Now it's time for our bad etiquette confessions

[kingsrings]

Okay, it's bad etiquette confession time for us now!   Let's switch the topic from talking about the bad etiquette things other people have done to confessing our own bad etiquette mishaps. It can be any kind, for instance rude things you have done unintentionally, or just because you didn't know at the time that it was rude. What could of landed you as the subject of one of our threads on here?? I'll start:

*Some years ago, I went to a self-serve car wash I had never been to before. I didn't really know how these places worked and that there were two separate areas-one for washing, one for drying. I saw the vacumn cleaners in the side opposite of the wash area and just thought that was where people went to vacumn their cars. So I washed my car and started drying it in the same area. Next thing I know a woman is yelling out, "Excuse me!!!" and I looked and there was this long line of cars by the wash area waiting for a stall to open up. The woman starts yelling at me about why am I not in the drying area and how all these people are waiting for me to move there so they can wash their cars and how rude and inconvenient I am being to them. The other people waiting backed her up. So I've got all these people mad at me, all at once. I was mad back at them because I made an honest mistake and didn't know how things functioned there. I didn't respond because I was so shocked, just gave them all very dirty looks and took my own sweet time moving my car to the drying area.


*I've been guilty in the past of accidentally bringing too many items in the 10 items or less line at the grocery store. Sometimes I've just been so dingy or tired that I went to the line without checking first to see what lane it was. I've been consequently chewed out by the people behind me. Now I'm a lot more careful about checking first.

[JeanFromBNA]

I was snarky to the pharmacy tech who tried to refill my prescription.  There was a miscommunication between the pharmacy, the insurance company, and the doctor and I was off meds that I thought I needed.  The delay resulted in my finding out that I did fine without them, so I should really thank the pharmacy.

[goblue2539]

I think my most recent was a cell phone violation, but I have to confess I'd probably do the same if the situation rose again.

I stayed on my phone while going through the check-out line.  The reason is because my friend is leaving her husband and I knew if I got off the phone with her she was likely to do something emotionally harmful to herself or her husband, but I still should have at least asked if I could call her back.  The best I thought to do at the time was let her know I was in the check out line and apologize to the clerk as I paid. 

I'm sure I've done worse, but I'm having a problem with selective memory right now.  I'll add more as I think of them.  Or as they come up, as I'm sure some will during this wonderful season of giving as good as we get.  

Oooh, I just thought of one before I posted.  I did cut someone off who was trying to enter the highway.  Dark, snowy night, and someone decided they were too good to merge when people were trying to actually let them in.  They had to drive right up until the entrance lane ended and the rest of the people had no choice but to let them on.  I got mad, and refused to let them in.  Mean and petty of me, and I did feel a little bad about it later, but only a little.  And only because I still made it to class on time.  If I had been late, I probably wouldn't have felt bad at all.  So, that definitely qualifies as a violation. 

[NOVA Lady]

My rudeness happened on vacation a few days ago, and I have NO excuse.

We were exhuasted from a full day at the stadium (we went to an NFL game in Miami, so it was hot) and we were starving.

We went into the hotel bar/restuarant to grab a drink and some sandwiches. Well the place was filthy. There were few people but trash from the previous occupants of all tables, so there was no clean place to chose to clean. We sat down at a table and waited for the waitress.  15 minutes later we saw no one (the staff was all congregated around the service bar area.) so I went up to the bar and asked for 2 menues, for someone to come and clean up our table, and take our drink order/get a drink from the bar.

The bartender gave me our drinks, demanded money (11 dollars and the a blank stare) which I gave him and then walked off. I dropped the drinks off at our table, moved the dirty dishes further along the table and walked up to the bar again. I asked again for two menues and for someone to come and clean up our table (it was filthy and the dirty dishes were still pile up there). He gave me the menues and said OK someone will be right around.

Well we waited another 25 minutes and no one ever came, the bartender ignored us.

Well, when the waiter ambled by our table (he didn't stop was just walking right by us) I got his attention and said, "Can you please clean up this table and take our order" in what I admit was a snappy tone. But when he let out a HUGE sigh, rolled his eyes and lamely moved a rag around out table and walked off without picking up the trash/food/dishes/beverages or taking our order I did in fact loose it.

I wont tell the long story but we ended up with room service for free in our room. and I might have said something along the lines of, "This is your job!!!" to the waiter and later the front desk person about the waiter.

I feel bad about being snarky now. I shouldn't have let my annoyance get ahead of me!

[sweedetobee]

I never rsvp'd to the first wedding that I was a bridesmaid in. I assumed that the bride knew I would be there since I was IN the wedding after all, but I never realized I had to pick a meal, she needed to know if I was bringing a guest and that I just should have done the right thing and rsvp'd. She's never mentioned it to me of course but when I see her I still feel like a little jerk 5 years later. When planning my own wedding this all came back to me on teh karma bus when several of our guests either did not reply, or sent back a reply card marked yes or no but with no names and no return addresses..........

[Buffy2424]

Oh, I have an embarrassing foot-in-mouth one that I can only chalk up to age.  It's pretty bad.  

My husband and I (recent college grads and newlyweds) were living in a townhome community.  We became friendly with the neighbors who were closest to us in geography and age.  They were a married couple, about 30 years old.  So they were almost 10 years older than us but it didn't feel like it.  The female half of the couple worked with my husband and soon the four of us were having beers on the porches after work, and bbq-ing, things like that.  

One day, they announced that she was pregnant.  Did I say, "Congratulations"?  

Well, yes, but not before I blurted out something like, "Ohhh... were you uh, trying?"  !!  

At least I didn't use the word accident.  

I knew by then that you didn't ask people that, but the only explanation I can offer is that I was used to interracting with college girls, and I hadn't yet been part of conversing as though pregnancy was a happy thing.  As soon as I said it I realized the ridiculousness.

Anyway, later in private I apologized to her for blurting out something rude.  She sweetly pretended she had hardly noticed.  We all moved to different locations a few years laterd, but we still keep in touch with them(and their daughter ).

[wetblanket]

Years ago, my friend confided in me that she really didn't like her sister-in-law, thought her brother would be better off without this woman, and that she (my friend) hoped that they never had any kids because then it would be even more unlikely that the couple would divorce.

Later on, the sister-in-law got pregnant.  My friend had mixed feelings about this, which was not surprising.

The sister-in-law had a miscarriage.  When my friend told me about it, she didn't seem all that upset.  I said something like "In a way, I guess you must be relieved."

My friend got pretty ticked off with me for saying that. 

[Clara Bow]

I have to admit  I am horrible to telemarketers of all stripe. I'm on the national do not call list, so I don't get many, but sometimes one slips through and if I'm in a bad mood and I say no thank you and they persist, I eat them alive. I know I shouldn't and I know that they are people who are just doing their job but they drive me insane.
I've been a whole lot better lately, but I usually just hang up on them, rather than blistering their ears.
That, and I won't let people merge out of a lane that is ending if the merge is adequately posted and they have had plenty of time to merge and still choose to ride that *&^%&*(*^ lane to the end. I make them wait to get over. If it's a badly posted merge (like the one just off I-10 up here) or the person has been stuck in that lane I've been known to stop and let them get over. But if they're just off in lala land, I make them wait. I feel like such a heel now....

[NEDESAPIO]

I once answered my cell phone (it rang three times, loudly, before I could get it out of my purse) in a public library I was unfamiliar with.  There was a sign outside the door saying "no cell phones," which I hadn't seen.  Still, I had a vague idea I wasn't supposed to be using a cell phone in the library, so I kept the conversation very short (30 seconds or less) and tried to keep my voice low -- but the problem was, the person on the other end was having trouble hearing me.  That's when the librarian came over and told me to take it outside.  I had to apologize to her.  I admit, I was being pretty thoughtless in not taking the phone outside as it was ringing.  The only excuse I can offer is that I use my cell phone very infrequently and so sometimes don't think of these things.

But I also have to add that, when I came back into the library, that same librarian was behind the desk with all of her colleagues; they all proceeded to laugh and joke and make a commotion, just because they saw someone they knew.  Apparently, they work there, so they're allowed to make noise...

[avonlea29]

My worst faux paux are related to our wedding. I was 19 and the first of my friends to get married, so I really didn't know.

* My SIL's-to-be threw me a shower. They did it on their own b/c my MOH was living in TX and the only other BM's were a) my sisters, 11 and 14 and b) my 16 yo friend (very mature, but still kinda a mistake in hindsight. She came home from summer camp the night before the wedding and was tired and barely smiled for any pics. @@).

* I put the registry info in the invitations b/c I didn't know you weren't supposed to. Everyone was doing it. Oops!

* I didn't invite my grandfathers wife, just him. While I know now that it was not proper, I still am not sorry. She is a retched woman who has to control everyone around her. I'm surprised she even let him come to the wedding. I didn't really expect to see him anyway, as I hadn't seen him for years before that. I was raised 15 miles from him (still am) and have seen him a handful of times that I can remember. He just isn't interested, which is a source of pain to my sweet mother. I don't think he even responded when my sister got married last summer. I haven't seen him since my wedding and I believe mom has seen him once. BUT...I still send him cards and pics of the kids. <sigh>

Unrelated to the wedding....dh never took down the Christmas lights last year (just one string along the front roofline). Most embarrassing to me, but he was adamant. I told him it was tacky. @@

Oh...I did take almost a year to finish my wedding thank you's. I was told it was acceptable. I still feel bad and that was 9 years ago.

[Chonsil]

I too put registry information cards in with my wedding invitations.....

Yes, I know, absolutely horrible. But all I can say is, I genuinely didn't know any better at the time. I was young. It was 15 years ago and there was not the easy resource of the world wide web (or etiquette hell!) readily available to give me guidance in the etiquette factor. I had a bridal guide book, but it never mentioned what should or should not be included in the invite (it just went over how to word things). I had only been to three weddings of friends and family at that time, and I just followed along with what they had done, which was include the registry information. I just thought that was what you did.

I hang my head in shame.....

[hobish]

A friend of my mom's had never been baptized, so she was being baptized as an adult. The friend is really wonderful & i like her a lot, so i went to church with my mom on the day of her baptism. Friend was sitting in the congregational area, and was breathtakingly "done up." She looked like a dream of an angel. What came out of my mouth?

"Oh my goodness, you look so beautiful i almost didn't recognize you!"

[Nekolove]

I have a ton, but I'll stick to my most egregious:

I was invited to my best guy friend from college's wedding which was in a city about 5 hours from mine. The invite was addressed to me and my now DH. We made plans to travel down and stay with one of my girlfriends who had recently moved to the same city as friend getting married. My faux pas? I took the uninvited girlfriend with us. After I had RSVPd for 2. And this was a friend my friend getting married had never even met before.

In my defense, I was very young and had only been to a handful of family weddings before. It didn't even occur to me that there might not be room for her, or that it would be a problem. And of course, it wasn't, the couple was EXTREMELY gracious about the whole thing, and have never EVER even mentioned it to me over the last 6 years they've been married. I didn't discover how horrible that was until I started planning my own wedding.

I've never apologized, but I still feel really awful about it.

 

[sylvia224]

I can think of three off the top of my head - all wedding related and all when I was much younger and had no experience with these things. Still, it's been years and I still feel bad.

1. I was a bridesmaid in my sister in law's wedding. She had arranged for the bridal party members to have our hair professionally styled the morning of the wedding, so off we all went to the salon. For some reason, I assumed that this was something that had been paid for by someone else (her? Her parents? My parents? I don't know...) Anyway, I got my hair done and left that salon without paying a soul. Didn't even TIP the hairdresser. I'm assuming she must have paid for it after I left. Egad.

2. I was a bridesmaid in another wedding on the other side of the country. This was a VERY formal affair with a sit down dinner. I did not give the couple a gift! I assumed that my contribution was the travel/dress expense. In hindsight, that was very rude. I should not have agreed to participate if I couldn't provide a gift in addition to the travel expenses.

3. I got a wedding invite that I didn't RSVP for. I had yet to learn the importance of such things.

Thanks for letting me get those off my chest, I feel somewhat absolved!

[LissaR1]

We had a B-list for our wedding.  It was with the best of intentions- there were people we HAD to invite that we were pretty sure wouldn't come but you never know, but still.  Bad us.  But the worst- the absolute worst- was I thought I mailed all the B-list invites at the same time, and then a week and a half later found some that had fallen behind the couch and mailed them anyway.  Only later did I realize that there was one group that spoke to each other where half got their invites well before the other half.

Then again, a couple of them RSVPed that they would come and then didn't show. 

And today I was an hour late back when my MIL was sitting (although at least I called her).