Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)

[AliciaLynette]

My mom was weird - I could read any and all of her books that I could find, including ones involving murder/rape/swear words, but I checked out a Nora Roberts once from the library and she confiscated it    I still don't get the logic, the best I could come up with was that she doesn't consider those books to have literary value to make the "stuff" worth reading.

My mum was like this as well, not so much banning us from reading the books but not buying them for us/steering relatives away from them if they asked type thing.  Enid Blyton is the main one I remember, Mum didn't think she was a particularly good writer so didn't really want us reading them!

But then, I was the child reading Agatha Christie under the bedclothes at night aged 12.  Under the bedclothes so Mum wouldn't catch me, because they were on a high shelf I wasn't supposed to be able to reach.  Mum forgot I knew where the stepladder was!!

[Firecat]

My mom was weird - I could read any and all of her books that I could find, including ones involving murder/rape/swear words, but I checked out a Nora Roberts once from the library and she confiscated it    I still don't get the logic, the best I could come up with was that she doesn't consider those books to have literary value to make the "stuff" worth reading.

My mum was like this as well, not so much banning us from reading the books but not buying them for us/steering relatives away from them if they asked type thing.  Enid Blyton is the main one I remember, Mum didn't think she was a particularly good writer so didn't really want us reading them!

But then, I was the child reading Agatha Christie under the bedclothes at night aged 12.  Under the bedclothes so Mum wouldn't catch me, because they were on a high shelf I wasn't supposed to be able to reach.  Mum forgot I knew where the stepladder was!!

This strikes me as funny because 12 was when Mom suggested I start reading her Agatha Christie collection.

[MissRose]

Back to topic:

I had a customer email the support team to say if we did not switch him to a certain price plan right away, he would move to a new place.  We cannot offer the price and plan he wants here at all.

[camlan]

At work, there's a huge project we are doing for a client. They send us files, we run the files through some software, and then we have to edit the files.

It's not complicated.

But, and it's a big but, the job is supposed to be finished at the end of September. We were supposed to get the first files from the client on May 15.

We got the first files on August 1.

There are issues with some of the editing. We have to question the client. They have to provide answers. Files can't be edited while we are waiting. The client is taking 2-3 weeks to answer a single question. (And the questions are related to problems in the client files, not things we caused--like do they want us to flag typos, fix typos or ignore all the typos.)

Now the client wants to move the end date of the project to September 15.

My bosses are trying to figure out how to explain that since the client was two and a half months late with the files (we still don't have them all), there's no way we can meet the original due date. Moving the due date up is simply not possible.

[Winterlight]

I've asked my supervisor if we may start instituting a five minute rule for chatting and slightly delusional people. 

I'm sure this sounds silly and not that big a deal, but this has been going on for six months and daily it becomes more oppressive, especially since we have to deal with multiple versions of Bert embodied in other patrons.

We instituted one of those several years ago, because my colleagues were getting trapped on the phone with people who really, really don't want to know the truth. Which is that what they're calling about doesn't exist. 

[Jones]

I'm going to start out by saying, although I'm involved in entering work done into the computer, I don't have anything to do with invoicing really--all finalities come from Corporate. All invoices have a "please contact X phone number or Y email if you have questions about your bill".

So I received a series of emails stating that invoices A, B, C should have tax. I have no clue how this person got my email address, but I hunt down the invoices and send a heads up to the person who handles billing. She confirmed what I'd found. The invoices had tax.

I replied to the customer to confirm that what she'd received had tax. She replied they did, but they should NOT (word left off original emails) because labor "isn't taxable". Cue back and forth with the invoicer, our contractor tax guru, and my confirming via bookmarked tax sites that repair of physical objects in our state is, indeed, taxable.

Forwarded all to this customer with blessings from all the people who didn't want to handle this, cushioned in politeness, explaining that our type of labor is taxable and they will have to pay their taxes listed on the bill, unless they can provide an exemption certificate.

I wish I could make taxes go away. But I can not.

[Goosey]

I think this is kind of right here...

I work with over 200 people. I've only ever talked to a few of them on the phone and never with any regularity. So why, when they call me, do they say, "Do you know who this is?" No, dude, I don't. Because I've never talked to you over the phone before. You must give me more detail.

[bloo]

I think this is kind of right here...

I work with over 200 people. I've only ever talked to a few of them on the phone and never with any regularity. So why, when they call me, do they say, "Do you know who this is?" No, dude, I don't. Because I've never talked to you over the phone before. You must give me more detail.

One of a few pet peeves of mine is people who don't identify themselves when calling. I always do it, even for my family (especially now since my teen DD and I apparently have the same voice over the phone). It would make the calls go so much faster if people would just skip the guessing game.

[Firecat]

I think this is kind of right here...

I work with over 200 people. I've only ever talked to a few of them on the phone and never with any regularity. So why, when they call me, do they say, "Do you know who this is?" No, dude, I don't. Because I've never talked to you over the phone before. You must give me more detail.

One of a few pet peeves of mine is people who don't identify themselves when calling. I always do it, even for my family (especially now since my teen DD and I apparently have the same voice over the phone). It would make the calls go so much faster if people would just skip the guessing game.

One of my biggest pet peeves is people who call repeatedly but refuse to leave a voicemail. I'm not always at my desk, and even when I am, sometimes I'm not able to pick up a call. Answering the phone is not necessarily my first priority if I'm in the middle of something (my boss knows and agrees with this).

I don't get a ton of calls, but if someone leaves me a voicemail, I either return it promptly (within 1-2 business days at the most, often the same day) or I arrange for someone else to do so if it's a question or issue best addressed by someone else. Nevertheless, there are a few people who seem to insist on repeatedly calling without ever leaving a voicemail...and it's incredibly annoying.

And while I'm at it, if you do leave a voicemail, don't just say "this is Person X, call me." Give me some idea what you need; trust me, it's much more efficient that way. Even if you just tell me, "This is Person X, I have questions about A, B, and C. Please call me back at xxx-xxx-xxxx." It's not difficult!

[Hillia]

I think this is kind of right here...

I work with over 200 people. I've only ever talked to a few of them on the phone and never with any regularity. So why, when they call me, do they say, "Do you know who this is?" No, dude, I don't. Because I've never talked to you over the phone before. You must give me more detail.

One of a few pet peeves of mine is people who don't identify themselves when calling. I always do it, even for my family (especially now since my teen DD and I apparently have the same voice over the phone). It would make the calls go so much faster if people would just skip the guessing game.

One of my biggest pet peeves is people who call repeatedly but refuse to leave a voicemail. I'm not always at my desk, and even when I am, sometimes I'm not able to pick up a call. Answering the phone is not necessarily my first priority if I'm in the middle of something (my boss knows and agrees with this).

I don't get a ton of calls, but if someone leaves me a voicemail, I either return it promptly (within 1-2 business days at the most, often the same day) or I arrange for someone else to do so if it's a question or issue best addressed by someone else. Nevertheless, there are a few people who seem to insist on repeatedly calling without ever leaving a voicemail...and it's incredibly annoying.

And while I'm at it, if you do leave a voicemail, don't just say "this is Person X, call me." Give me some idea what you need; trust me, it's much more efficient that way. Even if you just tell me, "This is Person X, I have questions about A, B, and C. Please call me back at xxx-xxx-xxxx." It's not difficult!

Building on this, if I've taken the time to leave a voicemail saying, 'Hi, this is Hillia in the xxx department; I need to find out if the Veeblefinster report will be ready by Tuesday and if not, when it will be ready,' please don't call me back and say, 'Uh, hey...you called  me?'

[Mel the Redcap]

I think this is kind of right here...

I work with over 200 people. I've only ever talked to a few of them on the phone and never with any regularity. So why, when they call me, do they say, "Do you know who this is?" No, dude, I don't. Because I've never talked to you over the phone before. You must give me more detail.

One of a few pet peeves of mine is people who don't identify themselves when calling. I always do it, even for my family (especially now since my teen DD and I apparently have the same voice over the phone). It would make the calls go so much faster if people would just skip the guessing game.

Over the phone, I sound like my sister. We both sound like our mother. My three nieces all sound like my sister (but not like me or our mother, oddly enough). Yeeeah, just saying who you are right at the beginning is the best plan!

[Dindrane]

I think this is kind of right here...

I work with over 200 people. I've only ever talked to a few of them on the phone and never with any regularity. So why, when they call me, do they say, "Do you know who this is?" No, dude, I don't. Because I've never talked to you over the phone before. You must give me more detail.

One of a few pet peeves of mine is people who don't identify themselves when calling. I always do it, even for my family (especially now since my teen DD and I apparently have the same voice over the phone). It would make the calls go so much faster if people would just skip the guessing game.

One of my biggest pet peeves is people who call repeatedly but refuse to leave a voicemail. I'm not always at my desk, and even when I am, sometimes I'm not able to pick up a call. Answering the phone is not necessarily my first priority if I'm in the middle of something (my boss knows and agrees with this).

I don't get a ton of calls, but if someone leaves me a voicemail, I either return it promptly (within 1-2 business days at the most, often the same day) or I arrange for someone else to do so if it's a question or issue best addressed by someone else. Nevertheless, there are a few people who seem to insist on repeatedly calling without ever leaving a voicemail...and it's incredibly annoying.

And while I'm at it, if you do leave a voicemail, don't just say "this is Person X, call me." Give me some idea what you need; trust me, it's much more efficient that way. Even if you just tell me, "This is Person X, I have questions about A, B, and C. Please call me back at xxx-xxx-xxxx." It's not difficult!

I'm okay with someone calling without leaving a voicemail if they're not needing to talk to me specifically (i.e. I am one of several people who can help them and their issue is urgent enough that they try a few numbers before leaving a voicemail with anyone). I'm also fine with it if they call on the offchance i'm there, but send me an email instead of leaving me a voicemail. Some things are too complicated to leave any sort of explanatory verbal message.

But what absolutely gets me every time are the people who either call without leaving me any sort of message, and then act sort of put-out when they do finally catch me on the phone (like I'm supposed to magically understand that "missed call without voicemail" means "call back right away because it's urgent"). Or the people who come up to my desk in person and need things from me that can't realistically be delivered on the spot. I work in HR, and people ask me a lot of questions that require research, or that I have to spend some time thinking about or figuring out. I might be able to give you a close approximation of the answer you want on the spot, but a lot of the time, I'm not going to. There is always a better than average chance that my answer will be something other than 100% correct, and you'll run with it before I have the chance to correct it.

I have a few coworkers whose MO is basically to call repeatedly until they get me on the phone (and/or come up to my desk), but rarely if ever leave me messages or send me emails to give me any idea of what it is they want. They then get frustrated at the length of time it takes me to get them the information they want, since I'm not able to pull it out of a hat the moment they ask for it. My memory is very good, but I can promise that nobody wants me to treat it like it's infallible.

[Petticoats]

<snip>
My bosses are trying to figure out how to explain that since the client was two and a half months late with the files (we still don't have them all), there's no way we can meet the original due date. Moving the due date up is simply not possible.

Why don't your bosses just say that--"Since you were two and a half months late with the files and still haven't even give us all of them--and routinely halt our work for two or three weeks while we wait for you to answer queries--there's no way we can meet your original deadline"?

Or are these the kind of clients who will get huffy and throw tantrums if you confront them with the truth? Many of mine are, unfortunately, so I know how it is.

[Thipu1]

I think this is kind of right here...

I work with over 200 people. I've only ever talked to a few of them on the phone and never with any regularity. So why, when they call me, do they say, "Do you know who this is?" No, dude, I don't. Because I've never talked to you over the phone before. You must give me more detail.

This sort of thing used to happen all the time at the library.  It's a very specialized library and visitors would tend to remember us far more than we remembered them. 

It wasn't odd to get a phone call and hear the caller start with a perky, 'Hi!  I'm Bill!'

Okay, we want to be polite but we deal with at least a few dozen 'Bills' a year and, as it turns out, this 'Bill' hasn't been to see us in three years.  You could hear the air go out of their balloons when we didn't remember what their area of research was and could provide an instant update on new material. 

[camlan]

<snip>
My bosses are trying to figure out how to explain that since the client was two and a half months late with the files (we still don't have them all), there's no way we can meet the original due date. Moving the due date up is simply not possible.

Why don't your bosses just say that--"Since you were two and a half months late with the files and still haven't even give us all of them--and routinely halt our work for two or three weeks while we wait for you to answer queries--there's no way we can meet your original deadline"?

Or are these the kind of clients who will get huffy and throw tantrums if you confront them with the truth? Many of mine are, unfortunately, so I know how it is.

My bosses have been telling them that.

The clients seem to live in a special world where whatever they want comes true.

Unfortunately for the clients, at the moment our company is one of the very few actually doing this work, so they don't have a lot of choice if they want to get huffy.

And in mixed blessings for my company, there are several other clients who have arranged to send us work, but now all the bosses are meeting to figure out how to deal with the deadlines, as this first client has messed up deadlines for other clients reaching out into next year.

And this client is supposed to be the leader in the field.