Faux Pas of the Year: Bride Lays on the Guilt

[Lady Snowdon]

I keep reading this thread, but my brain refuses to accept that there are people like this in the world.  Clueless, certainly.  Rude, certainly.  Rude, clueless, and malicious?  I just can't make them fit into my world view. 

I suppose my guests should be grateful my reception is only costing about $25/person...lessens the burden on them!  How should I let them know?  A tasteful email?  Another mailing (since invitations have already gone out)?  A wedding newsletter?  So many options!   

We really need a "dripping sarcasm" font...

[willow08]

We cannot contemplate now, or ever, the reasoning behind these events, but we are not the type to "let things go".

Translation: We're petty people who see malicious intent behind everything AND we hold grudges.

[Clara Bow]

We would have gotten some pretty chintzy wedding gifts if everyone covered their plate. Our food broke down to about four bucks a head (fingerfood snacky stuff, no formal dinner). Amazingly enough, I chose a wedding my parents (who were footing the bill at their insistance, this was something they always dreamed of doing. They're wierdos) could afford without passing the hat at the reception or shower.

[asta]

Yowwzza!  Yes, I concurr this is probably a true story with the long, rude, e-mail.  My brother's ex sent my Mom a 12-page, handwritten letter about our evil family, lol.  People do this, why?  Because they enjoy it.

My Sis & former BIL had to have the "dog & pony show" wedding; spending way over what my parents contributed; they thought they'd make it up in "cash gifts."  Well, how-de-do; they fell several thousands short of paying for the reception and NO honeymoon cash.  So BIL uses AMEX for the honeymoon.  DH gets a call from frantic BIL; AMEX cut him off while they're still in Aruba.  DH bailed them out; but they actually had to take loans from their pension funds to pay us back.

We're glad we eloped 22 years ago, and never had a baby shower for either of my sons.  We received lots of baby gifts after babies arrived, and we used the crib I had as a child, 28 years earlier.

One never knows what lies beneath.

[My Own World]

I hate to admit it, but I have an aunt and cousin who really will do things like the bride in the OP.  Their family is very well off, but they do not miss a chance to tell us how much they spent if they are hosting any party or dinner AND they keep tabs on the values of all gifts received - then hold grudges and tell others about how cheap people were who gave them anything less than what they expected to receive.  They have gone so far as to tell other family members that those members owed them for their "generosity". 

My sister even had a nasty note in a Christmas card from my aunt commenting on how low quality she thought my sister's card to my aunt had been.

[Summrs]

I lit a candle in the living room after I had cleaned and tidied it and she got RAGING mad.  Unfortunately, I wasn't home for her to express this to

Was the candle still burning when she got home and you weren't there?  That might have made me rage, too... though not 4 pages worth, lol. 

[Nina Nealon]

I don't think i would ever write a letter like that, even if I invited a truly, truly atrocious and hateful spinster aunt to my wedding and her only "present" was a book on how to be a better person, written by her.

[ccnumber4]

I lit a candle in the living room after I had cleaned and tidied it and she got RAGING mad.  Unfortunately, I wasn't home for her to express this to

Was the candle still burning when she got home and you weren't there?  That might have made me rage, too... though not 4 pages worth, lol. 

Nope.  Cleaned, tidied, lit candle.  Blew candle out sometime later and then left.  Roommate came home and was upset that I had lit the candle without asking her first.  (granted it was hers, but she lit it quite often anyway).  I suppose I should have also asked before I vacuumed the carpet, as technically, that was hers also. 

[Lillie82]

You know, I read this and thought it was a fake.  It's just so over-the-top rude, and the letter goes on for *ages*.  I think a truly selfish person wouldn't have wanted to waste so much time on a single email, and probably would have just basically written "You're cheap - where the hell is the rest of our gift?"

Of course, it doesn't excuse the rudeness!  Unbelievable.  I'm with the others - if they were spending so much per person, why were they handing out invitations like they were candy?

This is one of my favorites, for its "over-the-top" ness. But I do have a little doubt about whether it's true, and the detail that raises that doubt, for me, is not the extremeness of the bride's reaction, but the spending of $200 on someone described (casually?) as a "friend of a friend." It almost has a little "Titanic Bride," vibe (or should I say undertheme?) "We're SO generous and they were SO not appreciative."

[2littlemonkeys]

My DH's side of the family firmly believes in the cover your plate rule.  I got a call from one of them a few weeks ago asking how much I thought she should spend on a gift for the sister of her best friend.  I told her she should spend what she could afford. 

Relative:  No, I mean, how much do you think they spent per plate?
Me:  I would have no earthly idea, do you know what's being served?
Relative: No, I just know you have to give a gift equal to the cost of your dinner.  I do know it's going to be at "Very Fancy Reception Location."
Me: *launches into rant about the lunacy of this 'rule.*  So, honestly, if someone is going to have a wedding where the meal costs $150 a person, it's kind of on them to do that.  They chose to have a fancy wedding.  You are under no obligation to cover the cost of that meal.  You give what you can afford.
Relative: Okay

And then she proceeded to use her credit card on a bunch of place settings.  None of my business but she was complaining about it later because the meal was "gross" and she spent all that money.   *facepalm*

[LeeLee88]

My DH's side of the family firmly believes in the cover your plate rule.  I got a call from one of them a few weeks ago asking how much I thought she should spend on a gift for the sister of her best friend.  I told her she should spend what she could afford. 

Relative:  No, I mean, how much do you think they spent per plate?
Me:  I would have no earthly idea, do you know what's being served?
Relative: No, I just know you have to give a gift equal to the cost of your dinner.  I do know it's going to be at "Very Fancy Reception Location."
Me: *launches into rant about the lunacy of this 'rule.*  So, honestly, if someone is going to have a wedding where the meal costs $150 a person, it's kind of on them to do that.  They chose to have a fancy wedding.  You are under no obligation to cover the cost of that meal.  You give what you can afford.
Relative: Okay

And then she proceeded to use her credit card on a bunch of place settings.  None of my business but she was complaining about it later because the meal was "gross" and she spent all that money.   *facepalm*

Why, you must have married into my mother's family!  Welcome, welcome; enjoy the crazy    I was just thinking about my one cousin's wedding, and how her dad (my uncle) had the huevos to tell my mom that dinner was $150 a head, and he expected a gift from us that covered that cost at the minimum.  There are five people in my immediate family, and we had *never* been well-off.  Heck, even if we were, how many people would honestly just drop $750 on command for a wedding present?  My mother was very hurt and said, "Well then I guess we will not be able to attend, I will tell {cousin}."  Cousin demonstrated that she did not get her manners from her father, and was livid that he said such a thing.  She apologized profusely to my mother, and then called her dad and verbally ripped him a new one.  See, Uncle had made it sound like he was paying for the wedding, when in fact, Cousin and her DF had been saving for over *two years* so they wouldn't have to ask for help.  So Uncle was essentially asking to be paid for something he wasn't even financially contributing to!  We went to the wedding, and it was very nice.  Uncle managed to keep his trap shut.  If only he was the only member of the family who suffered from such a severe case of entitlement.

[cnhartman2]

She keeps saying "why you would do this to us" as if you intentionally killed her dog.  Melodramatic, much?