Youse guys are gonna LOVE this.
I live in a terraced house, with some on-street parking, and more room in a little 'car park' area at the end of the road. Usually, the on-street parking is taken up by about six in the evening, but pretty empty during the day, and there's always loads of room in the car park area. The car park area is less than thirty seconds walk from my front door, and there are only two houses further away from it than us, resulting in a maximum walking time of I would guess around forty seconds. You will need to know this to appreciate the SS-ness.
Last week, on my day off, someone knocks on my door mid-afternoon. I'd worked the day before, so had got up late and hadn't got dressed yet - I still had pajamas and slippers on - but slung a dressing gown on and went to answer the door. On the other side, there's a man - I'd guess around 35, in jeans and a blazer - looking surly. He asks (rudely!) 'Is your car parked on the street?' (Unusually for that time of day, there were several cars parked in front of houses, although there was still room for a couple on the end of the row - I looked afterwards.)
I'm a bit taken aback, so I ask why. He repeats, still rude, 'Is your car parked on the street?' I figure at this point, maybe a rogue bin has attacked someone's car or someone's left a window open in the rain and he's just trying to let someone know, even if he's not doing it very nicely, so I say 'Yes, why?'
He says, 'You need to move it.' I'm seriously wondering what on earth is going on now, and I'm certainly not going to anything this very rude man is telling - not asking, telling - me to do without a very good explanation. I channel the polite spine spirit of Ehell, and say as politely as I can manage, 'Why do I need to move my car?'
This is the bit where I had to restrain myself from laughing. His reply, still surly: 'It's raining and my mother doesn't want to walk from the parking area in the rain.' I'm so surprised I blurt 'excuse me?' without really thinking, and he repeats himself - 'My mother doesn't want to walk that far in the rain. You need to move your car so I can park there.' I say, 'I'm sorry, I can't help you' and shut the door.
I mean, REALLY?!?! There are so many things wrong with this my brain hurts. I didn't recognize this guy AT ALL, and I know most of my neighbours by sight at least, so I'm assuming they were visiting someone - but who goes knocking on doors in the middle of the afternoon (or at all, really) with this kind of demand? Your mother doesn't want to walk thirty seconds in the rain, so you want ME to go out of my house in the rain, move my car, and then walk back to my house in the same rain your mother has such a dread of? IN MY PAJAMAS AND DRESSING GOWN? I don't think so, buddy. She's not going to dissolve.
And, as I mentioned, there WAS still some on-street parking left. Plus, he doesn't know which one my car is - for all he knows it's the furthest away from where they want to be. The entitlement, it boggles.
Edited because I can spell, promise.