General Etiquette > All In A Day's Work
Annoying train-riding companion...
ButterflieRJ:
I'm putting this here because it deals with my commute to (and occasionally from) work.
A few weeks ago a guy sat down next to me on the train and eventually said, "hey, you and I get off at the same stop". Cool cool. We introduced ourselves and talked about what we do until the stop came up.
Since then, he's proceeded to sit with me EVERY. MORNING. AND EVERY. EVENING. Now, if I were grabbing the last empty seat I could understand, but this is even when there are empty seats around! And if I manage to take a facing seat (where 2 2-seater seats face each other) he's STILL sits next to me, instead of taking his OWN seat!
Every time he sits with me he talks and talks, or asks me questions about work, life, etc. He knows I have a BF, who I am living with, too, and I doubt he's cocky enough to think he could "steal me away" from him. Occasionally he drinks potent-smelling energy drinks (the kind that smell like cough syrup) or eats and talks with his mouth full. He's also occasionally smelly--like he pulled a pair of pants out of the laundry and said "I can wear these for one more day"--and has this irksome patch of hair under his nose that leads me to believe he NEVER looks in a mirror (he's clean shaven otherwise, and this is very irregular and otherwise hard to explain, LOL!). He also walks the same direction that I do in the mornings now, instead of taking the bus like he used to, which he claims is shorter, and continues to talk. And now doesn't "hurry to make the earlier train" but waits to make the one I take in the evenings.
I really prefer to have my own seat if possible, and I like to quietly read or sleep (especially in the mornings--I'm NOT a morning person!) on the way to and from work. He doesn't even ask to sit with me any more, just plops down and starts talking, even if I have my eyes closed or my book open and am reading. I've politely said, "I need to sleep, I'm pretty tired today" or done the "uh huh... yea" thing while reading (which makes me feel like I'm being rude) and he just doesn't seem to get it. I'
At first it was ok, but I'm at the point where I dread getting on the train--I'm sufficiently annoyed and borderline creeped out! Yesterday morning I hopped on as soon as the doors opened and went into a different section than I normally go and sunk down real low so he wouldn't see me. And yesterday evening I went down a car from the one I'm normally on and went the opposite direction from where's most convenient for me to get off. This morning I was late and saw him get into a different car and actually blurted out "Thank G-D!"... AHHHH!!! I then felt REALLY bad!!
So, etiquette questions:
1. Am I being rude for:
- avoiding him?
- ignoring him if he inturrupts my sleeping or reading?
- telling him "I have to sleep"?
2. Am I over-reacting, or is he being... overbearing?
3. How can I continue to be polite without sending the wrong kinds of signals?
sweedetobee:
I can't answer you from an etiquette point of view - others here know much more than me on that subject. However, I don't think you are rude for telling him you want to sleep or for ignoring him (after saying hello of course) and going back to what you were reading.
But my opinion is that he's a little overbearing but probably doesn't mean to be. It's like when you have lunch with a co-worker one day and it is nice, and then every day after that they want to have lunch with you.
Honestly, I'd be avoiding him, which is probably not the correct thing to do, but I'm usually non confrontational with people that I will see on a regular basis. It would just be hard for me to say - look you're nice but I don't want to sit with you every day. Maybe some people could say that but I don't think I could unless I hated the person. However, what a pain for you to have to make an effort to avoid him.
ShadesOfGrey:
I think avoidance is your best response here. I have dealt with this same issue. DONT give him any info about yourself (creeped me out when it happened to me!) Get on a different car and even sit next to someone else so that he cannot sit next to you. (inconvenient, I know, but which scenario would you rather face?)
It doesnt sound like this guy gets it, so I wouldnt feel bad about saying something like: I appreciate your friendliness, but when I say I need to sleep, I really mean it. Please dont talk to me.
In this case, just because you are saying something someone may not like to hear doesnt mean you are being rude.
ButterflieRJ:
Glad to see a couple others feel the same way I do, LOL! I was starting to feel kinda bad about how I was responding, because I just wasn't raised to be that way.
ZipTheWonder:
"I was up last night with quite a cough. I'm afraid I'm going to have to beg off conversation and get some sleep on the train today. Excuse me." Nods off....
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