General Etiquette > Family and Children

Exchanging Gifts

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daisydaisy:
I will try to make a long story short, but I will apologize in advance for likely failing...

8 years ago, I moved from the city I grew up in to another city about 5 hours away.  My friends and family all lived in the city I moved from so I pretty much didn't know anyone in new city except for my fiance, now my husband.

After a few years my best friend, her husband and 3 kids moved to new city as well.  Now that whole relationship is a question in itself but I'll save that one for another day.

Anyhow a few years ago, I introduced a friend I had made in new city to a friend of best friend in old city.  They hit it off and ended up getting married a couple of years ago.  About a year ago they had a baby. 

So here's the question - for the past few years we have had a tradition of all 3 families getting together having a festive dinner and exchanging gifts.  Everybody bought for everybody.  This year other friend's husband sent out an e-mail saying let's only buy gifts for the kids this year.  I'm feeling kind of put out and annoyed.  And I should mention that we don't have any kids.  Am I being childish?  I mean there are lot's of people out there who think Christmas is only for the children but dangit, I like presents too.  And these are the friends that I would get nice stuff from too that I would actually like.

So what does one say when one person makes a unilateral decision like that?  I said "fine" because I couldn't think of any polite way to say that I didn't think it was fair.

Suggestions?

fluffy:
Can you suggest that everyone draw a secret santa and then buy a small gift for them? Or, perhaps, you can do a White Elephant/Yankee Swap type gift exchange.

That way you would still get the fun of opening a present, but your friends wouldn't have the pressure of buying for all of the elephants.

Chocolate Cake:
I think you have to speak up.   Clearly, the person who suggested this idea didn't think it through at all considering that you don't have children.

It is very fair for you to say, "In retrospect, I don't think the idea of only buying for the children is going to work out since we don't have children.   We would be buying for X (number) of children but not receiving anything in return.  However, I understand that maybe buying for everyone is getting too expensive."   Then you could suggest a Dirty Santa or a Secret Santa amongst the adults and whomever also wishes to buy for the children could do so on their own.

JudiAU:
I can understand why you would be miffed about not receiving a present but I don't think that you can point that out in a polite way. Saying "I don't want to buy for your kids unless you buy for me" comes across pretty poorly. I don't think "buying for the kids only" was directed at you-- probably little thought went into it and many people would be happy with the change.

I think the only polite way is to respond that that you really appreciated that he brought it up, that Christmas has become so commercial, and that are trying to rethink your gift giving. You would prefer to no longer participate in a gift exchange but of course, don't care if others do."

LissaR1:
How about, "I agree that it does get expensive to buy for everyone, but why should the kids get all the fun?  Let's do a Pollyanna/Yankee/Secret Santa for the adults as well."  That way you're including all the adults in the present exchange and it sounds more tactful.

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