Home Schooling and how to say it's not a good idea?

[Gambitgirl]

Anyone here ever been home schooled or home schooled their children?

i taught high school for a year and college for 2 years and had a handful of home schooled children, almost all of whom were quite academically advanced for their age. but that was almost a decade ago, so i don't pretend to be an educatin expert these days.

My older sister just sent me an email about her desire to home school her 6 yo DD and 4 yo DS. However, my sister was a poor student all thru school and never really mastered even 7th grade basic algebra (from what i suspect is an undiagnosed learning disability).  She always read well below her grade level, so i'm a bit concerned about her ability to adequately to home-school her kids appropriately. Even now her emails are riddled with errors indicating her learning disability is still in full effect. Both her kids are very bright, esp. the 6 yo, whose public school teacher says she already reads 2 grades above her level....so i worry that my sister may not be doing the best by them that she may hope.

What advice or opinions might you be able to offer as to how to approach this in a polite manner? This is my toxic sister who is very manipulative and has a very explosive temper. She's very hard to approach even on the most innocuous of topics...so any tip on how to handle giving this sort of sensitive (esp. since i don't have children) advice would be very appreciated.

Thanks.

[Alida]

Oh my goodness - with her children already doing so well, why would she want to change that?

Maybe point out that a change in routine might be bad for them? 

[Clara Bow]

I am rabidly against home-schooling done by people who are not professional educators or extremely well-educated themselves...I also disapprove because it robs children of important social activities.
One of my friend's daughters took her four girls out of school because she didn't like the algebra teacher (for reasons never fully defined). This woman barely had a high school education herself, but she was going to home school. Then the woman (Elise) went back to work fulltime and left the girls at home, saying "I give them a lesson plan in the morning, then I go over it that night." Hellllllloooooo?? The girls spent the days home alone farting around and coming up with wild stories to call my friend (their grandmother) at work with, ghosts in the house, a funny man walking up the street you name it.
The girls are going back to school, as home schooling didn't work out. They're all a year behind now...*sigh*
Sorry to get all ranty, but the home-schooling issue bothers me. I believe in school and the school experience. I mean, if someone who was very well-educated and could do a good job educating their children wanted to it would be one thing (and I'd still object on principle, sorry I'm a college prof's daughter) but it sounds to me as if your sister does not have the background to effectively educate these kids. I'd point out to her how well they are doing and ask why she would want to tamper with that.

[Fabrashamx]

 I would avoid being personal, and just point out the many advantages of school, such as needed social skills and access to things like field trips, computers, libraries, and music.

 When I owned my small gallery, I taught Art History to several home schooled kids, and although they were bright academically, they were way behind socially and had trouble getting along with other kids, sharing, and waiting their turn.

 If her reasons are religeous in nature, I would encourage her to apply for scholoships at a private parochial school.

Good luck and please let us know how it turns out!

Your Friend, Fabby 

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

I believe in school and the school experience. I mean, if someone who was very well-educated and could do a good job educating their children wanted to it would be one thing (and I'd still object on principle, sorry I'm a college prof's daughter)

In South Africa until about 1994, home schooling was simply not allowed. Parents who tried to home school would be fined or arrested! Of course, this was because the apartheid government wanted to indoctrinate all children. (Trust me, it didn't work!) 

It's still very rare for people to home school here. There are very strict regulations about it. I had a child in my class who'd been home schooled for a year because he had some sort of medical problem (psychiatric) that meant he couldn't deal with school. But once he was over it, back into the mainstream he came and he was fine!

I have to say, though, if I had the time and money (and the children - I don't have any of my own) I would home school my own kids. But I have two degrees in education (i.e. I'm a teacher) so I not only know what I should be teaching, but I know what kids should know that schools no longer teach (basic grammar, for one). But it's not even that - I'd home school my child for his or her own safety. Here children have been *murdered* on school premises (four in the last few months). I wouldn't want any child of mine associating with some of the kids I teach; I just wouldn't. Most of them are lovely kids, but there are some who bring knives and other weapons to school, discuss things like s3x (they're 11!), etc. I wouldn't want my child exposed to that at that age.

But I generally believe in the school experience, too. However, if a child is unhappy at a school, they should be allowed to change schools. I was forced to attend a really bad high school and it scarred me for life. I'd never do that to a child of mine.

[Gigi]

Here in California parents who home school must work with a liason from the school district.  There is specific curriculum that must be followed and kids are required to take and pass standardized tests.  I'm not sure what qualifications the parents are required to have.

Can you check with the department of education in your area to find out what the requirements are for home schooling?  If your sister doesn't qualify maybe there's a procedure for terminating the home school certification. 

[blue2000]

Here in California parents who home school must work with a liason from the school district.  There is specific curriculum that must be followed and kids are required to take and pass standardized tests.  I'm not sure what qualifications the parents are required to have.

Can you check with the department of education in your area to find out what the requirements are for home schooling?  If your sister doesn't qualify maybe there's a procedure for terminating the home school certification. 

I would second the idea of checking the regulations in Sis's area. That sounds like a pretty strict (and safe) system, but not all areas have that.
My step-nephews dropped out of school at 15, and my psycho ex-SIL lied to the school, and told them she was homeschooling the boys, so she wouldn't have to force the boys to go back. She got away with this, so I presume there were no such regulations here. Too bad, too. I would have loved to see those boys get a little proper parenting for a change. (Since Bro wasn't their biologcal father, he didn't get custody, or much say in anything when they split).

[Ehelldame]

Anyone here ever been home schooled or home schooled their children?

I homeschooled two of my three their entire academic careers from kindergarten through graduation.  The youngest has one more year to go. 

I wouldn't say anything to your sister at this point.  To be honest, it's pretty hard to screw up a 4-yo's pre-school  education and a 6 -yo's first grade education.  The math, health, reading, art is very simple to teach at that age and the text books quite understandable.  One of the benefits of homeschooling is that the teacher gets to refresh or even learn new things they missed in school as they prepare to teach it.   If you are that concerned, buy the family The Phonics Game for Christmas.  Your sister will actually benefit from playing with them.  And encourage your sister to either read to the kids each day or to let them read to her. 

And nowadays, homeschooling curriculum had gone very high tech to where the parent never has to teach.  One option is satellite classroom where a dish satellite is installed and the kids attend "class" live.  The satellite teacher answers questions, grades, etc.   Live internet is another option.  My youngest took a college level Greek class online through an accredited university and interacted with the professor to get pronunciations correct, ask questions, take tests, etc.  I never taught her once (and she made an A in that class, btw).  Switched On Schoolhouse is an entire curriculum on CD-ROM requiring only partial parental teaching and oversight.   This was our curriculum of choice throughout junior and senior high school. 

As they move into high school, there are still other options available.  For example, a friend of mine with a degree in Chemistry teaches a homeschool high school level course in chemistry complete with labs.   I never taught chemistry.  Many public high schools will allow use of their labs for these homeschool classes.  Another friend teaches Spanish and another English and yet another Calculus/Trig.   These classes do cost money but it's a lot cheaper than private school and the student to teacher ratio is usually something like 4:1 or 8:1.   People seem to think homeschoolers are loners but in reality many are members of associations where there is an abundance of competent resources. 

I wouldn't say anything to your sister at this point for another reason.   Homeschooling isn't for everyone and after a year she may come to that conclusion.  At this age, I don't think their educations will be irreparably messed up by one year of homeschooling. 

[willow08]

I would be pretty suspicious of this sudden change in attitude.  I would be worried that there is some underlying reason for her not wanting her children to access to teachers and other adults. (You mentioned temper problems and manipulation, which sort of set off a warning bell for me.)

Also, I respectfully disagree with ehelldame. It is easy to mess up a 4 to 6 yo's education. These years are the building block of reading, math and social skills. I think it's very important that kids have access to every educational opportunity at this age. I admire people who have the time and patience to homeschool their kids. Some of the smartest people I knew in college had been homeschooled, but their parents were either former educators or had sought outside help and resources to make sure their children's education went above and beyond anything we got in public school.

I would probably repeatedly point out the benefits of public school (friends, activities, programs for gifted education, since 6 yo is already so bright.) Then subtly and gently point out that Sis hated school and probably wouldn't enjoy being a teacher.I would definitely suggest reviewing the homeschooling laws in your area and giving them to Sis.

[Sharnita]

Give her links to homeschooling sites and associations. Many times homeschooling parents share duties so she can work with younger ones and other parents can do algebra, chem, etc.

She hasn't asked for your advice so don't give it.

[ettacat]

I am rabidly against home-schooling done by people who are not professional educators or extremely well-educated themselves...I also disapprove because it robs children of important social activities.
One of my friend's daughters took her four girls out of school because she didn't like the algebra teacher (for reasons never fully defined). This woman barely had a high school education herself, but she was going to home school. Then the woman (Elise) went back to work fulltime and left the girls at home, saying "I give them a lesson plan in the morning, then I go over it that night." Hellllllloooooo?? The girls spent the days home alone farting around and coming up with wild stories to call my friend (their grandmother) at work with, ghosts in the house, a funny man walking up the street you name it.
The girls are going back to school, as home schooling didn't work out. They're all a year behind now...*sigh*
Sorry to get all ranty, but the home-schooling issue bothers me. I believe in school and the school experience. I mean, if someone who was very well-educated and could do a good job educating their children wanted to it would be one thing (and I'd still object on principle, sorry I'm a college prof's daughter) but it sounds to me as if your sister does not have the background to effectively educate these kids. I'd point out to her how well they are doing and ask why she would want to tamper with that.

I have known many homeschooling families. Some were successful (and still are) and some, I feel should never have even attempted to homeschool.

I agree that someone who cannot read or write should not homeschool. However, I don't feel a Master's Degree or a PhD should be necessary to teach at home either.

As far as social activities, unless you live out in the middle of nowhere and are a firm believer in being separate from others, most homeschooling families are VERY social and their children participate in many activities. School is not the only place you can socialize. In many areas, homeschool families are often a part of a network or group of homeschooling families. One where I live is a really good one. There are field trips, tutors, etc. You don't have to attend a regular school to participate in sports programs, etc.

[ettacat]

Anyone here ever been home schooled or home schooled their children?

i taught high school for a year and college for 2 years and had a handful of home schooled children, almost all of whom were quite academically advanced for their age. but that was almost a decade ago, so i don't pretend to be an educatin expert these days.

My older sister just sent me an email about her desire to home school her 6 yo DD and 4 yo DS. However, my sister was a poor student all thru school and never really mastered even 7th grade basic algebra (from what i suspect is an undiagnosed learning disability).  She always read well below her grade level, so i'm a bit concerned about her ability to adequately to home-school her kids appropriately. Even now her emails are riddled with errors indicating her learning disability is still in full effect. Both her kids are very bright, esp. the 6 yo, whose public school teacher says she already reads 2 grades above her level....so i worry that my sister may not be doing the best by them that she may hope.

What advice or opinions might you be able to offer as to how to approach this in a polite manner? This is my toxic sister who is very manipulative and has a very explosive temper. She's very hard to approach even on the most innocuous of topics...so any tip on how to handle giving this sort of sensitive (esp. since i don't have children) advice would be very appreciated.

Thanks.

I am terribly sorry I did not address your post first. I feel that unless Sis asks for your opinion, you shouldn't give it.

I did not like school when I was a child. But, last year I successfully homeschooled my oldest child most of the school year. He was having some emotional problems, and children can be quite cruel. We felt it was best to let him be at home for last year. He went back to school this year and is doing much better.

However, I do not have a learning disability and can read, write, and my math skills are okay. I felt confident I could teach my son, being that he was a first grader.

[housewife2k]

As having been involved in the homeschool debate for some time, let me give my insight. Please, don't say anything to her about not doing it. Ask her what her reasons are, ask her if she's done the research into the state requirements, ask her if she's looked into on-line correspondance schools (public schools that provide the curriculum, matterials, and access to the teachers, but the work is still done at home.) Trying to talk her out of it more than likely will not work, will cause her to second guess herself as a parent, and will strain any relationship the two of you have.

[ZipTheWonder]

I suggest handling this in the same way you (would) want other people to handle intrusions into your parenting decisions. 

Where her skills are lacking, she can hire tutors.  And she can certainly socialize her children in ways that are far superior to a public education by enrolling them in Church youth groups, Scouts, sports, and home schooling cooperative groups. 

I suggest you avoid negative comments.  They are most likely to only firm up her decision.  It is really not something into which you should inject yourself. 

[ZipTheWonder]

When I owned my small gallery, I taught Art History to several home schooled kids, and although they were bright academically, they were way behind socially and had trouble getting along with other kids, sharing, and waiting their turn.

I have a role in which I interact daily with elementary-age publically-educated children (though my role is not within the school.)  They are bright academically -- but they are way behind socially and have trouble getting along with other kids, sharing and waiting their turn.  They are also all unusually small in stature and have brown hair.  But, these things are not necessarily a function of a public education.

Many people whose children are developmentally or socially struggling choose to homeschool their children.  So the social skill deficits you observed (just as those I see in publically-educated children) may be more of an egg than the chicken.