Author Topic: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)  (Read 672175 times)

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PeterM

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2610 on: January 14, 2013, 02:46:10 PM »
I don't know about anyone else, but I do not have a printing press up my behind to print copies of this book.

And the award for Most Disturbing Superpower That Would Still Be Useful In Some Circumstances goes to...

RebeccainGA

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2611 on: January 14, 2013, 03:14:14 PM »
I don't know about anyone else, but I do not have a printing press up my behind to print copies of this book.

And the award for Most Disturbing Superpower That Would Still Be Useful In Some Circumstances goes to...

*snerk*

Jocelyn

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2612 on: January 19, 2013, 02:02:22 PM »
I did tech support for a while and (besides the 'normal' strange calls) this one was the best ever.

Note: ... indicates his voice trailing off
Me: Hello, techsupport, this is Catananche. How can I help you today?
Man: Yes, I have a problem with my wireless modem...
Me: Yes? What seems to be the problem?
Man: I ordered a wireless modem...
Me: Yes? <thinking "Give me something to work with please!">
Man: It has wires and I'm really upset about it!
Me: <he's gotta be kidding me!> Sir, the modem needs wires, it's made so you can use your computer without wires. It's really neat!
Man: NO!!! A WIRELESS MODEM DOESN'T HAVE WIRES! IT'S WIRELESS!!!!!! I WANT A WIRELESS MODEM!
Me: I'm sorry, but <my company> doesn't have wireless modems, we have modems that can be used for wireless internet. I can help you installing the modem you have?
Man: NO! WIRELESS!!!! WIRELESS!!! WIRELEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! <click>
Me:  :o What did just happen?
I'm not completely sure, but I suspect your caller was wearing an aluminum foil hat while talking to you.  >:D

Cami

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2613 on: January 19, 2013, 02:36:46 PM »
My favorite impossible request -

Them: 'Hi, I need you to walk me through task on the computer.'
Me: 'Okay, do ____ and tell me what you see on the screen'
Them: 'Oh, I'm not at my computer/home/etc....'
Me: :::headdesk:::

It's like those people who call my office for phone numbers and addresses and when you start to give them the info say, IMPATIENTLY, "WAIT A MINUTE! I need to get a pen and paper, you know!"

Why would I know that? I'd prefer to think you had a brain in your head and when YOU chose to call for information, would be prepared to write down that information.

My favorite though was the woman who called asking for that information and wanted me to text it to her phone since she was driving and couldn't write the number down. She was quite put out when I told her that I don't have a texting feature on my phone. "Well, what am I supposed to do?" I suggested she pull over at her earliest opportunity and call back when she could write down the info. Rocket science, apparently.

Mediancat

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2614 on: January 22, 2013, 11:37:01 AM »
Cami: I've gotten an audible eyeroll, though, when I say, "Hold on while I get the pen," when what I mean is, "Hold on a second until I pick it up." I understand getting annoyed if the person takes more than a couple of seconds, but in most cases I'm not actually holding the pen in my hand while I make the call.

Rob
"In all of mankind's history, there has never been more damage done than by someone who 'thought they were doing the right thing'." -- Lucy, Peanuts

mmswm

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2615 on: January 22, 2013, 12:13:14 PM »
Cami: I've gotten an audible eyeroll, though, when I say, "Hold on while I get the pen," when what I mean is, "Hold on a second until I pick it up." I understand getting annoyed if the person takes more than a couple of seconds, but in most cases I'm not actually holding the pen in my hand while I make the call.

Rob

And then there's the pen curse I'm afflicted with.  You see, I can go through all the trouble of finding a pen and making sure it works, but for whatever reason, as soon as the person starts to give me the needed information, the pen stops working or explodes in spectacular fashion.  This happens with frightening regularity.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

heartmug

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2616 on: January 22, 2013, 12:17:57 PM »
Cami: I've gotten an audible eyeroll, though, when I say, "Hold on while I get the pen," when what I mean is, "Hold on a second until I pick it up." I understand getting annoyed if the person takes more than a couple of seconds, but in most cases I'm not actually holding the pen in my hand while I make the call.

Rob

And then there's the pen curse I'm afflicted with.  You see, I can go through all the trouble of finding a pen and making sure it works, but for whatever reason, as soon as the person starts to give me the needed information, the pen stops working or explodes in spectacular fashion.  This happens with frightening regularity.

That used to happen to me a lot so much so when my kids were little I would have a crayon near the phone to write down messages with.
The trouble is not that the world is full of fools, it's just that lightening isn't distributed right.  - Mark Twain

BabylonSister

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2617 on: January 22, 2013, 12:50:06 PM »
Cami: I've gotten an audible eyeroll, though, when I say, "Hold on while I get the pen," when what I mean is, "Hold on a second until I pick it up." I understand getting annoyed if the person takes more than a couple of seconds, but in most cases I'm not actually holding the pen in my hand while I make the call.

Rob

And then there's the pen curse I'm afflicted with.  You see, I can go through all the trouble of finding a pen and making sure it works, but for whatever reason, as soon as the person starts to give me the needed information, the pen stops working or explodes in spectacular fashion.  This happens with frightening regularity.

That used to happen to me a lot so much so when my kids were little I would have a crayon near the phone to write down messages with.


My mom used to tie the pen with a length of yarn to the phone table.

mmswm

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2618 on: January 22, 2013, 01:21:11 PM »
Cami: I've gotten an audible eyeroll, though, when I say, "Hold on while I get the pen," when what I mean is, "Hold on a second until I pick it up." I understand getting annoyed if the person takes more than a couple of seconds, but in most cases I'm not actually holding the pen in my hand while I make the call.

Rob

And then there's the pen curse I'm afflicted with.  You see, I can go through all the trouble of finding a pen and making sure it works, but for whatever reason, as soon as the person starts to give me the needed information, the pen stops working or explodes in spectacular fashion.  This happens with frightening regularity.

That used to happen to me a lot so much so when my kids were little I would have a crayon near the phone to write down messages with.

I should do this.  I still have one kid little enough to have crayons around.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

Yarnspinner

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2619 on: January 23, 2013, 02:21:46 PM »
It happened again.

I've written about the patrons who want their own gmail/yahoo/aol accounts.  But they want US to sign them up, create their user ID and passwords and then, the next time they come in, they will ask us to log them in because they, of course, don't have to remember their ID and password; WE'LL remember it for them.

Today brought a new wrinkle to the proceedings.  A man was in with two women, one in her thirties the other in her twenties.  Neither one spoke English or anything close to it.   He wanted ME to sit down and create emails for them and explain to them how it was done. 

Sorry, I can speak some French and Spanish and even a little Japanese, but I do not know nor will I likely ever know how to speak Pakistani.  He, of course, KNEW how to create the accounts, but was quite up front about not feeling like it.  Even though he speaks the language. 

One of my (much younger and more patient) coworkers took over trying to show them what to do.  It has been two hours and they still don't have even their passwords created.  Younger and more patient coworker is looking waaaaay older and has become a lot snappier in the last two hours as well.

Yarnspinner

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2620 on: February 07, 2013, 02:36:39 PM »
And another one today....

Dear Sir,

However much you may wish it, the book you requested about Calypso Music and insisted it would be found in the 500s (natural sciences) is NOT about calypso music but about "the" Calypso--Jacques Cousteau's vessel.  My advice would be NOT to listen to "some guy who told you this is the book about music" and maybe listen to the librarian who can actually find what you are looking for.

Unfortunately, I guess he thought I was being mean or condescending when I explained WHY a book about Jacques Cousteau was NOT going to be about calypso music.  He said he would be back when "the guy" was here.

This is frustrating because it means one of my own coworkers told him the wrong book to request.

Elisabunny

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Re: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)
« Reply #2621 on: February 07, 2013, 03:45:23 PM »
And another one today....

Dear Sir,

However much you may wish it, the book you requested about Calypso Music and insisted it would be found in the 500s (natural sciences) is NOT about calypso music but about "the" Calypso--Jacques Cousteau's vessel.  My advice would be NOT to listen to "some guy who told you this is the book about music" and maybe listen to the librarian who can actually find what you are looking for.

Unfortunately, I guess he thought I was being mean or condescending when I explained WHY a book about Jacques Cousteau was NOT going to be about calypso music.  He said he would be back when "the guy" was here.

This is frustrating because it means one of my own coworkers told him the wrong book to request.

And no, the song about the Calypso does not count as Calypso Music.
You must remember this: a ghoti is still a fish...

PeterM

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Our librarian encountered what I can only hope was a once in a career request yesterday.

She was asked to provide a book that proves the world is round. Seems the patron thought the Shuttle disaster was a cover-up to keep the mission from discovering it's really flat. Why the patron waited ten (or twenty-seven?) years to look into this, or what she thought all the other hundred-plus shuttle missions were up to, were not part of the reference interview. Pity.

Needless to say, this was not actually an impossible request, but it also wasn't as simple as you might think. Leaving aside the patron's skepticism, my library doesn't stock Basic Knowledge For Basic Nitwits. The vast majority of books assume a certain minimum level of knowledge. The librarian managed to satisfy the patron, though, at least for the moment.

Seriously, though, a Flat-Earther. In Oregon. In 2013. I am simultaneously proud and ashamed to be an American.

Kaymyth

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Our librarian encountered what I can only hope was a once in a career request yesterday.

She was asked to provide a book that proves the world is round. Seems the patron thought the Shuttle disaster was a cover-up to keep the mission from discovering it's really flat. Why the patron waited ten (or twenty-seven?) years to look into this, or what she thought all the other hundred-plus shuttle missions were up to, were not part of the reference interview. Pity.

Needless to say, this was not actually an impossible request, but it also wasn't as simple as you might think. Leaving aside the patron's skepticism, my library doesn't stock Basic Knowledge For Basic Nitwits. The vast majority of books assume a certain minimum level of knowledge. The librarian managed to satisfy the patron, though, at least for the moment.

Seriously, though, a Flat-Earther. In Oregon. In 2013. I am simultaneously proud and ashamed to be an American.

They have their own webpage and forum.  There are actually a few entertaining reads in there in terms of ridiculously convoluted conspiracy theories and utterly daffy "science".



Yarnspinner

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Our librarian encountered what I can only hope was a once in a career request yesterday.

She was asked to provide a book that proves the world is round. Seems the patron thought the Shuttle disaster was a cover-up to keep the mission from discovering it's really flat. Why the patron waited ten (or twenty-seven?) years to look into this, or what she thought all the other hundred-plus shuttle missions were up to, were not part of the reference interview. Pity.

Needless to say, this was not actually an impossible request, but it also wasn't as simple as you might think. Leaving aside the patron's skepticism, my library doesn't stock Basic Knowledge For Basic Nitwits. The vast majority of books assume a certain minimum level of knowledge. The librarian managed to satisfy the patron, though, at least for the moment.

Seriously, though, a Flat-Earther. In Oregon. In 2013. I am simultaneously proud and ashamed to be an American.

Peter, I think you win for this month.  And somehow, given what I have heard from other friends who have lived on and off in Oregon, I'm not even blinking in surprise!  Maybe we can get the flat earther together with my patron who continues to use speeches out of context to prove that a) America was actually a Utopia prior to 1929 and b) FDR and his band of merry men orchestrated the Stock Market Crash to discredit Herbert Hoover.
I think they could be best friends.