name.  OurTown has over a million people in it and many businesses use the name of the town."

"But you're all connected, right?"

"No we aren't"

I guess she had called up the other contacts, found out they had left their jobs, and decided to send them to "someone else at the company" which would be ME.  She didn't notice that we had very different addresses and company names.

By the time I finally (in my take-charge voice) told her the conversation was ending, she had directed me to 1) Reorganize the management of all the medical labs in OurTown so we are all affiliated and shared a common management; 2) Fire the AP clerks who hadn't been paying her bills and promote myself to a position of management that oversaw all the AP for all companies; 3) Hand-write her checks to make sure she got it.

When the invoices came after that, I tossed them.

[Elfmama]

SIL#1 is getting those kind of calls from a medical billing company.  They want him to give them $800.  They say that because of HIPAA privacy rules, they cannot tell him who the doctor was, what was done, where it was done, or when it was done.  The ONLY information they will give him is that  somebody with HisFirstName HisLastName owes somebody money for doing something medically. 

He has had minor surgery in the recent past, but believes that he covered all of the copay bills that he was supposed to pay; his insurance was paying the lion's share of it.

[bluhairfreak]

Elfmama: Tell SIL#1 to go to howmanyofme.com and look up how many people share his name.  So when the billing company calls he can say "there are X number of people in the US with that name, so unless you can provide proof this debt is mine I will not be paying." 

*there's 984 people with my name, and then another 1191 when using a slightly different spelling.  My SIL(same name different spelling) has ended up my credit report before(address she and my brother lived at was listed with mine)