Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)

[magician5]

I have to agree.  Even the customer asking if paying extra can get this fixed immediately doesn't sound like they were being an SS.  They didn't throw a hissy fit, demand if you knew who they were, or any other SS behavior.  They have a widget that may or may not be vital (we can't tell as you gave us so little detail) that needs to be fixed NOW.  I have one of those myself.  If my CPAP machine dies, I can't sleep.  Waking up a dozen times in an hour because your airway has collapsed and you can't breathe is not conducive to restful sleep.  I can't wait until someone can get around to me next week.

I often read about customers who abandon reason and pitch a fit when they can't get something done right away.

However, the world of technology holds a few surprises the "average Joe" doesn't think of trying.

I used to be incredibly frustrated when encountering the "consumer Big Box store repair squad", when they'd take my machine in and say "there's lots of work ahead of you ... it'll be two weeks to get it to the bench, then we'll see." I learned a lot the day I took it back immediately and sought out an indie repair company ... two days at the most to diagnose and repair, a bit more if they needed an obscure part. I figured there had to be a solution like this. Also, a call to the local independent "hire-a-geek" resulted in a same-day home visit that did the job. The costs were no more than the Big Box Store solution.

Same with phone-line problems: an independent professional put in some new wiring and fixed old problems in a couple of days, cost less than  going through the Big Name Telephone Company bureaucracy.

[sunnygirl]

To be fair this isn't the SS thread, and the poster didn't imply the caller was an SS - it's the Impossible Requests thread. It might not be as entertaining as 'I need an actual photo of a dinosaur!" or whatever, but if her company has no way to allow that particular thing, it is still an impossible request. A customer doesn't need to be an SS to make an impossible request.

[Bexx27]

To be fair this isn't the SS thread, and the poster didn't imply the caller was an SS - it's the Impossible Requests thread. It might not be as entertaining as 'I need an actual photo of a dinosaur!" or whatever, but if her company has no way to allow that particular thing, it is still an impossible request. A customer doesn't need to be an SS to make an impossible request.

Yes, but the customer wasn't unreasonable for not knowing the request was impossible.

[Lauds]

To be fair this isn't the SS thread, and the poster didn't imply the caller was an SS - it's the Impossible Requests thread. It might not be as entertaining as 'I need an actual photo of a dinosaur!" or whatever, but if her company has no way to allow that particular thing, it is still an impossible request. A customer doesn't need to be an SS to make an impossible request.

Yes, but the customer wasn't unreasonable for not knowing the request was impossible.

They were the second time.

[greencat]

To be fair this isn't the SS thread, and the poster didn't imply the caller was an SS - it's the Impossible Requests thread. It might not be as entertaining as 'I need an actual photo of a dinosaur!" or whatever, but if her company has no way to allow that particular thing, it is still an impossible request. A customer doesn't need to be an SS to make an impossible request.

Yes, but the customer wasn't unreasonable for not knowing the request was impossible.

They were the second time.

Much like my customers who ask for things like "the big spoons" or unflavored yogurt - it may be reasonable for them to ask for the yogurt, although I'm not sure why they need bigger spoons than the normal sized ones we have out, but these are impossible patron requests, because I simply do not have either unflavored yogurt or spoons between the ones we have out and the serving utensils.  They just aren't the obvious and egregious violations of reality that many other stories in this thread feature (i.e., the people who expect their non-essential delivery to occur on time after a natural disaster has disrupted shipping for the entire region.) The ones that keep asking me for them despite my clear statement that we don't have any in the kitchen are edging into special snowflake territory, though, as did MissRoses' customer in this thread.

Also, telling her that she needs to go into another line of work because of a few isolated complaints on appropriately themed threads is...not exactly in the E-Hell spirit.

[BB-VA]

To be fair this isn't the SS thread, and the poster didn't imply the caller was an SS - it's the Impossible Requests thread. It might not be as entertaining as 'I need an actual photo of a dinosaur!" or whatever, but if her company has no way to allow that particular thing, it is still an impossible request. A customer doesn't need to be an SS to make an impossible request.

Yes, but the customer wasn't unreasonable for not knowing the request was impossible.

They were the second time.

Much like my customers who ask for things like "the big spoons" or unflavored yogurt - it may be reasonable for them to ask for the yogurt, although I'm not sure why they need bigger spoons than the normal sized ones we have out, but these are impossible patron requests, because I simply do not have either unflavored yogurt or spoons between the ones we have out and the serving utensils.  They just aren't the obvious and egregious violations of reality that many other stories in this thread feature (i.e., the people who expect their non-essential delivery to occur on time after a natural disaster has disrupted shipping for the entire region.) The ones that keep asking me for them despite my clear statement that we don't have any in the kitchen are edging into special snowflake territory, though, as did MissRoses' customer in this thread.

Also, telling her that she needs to go into another line of work because of a few isolated complaints on appropriately themed threads is...not exactly in the E-Hell spirit.

These days, changing jobs isn't the easiest thing to do.  I just started a new job 6 weeks ago, and it took me 11 months of unemployment to find it.   

Would I like to find a new line of work?  You bet!  But I need the job and I am just going to have to stick with it and do the best I can.  It is stable, steady, and pays well - but it is not work I enjoy.

Enjoying the job is secondary, IMO - what counts is doing it well and keeping food on the table, a roof over your head, and paying the bills. 

[Lady Snowdon]

In the spirit of impossible things:

On New Year's Eve, my area of the company closed around 3 pm.  I think a couple people volunteered to stay later, but for the most part, everyone left before 3.  At about 2 in the afternoon, I got a call from a claimant asking about their status.  After looking at the notes, I told him we were still in need of additional information from his doctor before we could consider extending their benefits.  He asked how long it would take to review the information once we got it.  I said we normally review everything within three business days, and he informed me that wasn't acceptable.  He said he was going to have his doctor fax us the information today and he wanted it reviewed and his benefits extended immediately, so that his company could get the information for payroll.  I also happened to see that his company's corporate headquarters had closed at noon that day. 

So to review, he called an hour before we closed for the holiday and wanted someone to a) wait around to see if the doctor's office actually sent us information, b) review said information as soon as it came in and c) process an extension (if possible).  All on New Year's Eve, when the corporate headquarters had closed two, possibly three, hours ago, depending on where in the US they were located.  He was very vocal and nasty when I informed him that wasn't possible. 

[SoCalVal]

Also, telling her that she needs to go into another line of work because of a few isolated complaints on appropriately themed threads is...not exactly in the E-Hell spirit.

I thought the unsolicited advice was a bit mean and reminiscent of the forum problems from about 1.5 years ago.  The poster wasn't asking for advice on her job and while commenting on her complaint was fine, telling her then that she needed to find another line of work, I thought, was an "interesting assumption."

[cass2591]

Move on, please. No point in arguing over this.

[MissRose]

In the spirit of impossible things:

On New Year's Eve, my area of the company closed around 3 pm.  I think a couple people volunteered to stay later, but for the most part, everyone left before 3.  At about 2 in the afternoon, I got a call from a claimant asking about their status.  After looking at the notes, I told him we were still in need of additional information from his doctor before we could consider extending their benefits.  He asked how long it would take to review the information once we got it.  I said we normally review everything within three business days, and he informed me that wasn't acceptable.  He said he was going to have his doctor fax us the information today and he wanted it reviewed and his benefits extended immediately, so that his company could get the information for payroll.  I also happened to see that his company's corporate headquarters had closed at noon that day. 

So to review, he called an hour before we closed for the holiday and wanted someone to a) wait around to see if the doctor's office actually sent us information, b) review said information as soon as it came in and c) process an extension (if possible).  All on New Year's Eve, when the corporate headquarters had closed two, possibly three, hours ago, depending on where in the US they were located.  He was very vocal and nasty when I informed him that wasn't possible.

Oh my!

[VorFemme]

I can't tell you how many times I had someone ask me for a "bundle" of services at my last job (car insurance) that was simply not available in that combination (you had to get more services to add what they wanted and they used a meaningless term for what they wanted).  "Full service" contract or some such thing - it's been ten years since I worked there...

I compared it to getting mad because they'd ordered a McDonald's Happy Meal and it came without an ice cream cone - if they wanted a kid's meal combination that came with an ice cream cone, they had to go to a different hamburger chain and order that combination (Dairy Queen has one - I forget who else might). 

There were a few people who asked what term they should use to get the additional service that they wanted - others kept insisting that they had ordered that service by that term and they should get it, even though it wasn't available and we didn't use a term remotely resembling what they were saying.  The telling part was that they couldn't tell me what was supposed to be in the "full service" insurance contract - but it always seemed that it involved any service that they wanted and weren't getting........because they hadn't paid for it or because we didn't have that option at all.

[RoseRose]

My favorite impossible patron requests?  I work in tech support.  To fix issues, I usually have to have customers go through various troubleshooting steps.  You wouldn't believe how many people tell me they don't want to do anything, they just want me to fix it.  Typically, I'm in a completely different STATE than the customer, and we don't have the ability to just "fix" most things.

Then there are the times where it IS something on the back end, where I need to send it to the people who work on back end things (and have other responsibilities).  It takes 24 hours for those kinds of requests under most circumstances.  I have customers who flip out at this, and insist, after I've told them this is what is necessary, that I fix it instantaneously.  I don't have the access needed to fix the issue.  There is literally no way for me to make it happen faster.  The 24 hour time is the shortest for anything that is not a direct safety hazard for any kind of response.  Sometimes they respond quicker, and on weekends it can be slower (it's technically 1 business day, but the department usually works weekends, but holidays can throw it off, and weekends can take a day and a half).

I'm good, I can fix a lot of things quickly.  I'm GOOD at my job.  I get very frustrated at people who tell me I don't know how to do my job because there is no way to do what they want instantaneously.  I am not magical.

[Cami]

In the spirit of impossible things:

On New Year's Eve, my area of the company closed around 3 pm.  I think a couple people volunteered to stay later, but for the most part, everyone left before 3.  At about 2 in the afternoon, I got a call from a claimant asking about their status.  After looking at the notes, I told him we were still in need of additional information from his doctor before we could consider extending their benefits.  He asked how long it would take to review the information once we got it.  I said we normally review everything within three business days, and he informed me that wasn't acceptable.  He said he was going to have his doctor fax us the information today and he wanted it reviewed and his benefits extended immediately, so that his company could get the information for payroll.  I also happened to see that his company's corporate headquarters had closed at noon that day. 

So to review, he called an hour before we closed for the holiday and wanted someone to a) wait around to see if the doctor's office actually sent us information, b) review said information as soon as it came in and c) process an extension (if possible).  All on New Year's Eve, when the corporate headquarters had closed two, possibly three, hours ago, depending on where in the US they were located.  He was very vocal and nasty when I informed him that wasn't possible.

We have stopped answering the phone five minutes before closing due to people like this. We actually kept track for a month and 99% of all callers who called in the last 5 minutes were people with complicated problems requiring hours of work, who wanted them solved IMMEDIATELY and got nasty when we told them it was impossible. The remaining 1% were wrong numbers.  I'm not kidding. I'll also add that none of these problems were remotely close to life and death and waiting until 8am the next day would have had no actual effect upon them.

[alkira6]

Oh, yes, impossible things -

This year our discrict adopted new English Language textbooks.  When they arrived, teachers were given 35 as a classroom set and told to keep them in the room, that new ones would arrive to assign to students in 2-3 weeks. We waited, and waited, and waited - September, October, November, and December passed, no textbooks.  The impossible thing we had to deal with? The principal being reprimanded and told to reprimand teachers who had not assigned books.  I don't know about anyone else, but I do not have a printing press up my behind to print copies of this book.

Also, reprimanded by the district for not giving students online access to the texts online.  You (the district) have not paid for this. You have a habit of not paying bills once you have something in your hands.  Why would these people give you access to something you HAVE NOT paid for?

[White Dragon]

Not so much as impossible, but perhaps not well thought out.

While I am well educated in my own field, I am *not* educated in the technical area my company practices.
That is why I answer phones and do admin support behind the scenes.

The other day I answered the phone and the caller politely identified himself and his firm and then proceeded to ask an extremely technical question about how to hook up expensive widget into MultiMillion$$ plnt.  :

My answer would have been on the technical level of "You put your right foot in...you do the Hokey Pokey..."

I just asked him for the information that let me direct the call to the correct person.

Like I said, not an impossible request, just not possible for me!