Now it's time for our bad etiquette confessions

[Fluffy_Brit_Bunny]

Several years ago I was in a discount store getting my purchases rung up. In the front of the store was a little cafe. Sitting at one of the tables was a very obese woman.

She caught me gaping at her. *facepalm*

Similarly I was in a lift with a exceptionally large woman and her husband. As we reached the ground floor she said loudly 'honey, I'm sooo hungry!'.

I'm sorry to say I gasped then sniggered, audibly.  I should know better, especially since I used to be overweight and I know how hurtful such reactions are.

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

Mine both concern weddings.

1.
When I was about 21, I had a couple of friends who had met through our Star Trek fan club. Anyway, when they decided to get married, they asked me (in a casual conversation) if I would come to their wedding. I said I would. I knew their wedding would be held in FemaleFriend's home town, but to me this was an excuse to go and stay with another friend who lived in a city 90 k's away, who would also be coming to the wedding.

So... time goes by, the wedding date approaches and I don't hear anything. Finally I called up FemaleFriend and asked point blank, "Hey, are you going to invite me to your wedding?" She sputtered and I said, "It doesn't matter if you're not, I just want to know so I can get a plane ticket!" So she said she would speak to her parents, who were paying, and call me back.

She called me a few days later and said yes, I was invited. So I went ahead and bought a plane ticket, arrange with OtherFriend to stay at her place. Except OtherFriend did not have a car and it was an hour's drive to FF's home town. However, a guy from OF's work agreed to drive us. OF phoned FF and asked if this was okay, and by the way, could WorkGuy come to the wedding as well because it was a small town and he'd have nothing to do. FF agreed.

So... to recap, FF ended up with two extra guests (me and WorkGuy) at something like 90 bucks a head. And I didn't even buy her a present!!

2.
When my cousin got married she was 19 and I was 20. I honestly thought we were close and kept saying, "You're making me a bridesmaid, right?" She'd laugh and say, "No, no, a flower girl!!" In the end she didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid - she asked the wife of her husband's best man, whom she didn't even know! (I'm still bitter about that but hey, it was her wedding.) That's not the bad part. All my other cousins who were invited had SOs, who were naturally invited. At the time I didn't have one, but I figured I would get an "and guest" and had already asked a male friend of mine if he'd go with me. So when the time came I was invited alone.

Now, having read posts about this, I realise it is perfectly fine and acceptable to invite single people without SOs by themselves. However, being the geeky one in the family (having constantly been asked by toxic relatives when I was getting a boyfriend, why I didn't date, etc - and I did, but I didn't broadcast it around), I took this as an insult. "They obviously think I can't find a man to go with me! I'll show them!" So I phoned up my aunt and told her that I had a date and he'd better be getting an invitation too, because I wasn't coming alone!!

Luckily, my aunt had the stones to say, "Um, that's not how it works. We only have a certain number of seats, and an extra guest would add 150 bucks to the price. So, unfortunately, you won't be able to bring a date."

For years afterwards I still thought she had said that just to be mean to me!! I really don't have fond memories of my cousin's wedding as my brother and I were seated far away from our family (my parents and their brothes and sisters) near the door, which I also took as an insult. I then sprained my ankle on the dancefloor - and no, I hadn't been drinking, I was wearing spike-heeled shoes and there was a sloping edge between the dance area and the carpet and I fell.

I've never felt the same way about my cousin since, and it's sad because she didn't do anything wrong, it was all me!!

[mumma to KMC]

I just did this a few weeks ago...I blame it on pregnancy...

I emailed (normal form of communication with this person) my ds's Godmother and invited her over for dinner. I told her we would like to have her over for dinner during Advent and again in January to celebrate ds's birthday and Baptism Day. I asked her what day would be good in Advent and she replied the 18th.

I totally forgot about it. I had to work that evening so dh was home w/ds. Ds was napping away and Godmother rang the doorbell. Oppps.

She said that is was no problem and when I apologized, she said it was already forgotten, but man, how could I forget?

 

[Xanthia, Maker of fine Tin-foil hats since 2007]

At work, we have a favorite and VERY resonably priced Deli we order from who delivers to our office usually within 15 minutes.  The last time we ordered, the food was HORRIBLE, I mean, they messed up a SANDWICH.  The food was completley different, made differently, served on different bread, I called to complain, and the guy apologised, but it was not the man I was used to speaking to, the owner "Gino", it was a different guy.

So, they order from there again, giving it another try, and the delivery guy shows up (I did not order) and I asked why things were different, was Gino on vacation, he said that Gino had sold the Deli and I said (blushes)

"Oh, so that is why the food was so cr@ppy last time."  it is not the delivery guys fault that the food is not as good as it used to be, I should have kept my opinion to myself.

OH, for the record, it stunk that time they ordered as well, the prices have been jacked up, quitaly has fallen off, and we no longer order from there, neither do any of the other offices in the building.

[willow2483]

I was only three years old, but on a boat at Disney World, I told my parents "I don't want to sit by that old lady!"

Of course, I don't remember that, but I totally cut someone off in line at the grocery store today...I pretended I was in SUCH a hurry that I didn't see the guy angling his car in the line.

It does make me feel a little better that I only have two cans of soup and juice (I'm sick!) and he had a whole cartful.  Still...it was pretty rude...

[andi]

Considering i'm the Queen of "foot in mouth" disorder - i could probably write a book on stupid things i've said.

however - i have RSVP'd for a wedding then decided not to go to the reception at the last minute.  i'm notorious for sending RSVP's at the absolute last minute (or after i'm called to be reminded) and i'm always late on birthday / anniversary cards

i truely don't do things on purpose to be inconsiderate or rude, and i feel aweful after i've "pulled a no no".

[Shoo]

Oh, I have one that makes me so ashamed of myself.

This past summer my family and I went camping with some friends.  At the campground, there is an ampitheatre and in the evening, the park rangers give a presentation on various topics concerning forestry, animals, etc.

We attended one of the presentations one night, and sat near the back of the ampitheatre.  After the presentation, the rangers had a question and answer period from the audience.  Lots of kids asked questions, and other people too. 

Then, an older man sitting near the front raised his hand to ask a question and when he did, his voice came out really really loud and sounded just like a croaking frog.  I'm sure he had something wrong with him, some kind of condition, but man, I just lost it.

I actually (and audibly, I'm sure) snorted and my friends sitting in the row with me did too.  We were all convulsing trying to hold in our laughter.  You know how when you get the giggles and there's nothing you can do to stop it?  That's how we were.  I had tears running down my face.

The harder we tried to stop, the worse it got.  We almost had to get up and leave, but, thankfully, the show was over and we got out of there fast.

I felt so awful.  There is a small chance the man didn't hear us, but I'd be very surprised if he didn't.

[Bethalize]

however - i have RSVP'd for a wedding then decided not to go to the reception at the last minute.  i'm notorious for sending RSVP's at the absolute last minute (or after i'm called to be reminded) and i'm always late on birthday / anniversary cards

i truely don't do things on purpose to be inconsiderate or rude, and i feel aweful after i've "pulled a no no".

Then why do you do it? I would have been heartbroken if you were my friend and it was my wedding. Deciding not to go seems fairly purposeful to me.

[andi]

however - i have RSVP'd for a wedding then decided not to go to the reception at the last minute.  i'm notorious for sending RSVP's at the absolute last minute (or after i'm called to be reminded) and i'm always late on birthday / anniversary cards

i truely don't do things on purpose to be inconsiderate or rude, and i feel aweful after i've "pulled a no no".

Then why do you do it? I would have been heartbroken if you were my friend and it was my wedding. Deciding not to go seems fairly purposeful to me.

it was my bosses wedding - and i got went to the ceramony and felt very out of place - i was the only person not of management or above there and didn't know anyone else.  it was very akward. i know i should have sucked it up and gone anyway.

sometimes my incondiserate gene takes over, but usually it's my bad memory gene.  It doesn't happen nearly as much anymore (thank goodness) but there are times i'll take a look back at something and think "i didn't just do that did i?" or more likely "i didn't forget that again?"  I've gotten a lot better about making lists - of things to do, buy, etc.  I like doing nice things for people - but i would on ocassion just forget.

[dietcokeofevil]

I RSVP'ed for a wedding a didn't show...a couple of times.  The first time I was about 19 and was invited to the wedding of a co-worker.  Since this was my co-op job in a city where I only knew the people I worked with...I was a little skittish about going alone, but a couple of my other co-workers assured me that they were going solo and we could all hang out together.  At the last minute, both of the other people backed out, and I was too scared to go by myself, so I backed out too. 

The other time I was in college.  My bf and I were invited to a friends wedding that was being held in the middle of the week in a town a couple of hours away from us.  It was stupid of us to agree to go, since we were going to have to really rush to make it there on time after my classes and his job.  When the day came, we just decided it was too big of hassle to go.

In both instances I felt mildly bad for skipping out, but after having my own wedding I know what a huge pain we were.

[kingsrings]

It wasn't a big deal I guess, but I still feel embarrassed by it for some reason. Years ago, I attended a grad party for a long-time neighbor. It was a big party, and their house was packed to capacity. Myself and some others I was talking to were standing by the front door, and the doorbell rang. For some reason, I just instinctively went over and answered the door and let the people in. It was like just a natural reaction to hearing the doorbell ring. It wasn't my house, my party, I wasn't the host, and I didn't ask first before I answered the door. The people were like, "ummm, are we at the right house?" and the host came by and was like, "well, umm, thank you, kingrings". I was too embarrassed to apologize and just let it go without saying anything. I guess it's okay though, as this neighbor has also done a few etiquette faux pas, too. 

[Ko-Ko]

I've got one!

As some of you might have noticed from a few of my posts, I tend to let my mouth get ahead of me. One time, I was at the mall with a friend and we went to try on clothes. She was the type that often wore plain clothes, but she was trying to get a nicer look. She tried on this shirt that was covered in these bright pink sequins, a verrrry low neckline, and the shirt was bright orange. When I saw it, I thought she was just messing around, so I laughed. I had no idea she wanted to buy it. I still feel bad about it.

Ko-Ko

[Slartibartfast]

MIL is 62, oldest SIL is 40 and has two kids, and my own mother is 51.  So . . .

When DH and I were finally engaged and mentioned something about wanting kids in the next couple of years, MIL freaked out.  "You can't have kids!  I'm not old enough to be a grandmother!"

I snapped back, "You're already a grandmother!  MY mom isn't old enough to be a grandmother!"

(We tease each other like this all the time, but I think this is the one time I've said something that came a little close to home - glad MIL has a good sense of humor, though!)

[RubySlippers]

The story about getting the giggles reminds me of a story of mine from my youth.  My friend (the pastor's daughter) and I were in church along with her mom and a couple of the Sunday School teachers. We took up most of the pew.  That day there was a visiting pastor and his church's choir.  As the choir marched in, I guess they hadn't rehearsed the entrance.  Our choir stalls had the entrances at the side and they must have been used to a centre access.  Well - they marched up the aisle and kind of stopped at the middle.  The lead people paused for a minute, then headed off to the side and finally found access from there.  So in they went with about 30 people following them.  As they progressed they realised that they were totally in the wrong spots.  I guess the altos and basses etc. were all mixed up.  So they kept on going out the other side.  Rearranged themselves and tried to come back in again.  It went on like this for a while.  Then, before they could start their prepared songs, they had to wiggle past each other, trying desperately to get into their proper spots.  At this point my friend and I looked at each other and felt the giggles coming.  As the choir got more and more confused, we got worse and worse.  Her mother glared at us and so did the Sundy school teacher.  When the choir finally got into position and sang their song, we were mostly calmed down.
Then it happened.
Her father, the pastor, began his prayer.  The visiting pastor apparently was the type who would call out an "amen" randomly throughout other people's prayers. (I was not used to this) Also his "amens" sounded more like "uhnhnnnnnnn". 
That was it - after every sentence of the prayer "uhnhnhnh" this groan would be heard very loudly.  We lost it.  The pew shook so badly that her mom grabbed us both and held us by the shoulders til the prayer was over, then hustled us out as unobtrusively as she could.  We went into the parking lot and just howled.  I'm starting to laugh now just thinking about it.
So now you know.  It must have been a sign.  I'm a non-believer now.  Just as well.

[nicetooths]

I agree with the other person who said to send the TY's separately.  It would be even a larger faux pas to include your TY with the Xmas card. 

We received a xmas card which included the thank you card. I wasn't impressed but I also wasn't surprised as this was from the woman who complained about a few people not buying off her registry and how it inconvenienced her because she had to return their gifts to the store.