Home Schooling and how to say it's not a good idea?

[Fabrashamx]

That is a very good point, Zip, and one I admit had not occured to me.

 It reminds me of an article I read where people with kids having behavior problems send them to private school. thinking that they will be exposed to better behaved kids and follow suit.

 Unfortunatly, there will be several hundred other kids there for the same reason, and the private school might actually have more kids with behavior issues than the public one you transferred out of!

 In the early 80's a well know NBA stars child was sent to my town to live with relatives because he was heavily involved with LA street gangs.within one year, we had our first gang drive by shooting.

 It reminds me of the analogy of a man who thinks he is Napoleon being locked in a room with a therapist for 3 months. Youre more likely to open the door to find 2 Napoleons than 2 sane people.

 I think home schooling can be a great boon to kids with organized, commited parents, but it can also be a way out of the system for severly disfunctional families. Hopefully there are or will be laws in place to insure that each case is evaluated and every child tested.

~Have a good day!~Fabby 

[NEDESAPIO]

Then the woman (Elise) went back to work fulltime and left the girls at home, saying "I give them a lesson plan in the morning, then I go over it that night."

This sounds exactly like what my aunt is currently doing with my high-school age cousin.  Needless to say, it's not working, and when he does finally go back to school he'll be behind.

[bopper]

Like others have said, I would sort of act like I am supporting it while finding out how much she is prepared for it.

Like:
"Home Schooling, how interesting!  I am curious what aspects of the public school you do not find adequate so that you are going to home school them?"
"So what state requirements do you have to follow?"
"What curriculum are you going to use?  How much does that cost"
"What social activities are you going to sign the kids up for?"
"Have you joined a homeschooling group?"

Based on her personality that you have described, I wonder if this is just a power thing so that she can have control over the kids.

[ShadesOfGrey]

Like others have said, I would sort of act like I am supporting it while finding out how much she is prepared for it.

Like:
"Home Schooling, how interesting!  I am curious what aspects of the public school you do not find adequate so that you are going to home school them?"
"So what state requirements do you have to follow?"
"What curriculum are you going to use?  How much does that cost"
"What social activities are you going to sign the kids up for?"
"Have you joined a homeschooling group?"

Based on her personality that you have described, I wonder if this is just a power thing so that she can have control over the kids.

I do this with my sister a lot (she makes some VERY unthinking decisions about my niece) but it's PA and eventually, she caught on... I hate that my niece has to suffer the effects of her poor decisions, but there's nothing I can really do about it other than be a firm avenue of support for my niece (and sister).  I would suggest lots of 'learning' presents and activities from their favorite auntie. 

That being said, she didnt ask for your opinion, but being her sister you might just say to her that you are not sure how you feel about it and can she give you more details about her reasoning.  (though it doesnt sound like you are close, so perhaps it is not so appropriate to interject your opinion as you might with a close friend who is about to make a poor decision).

Definitely find out about the homeschooling options in her area. 

good luck

[Bob Ducca]

Homeschooling is a lot of work for the teacher (especially if the teacher has questionable education).  It works for some, but not for others.  

I agree that, unless your sister specifically asks your advice, don't give it.  However, if she wants to talk about it with you, ask her some very specific questions about what she is planning to do, how she plans to handle certain situations, like this:

-Where will you get their learning materials?
-Will they be involved in sports?
-Will they be involved in the arts?
-Do you have to be approved by the state/school district?
-Will the kids need to be tested to make sure they are making progress?
-Will they be able to get a high school diploma or will they need to take the GED test?
-Do you plan on ever enrolling them in public school?  If so, when, and why?
-How do you plan on incorporating their social development?  Will you join a play group or enroll them in special lessons (karate, gymnastics, dance)?

I would avoid the "But how will YOU teach them" sort of questions- making the assumption that your sister is "too dumb" (I know that's not how you mean it, but probably how she will take it) will not serve.  Chances are, if this is a passing fancy she will realize how hard it is and blow it off.  If she is serious and does the work, then more power to her.  Maybe it will be good for her in the long run.

This is the big problem- unless it is a question of abuse, I would never question someone else's parenting techniques.  That is a surefire way to offend even the most reasonable of people.

Good luck!!

[fklwmn]

You know, I am in a similar situation right now. My best friend has 4 kids, and just pulled the oldest 2 (ages 3 and almost out of school (mid-year, mid-semester) to homeschool them.

She made a friend who homeschools her kids and sings the praises of homeschooling and this somehow gave her the idea that she can do it, no problem.

My concerns? She has 4 kids (2 infant twins, a toddler, and a school-aged child). She is VERY disorganized and everytime I have talked to her while all of the kids are at home and her husband is not, she is pulling her hair out. When her oldest 2 were in school it was more than she could do to just keep the house livable.

But she hates the idea of her kids being in public school and says she will not be able to afford private school for all 4 of them. I am a huge public school proponent, but admittedly, my kids don't go to Miami public schools, and she says they are pretty bad.

I think that she's just not happy with any school, even when she had her daughter in private school she always found a reason that she didn't like that school and would switch her daughter's school at least once during the school year. BTW, none of the reasons she decided to pull her out of school ever seemed like a very big deal to me...

So, when she started talking about homeschooling her kids I told her to do her research and REALLY think about whether or not she can handle it, and make sure that they get everything they need, and will still be properly socialized. She assured me she was not making any rash desicions and wouldn't pull her daughter out mid-year.

Yesterday when I talked to her, her daughter was home. I asked if she was on winter break. Oh, no... they pulled her out of school last week to be homeschooled.

I just let my head fall into my hands. I'm really worried about this b/c while my friend is very smart, and a dedicated mother, she is also very frazled and disorganized most of the time. I'm concerned she is not going to be able to handle it and her daughter (who was in the gifted curriculum in public school) will fall behind and have a hard time catching up when she (inevitably) decides she can't handle it and sends her back to school.

[baconsmom]

I also disapprove because it robs children of important social activities.

I'm sorry, but this is just not true. Homeschooling families in many communities get together with each other to afford children the opportunity to socialise. And in my state (AZ), most school districts have extra-curriculars open to homeschooled kids, as well as offering homeschoolers the opportunity to attend a class or two at the public school - say, a chemistry lab - while receiving the bulk of their education at home or online.

Homeschooling is no longer solely the province of "religious nuts" as a lot of people still see it. There are many regular people who can't afford private school who choose to homeschool for a variety of reasons, and understand that children do need extra-curricular activities.

[RegionMom]

I have done all 3--public, homeschooled, and now private.
I think some good advice was given by all the posts asking state requirements, materials, etc...
Ultimately, whatever a parent chooses, they should be INVOLVED with the child.  A respected adult (parent, aunt, grandma, neighbor) teaching them at the grocery store, in the car, manners at the dinner table, geography when traveling, tax and math when shopping, will help keep tabs on how the child thinks and learns. 

As for the socialization of a child, do you only interact with adults from your birth year?  Home school kids can join a myriad of programs, or sit and do nothing.  School building kids can have the same problems.

Education begins before birth and continues. 

The OP will need to keep watch and determine if neglect is occuring.  Sometimes homeschooling is a great solution.  Sometimes, it is a way for parents to hide from society.  Sometimes I miss homeschooling.  But I know I can trust the private school my kids attend now, and I am on campus several times a week just to be an involved parent. 

old commercial question-
can you name the best player on your fave team?
Who sits by your child at lunch?
Who played the lead in ____movie?
Who does your child tell secrets to?

Which are the most important?

[kingsrings]

My aunt pulled the home-schooling stunt a few years ago, with disastrous consequences. She wanted to fit in with the rest of the church ladies she was hanging out with, so she followed suit and decided to home-school her kids just like they did. One of my cousins was a junior in high school when she decided to do this. Yup, she pulled him out of public school with just two years to go. Totally messed him up. He had to give up school band and rarely saw his friends anymore. He flunked senior year and had to repeat and developed a lot of behavorial and juvenile delinquency problems as a result. My other cousin was still in elementary school, so it didn't mess him up too badly. However, after a couple of years my aunt came to the conclusion that it was turning him into too much of a mama's boy, so she ditched home schooling completely and sent him back to public school, where he has thrived. My aunt had no teaching experience what so ever and just relied on these textbooks she ordered through the mail to teach her sons.

I think home schooling is great if the parents know what they're doing. In some cases, they're just as bad or even worse than the public school is.

[JudiAU]

*ugh* I am so sorry. My former sister-in-law did this to my nephews last year. They accomplished nothing but video games. She did it because one of nephews was getting picked on and surprise! a year at home with his horrible, unstable, manipulative mother made him no more popular. He is reading two years below grade level and his math skills are three years before. He had to repeat the year when he returned to school. The other nephew, a better student and more popular, fared better but he admitted he wanted to go to school to "learn something."

Three other branches of our family have home schooled their kids into poor language and math skills, pathetic science skills, and $10/hour fast food employment. All of the parents were well educated but did a poor job driven by their weird religous desires. One branch turned out smart, educated, socially aware college attending students-- taught by a woman who didn't finish high school. Go figure.

So- it depends on the teacher and the student and it sounds like this is not a good fit. And yes-- it is very possible to home school well but I don't think a lot of people do. (And personally, the motivations expressed by most people I know who do it are downright creepy.)

I don't think there really is a polite way to approach this-- but-- these are your nephews and nieces and I think it worth it. The suggestions already made (curriculum, schedule, arts, science, costs) are all good points.

[TZ]

I also disapprove because it robs children of important social activities.

I'm sorry, but this is just not true. Homeschooling families in many communities get together with each other to afford children the opportunity to socialise.

It's true that homeschooled children may socialize; however, they don't get to participate in the rite of passage social events that public or private schooled kids do.  They don't get to do pep rallies, homecoming games, prom, etc.  Not all students choose to participate in these activities, but at least they have a choice.  I didn't always participate, but I think I would be mighty resentful if my parents hadn't given me the option. 

I have to say I agree with Auntie Venom 100%.  This is based on my experience as a teacher (college) and as a teacher's daughter (8th grade English).  I have known several people who have homeschooled their children.  It never worked out, as the parents always lacked sufficient education.  I'm sure some parents have the skills and commitment necessary to succeed.  I've just never met any of them.

To the OP- did your sister explain why she wants to homeschool her children?   

[baconsmom]

I also disapprove because it robs children of important social activities.

I'm sorry, but this is just not true. Homeschooling families in many communities get together with each other to afford children the opportunity to socialise.

It's true that homeschooled children may socialize; however, they don't get to participate in the rite of passage social events that public or private schooled kids do.  They don't get to do pep rallies, homecoming games, prom, etc.  Not all students choose to participate in these activities, but at least they have a choice.  I didn't always participate, but I think I would be mighty resentful if my parents hadn't given me the option. 

In our state, homeschooled kids DO have the option of doing those things. But I'd much rather have a child who didn't go to a prom, but did go to Yale, instead of a kid who got to be homecoming queen and can't write a simple essay because no one bothered to teach her. My husband, my friends and I all value our educations far more highly than any opportunities for dancing or cheering we had in public schools, which leads me to believe those opportunities really won't be missed.

[Sorceress]

My best friend of almost 15 years was homeschooled.  She's really bright and I would say well educated.  She was made to pass tests in order to get her GED. 

Personally, I'm not a huge fan of homeschooling.  My high school years were the best years of my life.  I loved all the activities and enjoyed my classes.

My homeschooled friend, I have to say, absolutely couldn't wait for me to come home from school so we could hang out.  Apparently she missed the company of people her age and wanted to get away from her mother for a little while.

[TZ]

 

[/quote]

In our state, homeschooled kids DO have the option of doing those things. But I'd much rather have a child who didn't go to a prom, but did go to Yale, instead of a kid who got to be homecoming queen and can't write a simple essay because no one bothered to teach her. My husband, my friends and I all value our educations far more highly than any opportunities for dancing or cheering we had in public schools, which leads me to believe those opportunities really won't be missed.
[/quote]

I also value education, and I certainly don't think that going to prom and going to Yale are mutually exclusive.  I know several people who have done both, and I want the same thing for any children I may have.  I really don't get the implication that the public education system produces individuals who are never taught to write a simple essay.  Public school is what one makes of it.  My high school was named in an ACLU lawsuit as an underfunded, "ghetto" school, but the fact is, I got a decent education.  At least my high school education allowed me to graduate from the UC system in 3 years, Phi Beta Kappa, Magna Cum Laude.  This in turn got me into every PhD program I applied to...AND I got to do homecoming floats!  My life didn't revolve around such things, but in my case, the opportunities would have been missed.

I really don't know whether home schooled kids are allowed to participate in these activities in my state.  Perhaps they are, but I have never met any who did.

[referee]

May I point out that individual children have individual needs?  I once knew someone the homeschooled her two oldest of 4 daughters.  DD1 reached a point in 2nd or 3rd grade where she needed to be taught by someone other than Mom.  Both girls were enrolled in public school.  DD1 thrived, DD2 wilted.  Fortunately, it was recognized early and DD2 was once again school at home.  Different kids, different needs....