Hostesses With The Mostest > Entertaining and Hospitality

The rudest host I've ever encountered

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junebugsfriend:
Hi all, I've been reading the topics and responses for a few weeks. This is a great site! I hope this is in the right category. If not, apologies to all. I'd love to know what y'all think of this:

My friend, "Junebug", and I were out for a matinee and lunch girls' day out on Saturday. She has been seeing a guy for several months, let's call him "Rick". When JB spoke to R earlier in the day he said if we wanted to we should stop by his condo on our way home. OK, fine.

When we arrive, R is drinking a scotch. His condo is configured in such a way that you can see his kitchen/kitchen bar area from the living room. He continues to sip his scotch and never asked us if we'd care for anything, even a glass of water. He gets up to freshen his drink (he's drinking an expensive well-known brand of scotch, which was sitting on the end of the kitchen bar). JB says, much to my embarrassment, "may I have a scotch?". Well, R didn't look thrilled, but what he did next stunned me. He went to a cabinet, took down another bottle of scotch (a very cheap one) and poured JB a drink. Mind you, we could see everything he did from where we were sitting. He still NEVER asked me if I wanted so much as a sip of water, not that I wanted anything, but still it would have been nice to have been asked.

After JB and I left, I asked her what the heck was that about and how cheap/tacky could you be! She informed me that this isn't the only time his thriftiness has shown through, either. Now I understand that we may not be privy to his financial health, but I just think it's a) rude not to offer your guests something, particularly when you're sitting there having something yourself right in front of them, and b) to blatantly serve a guest a cheaper brand of what you're having when there is clearly plenty of what you're having (when it's the same thing, whether it be scotch or a soda, etc.), and to make it so obvious, too.

I'm still shaking my head over this. Plus, it not only was rather embarrassing, but it also made me feel unwelcome, when he's the one who suggested we drop by.

OK, who was ruder - him for not offering us anything and then clearly pouring her a cheaper drink than what he was having or her for having asked for something to drink?

Rose2Bear:
I don't think she was wrong in asking for the drink - especially since you mentioned she has been seeing the guy for several months. In fact, if this is her boyfriend I'm really surprised she would even need to ask. At my old boyfriend's house, I usually just helped myself to whatever I wanted to drink in the fridge, and he did the same. And I have several good friends who know just to help themselves to whatever they want, although I always ask if they would like something anyways, but sometimes they decline and then change their mind an hour later and just get up and help themselves and I'm totally fine with it. So I guess my first point is, your friend was not rude in asking.

The guy, however, WAS rude for not offering something since he was drinking something himself and since he invited you guys over - its not like you just came by unannounced and put him on the spot. Also, the fact that he served her the cheap stuff when clearly in your view is pretty lousy. If he wasn't in blatant view then... eh who will know, still lame but whatever, but since it was in plain view... that's just weird. Obviously he doens't care if people knows he prefers to hoard the good stuff for himself. 

Makes me wonder what your friend sees in this guy to be perfectly honest... Well, I guess thats not fair I can't judge him solely based on this but... sheesh he should at least learn to improve his manners and learn how to share a little better! Is this her boyfriend??

junebugsfriend:

--- Quote from: Rose2Bear on April 09, 2007, 03:28:44 AM ---I don't think she was wrong in asking for the drink - especially since you mentioned she has been seeing the guy for several months. In fact, if this is her boyfriend I'm really surprised she would even need to ask. At my old boyfriend's house, I usually just helped myself to whatever I wanted to drink in the fridge, and he did the same. And I have several good friends who know just to help themselves to whatever they want, although I always ask if they would like something anyways, but sometimes they decline and then change their mind an hour later and just get up and help themselves and I'm totally fine with it. So I guess my first point is, your friend was not rude in asking.

The guy, however, WAS rude for not offering something since he was drinking something himself and since he invited you guys over - its not like you just came by unannounced and put him on the spot. Also, the fact that he served her the cheap stuff when clearly in your view is pretty lousy. If he wasn't in blatant view then... eh who will know, still lame but whatever, but since it was in plain view... that's just weird. Obviously he doens't care if people knows he prefers to hoard the good stuff for himself. 

Makes me wonder what your friend sees in this guy to be perfectly honest... Well, I guess thats not fair I can't judge him solely based on this but... sheesh he should at least learn to improve his manners and learn how to share a little better! Is this her boyfriend??

--- End quote ---

Sorry, I should have been a bit clearer. JB has been on only a handful of dates with this guy in several months, but she certainly doesn't consider him her boyfriend so she didn't feel comfortable helping herself to something. Had he suddenly remembered his manners when she asked him for a scotch I'd not have thought anything about it. Sometimes one gets distracted talking, but most people would apologize for the lapse and offer to make their guests feel welcome/comfortable. It was just so blatantly rude that I wondered how on earth someone who fancies himself so upper-crust (he's a snob in many ways and likes to brag about his privileged upbringing, his expensive German sportscar, etc., according to JB) could do something like that without any apparent embarrassment at all.

Oh, and I also forgot to mention that she won't be seeing him again due to his cheap, tacky and rude behavior and not just this incident! We laughed all the way home about it, but it did make both of us cringe.

Chocolate Cake:
Oh, and I also forgot to mention that she won't be seeing him again due to his cheap, tacky and rude behavior and not just this incident! We laughed all the way home about it, but it did make both of us cringe.

This was my question, so I'm glad to hear it!   I hope she'll tell him why she's dumping him the next time he calls to ask her out! 

outcastspice:
Maybe she was trying to clue him into the fact that he should have offered drinks? it doesn't sound like it worked, though!

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