Gimme: Ransom The Bride

[Asharah]

 A couple I went to high school with became engaged. They threw a large "engagement party" where they received many gifts. There subsequently was a bridal shower, where they also received many gifts. As is customary, they received many gifts at their wedding. But I suppose all of these gifts weren't enough to satisfy the happy couple. During the reception, the bride "disappeared." The guests were told she was "kidnapped" and would be returned only after a suitable ransom was collected. The groom and groomsmen made their way around the reception hall with hats until they had collected several hundred dollars!
Asharah's comment: I would have refused to pay a ransom and just partied without her! 

Gimme0825-04

[artk2002]

I've been told that this is actually a cultural tradition in some places.  Fortunately, not any one that I've ever seen.  Haven't we had some stories (here, on the main site or in the news) of one of these "kidnappings" going wrong?  I hate to be coerced into giving more money in any case.

[The Opinionator]

Yes, this is tradition in Romania(and I think some other countries as well). However, there is one big difference: the groom pays the reward.

Art, I think the story you are referring to is this one: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=11605.0 .

I wouldn't pay the ransom if I was a guest at a wedding.

[artk2002]

Thank you, Andra.  That was the one that I was thinking of.

[FoxPaws]

The thing these gimme brides and grooms forget (or maybe not) is that the money collecting "cultural traditions" predate bridal showers, gift registries, engagement parties, and even giving gifts at the wedding. Way back when these games started, whatever cash was collected during the reception was what they got instead of gifts, not in addition to them.

I wonder how many of today's happy, grabby couples would still cling so tightly to these traditions if they had to give up everything else?

[mechtilde]

"Kidnapping the Bride" is common in my DH's region of Germany. She can only be kidnapped if she leaves the room where the reception is held, and is usually taken to a local pub until the groom comes and pays the ransom to her kidnappers- usually a round of drinks or crate of beer, something like that.

I've never heard of the guests paying- the guests are usually the ones doing the kidnapping...

I didn't get kidnapped myself (shame!) but I did get several handfuls of confetti shoved down my dress by my friends.

[kisu]

Here in Finland, sometimes the bride gets kidnapped, sometimes the groom, sometimes it's the MIL and at one wedding the groomsmen took the punch bowl for ransom! Usually people don't have to pay anything, though - the groom has to eg. sing a song or do a dance to get his bride back, or something like that.

[Evil Duckie]

Kiddnapping the bride is a tradition especially with those who are Northern European- such as German.

I have seen it at a couple of wedding here in the US. The area had been settled by a lot of Germans. Yes they expected the guests to pay money for the ransom. It is similar to the dollar dance you see in several regions of the US.

[magician5]

I have problems with particularly goofy traditions practiced in my own culture, and I have no fewer problems when I have to share goofy traditions practiced by other cultures.

I can 'go along' with most if I'm feeling gracious, but I feel really offended on occasions when I feel bullied or blindsided into some particularly goofy tradition ... and this would be one of 'em.

[Twik]

The thing these gimme brides and grooms forget (or maybe not) is that the money collecting "cultural traditions" predate bridal showers, gift registries, engagement parties, and even giving gifts at the wedding. Way back when these games started, whatever cash was collected during the reception was what they got instead of gifts, not in addition to them.

I wonder how many of today's happy, grabby couples would still cling so tightly to these traditions if they had to give up everything else?

FoxPaws, you have a very good point. There's only so many times people are entitled to "go to the well", when the well is the pockets of their nearest and dearest.

I'm pretty sure that if you told people "Oh, the dollar dance is an absolute essential in your tradition? Fine, but that means that you give up the shower(s) you expected, because that's not part of that tradition," you'd find a lot of people much less attached to it than they claim.

[Jolie_kitten]

Yes, this is tradition in Romania(and I think some other countries as well). However, there is one big difference: the groom pays the reward.

I'd just like to add: as far as I know (and I am Romanian), the "reward" should be something like a few bottles of booze, not more.
Even here, however, it is a bit controversial: it is considered OK by some etiquette books and tacky by others.

[hjaye]

"Kidnapping the Bride" is common in my DH's region of Germany. She can only be kidnapped if she leaves the room where the reception is held, and is usually taken to a local pub until the groom comes and pays the ransom to her kidnappers- usually a round of drinks or crate of beer, something like that.

I've never heard of the guests paying- the guests are usually the ones doing the kidnapping...

I didn't get kidnapped myself (shame!) but I did get several handfuls of confetti shoved down my dress by my friends.

I had a coworker many years ago who married a girl from Germany and the wedding was in her home town.  He didn't know about the kidnapping of the bride until after it happened.

His story was that he had to go to all the different pubs in town to find her.  When he went into a pub, if she wasn't there, but the patrons were able to stop him before he got to the door, he had to a buy a round for the house.  So they didn't collect any money for the bride and groom, and depending on how many bars he went to before he found her (and how many bar patrons were able to catch him before he got out the door) it could have been a very expensive kidnapping.

[Winterlight]

The thing these gimme brides and grooms forget (or maybe not) is that the money collecting "cultural traditions" predate bridal showers, gift registries, engagement parties, and even giving gifts at the wedding. Way back when these games started, whatever cash was collected during the reception was what they got instead of gifts, not in addition to them.

I wonder how many of today's happy, grabby couples would still cling so tightly to these traditions if they had to give up everything else?

Good point.