Author Topic: Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)  (Read 705627 times)

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Pen^2

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Explaining to a customer that sorry, we've no milk left, but the manager has gone to get some and will be back in about fifteen minutes. No, we don't have any in the fridge or out the back, that's what "no milk left" means. No, I personally don't have any extra. There isn't any hidden in a secret place just for staff, no. And no, I cannot just go and milk the cow that you think we have living in the back room.

This happened four times over a few months of working at that particular place.

Slartibartfast

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From my K9 search team days . . .

Team lead gets a call from a nearby (very rural) sheriff - there's been a house fire and they think the owner was inside, since nobody knows where else she might have been.  Could we get the dogs there right away?

Team lead: "No problem!  How long has the fire been out?"

Sheriff:  " . . . Out?"

Yeah, it wasn't quite out . . . still smoldering, really . . . but they thought we could just run our dogs through no problem.  As it happened, before the fire had cooled enough for us to go, the house's owner came home and was fine.

Midnight Kitty

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To be fair I am not 100% sure this story should go here or in the Special Snowflake thread, but here it is...BG:  My hairdresser has been cutting my hair for over 15 years.  I have very dark brown/auburn hair, naturally very wavy/sort of curly.  I have a lot of natural highlights, from deep red wine, dark copper/carmel and some that are nearly purple.  Most people assume I dye/highlight my hair, some think it is permed.  I do not do anything to it.  I don't blowdry it or curl it.  I don't even own a blowdryer, or a curling iron (I actually do have a flat iron, but rarely use it).  Eng BG

A few weeks ago I went to get my hair cut.  I had to wait as my hairdresser "Lisa" had just started a consultation on a dye job/hair cut.  No problem for me, I brought a book with me.  I sat down and started reading as they started their consultation.A few minutes into the consultation, I hear slightly raised voices, but I really wasn't paying any attention to what was going on.  Lisa comes over to me and asks if I would mind coming to speak with her client  "Jill" about my hair.  I go over to speak with her.  Introductions are made...

Jill: You have lovely hair dear. 
Me: Thank you very much.
Jill: You know I asked Lisa here to do my hair like she does yours, but she says she only cuts it. So I wanted to know who perms and dyes it.
Me: <smile> This is my natural hair ma'am. 

Jill: Well, that can't be.   So do you dye it yourself?  Does some other stylist perm it?
Me" Ma'am this is how my hair naturally is.  It isn't dyed or permed.
Jill to Lisa:  I want my hair like hers!
Lisa:  As I said before I may be able to get it close, but not exactly.
<snip>
Something similar happened to me.  I was sitting in the chair while my former stylist cut my hair.  My natural color is ash blonde, but I spend a lot of time in the sun so the top gets bleached out in the summer and I am starting to turn grey.  Actually, it's more silver than grey.  My former stylist was an expert in coloring hair and was called over to consult on another customer, not an unusual event.

When my stylist came back, she told me that the other customer, an Asian woman with straight black hair told her stylist that she wanted her hair dyed the same color as my hair, complete with "highlights."  I laughed and told my stylist not to forget the silver streaks.
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

Twik

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Explaining to a customer that sorry, we've no milk left, but the manager has gone to get some and will be back in about fifteen minutes. No, we don't have any in the fridge or out the back, that's what "no milk left" means. No, I personally don't have any extra. There isn't any hidden in a secret place just for staff, no. And no, I cannot just go and milk the cow that you think we have living in the back room.

This happened four times over a few months of working at that particular place.

Oh, dear. EvilTwik just suggested murmurring "well, just this once," and starting to unbutton your top.

BAD EvilTwik!
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

BarensMom

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Explaining to a customer that sorry, we've no milk left, but the manager has gone to get some and will be back in about fifteen minutes. No, we don't have any in the fridge or out the back, that's what "no milk left" means. No, I personally don't have any extra. There isn't any hidden in a secret place just for staff, no. And no, I cannot just go and milk the cow that you think we have living in the back room.

This happened four times over a few months of working at that particular place.

Oh, dear. EvilTwik just suggested murmurring "well, just this once," and starting to unbutton your top.

BAD EvilTwik!

I would pay someone $100 if they would actually do that.

nutraxfornerves

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Explaining to a customer that sorry, we've no milk left, but the manager has gone to get some and will be back in about fifteen minutes. No, we don't have any in the fridge or out the back, that's what "no milk left" means. No, I personally don't have any extra. There isn't any hidden in a secret place just for staff, no. And no, I cannot just go and milk the cow that you think we have living in the back room.

This happened four times over a few months of working at that particular place.

Oh, dear. EvilTwik just suggested murmurring "well, just this once," and starting to unbutton your top.
There is an anecdote in the People's guide ot Mexico. To ask, in Spanish, if a shop sells something, you do not say "Do you have X?" That means "Do you personally have X?" You ask "Is there X?"

Well, one of the authors, a man, walked into a shop and asked the very pregnant shopkeeper "Do you have milk?" He reported that "the reaction of the other customers and the look on the girl's face took a year off my conversational ability in Spanish."

Nutrax
The plural of anecdote is not data

HorseFreak

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Explaining to a customer that sorry, we've no milk left, but the manager has gone to get some and will be back in about fifteen minutes. No, we don't have any in the fridge or out the back, that's what "no milk left" means. No, I personally don't have any extra. There isn't any hidden in a secret place just for staff, no. And no, I cannot just go and milk the cow that you think we have living in the back room.

This happened four times over a few months of working at that particular place.

Oh, dear. EvilTwik just suggested murmurring "well, just this once," and starting to unbutton your top.
There is an anecdote in the People's guide ot Mexico. To ask, in Spanish, if a shop sells something, you do not say "Do you have X?" That means "Do you personally have X?" You ask "Is there X?"

Well, one of the authors, a man, walked into a shop and asked the very pregnant shopkeeper "Do you have milk?" He reported that "the reaction of the other customers and the look on the girl's face took a year off my conversational ability in Spanish."

I asked a Mexican friend of mine about that and he said it's horse poo. It could be regional (he's from the Mexico City area), but he says you can ask "do you have...?" and it would be considered normal.

cwm

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My boyfriend is going through a huge impossible request right now.

He works for Company X, which is mostly contracted to work for Company Y. The current problem that they're having is that Company Y maintains a spreadsheet/database of information called QRS (making up all the acronyms, but they really are just three letter acronyms). His job at Company X is to take the information from QRS and put it into ZYX database so another department at Company Y can read it.

There's a massive issue right now where the data from QRS isn't coming over properly. It's propigating the wrong sets of data, adding duplicate data that can't validate because of errors, and isn't including several pieces of information that they absolutely need. This is a known issue from when QRS was created, but the developers refuse to acknowledge this in any documentable form. Executives at Company Y and Company X are nearly screaming mad because nothing is being done, but boyfriend can't prove what data he's missing because he doesn't have access to QRS to compare what he has and doesn't have. He can't get anyone to allow him access to QRS because it's not part of his job to need all that information. It's likely to take at least another week for him to write the scripts to query the database to see what exactly is going on, plus taking things offline to test them in a stable setting, thus not letting any of the rest of QRS users access it or letting any of the data update live.

The best part? ZYX is going to be gone by the end of the month. This has been planned for a very long time. It's halfway through June and they're JUST NOW opening up tickets (and the average shelf life for a ticket with the development team is two to three weeks before anything can be done). There was literally no way in the timeframe the executives wanted that the issues between ZYX and QRS to be fixed, and barely enough time for them to be diagnosed properly, but unless there's visible progress RIGHT NOW, people are going to be getting in trouble.

Boyfriend has been pulling 14 hour days trying to fix this. Half of the people who can fix this are here in the USA, half of them are in India, making finding time for them to all be online together working on this more difficult than normal. But his bosses can't explain this to the execs from either company, they want it done and they want it done before the system phases out.

Um, yeah. Sorry. No.

Midnight Kitty

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My boyfriend is going through a huge impossible request right now.
 <snip>
But his bosses can't explain this to the execs from either company, they want it done and they want it done before the system phases out.

Um, yeah. Sorry. No.
I work for the government.  Big difference from private business.  We've had gliches in existing systems scheduled to be phased out in a year or 2.  No sense asking IT to fix the gliches; They will just say, "Don't worry about it; We're phasing that system out soon."  Doesn't matter how difficult it makes doing our work now.  I often say "the government moves at glacial speeds." >:D
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

magicdomino

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My boyfriend is going through a huge impossible request right now.
 <snip>
But his bosses can't explain this to the execs from either company, they want it done and they want it done before the system phases out.

Um, yeah. Sorry. No.
I work for the government.  Big difference from private business.  We've had gliches in existing systems scheduled to be phased out in a year or 2.  No sense asking IT to fix the gliches; They will just say, "Don't worry about it; We're phasing that system out soon."  Doesn't matter how difficult it makes doing our work now.  I often say "the government moves at glacial speeds." >:D

Worse, the system that is supposed to be phased out in a year ends up hanging around for many years because they can't transfer the data to the new system.

ladyknight1

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We had an employee named Shelley, who was very intense and prone to emotional outbursts at random times, working on topic B. Well, over the year or so she was there, she worked about 25% of the time on topic B and 75% of the time on giant project C. When she left to take her shiny new job at another employer, no one at my institution had access to project C. No one needed to use project C. Shelley wasted not only her time, but an entire server's worth of space and the time of everyone else whose reports she had appropriated for project C.

artk2002

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We had an employee named Shelley, who was very intense and prone to emotional outbursts at random times, working on topic B. Well, over the year or so she was there, she worked about 25% of the time on topic B and 75% of the time on giant project C. When she left to take her shiny new job at another employer, no one at my institution had access to project C. No one needed to use project C. Shelley wasted not only her time, but an entire server's worth of space and the time of everyone else whose reports she had appropriated for project C.

Where was her supervisor in all of this?
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

wolfie

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We had an employee named Shelley, who was very intense and prone to emotional outbursts at random times, working on topic B. Well, over the year or so she was there, she worked about 25% of the time on topic B and 75% of the time on giant project C. When she left to take her shiny new job at another employer, no one at my institution had access to project C. No one needed to use project C. Shelley wasted not only her time, but an entire server's worth of space and the time of everyone else whose reports she had appropriated for project C.

Where was her supervisor in all of this?

I am wondering if it was just bad luck. I worked as an intern for 6 months on one project. The day before I left the project was disbanded and all my work was wasted.

ladyknight1

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Shelley was "friends" with the director of our department, and whenever something was said to her, she would walk in the director's office and stomp her feet or cry. She started threatening to leave. Her supervisor couldn't do much without the directors' approval. It was a big waste of state resources and no one was sad when she left aside from the director.

Coruscation

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My boyfriend is going through a huge impossible request right now.
 <snip>
But his bosses can't explain this to the execs from either company, they want it done and they want it done before the system phases out.

Um, yeah. Sorry. No.
I work for the government.  Big difference from private business.  We've had gliches in existing systems scheduled to be phased out in a year or 2.  No sense asking IT to fix the gliches; They will just say, "Don't worry about it; We're phasing that system out soon."  Doesn't matter how difficult it makes doing our work now.  I often say "the government moves at glacial speeds." >:D

Worse, the system that is supposed to be phased out in a year ends up hanging around for many years because they can't transfer the data to the new system.

This explains so much. My husband and his brother have forklift licences. They were issued for life years ago. Out of the blue, the government demanded that they reapply and start paying $60 every five years. The kicker was that BIL couldn't find his (it was over 15 years old) and was looking at having to pay $500 for a course to get it reissued. In desperation, my husband rang and told the person on the phone that they got their licences at the same time and they were one number off. The woman went and physically fetched the licence and confirmed his information.

I have low expectations of government departments but this one had us baffled, they obviously still had the information in their possession. All we could guess was that it was a job creation scheme combined with fundraising.