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Author Topic: Special Snowflake Stories  (Read 8724243 times)

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Yarnspinner

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #26670 on: May 05, 2014, 12:28:19 PM »

This reminds me of our dog, who was a canis specialus snowflakus on us one day.

We had gone to a park that had, oddly, a buffalo herd. When we let the dog out of the car, he saw the buffalo in their paddock and decided that They Had to Go. Not sure what it was about them that set him off, but he lunged to the end of his leash, yelling things that were probably not very complimentary at the buffalo.

The buffalo, who had planned on spending the afternoon grazing quietly, started to look at each other. "What did he just call my mother?" they seemed to be asking.

The big bull of the herd began to step toward the fence. Not fast. Just - you noticed he was getting closer, rather than moving off. With an "Are you talking to ME?" expression on his face.

The dog was thrown unceremoniously back into the car, to his intense disgust, and we made a hasty departure, with the dog still yelling "I can take him! What are you doing? He'll think I'm afraid of him!" as we headed down the road.

This is one of the funniest things I have ever read here Twik!
Parkin' my pod with Asb8...I split a gut reading this.  Thank you, Twik!



Yarnspinner

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #26671 on: May 05, 2014, 12:32:48 PM »
I was talking about how I'd lost a lot of weight and gotten fitter recently and a woman said "Oh yeah? I'm flabby because I brought a beautiful life into the world. Where has your toned body gotten you?"

If there was ever a time I wanted to be catty, it was this one. But I avoided it. Barely.

"Well, it's proved to me that I am able to keep my mouth shut around the crazy."

Evil Lil wants to say "Lady, if you raise that beautiful life to behave like YOU, the world is already a less beautiful place."

Why was that even necessary for her to say?  I am guessing someone has green eyes.....



Adelaide

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #26672 on: May 05, 2014, 12:46:47 PM »
I was talking about how I'd lost a lot of weight and gotten fitter recently and a woman said "Oh yeah? I'm flabby because I brought a beautiful life into the world. Where has your toned body gotten you?"

If there was ever a time I wanted to be catty, it was this one. But I avoided it. Barely.

"Well, it's proved to me that I am able to keep my mouth shut around the crazy."

Evil Lil wants to say "Lady, if you raise that beautiful life to behave like YOU, the world is already a less beautiful place."

Why was that even necessary for her to say?  I am guessing someone has green eyes.....

I have no idea. And since I'm acutely aware of what a sensitive topic this is, I go out of my way to be way more politically-correct than is probably necessary. I can honestly say that it was definitely her own extrapolation of what I'd said that led to this-there was no passive-aggressiveness, no "Everyone should X, Y, Z" or anything in my tone to suggest that I thought the same thing that applied to me should apply to everyone else. Not even a lament like "I miss chocolate cake" or something that would have provided an "opening" for someone to retort with something like "That's why I don't deprive myself".

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #26673 on: May 05, 2014, 01:08:01 PM »
^ Maybe not eHell approved but I think I would have burst into (crocodile) tears and wail, 'Thanks for reminding me that I can never have children.'  Whether that was true or not.  And turn around and walk away.  While dabbing my eyes with my sleeve.

See, I can think of all these great comebacks when I have time to mull it over.  But I'm quite sure, in the moment, all I'd manage is the turn around and walk away part.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

Yarnspinner

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #26674 on: May 05, 2014, 02:29:56 PM »
^ Maybe not eHell approved but I think I would have burst into (crocodile) tears and wail, 'Thanks for reminding me that I can never have children.'  Whether that was true or not.  And turn around and walk away.  While dabbing my eyes with my sleeve.

See, I can think of all these great comebacks when I have time to mull it over.  But I'm quite sure, in the moment, all I'd manage is the turn around and walk away part.

Definitely not ehell approved, but, oh, girl, you should be writing for television....



Elfmama

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #26675 on: May 05, 2014, 02:55:11 PM »
That would depend what they're complaining about, though from the circumstances I doubt they're complaining at you going 100 miles an hour down twisting country roads.

Rob

You're going too fast or too slow, why don't you go X route instead of Y, why did you stop there, why aren't you passing that car, etc.

Nothing useful or acceptable in my opinion.
What about gasping and clutching the door handle when they think you can't stop in time to keep from rear-ending someone?  Is that acceptable? 
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Common sense is not a gift, but a curse.  Because then
you have to deal with all the people who don't have it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #26676 on: May 05, 2014, 02:59:18 PM »
I had a passenger tell me I was shifting to the highest gear too early.  I told him to look in the manual in the glove compartment and see what it said, because that's when I was shifting.  And that if he had any further comments, he was welcome to walk.

Since we were an hour from home, he shut up.  After looking in the manual.  He was quite surprised to find that I was correct.   ;D
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

EmmaJ.

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #26677 on: May 05, 2014, 03:03:16 PM »
That would depend what they're complaining about, though from the circumstances I doubt they're complaining at you going 100 miles an hour down twisting country roads.

Rob

You're going too fast or too slow, why don't you go X route instead of Y, why did you stop there, why aren't you passing that car, etc.

Nothing useful or acceptable in my opinion.
What about gasping and clutching the door handle when they think you can't stop in time to keep from rear-ending someone?  Is that acceptable?

My favorite is when my passenger stomps down on that imaginary brake pedal....  ::)

Moonie

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #26678 on: May 05, 2014, 03:23:08 PM »
^^^^ I see my mother has ridden with you.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #26679 on: May 05, 2014, 03:25:03 PM »
I remember learning to drive and my mother would tell me "Oh you're doing fine, don't worry!" And I'd retort "Then why are you acting like you're bracing for impact?" She'd just say "Oh. Right."

Course I guarantee you in about 3 years that's  going to be me. Yikes.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Shalamar

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #26680 on: May 05, 2014, 03:42:38 PM »
Oh, yes.  I drive (no pun intended) my 17-year-old daughter nuts because I can't stop hitting the imaginary brake when she's driving.  Now that she has her license, I never have to drive with her again if I don't want to, and that suits me.  The silly thing is, she's actually a very good driver - I just HATE not being the one in control.

Funnily enough, I drove her somewhere recently, and she kept saying "Mum, slow down" and "Mum, you're too close to that car" - while hitting the imaginary brake.  :)

mmswm

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #26681 on: May 05, 2014, 04:23:01 PM »
I try to keep my use of the passenger side brake pedal to a minimum.  Sometimes though, bracing for impact is involuntary.  I went with a friend to work one week.  He's a truck driver.  There was this one incident where I was sure there was no way he could avoid impact.  A guy in a  delivery van cut him off on a downhill mountain grade then brake checked my friend. We were in a fully loaded semi.  In the less than a second I had to think I was sure there was no way to avoid an impact.  I was wrong.  My friend is a very, very good driver and handles that truck better than most people can handle a small car.  Impact was avoided, but instinct still kicked in and I couldn't help gasping and bracing for the worst.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

wheeitsme

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #26682 on: May 05, 2014, 04:48:02 PM »
When I was learning to drive, my mother used what I called her "air brakes". That sharp intake of air between her teeth.  ;)

rose red

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #26683 on: May 05, 2014, 05:59:12 PM »
This is about my sibling's coworker, but I know her too. She is a real mooch. The latest is that a fast food place is giving out a free small coffee. She ordered two and the cashier told her it was one per customer and she'll have to pay for the second cup. She threw a fit and then continued to complain to her coworkers at work all morning. It doesn't help explaining that if customers can have more than one for free, there's nothing to stop everyone from ordering 20 small coffees and they'll lose money. She doesn't care because that won't affect her. She has such zero empathy that it's a bit scary.

VorFemme

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #26684 on: May 05, 2014, 06:32:16 PM »
Not the worst SS - but I was at the doctor's office & waiting in my room (having been weighed, blood pressure, and temperature taken) when I realized that I really ought to go to the bathroom if the doctor was not coming in to see me in the next, oh, ten minutes.

Went into hallway & the single bathroom door was locked.  The door across the hall from it opened and the guy in that room was standing in the door, looking at the bathroom door.  I told him that it was locked and went back to stand in my door (only place out of the way in the hallway without being in either someone else's room or the lab with the lab tech getting ready to do a blood draw....).

The person in the bathroom comes out and the closer guy swoops in ahead of me while making a half heard comment about "maybe *mumble* selfish of me"...

I went back to the doorway of my room to concentrate on NOT doing the dance of the impatient four year old...bouncing makes the need worse at my age.  When he came out, I made a low voiced comment as I went in along the lines of "there was a reason that I already knew that the door was locked"...

When I came out, he mumbled something about "sorry about that"...I got the impression that HE thought that I had been leaving the room when someone else went in behind me....instead of I was checking the door because I wanted to be "next".  Either that or he thought that he'd be done faster, since he wasn't going to have to disrobe to the same degree, being male.  Or he just didn't think about it...bathroom empty, he's closest, and he didn't think that anyone else was in line...because my door was further away...

Never mind that most people don't stand in the doorway & watch the bathroom door waiting for the door knob to twitch unless they would like to be NEXT in that room....

I'm still not sure if he's Captain Oblivious or figured that he was closer & could "finish" faster. 

But I'm glad that there wasn't anyone in the hallway waiting to swoop into the bathroom after he got out before I could get to it....
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I explain?