I remember a while back hearing some sort of child-rearing approach of never teaching a child the word "no". Instead of "No, you can't have that!" say "That's for another time." or "Why don't we have this instead!"
Instead of "No hitting!", "Hitting isn't very nice!" I'm not real sure what the big issue is with a child hearing the word "No", I think it was the thought that hearing "No" will "break their spirit."
I have no problem saying "No" to my boys, especially since a good loud "NO!" can shock a small one into listening a lot faster than trying to rephrase it, especially if you need them to stop right away.
Honestly, based on what I have seen as an educator it doesn't really matter what theory you subscribe to - no matter how crazy it seems to other people - provided you provide;
1. Consistent reasonable limits with consequences that can be easily understood and anticipated by the child. It doesn't matter if you use time out or the naughty step or grounding or whatever as long as the child learns that Action A results in Consequence B.
2. Take a healthy (not obsessive) interest in your child and their education, and
3. Realise that your child is just like all the other children. Sometimes they will be naughty, sometimes they will lie. Do not suspend disbelief just because it is your child.
The actual method of doing these three things really doesn't matter ime. I've seen some whacky parenting in my time and it seems to all come together when done right.
I agree just so much. I don't think it matters if it is stickers, high fives, spanks , time outs, new toys, cartoons, later bedtime, earlier bedtime, dinner of only green food, cash, chores or ice cream.
Some of those I would never use but I trust that the witholding or granting of any of those if done consistently, kindly and appropriately would result in appropriate behaviour.
(And maybe I should get my husband to stop threatening "NO stories" if daughter is not cooperative during bedtime. He has never, ever followed through. I threaten "Only one story" (instead of the usual two) and I've only needed to follow through twice. He threatens nuclear options and doesn't follow through-though usually she listens anyhow. I promise small consequences and do it. It drives me batty, but I also firmly subscribe to the "let each parent, parent" )