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Author Topic: Special Snowflake Stories  (Read 6733385 times)

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siamesecat2965

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27450 on: June 16, 2014, 11:32:02 AM »
I have a friend (Lia) who does burlesque & I frequently do costume work for her. Her friend Eric lives in my neighborhood. So a lot of the time, when she picks up stuff from me, it's because she's doing something with Eric, so they both stop by for 5-10 mins. I really don't care for Eric. He's not awful, but he's...obnoxious enough that I wouldn't want to hang out with him for more than 5-10 mins at a time.

I have a candy bowl in my living room. I buy candy for it nearly every week & my AirBnBers often give me little bags of candy as a host gift. Depending on how much candy we're been snacking on, I'll buy a cheaper bag of large candies, if it's getting really low, or a smaller bag of fancy candies, if it's pretty full. So I'll have mini-snickers bars, reece's cups, lindt chocolate-filled truffle balls, brazilian candies,  & little fancy italian candies from eataly, all mixed together.

I noticed a few months ago that when Eric is over, he eats a LOT of the candy, & also takes some with him-AND he zeros in on the expensive candies. When I realized that, the next time they were over, I said something like "feel free to grab a couple of candies, but please don't take any with you, they're here for everybody to have some". He sort of muttered sure, but as I was turning back to the costume I was talking to Lia about, I saw him rolling his eyes.

Anyways, I noticed after that that he was *still* eating & taking candy, but that he must have been waiting until my back was turned, I was facing away from the bowl, because I never SAW him take more than 2-3 candies, but there were clearly a lot less in the bowl when he left.

So when Lia said they were going to stop by this weekend, I hid the candy bowl. The first thing Eric said, when he got to my living room, was "Hey! Where's the candy bowl?" & I said "sorry, too many people were eating/taking too many, so I'm out of candy". and he says "that totally sucks! I came here because you always have the expensive candies that nobody buys!" me (in a jokey voice, smiling) "if you like them that much, you could buy them yourself. I get the really nice ones at eataly mostly & sometimes at dean & deluca." him "no, they're EXPENSIVE. I don't buy things that are that expensive. Lia, I'm going to go wait for you in the park, since it's nice out" and he leaves.

Lia was embarrassed (this is the first time he's actually been *rude* as opposed to just having an obnoxious personality). & I said "why don't you stop over from now on before you go to Eric's. Or after you leave his place? I'm not really feeling having him over anymore". Which she agreed to.

Wow. What a boor! Good for you for hiding the candy, and telling Lia he isn't welcome anymore.

Amara

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27451 on: June 16, 2014, 11:34:48 AM »
Heh. I'd love to be a fly on the wall when she tells him he is no longer welcome at your home.

TootsNYC

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27452 on: June 16, 2014, 11:37:48 AM »
Heh. I'd love to be a fly on the wall when she tells him he is no longer welcome at your home.

That would be rude of her. In the extreme. Rude to the OP, and rude to Eric.

She should just stop over before, that's all. And if Eric asks, she should just say, "Oh, I don't need to go to her house now."

Goosey

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27453 on: June 16, 2014, 11:41:02 AM »
I don't think it would be rude to tell him the consequences of his own behavior. I do think it would be rude to lie to him - especially a lie that is so easily caught out.

2littlemonkeys

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27454 on: June 16, 2014, 11:53:20 AM »
I nominate this person: http://gothamist.com/2014/06/12/water_fountain_or_dog_bidet.php#

That's some special entitlement right there.

 :o

 :o

 :o

That is disgusting.  And I grew up on a farm

One of my kids just had kindergarten graduation.  It's nothing fancy, the parents go to the auditorium on the last day of school, the kids do a couple of songs, the teachers say a few words about how great the classes were and there is punch and cookies after. 

Since the auditorium seating isn't theater style (just folding chairs), the line to get into any school performance starts early to ensure a choice in seats near the front.  And people are very territorial about their spots.  I saw a few parents stroll up and join the  front of the line as the doors were opening and they were soundly told to go back to the end of the line by the parents who'd been waiting.  It got a little heated and profanities were lobbed about by the offenders.  The school administrators stepped in and told the offenders if they wanted to attend, they'd need to go back to the line and behave themselves.  Or they could leave.  Their choice.  They chose to go back to the end of the line but not without some name calling first.   ::)


TootsNYC

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27455 on: June 16, 2014, 11:54:42 AM »
I don't think it would be rude to tell him the consequences of his own behavior. I do think it would be rude to lie to him - especially a lie that is so easily caught out.

It's not rude to fix it so that he suffers the consequences of his behavior (i.e., not stopping by the OP's when he's with her). But to tell him would be rude. Absolutely.

No it wouldn't be rude to lie to him.

Etiquette sanctions lying all the time.

And leaving out the *reason* for her "stopping by to pick up a costume" plans is not lying.
So to include it ever would be rude and unnecessarily hurtful.

Goosey

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27456 on: June 16, 2014, 11:57:01 AM »
I don't think it would be rude to tell him the consequences of his own behavior. I do think it would be rude to lie to him - especially a lie that is so easily caught out.

It's not rude to fix it so that he suffers the consequences of his behavior (i.e., not stopping by the OP's when he's with her). But to tell him would be rude. Absolutely.

No it wouldn't be rude to lie to him.

Etiquette sanctions lying all the time.

And leaving out the *reason* for her "stopping by to pick up a costume" plans is not lying.
So to include it ever would be rude and unnecessarily hurtful.
He's an adult. He can't be told the consequences of his actions?

"Sorry, you really put her off with the candy thing. I'm just going to come get you after from now on" is a lot better in my mind than an obvious lie.

Perhaps this would be better in a spin off thread though.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27457 on: June 16, 2014, 12:31:18 PM »
I don't think it would be rude to tell him the consequences of his own behavior. I do think it would be rude to lie to him - especially a lie that is so easily caught out.

It's not rude to fix it so that he suffers the consequences of his behavior (i.e., not stopping by the OP's when he's with her). But to tell him would be rude. Absolutely.

No it wouldn't be rude to lie to him.

Etiquette sanctions lying all the time.

And leaving out the *reason* for her "stopping by to pick up a costume" plans is not lying.
So to include it ever would be rude and unnecessarily hurtful.
He's an adult. He can't be told the consequences of his actions?

"Sorry, you really put her off with the candy thing. I'm just going to come get you after from now on" is a lot better in my mind than an obvious lie.

Perhaps this would be better in a spin off thread though.

Not out of the blue no.  So no Lia showing up to his house and deliberately mentioning that she's just come from from Celany's house or is going to Celany's house and he can't come because he was really rude to her the last time.  That is rude and uncalled for

However, if Lia simply goes and visit's Eric before or after and doesn't mention it, that's fine.  There is no need for him to know he's not welcome, because he never goes to Celany's house without Lia. 

If he asks Lia about going to Celany's house and she tells him the reason, that's fine.  But not just arbitrarily announcing he's never invited back because Celany doesn't like him and he's rude, etc.  That's drama llama behavior. 
Maryland

Goosey

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27458 on: June 16, 2014, 01:07:53 PM »
I don't think it would be rude to tell him the consequences of his own behavior. I do think it would be rude to lie to him - especially a lie that is so easily caught out.

It's not rude to fix it so that he suffers the consequences of his behavior (i.e., not stopping by the OP's when he's with her). But to tell him would be rude. Absolutely.

No it wouldn't be rude to lie to him.

Etiquette sanctions lying all the time.

And leaving out the *reason* for her "stopping by to pick up a costume" plans is not lying.
So to include it ever would be rude and unnecessarily hurtful.
He's an adult. He can't be told the consequences of his actions?

"Sorry, you really put her off with the candy thing. I'm just going to come get you after from now on" is a lot better in my mind than an obvious lie.

Perhaps this would be better in a spin off thread though.

Not out of the blue no.  So no Lia showing up to his house and deliberately mentioning that she's just come from from Celany's house or is going to Celany's house and he can't come because he was really rude to her the last time.  That is rude and uncalled for

However, if Lia simply goes and visit's Eric before or after and doesn't mention it, that's fine.  There is no need for him to know he's not welcome, because he never goes to Celany's house without Lia. 

If he asks Lia about going to Celany's house and she tells him the reason, that's fine.  But not just arbitrarily announcing he's never invited back because Celany doesn't like him and he's rude, etc.  That's drama llama behavior.

I absolutely agree with this, but it sounds like Toots was saying it would be rude to tell him under any circumstance.

Celany

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27459 on: June 16, 2014, 01:57:04 PM »
I don't think it would be rude to tell him the consequences of his own behavior. I do think it would be rude to lie to him - especially a lie that is so easily caught out.

It's not rude to fix it so that he suffers the consequences of his behavior (i.e., not stopping by the OP's when he's with her). But to tell him would be rude. Absolutely.

No it wouldn't be rude to lie to him.

Etiquette sanctions lying all the time.

And leaving out the *reason* for her "stopping by to pick up a costume" plans is not lying.
So to include it ever would be rude and unnecessarily hurtful.
He's an adult. He can't be told the consequences of his actions?

"Sorry, you really put her off with the candy thing. I'm just going to come get you after from now on" is a lot better in my mind than an obvious lie.

Perhaps this would be better in a spin off thread though.

Not out of the blue no.  So no Lia showing up to his house and deliberately mentioning that she's just come from from Celany's house or is going to Celany's house and he can't come because he was really rude to her the last time.  That is rude and uncalled for

However, if Lia simply goes and visit's Eric before or after and doesn't mention it, that's fine.  There is no need for him to know he's not welcome, because he never goes to Celany's house without Lia. 

If he asks Lia about going to Celany's house and she tells him the reason, that's fine.  But not just arbitrarily announcing he's never invited back because Celany doesn't like him and he's rude, etc.  That's drama llama behavior.

I absolutely agree with this, but it sounds like Toots was saying it would be rude to tell him under any circumstance.

"Sorry, you really put her off with the candy thing and when you made it clear that you have no interest in visiting if there is no candy. I'm just going to come get you after from now on"

Believe me, I knew that Eric & I both weren't fond of each other & it was pretty clear that neither of us would just hang out the two of us. However, the way he acted sort of inferred to me that, without candy, he doesn't even want to spend 10-15 minutes in my apartment...for me, that was the icky icing on the rude cake.

Lia doesn't have a problem speaking her mind to people, and she was embarrassed and steamed by how he left, so I wouldn't be surprised if she lit in to him for herself when she met him at the park & told him that she wasn't bringing him back because *she* was upset because of his behavior too. I honestly don't understand why they hang out together. But, not my dog.
I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. ~ Hippolyte Taine

songbird

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27460 on: June 16, 2014, 02:04:41 PM »
How about karmic retribution for a special snowflake?

About 10 years ago I took my children to a Cirque du Soleil performance in Orlando.  In an audience full of well-behaved children enjoying the show, we were seated in front of a bachelorette party that was ...er...over-served.  The ladies were rather loud and boisterous throughout the performance.  They'd quiet down when the ushers approached, then start right up again as soon as the ushers left.

Towards the end of the performance, the worst offender got up to get yet another drink from the bar, and didn't return.

turns out she tripped over her own two feet, and fell face first into a trash can.

Shalamar

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27461 on: June 16, 2014, 02:29:59 PM »
Wow.  Eric reminds me a bit of my former co-worker Melissa, who'd grab handfuls of my Kleenexes and leave without a word.  I finally got tired of being treated like a human vending machine (except that you pay a vending machine) and told her "You know, the store will sell them to you, too."  Hoo boy, was she offended.  I wouldn't have minded if it was only once in a while (spring allergies can sometimes take you by surprise), but it was every day, often more than once per day.

carol1412

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27462 on: June 16, 2014, 02:42:05 PM »
I don't think it would be rude to tell him the consequences of his own behavior. I do think it would be rude to lie to him - especially a lie that is so easily caught out.

It's not rude to fix it so that he suffers the consequences of his behavior (i.e., not stopping by the OP's when he's with her). But to tell him would be rude. Absolutely.

No it wouldn't be rude to lie to him.

Etiquette sanctions lying all the time.

And leaving out the *reason* for her "stopping by to pick up a costume" plans is not lying.
So to include it ever would be rude and unnecessarily hurtful.

Re: the bolded - while etiquette may "sanction" saying less than what you would like to, or not saying anything at all, I do not believe that it "sanctions" lying. Or even encourages it. There's no need to lie when keeping quiet will do just as well. And yes, it is rude to lie to people.

TootsNYC

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27463 on: June 16, 2014, 02:45:48 PM »
I don't think it's her place to do so.

Goosey

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27464 on: June 16, 2014, 03:06:08 PM »
I don't think it's her place to do so.

Can you elaborate? Whose place is it? Should he be kept in the dark about how his poor behavior has put people off? What does that accomplish? Lia is his friend - if there's a person whose "place" it is to respond with honesty to a question, a friend qualifies IMO