Author Topic: Special Snowflake Stories  (Read 5079385 times)

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Piratelvr1121

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23325 on: September 06, 2013, 08:41:31 PM »
I use "Yes ma'am?" a lot, and my kids definitely understand that it is not asking them if they're okay with the order, but rather making sure they understand what they're expected to do and there will be no argument. 

I also throw in a "savvy" or "Capice?" too.
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doodlemor

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23326 on: September 06, 2013, 09:22:54 PM »
Yesterday my DH was in the ambulatory surgery unit of a nearby city hospital.  The pre-visit information that he was given stated that a patient was allowed 2 visitors only.  Because of this, we told both of our adult children not to come, so as not to hurt the feelings of the one who would be excluded.

Just before he was discharged we noticed 3 teenagers galloping down the hall, laughing loudly.  They galloped loudly out of the unit, got some food, and then came galloping back with their goodies, laughing all the while.  My husband was feeling better, but we were concerned for the people on the unit who appeared to be genuinely ill and in pain from their surgery. 

I can't imagine why any adult who accompanied a patient would bring 3 teenagers along as companions.  None of these kids appeared old enough to drive, so that meant that this group of people likely numbered 5, one of which was having surgery, and the rest were just there for the fun of it.

Rohanna

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23327 on: September 06, 2013, 09:23:03 PM »
I'd have exactly this conversation with my 5 year old, and I'd be pretty annoyed to have my parenting jumped in on like that. The "asking" would be me putting the rules to him "Kiddo, are you going to be quiet in the room like SoandSo asked? Okay, then you can watch TV in there". It's just a phrasing style, and to have someone over ride me would make me upset, as you are basically undermining me in front of them for no good reason.  I think "Will you do X if you're allowed to do Y" is a pretty common phrasing style (If I let you go to the park with your friends, will you remember to be back by dinner.... If I let you stay home by yourself, will you remember not to answer the door) that forces the child to acknowledge their role in the matter, and it's really not your place to jump in like that.  I have a friend who've I've cooled off playdates with as she tends to jump in when other people are handling things- it's offensive, annoying and quite frankly often confuses the kid.
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jedikaiti

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23328 on: September 07, 2013, 03:08:21 AM »
As far as the white boards and markers for them, my DD has been using them since K (she is in 2nd now) for math.  Instead of practicing on paper where they erase alot and tear the paper and waste it they just use the white boards.  I think it is a great idea and the dollar store has the boards and markers.

So we've come full circle back to the days of using slates?  :)

Didn't kids always had those? I know I had the whiteboard/dry erase kind a good 18 years ago, and that my parents had the black board/chalk ones a good uh, 50+ years ago.
I remember that we used them for mental arithmetic, that way the teacher would ask us to put the board up and she could check the entire class without leaving her seat. Same for quick spelling test.

I never had a slate or a whiteboard in school, late 70s - early 90s.
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kherbert05

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23329 on: September 07, 2013, 04:33:57 AM »
SS school bus driver in my neighborhood. Every morning since school has started, if I'm not lucky enough to miss it, this bus stops at the house of one of our neighbors. We have one road in and out of our neighborhood, with side streets branching off, but this house is on the main road, so the school bus with its red stop sign out stops all traffic in and out of the neighborhood (and the house is near the entrance, so it's ALL traffic). The student, a young-ish kid (probably elementary age) gets on the bus, alone, and then the mom comes out, talks to the driver for a good five-ten minutes every morning, and then the bus driver goes to the back of the bus (or at least farther back than the drivers seat, it's hard to tell from outside) and does something for another five minutes. THEN we can all go.

There was a parade of at least ten cars behind the bus trying to get into the neighborhood, and another fifteen or twenty vehicles (including two other school buses) trying to leave the neighborhood this morning. I can think of nothing that would require fifteen minutes to get a child not in a wheelchair (which can take some time) into a bus seat every single morning. I think the bus driver and the kid's mom are just friendly.
Call transportation and tell them what is happening.
It may be that the child is special needs and Mom has to pass on information and the child has to be buckled into a car seat or something you can't see. But the time frame is long for even that. There is a boy across the street from my school, who is special needs. Some mornings it takes longer to get him settled and buckled in. The driver turns off the blinkers and directs drivers to go around (while the aide and parent are getting the student buckled in.)
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Pen^2

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23330 on: September 07, 2013, 04:42:03 AM »
I don't know if these were special snowflake parents or just weird...

Among other things, I teach a literacy class for four year olds. Some are five, some not quite four, but it works. New students are always welcome, and we get a new one every week or so. It's a class for kids whose reading is anywhere from non-existant to at grade level with maybe a few holes or poor spelling. Age usually isn't a problem.

However, it should go unspoken that a kid can't join the class if they aren't old enough to, say, walk. As of today, I'm having to rethink this assumption. We got a call from a parent a while ago who wanted his son to join the class. He said the son was two and a half, which is young, but still feasible. I made it clear that there would be tracing letters involved and that the child would have to sit down for a whole hour, which a lot of kids can't do at that age, but he assured me that his son was very advanced and all the rest of it. He was quite adamant that his son would cope fine.

Turns out the kid is 18 months old... next month. And he's not Mozart or anyone, just a normal, cute, baby. Who can't quite walk well on his own--he was falling every twenty steps or so. He couldn't engage in a conversation because, well, he's a baby. His vocabulary is too small. And of course he couldn't trace letters or colour inside lines--as is perfectly normal for a kid his age. His motor skills aren't up to it, and won't be until he's older.

We had to explain this to the parents, who were still adamant at how advanced he was despite having just seen how ill-suited the whole thing was. I know all parents have a tendency to think their kid is the bees' knees, and that's usually charming, but this was ridiculous. We suggested a nursery class, which he still might be too little for, but it was better than a kindergarten class. Did they want to show off to their friends? Did they spy some sunlight shining out the edges of the kid's nappy? Or were they just clueless?

I don't know. But I'm amazed.

KarenK

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23331 on: September 07, 2013, 05:53:13 AM »
As far as the white boards and markers for them, my DD has been using them since K (she is in 2nd now) for math.  Instead of practicing on paper where they erase alot and tear the paper and waste it they just use the white boards.  I think it is a great idea and the dollar store has the boards and markers.

So we've come full circle back to the days of using slates?  :)

Didn't kids always had those? I know I had the whiteboard/dry erase kind a good 18 years ago, and that my parents had the black board/chalk ones a good uh, 50+ years ago.
I remember that we used them for mental arithmetic, that way the teacher would ask us to put the board up and she could check the entire class without leaving her seat. Same for quick spelling test.

I never had a slate or a whiteboard in school, late 70s - early 90s.

In school from 1962 through 1975 (not counting college). We never had slates or white boards either.

camlan

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23332 on: September 07, 2013, 06:52:06 AM »
My SIL always gave my nephews a choice - but it was between two options.  'Do you want to go to bed in 3 minutes or 5 minutes?'  Of course, they always chose 5.

I would have just said, 'Time for bed!' but she'd read some parenting book that says you need to give kids a choice so they feel empowered or something like that.

Now at 21 and almost 19 (and their mother pretty much out of their lives for the last year and a half), they are both pretty good kids so maybe it worked.  And it wasn't just a load of hogwash, like I was thinking it was.   :D

My brother and SIL started this with my very strong willed niece when she was about one and a half. But it was more like, "Do you want to put your coat on to go to church, or do you want to sit in the time out chair for 3 minutes?"

They were very consistent with this. It was a great help as she got older, because any adult could use the formula and at least get her to listen. By the time she was five, you'd start, "Do you want to apologize to your brother for hitting him or . . . ." And she heave the world's saddest sigh and not wait for the sentence to  be finished, and apologize (or whatever else she was supposed to do).

I do think they instituted a one minute time limit for her choice at some point. Give us an answer in one minute, or Mom or Dad gets to choose.

She's thirteen and still very strong willed, but she has nice manners and has stopped hitting her brother on the head.
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Mel the Redcap

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23333 on: September 07, 2013, 08:12:22 AM »
I don't know if these were special snowflake parents or just weird...

((snip))

We had to explain this to the parents, who were still adamant at how advanced he was despite having just seen how ill-suited the whole thing was. I know all parents have a tendency to think their kid is the bees' knees, and that's usually charming, but this was ridiculous. We suggested a nursery class, which he still might be too little for, but it was better than a kindergarten class. Did they want to show off to their friends? Did they spy some sunlight shining out the edges of the kid's nappy? Or were they just clueless?

I don't know. But I'm amazed.

Wow! Snowflakey as all get out, Pen^2, if you ask me. :P Over-enthused parenting could account for the parents thinking their precious darling really was advanced enough to benefit from the class, but Dad flat out LIED to get his kiddo in. I don't care if he thinks he's getting a tan from changing nappies (and that made me startle the cats with a loud guffaw, thank you for the laugh! ;D), lying is a good indicator of oncoming snow flurries.
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*inviteseller

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23334 on: September 07, 2013, 09:01:46 AM »
SS school bus driver in my neighborhood. Every morning since school has started, if I'm not lucky enough to miss it, this bus stops at the house of one of our neighbors. We have one road in and out of our neighborhood, with side streets branching off, but this house is on the main road, so the school bus with its red stop sign out stops all traffic in and out of the neighborhood (and the house is near the entrance, so it's ALL traffic). The student, a young-ish kid (probably elementary age) gets on the bus, alone, and then the mom comes out, talks to the driver for a good five-ten minutes every morning, and then the bus driver goes to the back of the bus (or at least farther back than the drivers seat, it's hard to tell from outside) and does something for another five minutes. THEN we can all go.

There was a parade of at least ten cars behind the bus trying to get into the neighborhood, and another fifteen or twenty vehicles (including two other school buses) trying to leave the neighborhood this morning. I can think of nothing that would require fifteen minutes to get a child not in a wheelchair (which can take some time) into a bus seat every single morning. I think the bus driver and the kid's mom are just friendly.
Call transportation and tell them what is happening.
It may be that the child is special needs and Mom has to pass on information and the child has to be buckled into a car seat or something you can't see. But the time frame is long for even that. There is a boy across the street from my school, who is special needs. Some mornings it takes longer to get him settled and buckled in. The driver turns off the blinkers and directs drivers to go around (while the aide and parent are getting the student buckled in.)

And on the other hand is the SS in my neighborhood who drives up fast behind the stopped school bus with it's lights flashing and sign out, while a dozen elementary kids are getting on (they aren't slow but it takes those little legs a bit longer to get up) and LAYS on their horn and bangs on their steering wheel.  This happens a few times a week..you would thing by now he would realize that every morning at 8 35 the bus is stopping there and he will have to wait less than 5 minutes for these kids to get on, sit down, and the bus to go.  I am tempted to walk back to the car, knock on the window, and ask why he is so impatient, but I decided not to engage the crazy.  C'mon SS, it is a school bus!!!!  It comes everyday at the same time..arrange your schedule to leave earlier for crying out loud!

wonderfullyanonymous

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23335 on: September 07, 2013, 09:41:27 AM »

And on the other hand is the SS in my neighborhood who drives up fast behind the stopped school bus with it's lights flashing and sign out, while a dozen elementary kids are getting on (they aren't slow but it takes those little legs a bit longer to get up) and LAYS on their horn and bangs on their steering wheel.  This happens a few times a week..you would thing by now he would realize that every morning at 8 35 the bus is stopping there and he will have to wait less than 5 minutes for these kids to get on, sit down, and the bus to go.  I am tempted to walk back to the car, knock on the window, and ask why he is so impatient, but I decided not to engage the crazy.  C'mon SS, it is a school bus!!!!  It comes everyday at the same time..arrange your schedule to leave earlier for crying out loud!


For this one, I would call the local law enforcement, and let them deal with Super SSdriver. Someone that amount of road rage will be dangerous. I'm surprised your bus driver hasn't called on him already.



Cami

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23336 on: September 07, 2013, 09:57:20 AM »
My SIL always gave my nephews a choice - but it was between two options.  'Do you want to go to bed in 3 minutes or 5 minutes?'  Of course, they always chose 5.

I would have just said, 'Time for bed!' but she'd read some parenting book that says you need to give kids a choice so they feel empowered or something like that.

Now at 21 and almost 19 (and their mother pretty much out of their lives for the last year and a half), they are both pretty good kids so maybe it worked.  And it wasn't just a load of hogwash, like I was thinking it was.   :D

My brother and SIL started this with my very strong willed niece when she was about one and a half. But it was more like, "Do you want to put your coat on to go to church, or do you want to sit in the time out chair for 3 minutes?"

They were very consistent with this. It was a great help as she got older, because any adult could use the formula and at least get her to listen. By the time she was five, you'd start, "Do you want to apologize to your brother for hitting him or . . . ." And she heave the world's saddest sigh and not wait for the sentence to  be finished, and apologize (or whatever else she was supposed to do).

I do think they instituted a one minute time limit for her choice at some point. Give us an answer in one minute, or Mom or Dad gets to choose.

She's thirteen and still very strong willed, but she has nice manners and has stopped hitting her brother on the head.
  That's what we did with my very strong-willed stubborn dd. It has two advantages -- (1) it makes the kid think they have a choice which lessens the resistance (and makes life easier and less dramatic) and (2) it teaches and reinforces Every. Single. Time that all actions are actually choices with consequences. I believe that to be an immensely important life lesson.

My dd is now 20 and is amazed at how so many of her cohort do not understand that their actions are (1) choices and (2) will have consequences.  I'm regularly at amazed at the number of people MY AGE who do not understand those facts of life.

hjaye

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23337 on: September 07, 2013, 09:59:16 AM »
I thought I might have offended my wife's daughter-in-law this past labor day weekend because of this kind of issue.

DIL daughter and her slightly older cousin (both are my wife's granddaughters) were downstairs while my wife and I were watching TV in the living room.  DIL came down from the upstairs and asked us if it was ok if the two girls watched a movie in our bedroom to keep them occupied.  My wife said it was ok so long as they were quiet.

DIL then turned to the two girls and started to ask if them if they would be quiet while watching the tv in our bedroom.  I broke in at that point and said "No if they are watching tv in our bedroom (bedroom is right off the living room and noise carries very easily) then they WILL be quiet, it is not a choice"

I gave a stern look to both girls, then they went into the bedroom and we did not hear a peep out of them.

DIL and husband (wife's son) are famous for constantly negotiating with their daughter.  She (the granddaughter) really rules them and most of the time I just keep my mouth shut.

Modified for clarity

If I were the, mom, I'd be royally pissed at you.

When I asked those kinds of questions about my daughter, what I was seeking was *her acknowledgment of* and *her agreement to* the conditions imposed. It gave me ammo for later, and for my own kid, it meant that she was much more likely to follow the rule, because she had *verbalized* her acquiesence.

Your interruption would have completely derailed that.

And the "stern look" before they have even misbehaved makes me flamingly angry. Children do not need to be scolded for things they haven't done!!  And I believe that treating them that way makes them *less* likely to follow the rules, and it destroys their willingness to accede to the authority of the grownups around them. Why follow the rules, if you're just going to get a dirty look before you even start?


Maybe the whole "negotiating" thing is getting out of hand in your family, but being bossy and prematurely punitive is not all that admirable.

I have to agree - the mom wasn't negotiating with the child.  It sounded more like she was making sure they understood the condition under which they'd be allowed to watch TV in the bedroom.

Well there is a lot of background to go with this I had left out.  first off, my wife and I had just been ready to go into the bedroom to tell the girls to quiet down.

Secondly, asking questions can be a valid way of teaching a child, however in this case, as I mentioned both parents have consistently always asked their daughter to behave.  It's always, "are you ready to go to bed? Can you do stop yelling? I have seen and heard them beg and plead with their daughter to behave as daughter starts to throw a tantrum. Daughter has learned all she has to do is to fuss, and she'll get what she wants. 

They try to control her by bribing her which has never worked.

"You don't want the sandwhich you told me (not asked, but told) to make for you??  If you eat it, I'll let you have some cookies."

"Ok here are the cookies, now please eat your sandwhich.  Oh, you don't want a peanut butter sandwhich anymore, you want tuna fish, ok."

That plus the fact her daughter has one volume for her voice, and that's to shout everything

Jocelyn

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23338 on: September 07, 2013, 10:09:23 AM »
As far as the white boards and markers for them, my DD has been using them since K (she is in 2nd now) for math.  Instead of practicing on paper where they erase alot and tear the paper and waste it they just use the white boards.  I think it is a great idea and the dollar store has the boards and markers.

So we've come full circle back to the days of using slates?  :)

Didn't kids always had those? I know I had the whiteboard/dry erase kind a good 18 years ago, and that my parents had the black board/chalk ones a good uh, 50+ years ago.
I remember that we used them for mental arithmetic, that way the teacher would ask us to put the board up and she could check the entire class without leaving her seat. Same for quick spelling test.

I never had a slate or a whiteboard in school, late 70s - early 90s.
Never had either, and I was in grade school 1963-70; I had a slate at home, as a toy. I don't think whiteboards had been invented yet- all the classrooms had chalkboards.

Jocelyn

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #23339 on: September 07, 2013, 10:17:35 AM »
We had to explain this to the parents, who were still adamant at how advanced he was despite having just seen how ill-suited the whole thing was. I know all parents have a tendency to think their kid is the bees' knees, and that's usually charming, but this was ridiculous. We suggested a nursery class, which he still might be too little for, but it was better than a kindergarten class. Did they want to show off to their friends? Did they spy some sunlight shining out the edges of the kid's nappy? Or were they just clueless?

I don't know. But I'm amazed.
That they lied about the child's age proved they knew he was too young.
But I applaud you for trying. I once had a student ask if she could bring her son to class, her husband had unexpectedly been deployed. She promised me that the boy would sit quietly and I'd never even know he was there. I told her that university rules wouldn't permit it, but she was welcome to move a 2-person desk into the hall and so long as I was not distracted by his behavior, I would leave the classroom door open.
At the end of the 1.5 hour class, I was surprised to look over and see they were still there. I had completely forgotten about them! I would never have bet that a 3 year old could sit so quietly for so long, but she knew her kid. She sat beside him taking notes, and he sat and colored. I probably ought to make a note of her name, because with that sort of focus (and parenting) he's probably going to achieve something notable someday. :)