A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. > Humor Me!

Uh.. ya, don't do that....

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VorFemme:

--- Quote from: Layla Miller on March 12, 2013, 01:05:17 PM ---I had a glass of chocolate milk with lunch today.  This was not the problem.  I ate my lunch in the living room so that I could keep an eye on my 7-month-old DD while she played on the floor.  Also not the problem.  The problem came when I took a drink of the chocolate milk, and then set it back on the end table next to me on the couch.

Well, I set it halfway on the end table.  Turns out the glass prefers to have its whole self on the table, or else it unends itself onto the couch in protest.

I now sit with a change of pants, a scrubbed-down couch, and two pillows in the washing machine downstairs.  But no chocolate milk.

You know, I'm pretty sure my mother told me not to drink chocolate milk in the living room for exactly this reason.  I don't think I'll tell her about this.  ;D

--- End quote ---

Graduation banquet with a pay-as-you-go bar.  I was attending for our office, as the boss had more events to attend than he had time some weeks.

I got a nice, brightly colored sloe gin fizz and put it down next to my seat at the LONG table (lots of smaller tables put together with tablecloth hiding where the tables changed height).  Then I turned to talk to another coworker who was also attending (office staff went to the dinner in support of organization members who'd taken the four to six weeks to do the school).  A base NCO Academy, for those with time in the military.

I put it down on a "joint" - with most of the base of the tall skinny glass on a place where the glass was supported only by the fabric of the tablecloth & air, on the wrong side of a seam between tables (lower by 1/4" or more - 1mm to the rest of the world).  It made a spectacular dark pink stain on the white tableclothes.  I hadn't gotten but a single sip.....

But everyone there was sure that I'd already gotten tipsy.....

I learned to either HOLD the glass while circulating or check to see if my seat was in the middle of the table or where two of them were butted next to each other.....

It wasn't the first time I spilled or the last time I spilled....at least none of it got on my outfit!

Carotte:
Don't get borred at Ikea, look at vases and wonder if you can fit your index finger inside. Yes, you can, but it will get stuck and you'll have to picture yourself going to the check-out, buying the 50C vase and breaking it carefuly.
Which would have been a dumb option anyway.
Thankfully I got it unstuck without having to meekly go to a store employe for some help.
And I was 23 y/old, I should have known better.

Luci:

--- Quote from: Carotte on April 23, 2013, 08:43:09 AM ---Don't get borred at Ikea, look at vases and wonder if you can fit your index finger inside. Yes, you can, but it will get stuck and you'll have to picture yourself going to the check-out, buying the 50C vase and breaking it carefuly.
Which would have been a dumb option anyway.
Thankfully I got it unstuck without having to meekly go to a store employe for some help.
And I was 23 y/old, I should have known better.

--- End quote ---

 :) If I hold my hand in the air to get the fluids to drain out of the finger, the bud vase comes off quite easily. It's best to go into an unpopulated area to do that, however. Please do not ask how I know this. (Works with rings, too, if I have too much salty food after putting the ring on. I've never had to use soap.)

Mel the Redcap:
Don't assume that the one slim book you have on the care / feeding / breeding of rats is correct in every particular. If you do, and you have permission from your landlady to have one litter of baby rats, you'll be very careful to separate the male when your female rat is clearly pregnant. You'll be very happy when she produces fourteen beautiful little babies in assorted colours (six male, eight female), and you'll read the book carefully, and it'll say to separate the male babies from their mum and sisters when they're six weeks old.

You'll then discover that if they're being fed a good diet, baby rats can breed at five weeks old. You'll find this out when you hear strange squeaking noises in the middle of the night, and turn the light on to discover... um... activity going on. You'll separate them immediately, but it'll be too late. All nine female rats will be well and truly pregnant.

One will have five babies. The rest of them will have between twelve and eighteen each. You will end up with a grand total of over one hundred and thirty rats.

You'll separate the next lot at four weeks, preventing things from going exponential at you, but it'll be too late. You'll still have over one hundred rats after the local pet shops have bought as many as they want, and you'll refuse when your landlady orders you to donate them to the local schools and/or university for use as dissection subjects, and you'll be evicted.

(On the plus side, that wasn't a great place to live anyway, and my next landlord was a lovely guy and very understanding about me keeping Lots And Lots Of Rats in the garden shed. The last one died of happy, well-fed, CELIBATE old age five and a half years later.)

Diane AKA Traska:

--- Quote from: Mel the Redcap on May 04, 2013, 11:29:41 PM ---Don't assume that the one slim book you have on the care / feeding / breeding of rats is correct in every particular. If you do, and you have permission from your landlady to have one litter of baby rats, you'll be very careful to separate the male when your female rat is clearly pregnant. You'll be very happy when she produces fourteen beautiful little babies in assorted colours (six male, eight female), and you'll read the book carefully, and it'll say to separate the male babies from their mum and sisters when they're six weeks old.

You'll then discover that if they're being fed a good diet, baby rats can breed at five weeks old. You'll find this out when you hear strange squeaking noises in the middle of the night, and turn the light on to discover... um... activity going on. You'll separate them immediately, but it'll be too late. All nine female rats will be well and truly pregnant.

One will have five babies. The rest of them will have between twelve and eighteen each. You will end up with a grand total of over one hundred and thirty rats.

You'll separate the next lot at four weeks, preventing things from going exponential at you, but it'll be too late. You'll still have over one hundred rats after the local pet shops have bought as many as they want, and you'll refuse when your landlady orders you to donate them to the local schools and/or university for use as dissection subjects, and you'll be evicted.

(On the plus side, that wasn't a great place to live anyway, and my next landlord was a lovely guy and very understanding about me keeping Lots And Lots Of Rats in the garden shed. The last one died of happy, well-fed, CELIBATE old age five and a half years later.)

--- End quote ---

What was it like having Cruella DeVille for a landlady?   ;D

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