Author Topic: Very Invasive Questioning  (Read 9559 times)

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CakeBeret

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Very Invasive Questioning
« on: January 25, 2009, 11:17:16 PM »
Fiance and I had dinner with Toxic Dad and Stepmom the other night. Stepmom, who is not toxic but quite clueless, decided to ask some *very* invasive questions about my and Fiance's marriage counseling session. I tried to beandip her, but Dad called me on it and things got awkward.

SM: So Shatzie, is your premarital counseling teaching you how to be a good submissive wife?
ME: [faintly boggled expression] Hey, I wonder if the waiter is going to bring some more water out soon. I'm thirsty!
SM: Are you learning about X, Y, and Z issues? [X Y and Z were all of an *extremely* personal nature]
ME: [nearly exclaiming something rude, but holding back and smiling sweetly instead] How's that burrito, Stepmom?
DAD: Are you trying to change the subject, Shatzie? Your stepmother asked you a question.
ME: A very invasive question. Fiance, how was work today?

Dad and Stepmom would.not.let.it.rest. I tried bean dipping more, but conversation became very stilted. Was there a better way to handle this?
"From a procrastination standpoint, today has been wildly successful."

Wendy Moira Angela Pan

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Re: Very Invasive Questioning
« Reply #1 on: January 25, 2009, 11:25:48 PM »
I think you handled it well. If you wanted to be a bit flip, you might say, "Well, all we've talked about so far is keeping private marital issues between the two of us. They've harped on and on about it, so I guess it must be important. So, FH, how was work today?"

WolfWay

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Re: Very Invasive Questioning
« Reply #2 on: January 26, 2009, 01:54:58 AM »
Could you tell them point blank that you refuse to discuss it with them and if they persist in wanting to discuss it, you will get up and leave. And then do so.
It's best to love your family as you would a Siberian Tiger - from a distance, preferably separated by bars . -- Pearls Before Swine (16-May-2009)

Brain Fluff

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Re: Very Invasive Questioning
« Reply #3 on: January 26, 2009, 11:58:03 AM »
My FFIL does the same thing (asking invasive questions and not letting it drop). When he hits subjects that I don 't want to talk about I tell him that the topic is not open for discussion then follow up with a question that he loves to talk about.

gorplady

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Re: Very Invasive Questioning
« Reply #4 on: January 26, 2009, 12:09:35 PM »
I think you handled it well. If you wanted to be a bit flip, you might say, "Well, all we've talked about so far is keeping private marital issues between the two of us. They've harped on and on about it, so I guess it must be important. So, FH, how was work today?"

I like this answer...  :D

Raintree

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Re: Very Invasive Questioning
« Reply #5 on: January 27, 2009, 12:58:32 AM »
I think in this case, the bean-dipping is too blatantly changing the subject. I think the bean dip strategy works better in uncomfortable situations where *everybody* would welcome a change of subject. In the case of people who won't let it rest, it's probably better to state outright, "what goes on during counselling sessions is a private matter between me and Fiance." 

THEN bean dip!

nyarlathotep

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Re: Very Invasive Questioning
« Reply #6 on: January 27, 2009, 08:42:48 AM »
SM: So Shatzie, is your premarital counseling teaching you how to be a good submissive wife?

[edit] Just realised my comment was inappropriate for this forum. My apologies. I reserve the right to do this though:  :o
« Last Edit: January 27, 2009, 08:55:39 AM by nyarlathotep »

ShadesOfGrey

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Re: Very Invasive Questioning
« Reply #7 on: January 27, 2009, 08:46:33 AM »
I think in this case, the bean-dipping is too blatantly changing the subject. I think the bean dip strategy works better in uncomfortable situations where *everybody* would welcome a change of subject. In the case of people who won't let it rest, it's probably better to state outright, "what goes on during counselling sessions is a private matter between me and Fiance." 

THEN bean dip!

POD.

Also, why were you out to dinner with them in the first place?
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning. - Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

mharbourgirl

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Re: Very Invasive Questioning
« Reply #8 on: January 27, 2009, 12:24:01 PM »
SM: So Shatzie, is your premarital counseling teaching you how to be a good submissive wife?

 :o

Cheeeeez, your SM and my DM should get together.  Sounds like they might be related, though I'm not going to depress everyone with stories of my dear mater.  I will say that if anyone had ever asked ME that question, steam would have come out me ears, I tells ya.  'Good submissive wives' don't get things done, and any man with a spine doesn't want one.

If she ever asks that again, just smile sweetly and reply "FH wasn't looking for a doormat or a wet dishrag, and I would be marrying him if he was.  Have you tried the guacamole? It's really good."

sparkysparky

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Re: Very Invasive Questioning
« Reply #9 on: January 28, 2009, 09:11:27 PM »
Quote
I think in this case, the bean-dipping is too blatantly changing the subject. I think the bean dip strategy works better in uncomfortable situations where *everybody* would welcome a change of subject. In the case of people who won't let it rest, it's probably better to state outright, "what goes on during counselling sessions is a private matter between me and Fiance." 

THEN bean dip!



Perfect.

I was actually going to post about this subject tonight, people that ask invasive questions and WON'T LET UP no matter how polite you are trying to deflect talking about it.

Someone I know has been asking in depth about my sisters reproductive choices and any arrangements that may have been made before her marriage.  This particular person "appears" to care on the outside, but is just looking for an opening to criticize or state her own opinions, ones that I don't care to hear in the least.

I think I will now tell this person that the topic is a private one between my sister and her hubby, that I have no knowledge of any arrangements, don't have any opinions or say on the matter even if I did, and THEN change the subject.

Thanks!  Didn't mean to turn this into a post about my issues, but you all have really helped here.

Some people just don't know when to shut their mouths.

Suze

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Re: Very Invasive Questioning
« Reply #10 on: January 28, 2009, 09:23:32 PM »
Of course IF you wanted to be evil, mean and nasty you could tell them all sorts of fictional "things" that you learned in couseling....

like which is the best whiped cream for "scrabble"

I can NOT even dream that My MOM would have asked questions like that.

Behind closed doors and all that rot.
Reality is for people who lack Imagination

sparkysparky

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Re: Very Invasive Questioning
« Reply #11 on: January 28, 2009, 09:59:51 PM »
With that kind of questioning/ingterrogation it'd be no holds barred if I'd had enough already.  If she's that interested, I'd probably try to completely flabbergast her and make her speechless with the things that came out of my mouth.

She's the one who asked. Bet she never asks again....hahaaa


Lyssiej

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Re: Very Invasive Questioning
« Reply #12 on: January 29, 2009, 08:12:58 PM »
I am really amazed by this.  In your position, after the first attempt, I think I would have gotten up from the table and left. 

magician5

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Re: Very Invasive Questioning
« Reply #13 on: January 30, 2009, 12:54:46 AM »
IMO bean-dip is too polite to be effective - maybe it's worth one single try, but after that the only answer I can think of is "That is a very private matter."
There is no 'way to peace.' Peace is the way.

scap64

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Re: Very Invasive Questioning
« Reply #14 on: February 20, 2009, 09:56:19 AM »
Here is an advice I recently received for such situations:

"...Seriously, you can ask her her own questions right back at her.

She hasn't seen you before? "I haven't seen YOU before."

Why are you here? "Why are YOU here?"

When I ask a question I expect an answer. "When I ask a question *I* expect an answer."

You could do something like this until you get a good spiel down that you can easily deliver under duress. :)..."