Etiquette School is in session! > "Have you tried the bean dip?"

When all what's left is bean dipping



I actually still don't know what a "bean dip" actually is, but I think I've done a bit of bean dipping today. Only I still wonder if I wasn't rude ...

BG: DH and I married in 1989, but didn't manage too well (and one of the reasons why we hadn't managed were our horses. We always argued about them and it finally ended with me giving up riding because I couldn't bear his eternal nagging anymore), so in 1996 we divorced. Yet even then something went horribly wrong and instead of the "amicable divorce" I'd hoped for we ended with him believing that I'd have lied and cheated on him and therefore him not talking to me anymore. However, in 1999 I published a novel which was actually "our story" (of course with the names and the places changed and with using a pseudonym, so no one except a few "insiders" knew that the story was true). I sent him the book without a comment (and I'm sure he saw through the pseudonym - I'd used the name I'd always wanted to give a daughter and only changed one letter in my rather common family name, making it even more common with the change), hoping he'd react. He didn't and so I became convinced that he isn't interested in me anymore and tried to move on with my life. I'd even found a new partner, but he died in 2002.
In autumn 2004 - I'd been rather depressed and sad - I decided to start riding again. It actually was one of the best decisions I've ever done because it didn't only do good on my health, but got me out of the house and in contact with lovely people. Besides it made for me getting a letter from hubby. He told me he's glad about me riding again. It was the start of a new correspondence and finally talking together on phone for a few weeks. Then we met again - and only four weeks later I packed my horse and my stuff and moved "home" (as hubby said).
Since then we're living together very happy and yes, we intend to re-marry, but in the moment it's not urgent.

So much about the background.
Today now we were invited to a little gathering at the place of a friend of him - a rather casual affair. We went there, arrived hand in hand, but then somehow got separated. I talked with a female friend while he was with some men (probably talking shop) as a woman around 55 approached us. The friend I was talking to know her and so she invited us to each other (here it's probably important to know that I never used his name. As I married him I was already rather well known as a journalist, therefore I kept my maiden name). She - very flattering - immediately recognized me as the author of a book she owns and likes and complimented me nicely about it. At this moment my friend got called by her husband and left us alone - and so the lady used the opportunity to get me on my own for starting with another subject: "I know it's no business of mine, but I saw you coming with  <hubby's first name>. Forgive me for being so curious, but how did you manage to get him?" And before I could answer, she already told me that she - as some other women of her acquaintance - had been "after him like bears after the honey pot" and of course (imagine a giggle here) could understand that if not me? "He isn't only well-educated and a gentleman, but still rather handsome too." (yep, he definitely is). However, she didn't stand a chance with him (why am I not sorry about that?). "He told me once that he wouldn't feel really free for a new relationship and therefore wasn't interested. He was very discrete about it, but a little bird chirped to me that he's still pinning for his second wife though the <not so nice expression for a female dog> cheated on him, left him and made him look a total fool. Heaven knows why a man like him wasn't able to overcome his feelings for this person when getting so much better offers! However, I'm glad he's finally over this terrible woman - but now I'd really like to know how you got him to forget her finally!"
I couldn't help it - evil Sycorax took over. With the sweetest smile I was able to produce I told her: "I didn't."
"you didn't?"
"Well, I'm the <not so nice expression of a female dog> he was pinning for. And don't you think the weather is rather odd? There's probably another storm coming up tonight. Hopefully it won't destroy too much trees in the forest again." Having come this far I discovered another acquaintance of mine, excused myself and went away, letting the lady back looking rather embarrassed.

I know: I should have handled that with a bit more grace ... and next time something like that happens to me I'll try. But today I simply couldn't resist ...

"I probably must exercise the bean dipping a bit more ..."

Black Delphinium:
Sycorax, bean dip is just what it sounds like-a dip for chips or veggies that is made from beans and other good stuff.

I think you did okay, I'd have just said "I'm his ex...and our reconciliation has been a wonderful thing." and left out the profanity, but she did call you the word first.

Next time, just hold you head up high and smile enigmatically, it drives the gossipy ones crazy. You owe no explanations or apologies to anyone like her.

And Merry Belated Christmas. I hope the little one had a lovely time, and that you did as well.

I got a good laugh out if that.  I wish there had been a camera to catch her expression- Reason 8954 not to gossip.

Bean dip is when you need to change the topic you say "Have you tried the bean dip (or other party food.)? and then refuse to reengage the topic, by moving away if necessary.


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