Uh.. ya, don't do that....

[vorbau]

I forgot to mention the bullet track didn't match the staged scenario - it was angled from left to right and slightly downward, and simply could not be lined up to any possible contortion the victim could have made.

It is entirely possible to shoot yourself like this by pulling the trigger with your thumb, or by using a short-barreled weapon. Just not in this case. This is why we treat every death with a high index of suspicion - first we rule out homicide, then accident, then suicide - and if it's not any of those three, it's usually signed out as natural causes, though many MEs are uncomfortable with that if they can't demonstrate it and will sign it as undetermined.

[vorbau]

And on another topic:

Please, when government and scientific authorities warn you of impending natural disasters and recommend evacuation, don't try to pretend how tough you are by "sitting it out." It just makes a lot of extra work for us, either when we have to enforce a mandatory evacuation order or when we have to pick up your pieces afterward.

And on that note, should you, in the face of all intelligence, logic and good sense, decide to "sit it out," please neatly print your full name and SSN on your upper arm or inner thigh. Post mortem bloating makes it hard to read if you put it on your torso, and lower legs and arms tend to come loose - and a lower left leg with a number on it is not really much use to us.

All facetiousness aside, I hope everyone in Isaac's path is and stays OK!

[Morticia]

Random acts of kindness/vandalism.

When my son went to the laundromat yesterday to put my clothes in the dryer, he found some kind samaritan had already done it, and put the money in, and turned the dryer on. Where this went wrong was that the stranger did not differentiate between machine dryables, hang to dry dresses, and definitely don't dry intimate apparel.

In case anyone is wondering, the laundromat always has plenty of free washing machines and dryers, and it is common practice to leave while your loads are running.

[Diane AKA Traska]

And on another topic:

Please, when government and scientific authorities warn you of impending natural disasters and recommend evacuation, don't try to pretend how tough you are by "sitting it out." It just makes a lot of extra work for us, either when we have to enforce a mandatory evacuation order or when we have to pick up your pieces afterward.

And on that note, should you, in the face of all intelligence, logic and good sense, decide to "sit it out," please neatly print your full name and SSN on your upper arm or inner thigh. Post mortem bloating makes it hard to read if you put it on your torso, and lower legs and arms tend to come loose - and a lower left leg with a number on it is not really much use to us.

All facetiousness aside, I hope everyone in Isaac's path is and stays OK!

Knock knock!  Who's there?  Jack!  Jack who?  THREADJACK!

So there's a man living on the banks of the Mississippi, and to no one's surprise a big ol' flood starts brewing.  He's sitting on his porch when a pickup drives by, and the man inside calls out "Hey fella, hop in, there's a big ol' flood brewing!"  The man smiles and waves him away, saying "No thanks, the good Lord will provide."
The next day, the streets are flooded up to the top of the first floor.  The man is now sitting on the roof of his porch, and a guy in a boat comes by.  He calls out to the man "Hey, the town's flooded!  Hop in and I'll take you to dry land!"  The man again waves this person away, telling him "No thanks, the good Lord will provide."
Two days later, and the waters have claimed the first AND second floors, and the man is now perched on his rooftop.  A rescue helicopter flies over, and the rescue worker calls out to him "The county's flooded, but don't worry, pal, we've got you!  I'm going to come over and get this harness on you, and we'll get you out of there!"  And for a third time, the man dismisses his would-be rescuer, and tells him "No thanks, the good Lord will provide."
The next day, the man has drowned.  He's at the pearly gates, and God is there.  The man is flabbergasted.  "Lord, why didn't you save me?!"  God looks incredulously at the man and says "What, didn't you see the truck, boat, and helicopter I sent?"

/end threadjack

[Midnight Kitty]

Aloha Traska;

I've heard that one before, but now is a really good time to remind people that the Deities help those who help themselves, and I don't mean help themselves to their neighbors belongings after they evacuate.

[Diane AKA Traska]

Aloha Traska;

I've heard that one before, but now is a really good time to remind people that the Deities help those who help themselves, and I don't mean help themselves to their neighbors belongings after they evacuate.

Yeah, but you DO know what the secret to comedy is, don't you?

Know what?  I'll tell you later.
HINT: Timing.

[White Dragon]

Do not lose a fight with a 'easy-open' tab of a can of juice concentrate.
If you *do* decide to do this, pick a flavour other than grape.

And if your heart is really truly set on juice can wrestling, don't do it in your mostly white work blouse.
In a white kitchen.

The splatter was...impresiive.
The cleanup...less exciting.

My top and under things are now soaking, in the hope of making them less purple.
Sigh.

[Elfmama]

Do not lose a fight with a 'easy-open' tab of a can of juice concentrate.
If you *do* decide to do this, pick a flavour other than grape.

And if your heart is really truly set on juice can wrestling, don't do it in your mostly white work blouse.
In a white kitchen.

The splatter was...impresiive.
The cleanup...less exciting.

My top and under things are now soaking, in the hope of making them less purple.
Sigh.

Ah, a fine example of Crumbpacker's Law of Liquid Expansion!  This states that a liquid will increase in volume in direct relationship to its stain-causing capability AND the stainability of the receiving surface.  4 ounces of plain water spilled on the kitchen linoleum remains 4 ounces.  But 4 ounces of grape juice, spilled on the white antique Oriental rug, can expand into a full gallon!

[greencat]

This law is most similar to the principles governing the size of cats and dogs, when occupying space on human beds!

[Outdoor Girl]

Or maple syrup.  My Mom always said that one drop spilled on the floor might as well be a gallon due to the stickiness quotient.

[lady_disdain]

Do not lose a fight with a 'easy-open' tab of a can of juice concentrate.
If you *do* decide to do this, pick a flavour other than grape.

And if your heart is really truly set on juice can wrestling, don't do it in your mostly white work blouse.
In a white kitchen.

The splatter was...impresiive.
The cleanup...less exciting.

My top and under things are now soaking, in the hope of making them less purple.
Sigh.

Knowing grape juice concentrate, I would recommend soaking everything in grape juice, to make them evenly purple. A lot less frustrating.

[EmmaJ.]

Do not lose a fight with a 'easy-open' tab of a can of juice concentrate.
If you *do* decide to do this, pick a flavour other than grape.

And if your heart is really truly set on juice can wrestling, don't do it in your mostly white work blouse.
In a white kitchen.

The splatter was...impresiive.
The cleanup...less exciting.

My top and under things are now soaking, in the hope of making them less purple.
Sigh.

Knowing grape juice concentrate, I would recommend soaking everything in grape juice, to make them evenly purple. A lot less frustrating.

Hahahahaha!   

[Amava]

Do not lose a fight with a 'easy-open' tab of a can of juice concentrate.
If you *do* decide to do this, pick a flavour other than grape.

And if your heart is really truly set on juice can wrestling, don't do it in your mostly white work blouse.
In a white kitchen.

The splatter was...impresiive.
The cleanup...less exciting.

My top and under things are now soaking, in the hope of making them less purple.
Sigh.

Knowing grape juice concentrate, I would recommend soaking everything in grape juice, to make them evenly purple. A lot less frustrating.

Not to mention, purple is pretty! 

[White Dragon]

Do not lose a fight with a 'easy-open' tab of a can of juice concentrate.
If you *do* decide to do this, pick a flavour other than grape.

And if your heart is really truly set on juice can wrestling, don't do it in your mostly white work blouse.
In a white kitchen.

The splatter was...impresiive.
The cleanup...less exciting.

My top and under things are now soaking, in the hope of making them less purple.
Sigh.

Knowing grape juice concentrate, I would recommend soaking everything in grape juice, to make them evenly purple. A lot less frustrating.

Not to mention, purple is pretty! 

Not so much on a blue and white shirt...

I haven't gotten up the courage to check the results yet.

[RooRoo]

I'm reminded of a pair of socks I knitted for my DH. His favorite team's colors are navy and orange, and I wanted to make them in his team colors. I had navy wool, but no orange - just white.

I tried something I heard on the 'net, and dyed the white wool with orange koolaid. This was washable wool. The socks have been through the washer at least once a month for the past 5 years. The stripes have faded out, but are still orange.

Moral: If you're going to soak wool with koolaid, be sure to do it on purpose!

Back to topic:

When you're moving house, do not look over your shoulder to say something to your MIL, as you take your last step through the old front door. MIL will have to take you to the ER, and you will have to do what unpacking you can from a wheelchair.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jones_fracture