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Author Topic: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)  (Read 1381878 times)

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cass2591

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2595 on: January 13, 2013, 10:41:22 AM »
Move on, please. No point in arguing over this.
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MissRose

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2596 on: January 13, 2013, 12:59:26 PM »
In the spirit of impossible things:

On New Year's Eve, my area of the company closed around 3 pm.  I think a couple people volunteered to stay later, but for the most part, everyone left before 3.  At about 2 in the afternoon, I got a call from a claimant asking about their status.  After looking at the notes, I told him we were still in need of additional information from his doctor before we could consider extending their benefits.  He asked how long it would take to review the information once we got it.  I said we normally review everything within three business days, and he informed me that wasn't acceptable.  He said he was going to have his doctor fax us the information today and he wanted it reviewed and his benefits extended immediately, so that his company could get the information for payroll.  I also happened to see that his company's corporate headquarters had closed at noon that day. 

So to review, he called an hour before we closed for the holiday and wanted someone to a) wait around to see if the doctor's office actually sent us information, b) review said information as soon as it came in and c) process an extension (if possible).  All on New Year's Eve, when the corporate headquarters had closed two, possibly three, hours ago, depending on where in the US they were located.  He was very vocal and nasty when I informed him that wasn't possible.

Oh my!

VorFemme

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2597 on: January 13, 2013, 01:08:44 PM »
I can't tell you how many times I had someone ask me for a "bundle" of services at my last job (car insurance) that was simply not available in that combination (you had to get more services to add what they wanted and they used a meaningless term for what they wanted).  "Full service" contract or some such thing - it's been ten years since I worked there...

I compared it to getting mad because they'd ordered a McDonald's Happy Meal and it came without an ice cream cone - if they wanted a kid's meal combination that came with an ice cream cone, they had to go to a different hamburger chain and order that combination (Dairy Queen has one - I forget who else might). 

There were a few people who asked what term they should use to get the additional service that they wanted - others kept insisting that they had ordered that service by that term and they should get it, even though it wasn't available and we didn't use a term remotely resembling what they were saying.  The telling part was that they couldn't tell me what was supposed to be in the "full service" insurance contract - but it always seemed that it involved any service that they wanted and weren't getting........because they hadn't paid for it or because we didn't have that option at all.
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I explain?

RoseRose

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2598 on: January 13, 2013, 05:15:31 PM »
My favorite impossible patron requests?  I work in tech support.  To fix issues, I usually have to have customers go through various troubleshooting steps.  You wouldn't believe how many people tell me they don't want to do anything, they just want me to fix it.  Typically, I'm in a completely different STATE than the customer, and we don't have the ability to just "fix" most things.

Then there are the times where it IS something on the back end, where I need to send it to the people who work on back end things (and have other responsibilities).  It takes 24 hours for those kinds of requests under most circumstances.  I have customers who flip out at this, and insist, after I've told them this is what is necessary, that I fix it instantaneously.  I don't have the access needed to fix the issue.  There is literally no way for me to make it happen faster.  The 24 hour time is the shortest for anything that is not a direct safety hazard for any kind of response.  Sometimes they respond quicker, and on weekends it can be slower (it's technically 1 business day, but the department usually works weekends, but holidays can throw it off, and weekends can take a day and a half).

I'm good, I can fix a lot of things quickly.  I'm GOOD at my job.  I get very frustrated at people who tell me I don't know how to do my job because there is no way to do what they want instantaneously.  I am not magical.



Cami

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2599 on: January 13, 2013, 05:49:24 PM »
In the spirit of impossible things:

On New Year's Eve, my area of the company closed around 3 pm.  I think a couple people volunteered to stay later, but for the most part, everyone left before 3.  At about 2 in the afternoon, I got a call from a claimant asking about their status.  After looking at the notes, I told him we were still in need of additional information from his doctor before we could consider extending their benefits.  He asked how long it would take to review the information once we got it.  I said we normally review everything within three business days, and he informed me that wasn't acceptable.  He said he was going to have his doctor fax us the information today and he wanted it reviewed and his benefits extended immediately, so that his company could get the information for payroll.  I also happened to see that his company's corporate headquarters had closed at noon that day. 

So to review, he called an hour before we closed for the holiday and wanted someone to a) wait around to see if the doctor's office actually sent us information, b) review said information as soon as it came in and c) process an extension (if possible).  All on New Year's Eve, when the corporate headquarters had closed two, possibly three, hours ago, depending on where in the US they were located.  He was very vocal and nasty when I informed him that wasn't possible.

We have stopped answering the phone five minutes before closing due to people like this. We actually kept track for a month and 99% of all callers who called in the last 5 minutes were people with complicated problems requiring hours of work, who wanted them solved IMMEDIATELY and got nasty when we told them it was impossible. The remaining 1% were wrong numbers.  I'm not kidding. I'll also add that none of these problems were remotely close to life and death and waiting until 8am the next day would have had no actual effect upon them.


alkira6

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2600 on: January 13, 2013, 08:17:20 PM »
Oh, yes, impossible things -

This year our discrict adopted new English Language textbooks.  When they arrived, teachers were given 35 as a classroom set and told to keep them in the room, that new ones would arrive to assign to students in 2-3 weeks. We waited, and waited, and waited - September, October, November, and December passed, no textbooks.  The impossible thing we had to deal with? The principal being reprimanded and told to reprimand teachers who had not assigned books.  I don't know about anyone else, but I do not have a printing press up my behind to print copies of this book.

Also, reprimanded by the district for not giving students online access to the texts online.  You (the district) have not paid for this. You have a habit of not paying bills once you have something in your hands.  Why would these people give you access to something you HAVE NOT paid for?

White Dragon

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2601 on: January 13, 2013, 08:56:00 PM »
Not so much as impossible, but perhaps not well thought out.

While I am well educated in my own field, I am *not* educated in the technical area my company practices.
That is why I answer phones and do admin support behind the scenes. :D

The other day I answered the phone and the caller politely identified himself and his firm and then proceeded to ask an extremely technical question about how to hook up expensive widget into MultiMillion$$ plnt.  : :o

My answer would have been on the technical level of "You put your right foot in...you do the Hokey Pokey..." :P

I just asked him for the information that let me direct the call to the correct person.

Like I said, not an impossible request, just not possible for me! :)
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Garden Goblin

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2602 on: January 14, 2013, 07:58:23 AM »
My favorite impossible request -

Them: 'Hi, I need you to walk me through task on the computer.'
Me: 'Okay, do ____ and tell me what you see on the screen'
Them: 'Oh, I'm not at my computer/home/etc....'
Me: :::headdesk:::

Catananche

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2603 on: January 14, 2013, 12:15:45 PM »
I did tech support for a while and (besides the 'normal' strange calls) this one was the best ever.

Note: ... indicates his voice trailing off
Me: Hello, techsupport, this is Catananche. How can I help you today?
Man: Yes, I have a problem with my wireless modem...
Me: Yes? What seems to be the problem?
Man: I ordered a wireless modem...
Me: Yes? <thinking "Give me something to work with please!">
Man: It has wires and I'm really upset about it!
Me: <he's gotta be kidding me!> Sir, the modem needs wires, it's made so you can use your computer without wires. It's really neat!
Man: NO!!! A WIRELESS MODEM DOESN'T HAVE WIRES! IT'S WIRELESS!!!!!! I WANT A WIRELESS MODEM!
Me: I'm sorry, but <my company> doesn't have wireless modems, we have modems that can be used for wireless internet. I can help you installing the modem you have?
Man: NO! WIRELESS!!!! WIRELESS!!! WIRELEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! <click>
Me:  :o What did just happen?
While no trees were harmed in the transmission of this message, thousands of pixels were inconvenienced

PeterM

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2604 on: January 14, 2013, 01:46:10 PM »
I don't know about anyone else, but I do not have a printing press up my behind to print copies of this book.

And the award for Most Disturbing Superpower That Would Still Be Useful In Some Circumstances goes to...

RebeccainGA

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2605 on: January 14, 2013, 02:14:14 PM »
I don't know about anyone else, but I do not have a printing press up my behind to print copies of this book.

And the award for Most Disturbing Superpower That Would Still Be Useful In Some Circumstances goes to...

*snerk*

Jocelyn

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2606 on: January 19, 2013, 01:02:22 PM »
I did tech support for a while and (besides the 'normal' strange calls) this one was the best ever.

Note: ... indicates his voice trailing off
Me: Hello, techsupport, this is Catananche. How can I help you today?
Man: Yes, I have a problem with my wireless modem...
Me: Yes? What seems to be the problem?
Man: I ordered a wireless modem...
Me: Yes? <thinking "Give me something to work with please!">
Man: It has wires and I'm really upset about it!
Me: <he's gotta be kidding me!> Sir, the modem needs wires, it's made so you can use your computer without wires. It's really neat!
Man: NO!!! A WIRELESS MODEM DOESN'T HAVE WIRES! IT'S WIRELESS!!!!!! I WANT A WIRELESS MODEM!
Me: I'm sorry, but <my company> doesn't have wireless modems, we have modems that can be used for wireless internet. I can help you installing the modem you have?
Man: NO! WIRELESS!!!! WIRELESS!!! WIRELEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! <click>
Me:  :o What did just happen?
I'm not completely sure, but I suspect your caller was wearing an aluminum foil hat while talking to you.  >:D

Cami

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2607 on: January 19, 2013, 01:36:46 PM »
My favorite impossible request -

Them: 'Hi, I need you to walk me through task on the computer.'
Me: 'Okay, do ____ and tell me what you see on the screen'
Them: 'Oh, I'm not at my computer/home/etc....'
Me: :::headdesk:::

It's like those people who call my office for phone numbers and addresses and when you start to give them the info say, IMPATIENTLY, "WAIT A MINUTE! I need to get a pen and paper, you know!"

Why would I know that? I'd prefer to think you had a brain in your head and when YOU chose to call for information, would be prepared to write down that information.

My favorite though was the woman who called asking for that information and wanted me to text it to her phone since she was driving and couldn't write the number down. She was quite put out when I told her that I don't have a texting feature on my phone. "Well, what am I supposed to do?" I suggested she pull over at her earliest opportunity and call back when she could write down the info. Rocket science, apparently.

Mediancat

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2608 on: January 22, 2013, 10:37:01 AM »
Cami: I've gotten an audible eyeroll, though, when I say, "Hold on while I get the pen," when what I mean is, "Hold on a second until I pick it up." I understand getting annoyed if the person takes more than a couple of seconds, but in most cases I'm not actually holding the pen in my hand while I make the call.

Rob
"In all of mankind's history, there has never been more damage done than by someone who 'thought they were doing the right thing'." -- Lucy, Peanuts

mmswm

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2609 on: January 22, 2013, 11:13:14 AM »
Cami: I've gotten an audible eyeroll, though, when I say, "Hold on while I get the pen," when what I mean is, "Hold on a second until I pick it up." I understand getting annoyed if the person takes more than a couple of seconds, but in most cases I'm not actually holding the pen in my hand while I make the call.

Rob

And then there's the pen curse I'm afflicted with.  You see, I can go through all the trouble of finding a pen and making sure it works, but for whatever reason, as soon as the person starts to give me the needed information, the pen stops working or explodes in spectacular fashion.  This happens with frightening regularity.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)