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Author Topic: Special Snowflake Stories  (Read 6733208 times)

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TeamBhakta

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25410 on: February 09, 2014, 06:03:35 PM »
The SS author of this article went on a second date with a guy. He sent her an email the next day complimenting her looks. The author took offense and asked "By the way, I'm wondering if anything I said interested you? In other words, is there something about me that's not physical that you enjoy?" As you can guess, Miss SS has not received a reply from him since

http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/167923/why_complimenting_me_on_a

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25411 on: February 09, 2014, 06:32:30 PM »
The SS author of this article went on a second date with a guy. He sent her an email the next day complimenting her looks. The author took offense and asked "By the way, I'm wondering if anything I said interested you? In other words, is there something about me that's not physical that you enjoy?" As you can guess, Miss SS has not received a reply from him since

http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/167923/why_complimenting_me_on_a

I couldn't even finish reading that letter.  ::)
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Library Dragon

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25412 on: February 09, 2014, 07:48:01 PM »
Oh my!  He compliments her smile and likes her natural smell. He's making it clear that she didn't have to put on a ton of makeup to be attractive to him. Her response is to be insulted and criticize him.  How sad.

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Jocelyn

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25413 on: February 09, 2014, 07:49:30 PM »
The SS author of this article went on a second date with a guy. He sent her an email the next day complimenting her looks. The author took offense and asked "By the way, I'm wondering if anything I said interested you? In other words, is there something about me that's not physical that you enjoy?" As you can guess, Miss SS has not received a reply from him since

http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/167923/why_complimenting_me_on_a
I don't think this is necessarily SS. Although asking for a compliment isn't exactly polite, I think that too many men DO  assume that liking a woman as a person is optional, so long as she's visually appealing to him. If all a guy wants to tell you is that you're HAWT, why not ask him if there's anything non-physical that he likes?

TootsNYC

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25414 on: February 09, 2014, 07:54:07 PM »
I think that liking someone's smile is actually very close to liking their personality.

Jocelyn

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25415 on: February 09, 2014, 08:05:24 PM »
I don't think it is- there are celebrities who I think have an attractive smile, but I don't know anything about their personalities.
She says he made it clear from his first sighting of her that he found her attractive. I don't think after the 2nd date is too early to be wondering whether he finds anything about her interesting, or at all special, other than how her looks appeal to him.
But talking about how she smells? Ugh. Sounds like a dog sniffing you.

Psychopoesie

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25416 on: February 09, 2014, 08:34:06 PM »
Agree she shouldn't have asked for a compliment and get so snippy about it. No doubt the guy was trying to be nice.

However, I don't think it's SS either, to hope that your date likes something more than your physical appearance. Lots of ways to compliment that would have indicated this - I had such a great time, I really enjoyed talking with you, stuff like that.

Sounds like they weren't a good match for each other.

TeamBhakta

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25417 on: February 09, 2014, 08:39:32 PM »
The SS author of this article went on a second date with a guy. He sent her an email the next day complimenting her looks. The author took offense and asked "By the way, I'm wondering if anything I said interested you? In other words, is there something about me that's not physical that you enjoy?" As you can guess, Miss SS has not received a reply from him since

http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/167923/why_complimenting_me_on_a
I don't think this is necessarily SS. Although asking for a compliment isn't exactly polite, I think that too many men DO  assume that liking a woman as a person is optional, so long as she's visually appealing to him. If all a guy wants to tell you is that you're HAWT, why not ask him if there's anything non-physical that he likes?

That's a rather sweeping generalization  ??? I can't imagine it going over well if you'd said "too many women" act that way

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25418 on: February 09, 2014, 09:05:52 PM »
I will confess there was a time when I got exasperated with DH as he really liked to shower me with compliments on my looks, though unlike the LW, it wasn't after the 2nd date but after we'd been together for a while and rather than asking for arrogant reasons, it was out of insecurity and low self esteem, which isn't much better, I'll grant you.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Jocelyn

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25419 on: February 09, 2014, 10:03:11 PM »
The SS author of this article went on a second date with a guy. He sent her an email the next day complimenting her looks. The author took offense and asked "By the way, I'm wondering if anything I said interested you? In other words, is there something about me that's not physical that you enjoy?" As you can guess, Miss SS has not received a reply from him since

http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/167923/why_complimenting_me_on_a
I don't think this is necessarily SS. Although asking for a compliment isn't exactly polite, I think that too many men DO  assume that liking a woman as a person is optional, so long as she's visually appealing to him. If all a guy wants to tell you is that you're HAWT, why not ask him if there's anything non-physical that he likes?

That's a rather sweeping generalization  ??? I can't imagine it going over well if you'd said "too many women" act that way
Too many could mean 1 out of a million. Frankly, I don't think that this behavior is something we want to encourage more of. Would it be acceptable if women like a man after 2 dates because he spent a lot of money (although I've not known women who've issued that 'compliment' to a date). I don't think it's a compliment for either gender to say, 'Hey, you turn me on, and I'm willing to overlook who you are as a person, and how you're unique, for the sake of focusing on what turns me on.'

lady_disdain

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25420 on: February 09, 2014, 10:07:32 PM »
So, the writer dislikes traditional compliments but expects him to pick up the bill?

TeamBhakta

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25421 on: February 09, 2014, 10:26:15 PM »
Quote
Too many could mean 1 out of a million. Frankly, I don't think that this behavior is something we want to encourage more of. Would it be acceptable if women like a man after 2 dates because he spent a lot of money (although I've not known women who've issued that 'compliment' to a date). I don't think it's a compliment for either gender to say, 'Hey, you turn me on, and I'm willing to overlook who you are as a person, and how you're unique, for the sake of focusing on what turns me on.'

I think it's reading too much into a date's intentions to assume "You looked pretty" = "I'm willing to overlook who you are as a person." Especially after only 2 dates and (presumably) one compliment

Iris

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25422 on: February 09, 2014, 11:14:06 PM »
Quote
Too many could mean 1 out of a million. Frankly, I don't think that this behavior is something we want to encourage more of. Would it be acceptable if women like a man after 2 dates because he spent a lot of money (although I've not known women who've issued that 'compliment' to a date). I don't think it's a compliment for either gender to say, 'Hey, you turn me on, and I'm willing to overlook who you are as a person, and how you're unique, for the sake of focusing on what turns me on.'

I think it's reading too much into a date's intentions to assume "You looked pretty" = "I'm willing to overlook who you are as a person." Especially after only 2 dates and (presumably) one compliment

Meh. If after spending two evenings with me the only positive things someone could find to compliment me on were based on physical attraction I'd lose interest too. This woman is overtly looking for a relationship that is NOT based on physical attraction and I think that's fine - after all, it's her life.

Having said that I think she could have done it better. Something like saying "I really enjoyed discussing XYZ with you" and seeing if he runs with it would be a more subtle way to find out if he is attracted to her more than physically. Then again, that's less honest and I've been told guys don't like it when girls are not straightforward.
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Twik

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25423 on: February 09, 2014, 11:44:53 PM »
Agree she shouldn't have asked for a compliment and get so snippy about it. No doubt the guy was trying to be nice.

However, I don't think it's SS either, to hope that your date likes something more than your physical appearance. Lots of ways to compliment that would have indicated this - I had such a great time, I really enjoyed talking with you, stuff like that.

Sounds like they weren't a good match for each other.

I think this is what the word "charming" is made for. It can cover both physical and personal attractiveness.
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iridaceae

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #25424 on: February 10, 2014, 03:57:48 AM »
So, the writer dislikes traditional compliments but expects him to pick up the bill?

I noticed that too. Why can't she go Dutch or pick up a check? Too non-traditional?
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