Author Topic: The host decides the guest list...Go Miss Manners!  (Read 3146 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

jibby

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2524
The host decides the guest list...Go Miss Manners!
« on: March 28, 2007, 12:25:18 PM »
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=4324587

This is from MSN.com, so no registration should be needed.  The letter-writer wanted to invite her out-of-town guests to someone else's birthday party, and the host declined.  The LW had the nerve to expect Miss Manners to side with her

Unfortunately, this will probably never be read by the masses who actually need this guidance. <sigh>
 

megswsu

  • "You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia"
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2613
Re: The host decides the guest list...Go Miss Manners!
« Reply #1 on: March 28, 2007, 12:30:21 PM »
While l don't begrudge the writer for asking (assuming she did so in a polite manner) to bring her out of towners to the b-day party, what gets me is her attitude after she got denied. Like she was entitled to bring extra guests and how dare they refuse her. Um, hello! Get a clue! Gotta love Miss Manners. She knows how to put a person in their place w/out being nasty about it.  ;)





Bob Ducca

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5334
Re: The host decides the guest list...Go Miss Manners!
« Reply #2 on: March 28, 2007, 12:32:05 PM »
I love the idea the writer had that, apparently, asking is just a formality one observes if one has good manners.  If asked, of course the answer should be "Yes!"  Anything else would be rude!!

Really.  It sounds like the hosts were as polite as they could be in their refusal of her request, and Miss Manners was right on target (as usual).

kingsrings

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9708
Re: The host decides the guest list...Go Miss Manners!
« Reply #3 on: March 28, 2007, 02:50:20 PM »
I had a friendship end over this exact matter a few months ago.

Evil Duckie

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3962
  • This is not the duck you are looking for
    • My dragon scroll
Re: The host decides the guest list...Go Miss Manners!
« Reply #4 on: March 28, 2007, 03:42:13 PM »
I wish more people would read this. 

I had a "friend" try to do this and was like the writer upset that I said no. Only this was a dinner party and I did not have room for more guests.

jibby

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2524
Re: The host decides the guest list...Go Miss Manners!
« Reply #5 on: March 28, 2007, 03:56:03 PM »
I believe (I could be wrong) that the rule is to mention the out-of-towners to the host ("oh dear, I'm afraid I can't make it, as Bill and Susie are staying with us that weekend") and if the host has room, he/she choose whether or not to offer to include them.  Some groups are pretty casual about this sort of thing, though. 

I'm not as bothered by the LW's asking the host, as I am by her attitude toward the response.  Why would LW's friends desperately *want* to attend the birthday party of a stranger?  ???

kingsrings

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9708
Re: The host decides the guest list...Go Miss Manners!
« Reply #6 on: March 28, 2007, 03:57:19 PM »
I believe (I could be wrong) that the rule is to mention the out-of-towners to the host ("oh dear, I'm afraid I can't make it, as Bill and Susie are staying with us that weekend") and if the host has room, he/she choose whether or not to offer to include them.  Some groups are pretty casual about this sort of thing, though. 

I'm not as bothered by the LW's asking the host, as I am by her attitude toward the response.  Why would LW's friends desperately *want* to attend the birthday party of a stranger?  ???

Because of free food and drinks, most likely.

jibby

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2524
Re: The host decides the guest list...Go Miss Manners!
« Reply #7 on: March 28, 2007, 04:10:12 PM »
I believe (I could be wrong) that the rule is to mention the out-of-towners to the host ("oh dear, I'm afraid I can't make it, as Bill and Susie are staying with us that weekend") and if the host has room, he/she choose whether or not to offer to include them.  Some groups are pretty casual about this sort of thing, though. 

I'm not as bothered by the LW's asking the host, as I am by her attitude toward the response.  Why would LW's friends desperately *want* to attend the birthday party of a stranger?  ???

Because of free food and drinks, most likely.

Spot on.  "Hmmm...my friends are in town, how can I entertain them for free?  I know!" 

kingsrings

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9708
Re: The host decides the guest list...Go Miss Manners!
« Reply #8 on: March 28, 2007, 04:21:38 PM »
I believe (I could be wrong) that the rule is to mention the out-of-towners to the host ("oh dear, I'm afraid I can't make it, as Bill and Susie are staying with us that weekend") and if the host has room, he/she choose whether or not to offer to include them.  Some groups are pretty casual about this sort of thing, though. 

I'm not as bothered by the LW's asking the host, as I am by her attitude toward the response.  Why would LW's friends desperately *want* to attend the birthday party of a stranger?  ???

Because of free food and drinks, most likely.

Spot on.  "Hmmm...my friends are in town, how can I entertain them for free?  I know!" 

Actually I was coming more from the POV of the nervy guests as to why someone would want to attend the birthday part of someone they don't know. It's a free meal, of course, so why wouldn't they? 

andi

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1799
Re: The host decides the guest list...Go Miss Manners!
« Reply #9 on: March 28, 2007, 07:29:27 PM »
Reminds me of an old episode of "Northern Exposure" = the new couple in town was hosting a sit down dinner for 12.  But everyone invited wound up bringing extra guests - to it turned into a buffet of nibble food.  Then on character brought two guests that got stranded so the host couple wound up with overnight company for several days. 

The poor couple kept trying to think of a polite way of getting out of the situation but couldn't.

i too can't believe the response of the invited/declined to the "no" of the hostest.

Twik

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 28735
Re: The host decides the guest list...Go Miss Manners!
« Reply #10 on: April 01, 2007, 08:58:10 AM »
A lot of these stories seem to reflect a confusion between the teenage/college "We're having a party, and anyone who hears about it is welcome - we'll just throw out another bag of chips and open a new case of beer" sort of thing, versus an adult "we're having a party, we've invited the people we want to see, and have bought food and drinks for those specific people" sort of party.

Why one would want to go to a stranger's birthday party is another thing - were they planning on bringing presents?
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Sophia

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 11813
  • xi
Re: The host decides the guest list...Go Miss Manners!
« Reply #11 on: April 01, 2007, 11:10:47 AM »

There was no indication that the out-of-towners actually wanted to go to the party.  More that the writer did not want to miss out on a party just because she had guests herself.

Clara Bow

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 18183
  • I gotta go.
Re: The host decides the guest list...Go Miss Manners!
« Reply #12 on: April 07, 2007, 07:38:34 PM »
I can't imagine treating my out of town guests that way frankly. Who wants to go to a party where they don't know anyone?? They'd end up spending the evening feeling awkward and fifth wheelish (no matter how nice the host and hostess are, you can't get to know a whole group of people in just a few hours) and ignored by the author of the letter.
If you're having company come in, you take care of your company, even if it means suspending your plans.
By the way, kudos to the host of the party for putting his foot down!
I have finally found the bar I can't get thrown out of....