This may not be an etiquette question as much as a "help me be ready" question, but here's the story:
DH's grandmother (FIL's mother) passed away this summer. Ever since I've known DH, Thanksgiving was Grandma's domain. DH's family goes up to visit her and she cooks a big dinner and there's absolutely nothing to do for three days and that's just the way it's been forever. The SILs haven't been a part of the tradition since I moved here (ten years ago), but I gather they used to be. The last few years have been rough because Grandma's memory was bad to the point it wasn't safe to eat food at her house anymore (she'd forget what had to be refrigerated, etc.) and we ended up going to various mediocre restaurants for the holiday at MIL's suggestion.
Anyway, since MIL can barely boil water and I actually like to cook, I volunteered to host Thanksgiving. It will give me a chance to get the house clean all at the same time
and my sister is coming to visit for the weekend before she moves halfway across the country next year and I figured it would be kinder on FIL, who is still taking his mother's death hard. I predict Thanksgiving will be particularly difficult.
So the SILs: SIL1 (the actually crazy one) is still voluntarily homeless in California and isn't coming home, but we went out to dinner with the ILs and SIL2 recently and I went ahead and extended the invitation to her as well. (SIL1 being gone makes things a lot easier, because it means I don't have to invite my niece and nephew whom we only see when they need money . . .) SIL2 usually does Thanksgiving with friends, which I knew, but she said she appreciated the offer.
That was a week or two ago. Last night, SIL2 called me and asked if the invitation was still open, and if so, could she bring someone? Turns out she met a woman at a recent hobby-related convention (the kind where people come from all over the country) and they kind of started dating
long-distance and her new friend/partner/girlfriend/whatever is actually moving to OurTown anyway and is getting here tomorrow. SIL2 said she mentioned to MIL that she wanted to bring her girlfriend and MIL pretty bluntly told her "You already said no so you're uninvited now." (Sometimes it's hard to tell with MIL whether she's being serious, she's kidding, or kidding-but-kinda-serious-if-you're-willing-to-accept-that.)
Of course, I told SIL2 she was absolutely welcome to come, we'd love to meet her girlfriend, and just to let me know. It definitely sounds to me like one of those instances where you really like someone so you plan like crazy to have a free schedule so on the off-chance they're free, you can be like "Hey, wanna come do this thing I totally haven't been obsessing about doing with you for a week? You know, if you want."
SIL2 hasn't had a significant other for years, though (the dating
scene for middle-aged lesbians in this super-conservative state is close to nil) so I'm just happy she's got someone to have a crush on at all!
So that's all background, really, and I'd love some thoughts on how to deal with this if MIL ends up being rude. As far as I know she and FIL have never disapproved of SIL2's orientation in a specific sense, but they've (justifiably) disapproved of the kind of people she's dated in the past
I'm not really sure what angle I should take if MIL starts making those PA comments she loves so much - on the one hand, it's between her and SIL2, but on the other hand I'm the hostess and if it were anyone else I'd have no problem saying something. On the third hand
, it sounds like this is still a relatively new relationship
(a few months at most, all long-distance) and it can be really awkward for "Hey, wanna come be social now that you're suddenly in a new city?" to become "MEET OUR FAMILY AND MARRY SIL2 NO SERIOUSLY WE TOTALLY LOVE YOU NOW!!!"