Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)

[Zenith]

I used to take orders from store owners over the phone for all the stuff drug stores sell.   There was one guy who always asked for "cigarettes in the red package".    I don't smoke, but even if I did, I'd need more than that - size of cigarette, number of packages in the case, and, oh, I dunno - how about a NAME?

Whereupon he'd tell me to "go look on the shelf".  Now, I wasn't allowed to go into our warehouse, and even if I could just leave my desk and go run upstairs, there were certain things that had VERY restricted access.  Cigarettes were one of them.  I'd try to tell him this, and he'd get exasperated, saying "just go check!  How hard is it to go look on the shelf?"

"Since you seem completely incapable of it, you tell me."

That said, I'm guessing Marlboros.

I'd say marlboros too but here most cigarette companies have one product with red packaging, usually indicating their strongest (most amount of nicotine) cigarette.

Marlboros are red and white.  Dorals are solid red.  I'd have guessed Dorals, but Marlboros are more popular.

The new packaging rollout for tobacco products has begun in Australia. I had a look when buying a phone recharge card at the tobacco counter and the new packaging is coming into effect, everything tobacco is that dark military green with interestingly gruesome picture warnings on it. I imagine the desk people will be having spirited conversations over what colour a brand was with a customer because the customer can't remember the strength (strength is colour coded to a paticular brand). You have 2 choices, green with an ugly picture or green with an even uglier picture.

They should have gone the Denis Leary route with packaging, it would have been more entertaining.

[Yarnspinner]

I actually tried to MAKE this happen for a patron...and after struggling for ten minutes decided that, while it was something I COULD do, it was also something waaaaaaay beyond my job description.

As a former children's librarian, I am more than used to helping kids zip in and out of snowsuits, clip up boots, sweaters with snaps and so on.  Was NEVER a problem for any of us to help someone with a zipper on a raincoat. 

I have never, EVER had to do this for an adult...until yesterday.

Cassie is overweight and she selects clothing items that are somewhat smaller than she is.  I will concede that Cassie is probably struggling with emtional and intellectual issues as well as financial problems which lead her to shop at thrift stores or depend on coat drives.  But I have been part of coat drives and I know that when an agency hands these things out, they try to match the patron with an item that FITS.

So yesterday was cold and we were closing and here comes Cassie.

"Pllllleeeeeeaaaaassssssseeeee zip my jacket for me."

Folks, I gave it my best shot.  But I could not get that thing to stay in place long enough to zip it up. 
It didn't help that Cassie kept moving, twisting around and generally not helping.  I asked her to at least hold the bottom parts of her coat together so I had a shot at getting the zipper to slide, but she would hold it for three seconds, get distracted and stare into space and let go of the coat just as I was about to zip.  After ten minutes of this and me nearly ripping the zipper out, I had to concede defeat.

Found out later that Cassie and her entourage were downstairs, blocking the door while two of them held the coat parts tightly together and friend #3 zipped.  My supervisor suggested to me that this was really not in my job description.

[Yarnspinner]

Also from yesterday...we had a blizzard, but Cassie and this lady were the stand outs...a patron came in eight minutes before we were going to close.  She had papers to fax and we figured, okay, we can do this before we close, no problem. 

Well, first she complained about the cost (We charge a dollar to fax, which is the cheapest rate going: Staples is next cheapest, but most people say to us "I am going to FedEx or UPS, these prices are ridiculous!"  I always wonder what some people think when they get to UPS and are told the cost is three dollars for page one and 1.50 for each additional page.

Anyway, she hands over her fax materials and explains that it MUST go through "You HAVE to send it!  It's due in at 5 p.m. at the state capitol.  It's for a job."

She was quite clear that she had had this material for over two weeks and could have sent it any time in between, but nooooooo, it's more dramatic and exciting to send it in last minute.  (I think some people wait until last minute because they think it's like a radio call in game where,if you are the ninth caller, you win a prize.) 

So I dialed the first of two fax numbers and got...the ear piercing whistle that tells you lines are blocked with callers and then the annoying automatic voice came on to say "All breakers are full.  Please hang up and try later."  I tried both lines that she gave me several times each.  And she WOULD NOT get that I could not keep trying all these lines indefinitely.  We finally gave her h er money back, but she was really angry at us.  Somehow it was our fault that she didn't get here last week or even the day before and it was also our fault, I guess, that the lines were blocked.

I asked my supervisor if I could make up a big sign reading "A failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine."

The good news was:  she provided us with a great story for the staff party we had that night.

[KB]

The new packaging rollout for tobacco products has begun in Australia. I had a look when buying a phone recharge card at the tobacco counter and the new packaging is coming into effect, everything tobacco is that dark military green with interestingly gruesome picture warnings on it. I imagine the desk people will be having spirited conversations over what colour a brand was with a customer because the customer can't remember the strength (strength is colour coded to a paticular brand). You have 2 choices, green with an ugly picture or green with an even uglier picture.

What's hysterical is that people are now complaining that cigarettes in plain packaging tastes different from when it was in 'normal' packaging. Really? Cigarette makers change the 'recipe' of their smokes just cos they don't get to use brand-name boxes anymore? Or is more likely that you miss the pretty colours and the 'status' of a particular brand?

[SoCalVal]

I used to take orders from store owners over the phone for all the stuff drug stores sell.   There was one guy who always asked for "cigarettes in the red package".    I don't smoke, but even if I did, I'd need more than that - size of cigarette, number of packages in the case, and, oh, I dunno - how about a NAME?

Whereupon he'd tell me to "go look on the shelf".  Now, I wasn't allowed to go into our warehouse, and even if I could just leave my desk and go run upstairs, there were certain things that had VERY restricted access.  Cigarettes were one of them.  I'd try to tell him this, and he'd get exasperated, saying "just go check!  How hard is it to go look on the shelf?"

"Since you seem completely incapable of it, you tell me."

That said, I'm guessing Marlboros.

I'd say marlboros too but here most cigarette companies have one product with red packaging, usually indicating their strongest (most amount of nicotine) cigarette.

Before reading further, my guess is Pall Malls.

[sunnygirl]

That's funny - literally in the middle of reading this I got a text from my father regarding Marlboros (they're super expensive due to UK tax so he asks me to bring him back some from abroad). I cannot find anywhere in Beijing selling Marlboros, but I have found a brand that is absolutely covered in pictures of pandas*. Sweet monkey fritters!?? I wonder if people from China ever go into stores when they're abroad and try to find their brand of cigarette... "You know, the panda cigarettes. The ones covered in PANDAS!!"

*Now with 25% more panda.

[BarensMom]

That's funny - literally in the middle of reading this I got a text from my father regarding Marlboros (they're super expensive due to UK tax so he asks me to bring him back some from abroad). I cannot find anywhere in Beijing selling Marlboros, but I have found a brand that is absolutely covered in pictures of pandas*. Sweet monkey fritters!?? I wonder if people from China ever go into stores when they're abroad and try to find their brand of cigarette... "You know, the panda cigarettes. The ones covered in PANDAS!!"

*Now with 25% more panda.

One of my jobs at Evil Oil Company was to help host visitors from other countries, including China.  My duties including going to the Asian markets to find appropriate snack items, including cigarettes.  I couldn't find cigarettes that Chinese clients liked - it seems cigarettes in China are made of stronger tobacco and are usually unfiltered.  They had to settle for original Camels.

[ladyknight1]

If I use my spelling of "Katie" (that is, "Kaiti") I am the only person in the USA with my same first & last name. If I go with Katherine instead, I am one of 28. Cool!

OK, I'm not in the USA, I'm in the UK - but I tried this anyway. And in both my maiden name and my married name there's only me. I gave it the full name I use, Forename Maiden Name Married Name, and it had a conniption fit and fell over so I think it's fair to say there's only me in that too.

Why don't we have this in the UK? That's a cool site!

Kaiti, we must be the Specialest of Special Snowflakes!

Me too! I'm in Australia, there is "1 or fewer" people with my name in the US.

Very cool site!   I am the ONLY person with my name in the whole US.

My DS is the only one with his name in the US as well.

Back on topic, we are having issues with misinformation being told to our students at one of our sites. The person involved actually refused to accept required paperwork from a student. The person suspected of being at fault has already been demoted and on extended probation. I imagine this is the last straw.

[PeterM]

We just  yesterday had an impossible request from a patron that he managed to grant himself, and I'm thinking it's not a good precedent.

My library does not get nearly as many whacked-out patrons as others do, but we have a few regulars. One is a guy who is just off in a way that no one can quite put a finger on. He's never done anything too out of bounds, but he makes everyone who interacts with him uncomfortable. He's not great with social graces, but that phrase describes at least half of our patrons so it's something else. He just strikes you as one of those people who will someday be described on the news as "He was a quiet man..." but since he's never actually done anything we treat him politely and as patiently as we can.

Part of the problem is he's very, very persistent. He doesn't want to wait his turn, though he will when you point the line out to him, and he seems not to understand the concept of delays or that some things cannot be done right now, this second. Yesterday our internet was down and we had no idea when it would come back up. We knew from talking to other libraries that it was a county-wide problem, but had no official estimate of how long it would take to fix. This guy did not want to hear that. He kept pestering the reference librarian about when it would be fixed, why can't he get online, when would it be fixed, and so on. She finally told him, "It doesn't work. We don't know when it will. You're welcome to try logging on, but the internet is down so it won't do anything." She was hoping him seeing the reservation computer not working right would get it through his head.

So he goes over and moves the Out Of Order sign and of course it turns out the internet has come back up in the literally two minutes since the librarian last checked. This is the perfect example of a guy we did NOT want to teach that persistence pays off, but I'm 100% sure that's the lesson he took away from this. Bah.

[MissRose]

Just had a customer that fits this category:

Customer: This item is not working at all, I need it fixed.

Me: Just a moment, I need to review a few things and try a few fixes on my side then let customer I must send up a work ticket as my fixes I have access to did not fix the problem and those who do have access I must send an email to see if they will reply as it is the weekend.

Customer: Can I pay extra to get this item fixed today?

Me: I am sorry, you cannot as the extra payment does not cover the fix you need.

Customer: I need this done now!

Me: I understand, but I cannot get someone at this moment to do the advanced work fix needed.  I must submit the work ticket and then send an email, and await their response as that what we must do on weekends.

Customer: Are you sure I cannot pay extra for the fix now?

Me: I am sorry, no, the extra fee does not cover what you need done, it only allows for X, Y and Z to be done on weekends.

Customer: (realizes she is not going to get me to bend) All right, go ahead and do what you go to do, its important that the work be done soon.

Me: I understand.  (me opens the work ticket with details then gives her the ticket # which she takes)

[Joeschmo]

Just had a customer that fits this category:

Customer: This item is not working at all, I need it fixed.

Me: Just a moment, I need to review a few things and try a few fixes on my side then let customer I must send up a work ticket as my fixes I have access to did not fix the problem and those who do have access I must send an email to see if they will reply as it is the weekend.

Customer: Can I pay extra to get this item fixed today?

Me: I am sorry, you cannot as the extra payment does not cover the fix you need.

Customer: I need this done now!

Me: I understand, but I cannot get someone at this moment to do the advanced work fix needed.  I must submit the work ticket and then send an email, and await their response as that what we must do on weekends.

Customer: Are you sure I cannot pay extra for the fix now?

Me: I am sorry, no, the extra fee does not cover what you need done, it only allows for X, Y and Z to be done on weekends.

Customer: (realizes she is not going to get me to bend) All right, go ahead and do what you go to do, its important that the work be done soon.

Me: I understand.  (me opens the work ticket with details then gives her the ticket # which she takes)

This is another scenario you've posted that merely sounds like a customer service request.  Have you ever considered other employment options than one so heavily customer service focused?

[Elfmama]

I have to agree.  Even the customer asking if paying extra can get this fixed immediately doesn't sound like they were being an SS.  They didn't throw a hissy fit, demand if you knew who they were, or any other SS behavior.  They have a widget that may or may not be vital (we can't tell as you gave us so little detail) that needs to be fixed NOW.  I have one of those myself.  If my CPAP machine dies, I can't sleep.  Waking up a dozen times in an hour because your airway has collapsed and you can't breathe is not conducive to restful sleep.  I can't wait until someone can get around to me next week.

[VorFemme]

I've had a few customers that presented much the same as above - with a side order of the attitude of "you must do it NOW - while I stand on one foot because I need it now and I don't want to wait".  When what they want done is going to take three days.

Kind of like Leroy Jethro Gibbs (or name the TV character of your choice) asking Abby to do the 72 hour lab test and get results in six hours or less because "we need that information NOW"!  It can be done on tv because a writer changes the script - real life; however, is not reel life and it still takes 72 hours to do the 72 hour test.

Yes - I had a couple of people try something similar when I worked in car insurance.  Because they wanted the check to get a NEW car right now even if their car could be fixed for under $1K (and was going to be fixed) and they didn't want to wait for the car to be looked at, repairs to be done, or anything but a check for a NEW car RIGHT now.  Sometimes the words sound "normal" - but the attitude and body language let you know that they will not be happy unless they get their way in the next 60 seconds or less. 

Some customers don't want to hear about "company policy" or even "reality check".

[artk2002]

I have to agree.  Even the customer asking if paying extra can get this fixed immediately doesn't sound like they were being an SS.  They didn't throw a hissy fit, demand if you knew who they were, or any other SS behavior.  They have a widget that may or may not be vital (we can't tell as you gave us so little detail) that needs to be fixed NOW.  I have one of those myself.  If my CPAP machine dies, I can't sleep.  Waking up a dozen times in an hour because your airway has collapsed and you can't breathe is not conducive to restful sleep.  I can't wait until someone can get around to me next week.

Asking once isn't SS.  Asking again, and again when you've been told "No, it won't cover that" is SS.

[Ceallach]

Just had a customer that fits this category:

Customer: This item is not working at all, I need it fixed.

Me: Just a moment, I need to review a few things and try a few fixes on my side then let customer I must send up a work ticket as my fixes I have access to did not fix the problem and those who do have access I must send an email to see if they will reply as it is the weekend.

Customer: Can I pay extra to get this item fixed today?

Me: I am sorry, you cannot as the extra payment does not cover the fix you need.

Customer: I need this done now!

Me: I understand, but I cannot get someone at this moment to do the advanced work fix needed.  I must submit the work ticket and then send an email, and await their response as that what we must do on weekends.

Customer: Are you sure I cannot pay extra for the fix now?

Me: I am sorry, no, the extra fee does not cover what you need done, it only allows for X, Y and Z to be done on weekends.

Customer: (realizes she is not going to get me to bend) All right, go ahead and do what you go to do, its important that the work be done soon.

Me: I understand.  (me opens the work ticket with details then gives her the ticket # which she takes)

This is another scenario you've posted that merely sounds like a customer service request.  Have you ever considered other employment options than one so heavily customer service focused?

Not only that, I think MissRose has posted a nearly identical situation before - customer requesting work done on the weekend when the necessary staff are not available.   I'm glad the pattern is so noticeable to other posters too - MissRose, no offense to you intended, but there have been a few times when Ive thought that I'm reading an old post by mistake!   "That post by the customer service rep who finds her customers really annoying because they don't know her company's procedures or make her job easy".   I hope for your own peace of mind that you find a different career at some point!