Author Topic: is this too casual or is it okay?  (Read 1386 times)

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sandy

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is this too casual or is it okay?
« on: April 08, 2007, 07:55:27 PM »
I havent really had this come up much before....and just wondered how others would see it. I have a friend who is very casual and often likes to have some type of get together, a dinner, a brunch, etc and usually only invites maybe 4 or 5 people. Normally I would know if I can go or not, and we are pretty good friends so i feel it's okay to play things by ear when need be, she invited me for a dinner, first it was at noon, and I asked her if it was ok to let her know later on in teh week bc I didn't know. Part of  that is somethign going on in my life right now, that makes planning things harder, suffice it to say. I  try the best I can, but it's not alwasy possible or easy at all to plan a week or 2 in advance and then go. She sounded very casual and said yea, let me know whenver you can....which is what I did, I have an ill family member and really have my plate full of thigns I'm trying to handle at this time, which she knows most of that...I did let her know almost last minute with a kind of sorry, well you said it was ok to let you know whenever i could, things have been hectic, so we'd like to still come type of thing. She sounded distant and annoyed but like she was trying to not show it. I felt uncomfortalbe, but it seemed like, well, she did say it was ok, and since me and my young daughter dont eat much food, it's not like they would really adjust how much they would cook for an adult and child...and with only 3 other people invited I jsut thought it shouldnt make much difference in seating, there's plenty of room and it requires just pulling a chair to the table. Not to sound indiffernet or ungrateful, i just honestly wondered since she said it was ok to let her now when I coudl, but then seemed annoyed that I hadn't let her know alot earlier. I didnt want to come out and ask if she had to adjust her cooking because of that, but just wondered. I have entertained before too obviously and when I have a very small group, or large, it doesnt make much difference if one or two people are absent (or added on)

Clara Bow

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Re: is this too casual or is it okay?
« Reply #1 on: April 08, 2007, 08:00:25 PM »
Could it be possible that she was annoyed about something else and you happened to catch her at a bad time? How close to the party was your call?
In the future you might tell her that you'll try to come but if you can't you'll call. That way there's not a whole lot of scrambling on her part.
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caranfin

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Re: is this too casual or is it okay?
« Reply #2 on: April 09, 2007, 02:04:29 PM »
I think you're confusing "casual" with "spontaneous."
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Sapphi27

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Re: is this too casual or is it okay?
« Reply #3 on: April 09, 2007, 04:04:58 PM »
I asked her if it was ok to let her know later on in the week bc I didn't know. ... I did let her know almost last minute with a kind of sorry, well you said it was ok to let you know whenever i could, things have been hectic, so we'd like to still come type of thing. She sounded distant and annoyed but like she was trying to not show it. ... I have entertained before too obviously and when I have a very small group, or large, it doesnt make much difference if one or two people are absent (or added on)

With your current commitment problems (that she knows about,) your answer implied a vague decline.  I was surprised that you were actually going.  Just because you told her that you were going to let her know later, does NOT mean telling her last minute is acceptable.  What you are comfortable with in your home with additional/absent guests, may not be comfortable for her.  If I had 5 people in my house for a sit down dinner, I would have to borrow chairs.  Knowing I'd have over my chair limit at the last minute would annoy me too.