Not Going To Happen 'Cause I'm Not Harry Potter (Impossible Patron Requests)

[Tierrainney]

This isn't an impossible patron request, just an impossible to believe patron, but I'm going to put it here anyway because I'm lazy.

So, it's Banned Books Week here in America. Many libraries have displays put up to inform the public and possibly stimulate thought and discussion on the issue. There are many challenges of library materials all over the country every year, ranging from some perfectly reasonable cases like "I believe this book should be in the adult collection rather than the juvenile," to other cases that boil down to "I don't like this book, so no one should be allowed to read it ever, and I'm suing you for tens of thousands of dollars in damages from just seeing the book and demanding that you publicly destroy it and asking the town council to declare displaying it to be a hate crime." (Baby Be Bop by Francesca Lia Block, for those interested.)

I put together a display for my library. I've got some books in there that probably won't surprise anyone - 50 Shades of Grey, Catcher In The Rye, Huck Finn, Harry Potter - and some that generally get a laugh or outright disbelief, such as the Bible, various picture books and Junie B Jones. All of the books I included have been challenged, banned or otherwise attacked here in the US relatively recently. Harry Potter, a non-King James Bible and the movie Coneheads were all burned by some nuts in either Michigan or Minnesota about ten years back, for example. I really wish I knew why they decided to burn Coneheads. It's far from a good movie, but also far from Dan Ackroyd's worst. If anyone wants to burn Caddyshack II, I'll provide the matches.

Anyway. Banned books display, all items with a short or long description of how and when they've been challenged. Including Junie B Jones, which gets a lot of reactions from the younger kids who are its target audience. Some parents explain the issue to their kids, some just gloss over it, but this one today sort of takes the cake.

A co-worker told me about it. A little girl asked her mom why Junie B Jones was banned, and her mom explained to her that when books are bad libraries ban them so no one has to read the bad books. You don't want to read books that are bad for you, do you, sweetie? The library takes care of things so you never will!

As God is my witness, I never thought that when I put up the Banned Books Week sign I'd need to include a second banner proclaiming, "For the record, we're against it."

I know why my Sister hates Junie B Jones (the way she speaks in non-standard English makes it hard for a dyslexic Mom to help her dyslexic child read) - but what was the reason given for trying t bann it.

I just looked it up because I never heard of the book and that is why. "Reasons cited are poor social values taught by the books and Junie B. Jones not being considered a good role model due to her mouthiness and bad spelling/grammar.[6]"

The grammar is bad, but can be very accurate for the age group they were written.

My oldest daughter liked them very much, we read them together when she was in preschool. When she started Kindergarten, my daughter came home the first week every day announcing that she hadn't been sent to the Principal's office yet. Then she came home one day and announced that she had been sent to the Principal's office, just like Junie B!  It was part of a scavenger hunt to help them learn where everything was in the school, like the library, and included being sent to find the Principal's office where he gave every child a sticker. They were actually using rhymes from the story about the Little Gingerbread Man to send them to places.

[Jones]

I think the Junie B. books make great lessons. DD and I will laugh at a situation, I'll ask her if the way May or Junie handled it was appropriate, she'll say No and we can go from there. Personally, I think the author has some great insight into the way kids actually speak and the way they are inclined to act. I also subscribe to the Maya Angelou quote "Any book that helps a child to form a habit of reading, to make reading one of his deep and continuing needs, is good for him." Some people don't feel that way , or feel that way with exceptions, and that's OK too, just explaining where I'm coming from.

[Luci45]

Kids who are given good examples and are gently corrected do not speak like that. I didn't. My kids didn't. My grandchildren don't unless it is an honest slip or misunderstanding (we still have a 6-year old). And the only other kids who were taught like my kids that I know of only spoke like that because of peer pressure. I gently corrected the students unless there was something emotional they were trying to discuss or if they were having trouble finding the words to express what they were trying to say. Yes. I could be a Grammar Nazi given half the chance, even though I admit slip up now and then, of course.

I love that Jones made the Junie B. books a discussion point, though. I never thought of that!

Hmm. It looks like this thread is slightly derailed. I'm sorry about that.

[greencat]

B/G: I work for a big university - so we have sports teams.  One of our teams had a game today.  This call took place yesterday.  Just note that what I do at work is at least moderately clear from what I actually say instead of "Department of University"

Phone rings.
I answer:  "Good afternoon, Department of University.  This is Greencat speaking, how may I help you?"
Caller: "Hi!  This is Theresa!" (She sounds as though she is in her mid to late 50s, and is extremely happy.)
Me: "Good afternoon Theresa.  How can I help you today?"
Caller:  "This is Theresa!" (Still upbeat)
Me: (Starting to get a sense that this call is not going to go anywhere sane) "This is the Department of University.  How can I help you today?"
Caller: "How is Bob?" (She is still far, far, far too happy for this conversation to be normal.)
Me: "Bob Who?"
Caller:  "Bob!  You know, Bob!" (She still sounds excited, although confused that I don't know who she's speaking of.  She sounds like she's talking to someone she's known her entire life and is incredibly close to.  I know exactly one person with her name, and she's definitely not that person.)
Me: "What's the last name, ma'am?" (We have literally thousands of employees.)
Caller:  "Bob!  Bob Smith, the Sports Team Head Coach!"
Me: "Well, ma'am, I don't know him personally, but Sports Team has been doing well this season." (At this point I was pretty sure she was missing a few bulbs from the Christmas tree.)
Caller:  "Well, can you have him give me a call? This is Theresa." (As she has this whole time, she speaks as though we have known each other our entire lives and I should know her number by heart, as well as know the big-wig Sports Team Head Coach personally.)
Me: "Let me transfer you to Athletics." (Commence speedy button pushing.)

Coworker:  You have that puzzled-cat look again.

[Library Dragon]

Kids who are given good examples and are gently corrected do not speak like that. I didn't. My kids didn't. My grandchildren don't unless it is an honest slip or misunderstanding (we still have a 6-year old). And the only other kids who were taught like my kids that I know of only spoke like that because of peer pressure. I gently corrected the students unless there was something emotional they were trying to discuss or if they were having trouble finding the words to express what they were trying to say. Yes. I could be a Grammar Nazi given half the chance, even though I admit slip up now and then, of course.

I love that Jones made the Junie B. books a discussion point, though. I never thought of that!

Hmm. It looks like this thread is slightly derailed. I'm sorry about that.

A different type of Junie B. rant.  I always disliked the books being read to kindergarten students.  I liked reading them to 3rd grade students because they understood the misperceptions and had a context as to why the behavior wasn't appropriate. They got the humor.  I used to try and get the K teachers away from Junie B., but no luck.

Now, I'm off to expose the public to BAAAAAD books. 

[MommyPenguin]

Kids who are given good examples and are gently corrected do not speak like that. I didn't. My kids didn't. My grandchildren don't unless it is an honest slip or misunderstanding (we still have a 6-year old). And the only other kids who were taught like my kids that I know of only spoke like that because of peer pressure. I gently corrected the students unless there was something emotional they were trying to discuss or if they were having trouble finding the words to express what they were trying to say. Yes. I could be a Grammar Nazi given half the chance, even though I admit slip up now and then, of course.

I love that Jones made the Junie B. books a discussion point, though. I never thought of that!

Hmm. It looks like this thread is slightly derailed. I'm sorry about that.

A different type of Junie B. rant.  I always disliked the books being read to kindergarten students.  I liked reading them to 3rd grade students because they understood the misperceptions and had a context as to why the behavior wasn't appropriate. They got the humor.  I used to try and get the K teachers away from Junie B., but no luck.

Now, I'm off to expose the public to BAAAAAD books.

I've run into that issue with a few books!  Where it's clear to an older reader exactly what the child is doing wrong and what almost happened (especially if the disaster was averted), but it's not always clear to younger readers, so they think it turned out perfectly okay (and they don't get what *almost* happened and how the child was saved by parents, other kids, or chance).

And then there are books like The House at Pooh Corner, which are delightful to adults because there's so much subtle humor, but are generally over little kids' heads.  But by the time they are old enough to get the humor, they don't want to read it, because it's Winnie the Pooh.  So sad.

[Luci45]

And then there are books like The House at Pooh Corner, which are delightful to adults because there's so much subtle humor, but are generally over little kids' heads.  But by the time they are old enough to get the humor, they don't want to read it, because it's Winnie the Pooh.  So sad.

Maybe this is the real reason we have kids! I always thought it was instinctive and social, but maybe it's to revisit literature!

[*inviteseller]

My 7 yr old DD LOVES Junie B. Jones and has for awhile.  She discusses them with me.  I am against banning books across the board, what one person likes I may not, but that is why we can practice self censorship and not dictate our tastes to others.  That said..any Captain Underpants books are banned from my house!  The first time older DD brought one home from school I just about fell over!  I know, any book that gets a child to read, but those books, to me, serve absolutely no purpose!

Back on topic
I finally after a year, got a new job (yeah me!) and I went to a child care agency for help in finding a in house provider as I am having no luck (what?  I have to pass a back ground check?  No, I won't pass one but I still want to watch your child!  )  We go over what I need, when I will need it and the women gives me a list of 2 daycare centers that 1) are not accessible due to being out of our district which means the school will not transport and 2) close at 5..when I told them I will be working until 5.  Lady who is 'helping' me says "Well, can't you find someone to pick her up from school and drop her off, then pick her up from daycare?"  Ummmm, that would be a babysitter??  That I am here looking for.  They told me over the phone they had a listing of in home providers, I get there to be told they no longer keep a list of in home providers.  In my head I was shaking thus woman like Homer does to Bart!

[gmatoy]

My 7 yr old DD LOVES Junie B. Jones and has for awhile.  She discusses them with me.  I am against banning books across the board, what one person likes I may not, but that is why we can practice self censorship and not dictate our tastes to others.  That said..any Captain Underpants books are banned from my house!  The first time older DD brought one home from school I just about fell over!  I know, any book that gets a child to read, but those books, to me, serve absolutely no purpose!

Well, as a substitute teacher who often works as a librarian, I know what the purpose of these books is: to get nonreading boys to read. And it works! They line up to get the latest books and then I can get them to try the "Wimpy Kid" series. From there it is a short hop books by Riodan...

Off my soapbox, now.

[Library Dragon]

*inviteseller your experience jogged a memory.

When I was pregnant with DS1 I was still stationed in Belgium, but getting out of the Army to join DH in Germany.  DH went to the community center where the Lamaze classes were held to sign register.  He was told there was a waiting list of 10 months.   

DH asked the clerk if he saw a problem with that situation.  Nope.  DH asked if couples were expected to registered before there was a pregnancy.  He still didn't get it.

[workingmum]

Not so much an impossible customer request as an impossible boss request.

Big big boss is going on a "Tidy up the office" rampage this week. That means that he just spent five minutes stomping around our office grumping at everyone about how untidy our desks were and he want these desks clean. NOW.

Dear boss, you can have one of two things: Me with all my necessary work notes spread around the desk in front of me so I can reference them as I work, or me with a completely bare desk and completely unable to do any work at all. Which would you prefer?

I live in a Dilbert cartoon.

I have just wasted an entire day on this thread and this is where i'm up to!! reminds me of my last boss (before this one).. he decreed that there was to be no paperwork or intrays on desks and no filing cabinets in the office. All paperwork had to be in filing cabinets which were in the archive room approx 100 metres and 3 doors away from my desk. Then he yelled when I wasn't at my desk to answer the phone because I was trying to find the invoices that I hadn't processed yet becuase I had to immediately file them when I opened the mail...  as a PP mentioned.. head-splodey!!!

[LazyDaisy]

Just had a fun conversation with an administrative assistant in one of our colleges. She needs to order a flier or a postcard or a brochure -- she's not sure which. They may want between 200 and 500 but maybe less -- they're not really sure of the quantity. They may want to mail these, or maybe just hand them out. Can I give her a price for how much this will cost?
 

1) I need to know what exactly I'm designing, printing, and mailing -- a brochure, flier or postcard? What size? Does it fold? Printed on both sides or just 1? Full color or black and white? What kind of paper? If it's a postcard, it needs to meet minimum postal requirements for thickness.
2) I need a quantity to figure the price. Actually I need a size and quantity to determine if it's more economical to print these digital or litho -- the price will vary widely.
3) Postage -- will this be first class or do you want to use the our nonprofit indicia (minimum 300 quantity)? If this is a postcard it needs to be no larger than 4.25" x 6" to qualify for postcard rate. If it's a brochure, it'll need to be tabbed closed or inserted into an envelope. If it's a flier, it can mail flat or be folded and tabbed.

[ti_ax]

Just had a fun conversation with an administrative assistant in one of our colleges. She needs to order a flier or a postcard or a brochure -- she's not sure which. They may want between 200 and 500 but maybe less -- they're not really sure of the quantity. They may want to mail these, or maybe just hand them out. Can I give her a price for how much this will cost?
 

1) I need to know what exactly I'm designing, printing, and mailing -- a brochure, flier or postcard? What size? Does it fold? Printed on both sides or just 1? Full color or black and white? What kind of paper? If it's a postcard, it needs to meet minimum postal requirements for thickness.
2) I need a quantity to figure the price. Actually I need a size and quantity to determine if it's more economical to print these digital or litho -- the price will vary widely.
3) Postage -- will this be first class or do you want to use the our nonprofit indicia (minimum 300 quantity)? If this is a postcard it needs to be no larger than 4.25" x 6" to qualify for postcard rate. If it's a brochure, it'll need to be tabbed closed or inserted into an envelope. If it's a flier, it can mail flat or be folded and tabbed.

"Oh, just give mea price for every possible option, then I'll decide."

[Slartibartfast]

Just had a fun conversation with an administrative assistant in one of our colleges. She needs to order a flier or a postcard or a brochure -- she's not sure which. They may want between 200 and 500 but maybe less -- they're not really sure of the quantity. They may want to mail these, or maybe just hand them out. Can I give her a price for how much this will cost?
 

1) I need to know what exactly I'm designing, printing, and mailing -- a brochure, flier or postcard? What size? Does it fold? Printed on both sides or just 1? Full color or black and white? What kind of paper? If it's a postcard, it needs to meet minimum postal requirements for thickness.
2) I need a quantity to figure the price. Actually I need a size and quantity to determine if it's more economical to print these digital or litho -- the price will vary widely.
3) Postage -- will this be first class or do you want to use the our nonprofit indicia (minimum 300 quantity)? If this is a postcard it needs to be no larger than 4.25" x 6" to qualify for postcard rate. If it's a brochure, it'll need to be tabbed closed or inserted into an envelope. If it's a flier, it can mail flat or be folded and tabbed.

"Oh, just give mea price for every possible option, then I'll decide."

It's obviously not possible to give her an exact quote for every possible permutation, but I would expect a business to be able to give me a general range: "Brochures run from $A to $B apiece, depending on how many you have and what options you want.  Flyers tend to be around $C per batch of 100.  Postcards are $D-$E pre-stamped and ready to mail or $F-$G if you want to process them yourself.  These are all really general numbers, mind you, but they should help you figure out what fits into your budget."

I'm reminded of when DH and I wanted to buy a sofa - one or two places in town refused to even give me a general price range for their furniture.  I know sofas can range from a few hundred up through several thousand dollars - I just wanted to know whether their store had $$$ or $$$$ options!  The places that told me "Just come in and customize something and see for yourself!" - yeah, no.  I ended up doing that with one place, only to find I had wasted my and the salesperson's time because even their cheapest options were way more than I wanted to pay.

[greencat]

I had a fun conversation with an employee in another department trying to report a problem in extremely vague terms.  It was the computer jargon version of "The thingamajig isn't talking to the whatchamacallit or the whosonfirst, can you please fix it?"  After a few minutes of playing 20 questions "Is it blue?  Is it calling home?  Is it from Mars?" I finally got the specific problem details, which were extremely specific - and, more importantly, something the system administrators would actually take a look at. 

Actually, all of my callers who call in with the non-complaint: "It's not working!"

So far that has meant:

"I forgot my password again."
"Someone turned the volume down."
"The curly cord on the phone is twisted around itself."
"I never bothered to read the instructions."

Very rarely does that phrase actually mean some piece of technology is broken - it's usually the user who is malfunctioning, and unfortunately, I haven't figured out how to fix those yet!