Bridezillas0522-08 : She hates me bc I am rich...

[LeeLee88]

I almost don't want to believe that this is real, but I think it is  .  I can actually see a different scenario in my mind:

"Bumpkin":  *sitting around, minding her own business* "La da dee daaaaaa"

LW: *sashaying past "Bumpkin"*  "Don't mind me, I'm just passing through... oh and don't hate me just because I'm rich and you're from the country which I will unjustifiably assume to mean you're poor."

They both wound up behaving badly (according to the story, but I take that writer's POV with a mine full of salt), but this girl seems to have kicked off the bad behavior... even in her special, sunshine version of events.

[Omega Mu]

I wonder how the OP is going to react when she realized that the "affluent background" that she is so proud of just means that her parents have money.  Her parent's money is not her money, and their financial support will probably stop once she becomes married.

[LeeLee88]

I wonder how the OP is going to react when she realized that the "affluent background" that she is so proud of just means that her parents have money.  Her parent's money is not her money, and their financial support will probably stop once she becomes married.

Oooohhhh nooooooooo.... 

[Poppea]

I wonder how the OP is going to react when she realized that the "affluent background" that she is so proud of just means that her parents have money.  Her parent's money is not her money, and their financial support will probably stop once she becomes married.

Why would you assume that? If her family has serious money (not just upper middle class) she would most likely have a trust.  She also has degrees from prestigious universities.  I must have missed where it said she didn't want to work.

The OP does come off a bit snobbish, but there are people out there who can show real hostility towards people with more money.  One of my college friends (not snobbish at all) lived through a year of hell when her roommate found out about her family(newspaper article, not from her). 

[Hawkwatcher]

I think both women are in the wrong. The OP because of her condescending attitude, and Suzanne because of her rudeness. Calling someone a nasty name and then inviting them to your wedding shower? Also, I'm not fond of letters demanding that the recipients make friends with the senders. [Dear Mary, Why aren't you my friend? You better try harder to be my friend. Love, Anne]  If Suzanne thought not being close to the OP, snobby or not, was such a hardship, she could have put some effort into it herself.

Ugh, just everyone in the story sounds like a pill.

I agree.  There are many ways Suzanne could have expressed herself without resorting to name calling.

[sparklestar]

Actually the really rude one here is I think John.  Suzanne and the LW seemed okay with just ignoring one another politely until he got involved begging LW to interact with Suzanne.  That seems to be when it all kicked off. 

I'm more than ready to admit that coming from different backgrounds usually means you have different ideas (not better/worse but DIFFERENT).  If someone came from a completely different environment from me, and I really couldn't get my head around why they acted a certain way or found something utterly fascinating which I found dull, well I'd just not bother to see them much and probably be a bit distant when we did see them. 

Shoving them together seems to have made the polite social facade crumble.  My mum always taught me that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Oh if only that had been allowed here. 

[the Wyffe]

I just read it as a poorly expressed way of the submitter trying to explain why she thinks Suzanne might not like her.  She suspects Suzanne has a chip on her shoulder about their different social backgrounds, that's all.  She's expressed it badly and laid herself open to accusations of snobbery (and maybe she is indeed just a snob), but she put it in there with a clear explanation of why - that it might explain the original situation.  Also, she doesn't like Suzanne, so she isn't being nice about it.  'Country bumpkin' though - what is this, 1750?  Does anyone say that any more?

She hasn't pulled this out of nowhere.  A lot of people in her position can be condescending, but the flip side to that is the unjustified assumptions of snobbery, or naked hostility, from the likes of Suzanne.

[Sharon F]

Total Troll.
This story doesn't ring true. At best the person is perceiving slights that don't exist, because there's no real concrete evidence of Suzanne doing or saying anything rude to the LW. At worst its totally fabricated.

I have a story that I am still trying to interpret. LW needs to interpret a story, can't she just give us the facts?About a year ago, my boyfriend and I moved to a new city so that I could get my masters. We were excited for the move (even though it was only for a year) because my boyfriend (whom we will call Vincent) and my friend from high school (whom we will call John) lived there with his fiancée Suzanne. Suzanne and I had never met before (although I sent an engagement gift)Mention of engagement gift #1 the move and I was excited about the possibility of making a friend in my new city before I started school.

Well, as it turns out Suzanne and I did not hit it off. I am a very outgoing person who has never had a problem making friends but I just could not connect with this woman anyway I tried. I frequently asked her about her wedding plans, as this seemed to be a topic about which she was less cold to me. Now, I should highlight some more about Suzanne and Vincent (boyfriend), John (friend), and me. The three of us are city children who grew up in fairly affluent families. We went to the same prep-school and all attended prestigious colleges. We have been blessed with material things in our life, however I should note that we don't hold this above anyone and Vincent and my friends grew up in diverse backgrounds. Suzanne, on the other hand, is a country bumpkinLW perception without example. from a working class family. I think part of her coldness towards me was based on her feeling inferior to me based on background, but I am just guessing.LW perception.

Anyway, I made a great effort to make friends with Suzanne. We went out to dinner as two couples, we hosted them at our apartment, met for drinks, etc. She continued to be cold to me. LW perception without example.This worsened after Vincent and I became engaged. John and Vincent are each other's best men, so I thought with both of us getting married we would at least have something to talk about. However, she just openly condemned all of my choices as snobbish and over-the-top (we are having a large, black tie wedding with a ceremony in an Episcopal cathedral). After four months of effortlessly trying at and paying for outingsWhy would this need to be mentioned and doesn't make sense Suzanne's fiance went to the same prep-schools and raised affluently, can't he afford to pay, if not why isn't he being condemned as well., I decided to give up and just be civil when we had to see each other.

Three months later, I got a telephone call from John. He told me he and Suzanne were upset that Suzanne and I had not become "best friends" and would I please email her to try and instigate a friendship. I privately rolled my eyes but decided to send her an email that apologized for my lack of effort and anything that I did that might have offended her. I figured for the next year we would have to be around each other due to Vincent and my friendship with John and both weddings, so civility and keeping the peace was in order. So I sent a note offering an olive branch and a sincere intention to try harder at our rel@tionship. What I got back, however, was an long abrasive email about how I am a condescending, shallow, b****. What exactly did the email say is it possible the LW perceived this to the the gist of the email, why no juicy scathing quotes.There were also a list of false accusations. And the accusations were?(Remember I had been asked by her fiancé to reach out) However, I decided to not engage in a silly battle and simple sent another email apologizing for anyway that I could have offended her and let it go.

The crazy thing is this: I received a shower invitation the next day from Suzanne's mom. Originally, I assumed that every woman invited to the wedding was invited to the shower, a practice that I feel is totally tacky, Every woman invited to the wedding invited to the shower...not tacky, shower invitees not invited to wedding tacky. Wasn't the case here, but LW just wants us to know it's tacky.but would at least explain the presence of someone who the bride apparently "couldn't stand the sight of" on a guest list. I decided not to attend the shower but sent a gift. (total cost of wedding for me right now is $120,  Peculiar, LW complains that she sent a shower gift, that with the engagement gift total $120. So umm $60 and $60. For someone who grew up fairly affluently and blessed with material things, this is not a lot of money.when you include shower and engagement giftMention of engagement gift #2). After some digging, Looking for things to be offended by?After digging....why is the LW digging? I found out that not every woman was invited to the shower, but that she decided to include me because I had given a nice engagement gift. Mention of engagement gift #3


To make matters worse, Suzanne convinced John to have a destination wedding so we all have to fly to a far away city, rent a car, drive five hours, to go to a cocktail reception. We have to go because Vincent agreed to be the BM before this came to light.
Destination weddding? The LW states she and fiance moved to a new city, Suzanne's fiance went to same prep-school, since they live in the city and Suzanne was raised a "country bumpkin", we know that the city they reside in is not home for any of them. I understand someone choosing not to be married in a city with no connection to them just because they reside there. LW mentions she's getting married in a cathedral, but makes no mention of in what city. Someone has to travel.

Where would you fly and need to drive five hours after you land. Now I have done things like this for cheap airfare, but then again I'm not affluent.

Part of me thinks that Suzanne is a bridezilla and part of me wants to suspect mental instability in order to explain her actions.
And exactly which actions lead you to suspect mental instability?

[Twik]

Some very good points, Sharon F. I agree that for a person who is so wealthy that other people resent her without knowing her, to complain about $120 in gifts seems strangely, well, modest. Oh, heck, let's call it cheap. (Now, these would be very nice presents for most of us, but I don't think the Rockefellers complain about having to give $60 shower presents, so she's not coming off as old money as she claims here.)

Since she seems to feel that those gifts are excessively expensive, I'm not sure how much out of pocket she really would be on those "outings" she claims to have paid for. And I don't quite understand the shock and horror that Suzanne is having a (gasp, flutter!) *destination wedding*, to which people will have to *pay money* to travel! Surely in her upperclass social set, travel to weddings all over the country is a pretty common event, no?

And yes, I do wonder what the destination is, that one has to fly to a "faraway city", and then drive five hours to reach the wedding site. That sounds less like a destination wedding and more like an "ecotour in outer Mongolia" wedding. What's the destination, Ulan Bator?

[Auntie Mame]

Now, I should highlight some more about Suzanne and Vincent (boyfriend), John (friend), and me. The three of us are city children who grew up in fairly affluent families. We went to the same prep-school and all attended prestigious colleges. We have been blessed with material things in our life, however I should note that we don't hold this above anyone and Vincent and my friends grew up in diverse backgrounds.

This is cracking me up.

I seriously doubt prep schools and prestigious private colleges are all that "diverse".  What, one kid was from England and another from France so your school was a mini United Nations?

[Tiamet]

Now, I should highlight some more about Suzanne and Vincent (boyfriend), John (friend), and me. The three of us are city children who grew up in fairly affluent families. We went to the same prep-school and all attended prestigious colleges. We have been blessed with material things in our life, however I should note that we don't hold this above anyone and Vincent and my friends grew up in diverse backgrounds.

This is cracking me up.

I seriously doubt prep schools and prestigious private colleges are all that "diverse".  What, one kid was from England and another from France so your school was a mini United Nations?

I took this to mean not necessarily mommy, daddy and two children, i.e. maybe divorced or g*a*y or l*sbian parents

[Poppea]

This is cracking me up.

I seriously doubt prep schools and prestigious private colleges are all that "diverse".  What, one kid was from England and another from France so your school was a mini United Nations?

Admissions at many private schools are needs blind.  The annual fundraiser at the prep schools I know are used to provide scholarships. 

Private colleges are the same.  At Harvard if your family makes under $200,000, your tuition is free. 

[Chocolate Moose]

This is cracking me up.

I seriously doubt prep schools and prestigious private colleges are all that "diverse".  What, one kid was from England and another from France so your school was a mini United Nations?

Admissions at many private schools are needs blind.  The annual fundraiser at the prep schools I know are used to provide scholarships.  

Private colleges are the same.  At Harvard if your family makes under $200,000, your tuition is free.  

well according to this article it's only for families making less than $60,000 http://www.askstudent.com/student-scholarships/harvard-university-offers-free-tuition-for-low-income-families/

I'm sure programs like that do lead to more people from varied backgrounds getting into private schools, but I'm sure its only a small percentage of the total school population.


What really stuck out at me from the original piece was this:  
The crazy thing is this: I received a shower invitation the next day from Suzanne's mom

The OP is reacting to an e-mail from Suzanne.  Generally heated e-mails like that go out right after the aggravating event.  I'm sure Suzanne's mom needed the shower guest list quite some time before that, and the shower invitation was already in the hands of the usps by the time Suzanne sent the e-mail.

[Poppea]

well according to this article it's only for families making less than $60,000 http://www.askstudent.com/student-scholarships/harvard-university-offers-free-tuition-for-low-income-families/

I'm sure programs like that do lead to more people from varied backgrounds getting into private schools, but I'm sure its only a small percentage of the total school population.

Only 45% of Harvards students are white.  I think 55% is a pretty big percentage of diversity.
http://collegeprowler.com/harvard-university/diversity/

Oops - you are right about the free tuition.  The rest of the under $200,000 crowd gets 1/3 to 1/2 off still making it pretty affordable.

[iridaceae]

Some very good points, Sharon F. I agree that for a person who is so wealthy that other people resent her without knowing her, to complain about $120 in gifts seems strangely, well, modest. Oh, heck, let's call it cheap. (Now, these would be very nice presents for most of us, but I don't think the Rockefellers complain about having to give $60 shower presents, so she's not coming off as old money as she claims here.)

Since she seems to feel that those gifts are excessively expensive, I'm not sure how much out of pocket she really would be on those "outings" she claims to have paid for. And I don't quite understand the shock and horror that Suzanne is having a (gasp, flutter!) *destination wedding*, to which people will have to *pay money* to travel! Surely in her upperclass social set, travel to weddings all over the country is a pretty common event, no?

And yes, I do wonder what the destination is, that one has to fly to a "faraway city", and then drive five hours to reach the wedding site. That sounds less like a destination wedding and more like an "ecotour in outer Mongolia" wedding. What's the destination, Ulan Bator?

My guess would be somewhere in Costa Rica, probably the Guanacaste region.  It's fashionable and not too out there.