Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)

[Luci]

It's bad enough that so many people suffer from the notion that we are a free stationery store ("Give me an envelope...a folder...tape....staples...that black pen.....stamps.....") but now, apparently, we are also a DIY computer shop.

Please let me know where you are. I really need all that stuff, especially the expertise to use the computer tools.

Thank you

[Yarnspinner]

Oh, heck, might as well add in one that happened some years ago when I was still the children's librarian at our "Worst Neighborhood Branch Ever". 

During the summer we had crafts every wednesday.  First twenty kids in got the twenty available craft kits and the pleasure of spreading glue all over themselves and each other.

One woman usually arrived with her two kids promptly at two every wednesday.  But it was still first come, first served.

One Wednesday she didn't show up.  Happily, other kids who weren't hers got to do the crafts.

The crafts usually went from Two to Two forty five.  So, we were done and it was probably closer to three thirty when Our Heroine and her kids arrived.

Craft hour was over?  How horrible!  Why didn't we wait for her kids?  Because craft hour goes from two to three.  We aren't waiting for anyone as we have other things to do.  Oh well, that was all right.  Just give her two kits for her kids and she'd go home. 

Uh, we can't do that as there are twenty kits and therefore twenty kids get to do crafts.

She threw a screaming fit in the middle of a small library.  How DARE we give  away the kits that were rightfully for her kids?  Those other kids were never at the crafts program (no, because your kids always grabbed up most of the spaces and my boss wouldn't letme stop you).  This was unacceptable!  (I really hate that word.  I didn't like hearing it from her and it makes it impossible for me to listen to Super Nanny Jo Frost.)  She would NEVER come back to our HORRIBLE branch again!  (Promise?)  Andfinally she left.  Of course she was back next week with her kids and expected us to cough up kits for their cousins who were coming to visit that weekend or some such story....

Since I moved back to the main library, she continues to plague us.  She will hear about a book on the radio and wants us to buy it yesterday and put it on the shelf for her.  We have a shelf just devoted to HER requests...which she then doesn't pick up on time and get sent back to the shelves, then she shows up six weeks later and has a fit because the books are checked out. 

Once she does get the book, she renews it the allotted number of times (which should give her nine weeks)...then when it is checked in, surprise!--it's on hold for her oldest daughter who checks it out for her mother to continue reading...sometimes they passit back and forth.  They have successfully kept books out of the hands of other patrons with this ploy...the woman could drive a sane person crazy.

And does.  Nearly every day.

[Yarnspinner]

It's bad enough that so many people suffer from the notion that we are a free stationery store ("Give me an envelope...a folder...tape....staples...that black pen.....stamps.....") but now, apparently, we are also a DIY computer shop.

Please let me know where you are. I really need all that stuff, especially the expertise to use the computer tools.

Thank you

Sorry, once you have wrestled the computer tools away from our tech's cold, dead hands, you are on your own!  ^_^   Thanks for making me giggle.

[Sirius]

I've had a few customers that presented much the same as above - with a side order of the attitude of "you must do it NOW - while I stand on one foot because I need it now and I don't want to wait".  When what they want done is going to take three days.

Kind of like Leroy Jethro Gibbs (or name the TV character of your choice) asking Abby to do the 72 hour lab test and get results in six hours or less because "we need that information NOW"!  It can be done on tv because a writer changes the script - real life; however, is not reel life and it still takes 72 hours to do the 72 hour test.

Yes - I had a couple of people try something similar when I worked in car insurance.  Because they wanted the check to get a NEW car right now even if their car could be fixed for under $1K (and was going to be fixed) and they didn't want to wait for the car to be looked at, repairs to be done, or anything but a check for a NEW car RIGHT now.  Sometimes the words sound "normal" - but the attitude and body language let you know that they will not be happy unless they get their way in the next 60 seconds or less. 

Some customers don't want to hear about "company policy" or even "reality check".

I may have already told this, but it's a perfect example of what you're talking about.  Mr. Sirius was a lab technician, and one night a doctor (who should have known better) requested that a particular test be done.  Mr. Sirius set it up to run.  Keep in mind that this particular test would not get a useable result for 24 hours. 

An hour later the doctor called back and wanted the test results.  Mr. Sirius explained that the test would not be ready for another 24 hours.  The doctor called back several more times, each time getting more and more abusive, and finally demanded to speak to Mr. Sirius' commander (this was a military hospital, and all involved were military.)  Mr. Sirius transferred him to his boss, who outranked the doctor by a considerable margin, and Boss told the doctor a thing or two about lab tests and about how he would get the results when the test was finished running, and to never abuse the lab personnel again. 

Apparently this doctor thought he could speed time up by hollering at the technician. 

[greencat]

Ah - I had a similar patron at the shop my friend owns, where I've been helping out.  He is, regrettably, a regular - the place is a combination retail store and hang-out/event spot, and he tends to hang-out more than shop.  He also tends to be rather erratic and a bit unstable.  We were running a weekly event series that started at a specific time and lasted two hours and which required participating for the whole event.  He had attended the previous week's event and enjoyed it and decided to come back for the next one.  He decided at random that he wanted to flex his cooking muscles and make food for everyone in the event.  He came in an hour and forty minutes late and nearly pitched a fit because we had started without him.

I have a spine of steel and I am management and can't really get fired anyway, so I just looked at him and told him that he was an hour and forty minutes late and if he wanted to participate he needed to show up on time.  He started to complain that it was unfair, and I told him that it would have been unfair to all the other people that showed up on time to hold the event for nearly two hours while we waited on him, someone that just started participating the week before.   He kept complaining and I kept reiterating how very unreasonable his expectations were.  He made a few comments over the following week while discussing the event series about how we needed to wait for him, and I reminded him every time of the start time and that he needed to show up on time if he wanted to participate.  He has actually been somewhat early to subsequent events, so I guess he learned something.

[Onyx_TKD]

Oh, heck, might as well add in one that happened some years ago when I was still the children's librarian at our "Worst Neighborhood Branch Ever". 

During the summer we had crafts every wednesday.  First twenty kids in got the twenty available craft kits and the pleasure of spreading glue all over themselves and each other.

One woman usually arrived with her two kids promptly at two every wednesday.  But it was still first come, first served.

One Wednesday she didn't show up.  Happily, other kids who weren't hers got to do the crafts.

The crafts usually went from Two to Two forty five.  So, we were done and it was probably closer to three thirty when Our Heroine and her kids arrived.

Craft hour was over?  How horrible!  Why didn't we wait for her kids?  Because craft hour goes from two to three.  We aren't waiting for anyone as we have other things to do.  Oh well, that was all right.  Just give her two kits for her kids and she'd go home. 

Uh, we can't do that as there are twenty kits and therefore twenty kids get to do crafts.

She threw a screaming fit in the middle of a small library.  How DARE we give  away the kits that were rightfully for her kids?  Those other kids were never at the crafts program (no, because your kids always grabbed up most of the spaces and my boss wouldn't letme stop you).  This was unacceptable!  (I really hate that word.  I didn't like hearing it from her and it makes it impossible for me to listen to Super Nanny Jo Frost.)  She would NEVER come back to our HORRIBLE branch again!  (Promise?)  Andfinally she left.  Of course she was back next week with her kids and expected us to cough up kits for their cousins who were coming to visit that weekend or some such story....

Since I moved back to the main library, she continues to plague us.  She will hear about a book on the radio and wants us to buy it yesterday and put it on the shelf for her.  We have a shelf just devoted to HER requests...which she then doesn't pick up on time and get sent back to the shelves, then she shows up six weeks later and has a fit because the books are checked out. 

Once she does get the book, she renews it the allotted number of times (which should give her nine weeks)...then when it is checked in, surprise!--it's on hold for her oldest daughter who checks it out for her mother to continue reading...sometimes they passit back and forth.  They have successfully kept books out of the hands of other patrons with this ploy...the woman could drive a sane person crazy.

And does.  Nearly every day.

OK, I get that this woman was an annoying SS. But if the craft hour was first come, first serve, then what was the problem with her kids consistently showing up early enough to participate?  Why were her kids considered to be unfairly "snapping up" craft kits (to the point that you wanted to put a stop to it) when they showed up on time so that they'd be sure to get a spot? Isn't that exactly how first come, first serve is supposed to work? I'm not sure what the problem with the cousins was, either. If the craft hour was only supposed to be for kids who had library cards at that library (for example), then the cousins should have been turned away. However, if the craft hour was for any kids on a first come, first serve basis, then why was it a problem?

[Library Dragon]

If I understand correctly, the cousins were not there, but coming that weekend. 

[hjaye]

I had a customer call for support on his line for internet that was recently fixed.  He said "Can you guarantee it will not EVER go down again?", I said "I Cannot".

I had something similar happen when I worked for a small IT consulting firm.  I was helping a client with their email since they had switched over to a Microsoft email system.  The client was a small company that had an senior IT person and a help desk person.  The senior engineer was not familiar with Microsoft's software so I was helping him as he learned the program. 

He did something one day that shutdown the entire email infrastructure, as he realized he had the system shutting down, he tried to abort the procedure.  This is not a smart thing to do, and sure enough, he corrupted the database.

I spent about three days getting things back up the way they were before he messed up the database.  I restored it, cleaned things up and all was good.

When I presented him with his fixed database and all corruption gone, his only response to me was, "Can you guarantee this will never happen again?"

I told him no I can't guarantee that.  All I can guarantee is that I followed Microsoft's documented best practices for restoring the database, and for cleaning up the database.

He never took responsibility for corrupting the database.  According to him, it was Microsoft's fault for allowing him to shut down the system without warning him the procedure he was about to perform would shut down the system.

[nutraxfornerves]

From Gravekeeper at Customers Suck. Serious language warning. GK works in a call center.

Second tale, paraphrased:
GK: "Are you 19 or older, sir?"
Caller: "What? Of course! Don't I look it?"

GK notes that he has not recently attained any superpowers, and therefore still cannot see through a telephone.

[Yarnspinner]

Oh, heck, might as well add in one that happened some years ago when I was still the children's librarian at our "Worst Neighborhood Branch Ever". 

One woman usually arrived with her two kids promptly at two every wednesday.  But it was still first come, first served.



Uh, we can't do that as there are twenty kits and therefore twenty kids get to do crafts.

Of course she was back next week with her kids and expected us to cough up kits for their cousins who were coming to visit that weekend or some such story....

OK, I get that this woman was an annoying SS. But if the craft hour was first come, first serve, then what was the problem with her kids consistently showing up early enough to participate?  Why were her kids considered to be unfairly "snapping up" craft kits (to the point that you wanted to put a stop to it) when they showed up on time so that they'd be sure to get a spot? Isn't that exactly how first come, first serve is supposed to work? I'm not sure what the problem with the cousins was, either. If the craft hour was only supposed to be for kids who had library cards at that library (for example), then the cousins should have been turned away. However, if the craft hour was for any kids on a first come, first serve basis, then why was it a problem?

You're right.  It was first come,first served.   What I didn't write was what made it so irritating that she was there on time....as soon as it was announced that we would be doing crafts, she would hustle her kids ahead of others who had gotten there earlier and make sure her kids (sometimes two of them, sometimes a lot more of them) got in ahead of everyone else.  I kept begging my boss to make them line up before the program began so the kids who had gotten there early would have a chance.  But our snowflake was "important" in that community and my boss didn't want to cross her.  Sorry about the omission.  I have to pay attention when I am typing!

[MissRose]

I had a customer who called into the queue where people make reports of trouble with internet access.  We only handle trouble related issues and take down detail then send tickets to technicians.  He was demanding help with the billing portion of his business' internet access and the area that allows him to pay the bills but that department is not open weekends nor am I trained to help him with his concern.  He was not help that I could not help nor could transfer him then he threatened to cancel but he hung up before I said I cannot help you with that request either.

[asb8]

Miss Rose, I don't think it is out of line or even falls into this subject that a customer called because he's trying to pay his bill and having technical difficulty doing so. And being told that you can't help him, that you can't transfer him and there's nothing else you can do must have been incredibly frustrating.  Cancelling might be a bit of knee-jerk response but not the worst.

[MayHug]

asb8, but he was calling the wrong person all together. MissRose only deals with technical difficulties. Her taking a message for billing would not be appropriate. He needed to wait til the billing office was open.

[Lady Snowdon]

I ran into a guy at work last week who apparently believes that computers confer magical powers upon one.  I work at an insurance company, doing disability claims.  As such, I don't have access to any information except what is relevant to disability.  The "gentleman" I was talking to did not believe me in the slightest.  He called in, I answered a few questions for him and then said, at what I thought would be the end of the call, "Is there anything else I can help you with?".  He said, "yeah, I need help getting some orthotics.  Supposedly it's covered by my insurance.  What do I need to do?".  Since his disability was not related to his feet in any way, I didn't have any information on if it was covered, or who he would need to contact about that, and told him so.  "Wait!" he says, in total disbelief, "You don't have access?  Isn't this *MyCompany*?"  "Yes, it is, and I work in disability, so I would need to transfer you to...".  He cut me off and continued, "And you are sitting at a computer, right?  Just look it up and tell me, for Deity's sake!". 

I must have explained to him seven different times that I had no access to the information he was looking for.  Not that I don't want to access it, but that I can't access it, and would he like me to transfer him to the people who have more information on this sort of thing.  No, he didn't want to be transferred, he wanted me to look it up, and obviously I could look it up since I had a computer sitting in front of me.  He got really snotty with me, and very unhappy that I had a computer, but couldn't do what he wanted.  At the end of the call, I said thank you for calling.  He nastily said, "Aren't you going to ask me if there's anything else that you can help me with?".     So I said, "is there anything else regarding your disability claim that I can help you with, sir?"  He hung up on me. 

So yeah, apparently just the act of having a computer at work gives me access to all sorts of privileged and private information.  Who knew? 

[Onyx_TKD]

asb8, but he was calling the wrong person all together. MissRose only deals with technical difficulties. Her taking a message for billing would not be appropriate. He needed to wait til the billing office was open.

I don't think he was calling about billing by MissRose's company. It sounded to me like he was having difficulty with the part of his service that handles billing for his business. I.e., it would fall under technical issues (if it was a malfunction in MissRose's company's service) and/or customer support (if the system was working properly, and he needed instruction in how to use it). MissRose wasn't the right person to help him, but it's not clear to me that he called the wrong department entirely. And while he was rude, it sounds like he accepted the explanation that his issue could not be handled over the weekend, so it doesn't sound like he was demanding the impossible.

I had a customer who called into the queue where people make reports of trouble with internet access.  We only handle trouble related issues and take down detail then send tickets to technicians.  He was demanding help with the billing portion of his business' internet access and the area that allows him to pay the bills but that department is not open weekends nor am I trained to help him with his concern.  He was not help that I could not help nor could transfer him then he threatened to cancel but he hung up before I said I cannot help you with that request either.