Author Topic: Uh.. ya, don't do that....  (Read 480539 times)

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Sirius

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Re: Uh.. ya, don't do that....
« Reply #2550 on: November 03, 2012, 10:04:13 PM »
We've found that we have to do cat head counts before going to bed, because we've got one who likes to sleep in dark corners.  She ended up spending the night locked in our office two nights in a row because we didn't take a tally. 

vorbau

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Re: Uh.. ya, don't do that....
« Reply #2551 on: November 09, 2012, 03:18:26 PM »
Donít pull on an item you are attempting to excavate from the dirt, in an attempt to free it more quickly.

Especially donít do so when not in possession of these facts: the size of the object, and thus the extent to which it is still buried; the tensile strength of the object; a good working guess as to the presence of other, possibly sharp, heavy, explosive, and/or gross items near or attached to your find; and the itemís possible value as evidence.

Most especially, do not pull on something long, thin, and/or fragile, because as sure as taxes, it will come suddenly loose, ripping up three feet of mud and assorted debris before snapping off in your hand.

This will send you staggering backward several steps to sit down hard on your keister, to the accompaniment of a blast of multilingual invective that will awe, astonish, and possibly anger your audience (some of whom are no more in favor of women cussing than my mama was). It will also demonstrate to you that the International Land Speed Record for Snapping a Cell Phone Camera Picture of Vorbau Doing Something Again prize will be divided between a colleague you once considered a friend and a locally based preteen in shower sandals, who is quite capable of outrunning you even in such handicapping footwear.

This will also result in the discovery that there are worse things than hot brass and dead maggots to find in your bra when you clean up at the end of the day.

Vorbau
Let's roll. (And you can't scare me; I've had teenagers.)

ladyknight1

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Re: Uh.. ya, don't do that....
« Reply #2552 on: November 09, 2012, 03:24:45 PM »
Welcome back, Vorbau.

What did you find in the bra this time?

Diane AKA Traska

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Re: Uh.. ya, don't do that....
« Reply #2553 on: November 09, 2012, 03:43:40 PM »
THIS is how you know it's going to be an awesome weekend.

Welcome back, oh goddess of the morbid and foul!
Location:
Philadelphia, PA

vorbau

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Re: Uh.. ya, don't do that....
« Reply #2554 on: November 09, 2012, 03:53:26 PM »
I swear I am not making this up; my imagination is not that good. I am beginning to believe my purpose upon this Earth is to grossly entertain my friends:

A disarticulated, partially decomposed human finger (left first finger, proximal and distal phalanxes only) that had reached that stage of decay descriptively called "wet."

And yes, I am enough of a professional that I remembered to photograph it in situ before examining it (might be able to get a useful print, with some heat, some formaldehyde and some Crazy Glue), placing it in the appropriate container and entering it into evidence. Although I admit it remained in my barrack-room ice chest overnight, as I was just too beat to climb back into acceptable clothing and go to the offices. And yes, I did call a colleague to come witness everything as soon as I found the "evidence." The poor man is scarred for life and contemplating a change of career, to something soothing like Alaska deep-sea fishing or feral pig wrestling.
Let's roll. (And you can't scare me; I've had teenagers.)

Slartibartfast

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Re: Uh.. ya, don't do that....
« Reply #2555 on: November 09, 2012, 04:03:01 PM »
I swear I am not making this up; my imagination is not that good. I am beginning to believe my purpose upon this Earth is to grossly entertain my friends:

A disarticulated, partially decomposed human finger (left first finger, proximal and distal phalanxes only) that had reached that stage of decay descriptively called "wet."

And yes, I am enough of a professional that I remembered to photograph it in situ before examining it (might be able to get a useful print, with some heat, some formaldehyde and some Crazy Glue), placing it in the appropriate container and entering it into evidence. Although I admit it remained in my barrack-room ice chest overnight, as I was just too beat to climb back into acceptable clothing and go to the offices. And yes, I did call a colleague to come witness everything as soon as I found the "evidence." The poor man is scarred for life and contemplating a change of career, to something soothing like Alaska deep-sea fishing or feral pig wrestling.
. . . meaning there's a cleavage shot of you as evidence somewhere?  Dang, you sure have an interesting job!

vorbau

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Re: Uh.. ya, don't do that....
« Reply #2556 on: November 09, 2012, 05:20:31 PM »
I swear I am not making this up; my imagination is not that good. I am beginning to believe my purpose upon this Earth is to grossly entertain my friends:

A disarticulated, partially decomposed human finger (left first finger, proximal and distal phalanxes only) that had reached that stage of decay descriptively called "wet."

And yes, I am enough of a professional that I remembered to photograph it in situ before examining it (might be able to get a useful print, with some heat, some formaldehyde and some Crazy Glue), placing it in the appropriate container and entering it into evidence. Although I admit it remained in my barrack-room ice chest overnight, as I was just too beat to climb back into acceptable clothing and go to the offices. And yes, I did call a colleague to come witness everything as soon as I found the "evidence." The poor man is scarred for life and contemplating a change of career, to something soothing like Alaska deep-sea fishing or feral pig wrestling.
. . . meaning there's a cleavage shot of you as evidence somewhere?  Dang, you sure have an interesting job!

Yes. For the second time. Fortunately this time my face isn't visible.

On the up side (I guess), I can now say "No, no, NO! Son of a mother of a thousand fleas! Don't pull on it, just hold the end up! Here, like this, see? Yes. Good. Beautiful. Perfect. Thank you. Mind the dirt," in five languages and have learned some impressive new invective. And perhaps a b@@bie shot will help persuade an all-male jury that women in law and order isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Let's roll. (And you can't scare me; I've had teenagers.)

White Dragon

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Re: Uh.. ya, don't do that....
« Reply #2557 on: November 09, 2012, 11:40:59 PM »
Huh.
This usually isn't what I picture when I think of the phrase "Giving someone the finger."


(Vorbau's back, Vourbau's back. Safe and sound and squicky. Whee!)

bopper

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Re: Uh.. ya, don't do that....
« Reply #2558 on: November 19, 2012, 05:22:00 PM »
My daughter (10ish at the time?) was making mash potatoes from the Hungry Jack potato flake box.

1/4t salt != 1/4C salt.


Blech!

Lady Snowdon

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Re: Uh.. ya, don't do that....
« Reply #2559 on: November 25, 2012, 07:28:33 AM »
DH and I decided to paint our living room yesterday.  The high yesterday was 29 degrees Farenheit, and the only "painting clothes" that he and I have are pants and t-shirts.  That's fine, right?  We're inside, windows aren't open yet, and the thermostat is set at 70.  It'll be fine. 

Except.

When we took the faceplate off our thermostat, it apparently shut the thermostat, and by extension the heating system, down.  At about 2:30 pm, DH and I are taking a "watch the paint dry" break and discuss how cold it's getting in our house.  It's really chilly, actually!  I wonder why that could be?
 
When we put the faceplate back on, and the temperature was reported, our house's temperature had fallen to 58 degrees, from the 70 it's supposed to be set at.  I did wonder to myself how long DH would've left the faceplate off had I not asked him to put it back on "just to make sure that's not the problem".  We left to go eat and let the house warm itself up!

Moral of the story: Do not take the thermostat's faceplate off unless the temperature outside is one you'd be comfortable experiencing!  ::)

ladyknight1

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Re: Uh.. ya, don't do that....
« Reply #2560 on: November 25, 2012, 06:39:28 PM »
My in-laws travel on Thanksgiving week every year, and we check their house. I usually thaw our turkey in one of their two large refrigerators since we are over there nearly every day. I had noticed the newer refrigerator seemed a bit warm on Sunday, but didn't think anything about it. On Wednesday, we realized the refrigerator was not working at all, other than showing inaccurate temperatures on the display. While the refrigerator portion was sparsely loaded, the freezer was full. I had to move everything salvageable and clear out the rest.

Yuck.

Mental Magpie

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Re: Uh.. ya, don't do that....
« Reply #2561 on: November 25, 2012, 07:04:25 PM »
This also kind of made my brain hurt.

My cousin posted today two lessons learned.  The second one irrelevant, but the first one? Yeah, the first one was: Don't give a live chicken pox vaccine to a kid with an already compromised immune system. Well, I thought that was kind of obvious.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

blue2000

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Re: Uh.. ya, don't do that....
« Reply #2562 on: November 26, 2012, 08:36:48 AM »
This also kind of made my brain hurt.

My cousin posted today two lessons learned.  The second one irrelevant, but the first one? Yeah, the first one was: Don't give a live chicken pox vaccine to a kid with an already compromised immune system. Well, I thought that was kind of obvious.


How did he learn that?? Hopefully not the hard way!
You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Elisabunny

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Re: Uh.. ya, don't do that....
« Reply #2563 on: November 26, 2012, 12:47:41 PM »
This also kind of made my brain hurt.

My cousin posted today two lessons learned.  The second one irrelevant, but the first one? Yeah, the first one was: Don't give a live chicken pox vaccine to a kid with an already compromised immune system. Well, I thought that was kind of obvious.


How did he learn that?? Hopefully not the hard way!

Oh, no.  How bad was it?
You must remember this: a ghoti is still a fish...

lilfox

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Re: Uh.. ya, don't do that....
« Reply #2564 on: November 26, 2012, 02:45:40 PM »
A Thanksgiving one for DH:

When your wife has been prepping and cooking a big Thanksgiving dinner for most of the day, do not make your very first dinner-related compliment a rave about the Pillsbury crescent rolls.   ::)   :)

I mean, I love them too.  In fact, they are my family tradition that I introduced him to, but they are the only thing that took less than an hour to prepare and literally the only thing not made entirely from scratch!