Author Topic: Special Snowflake Stories  (Read 5099472 times)

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Goosey

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27465 on: June 16, 2014, 02:07:53 PM »
I don't think it would be rude to tell him the consequences of his own behavior. I do think it would be rude to lie to him - especially a lie that is so easily caught out.

It's not rude to fix it so that he suffers the consequences of his behavior (i.e., not stopping by the OP's when he's with her). But to tell him would be rude. Absolutely.

No it wouldn't be rude to lie to him.

Etiquette sanctions lying all the time.

And leaving out the *reason* for her "stopping by to pick up a costume" plans is not lying.
So to include it ever would be rude and unnecessarily hurtful.
He's an adult. He can't be told the consequences of his actions?

"Sorry, you really put her off with the candy thing. I'm just going to come get you after from now on" is a lot better in my mind than an obvious lie.

Perhaps this would be better in a spin off thread though.

Not out of the blue no.  So no Lia showing up to his house and deliberately mentioning that she's just come from from Celany's house or is going to Celany's house and he can't come because he was really rude to her the last time.  That is rude and uncalled for

However, if Lia simply goes and visit's Eric before or after and doesn't mention it, that's fine.  There is no need for him to know he's not welcome, because he never goes to Celany's house without Lia. 

If he asks Lia about going to Celany's house and she tells him the reason, that's fine.  But not just arbitrarily announcing he's never invited back because Celany doesn't like him and he's rude, etc.  That's drama llama behavior.

I absolutely agree with this, but it sounds like Toots was saying it would be rude to tell him under any circumstance.

Celany

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27466 on: June 16, 2014, 02:57:04 PM »
I don't think it would be rude to tell him the consequences of his own behavior. I do think it would be rude to lie to him - especially a lie that is so easily caught out.

It's not rude to fix it so that he suffers the consequences of his behavior (i.e., not stopping by the OP's when he's with her). But to tell him would be rude. Absolutely.

No it wouldn't be rude to lie to him.

Etiquette sanctions lying all the time.

And leaving out the *reason* for her "stopping by to pick up a costume" plans is not lying.
So to include it ever would be rude and unnecessarily hurtful.
He's an adult. He can't be told the consequences of his actions?

"Sorry, you really put her off with the candy thing. I'm just going to come get you after from now on" is a lot better in my mind than an obvious lie.

Perhaps this would be better in a spin off thread though.

Not out of the blue no.  So no Lia showing up to his house and deliberately mentioning that she's just come from from Celany's house or is going to Celany's house and he can't come because he was really rude to her the last time.  That is rude and uncalled for

However, if Lia simply goes and visit's Eric before or after and doesn't mention it, that's fine.  There is no need for him to know he's not welcome, because he never goes to Celany's house without Lia. 

If he asks Lia about going to Celany's house and she tells him the reason, that's fine.  But not just arbitrarily announcing he's never invited back because Celany doesn't like him and he's rude, etc.  That's drama llama behavior.

I absolutely agree with this, but it sounds like Toots was saying it would be rude to tell him under any circumstance.

"Sorry, you really put her off with the candy thing and when you made it clear that you have no interest in visiting if there is no candy. I'm just going to come get you after from now on"

Believe me, I knew that Eric & I both weren't fond of each other & it was pretty clear that neither of us would just hang out the two of us. However, the way he acted sort of inferred to me that, without candy, he doesn't even want to spend 10-15 minutes in my apartment...for me, that was the icky icing on the rude cake.

Lia doesn't have a problem speaking her mind to people, and she was embarrassed and steamed by how he left, so I wouldn't be surprised if she lit in to him for herself when she met him at the park & told him that she wasn't bringing him back because *she* was upset because of his behavior too. I honestly don't understand why they hang out together. But, not my dog.
I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. ~ Hippolyte Taine

songbird

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27467 on: June 16, 2014, 03:04:41 PM »
How about karmic retribution for a special snowflake?

About 10 years ago I took my children to a Cirque du Soleil performance in Orlando.  In an audience full of well-behaved children enjoying the show, we were seated in front of a bachelorette party that was ...er...over-served.  The ladies were rather loud and boisterous throughout the performance.  They'd quiet down when the ushers approached, then start right up again as soon as the ushers left.

Towards the end of the performance, the worst offender got up to get yet another drink from the bar, and didn't return.

turns out she tripped over her own two feet, and fell face first into a trash can.

Shalamar

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27468 on: June 16, 2014, 03:29:59 PM »
Wow.  Eric reminds me a bit of my former co-worker Melissa, who'd grab handfuls of my Kleenexes and leave without a word.  I finally got tired of being treated like a human vending machine (except that you pay a vending machine) and told her "You know, the store will sell them to you, too."  Hoo boy, was she offended.  I wouldn't have minded if it was only once in a while (spring allergies can sometimes take you by surprise), but it was every day, often more than once per day.

carol1412

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27469 on: June 16, 2014, 03:42:05 PM »
I don't think it would be rude to tell him the consequences of his own behavior. I do think it would be rude to lie to him - especially a lie that is so easily caught out.

It's not rude to fix it so that he suffers the consequences of his behavior (i.e., not stopping by the OP's when he's with her). But to tell him would be rude. Absolutely.

No it wouldn't be rude to lie to him.

Etiquette sanctions lying all the time.

And leaving out the *reason* for her "stopping by to pick up a costume" plans is not lying.
So to include it ever would be rude and unnecessarily hurtful.

Re: the bolded - while etiquette may "sanction" saying less than what you would like to, or not saying anything at all, I do not believe that it "sanctions" lying. Or even encourages it. There's no need to lie when keeping quiet will do just as well. And yes, it is rude to lie to people.

TootsNYC

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27470 on: June 16, 2014, 03:45:48 PM »
I don't think it's her place to do so.

Goosey

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27471 on: June 16, 2014, 04:06:08 PM »
I don't think it's her place to do so.

Can you elaborate? Whose place is it? Should he be kept in the dark about how his poor behavior has put people off? What does that accomplish? Lia is his friend - if there's a person whose "place" it is to respond with honesty to a question, a friend qualifies IMO

MrTango

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27472 on: June 16, 2014, 04:38:28 PM »
I heard this SS-receives-instant-karma story from a friend of mine:

Friend was driving to work when he came up to someone who was driving 35mph in a 55mph zone and in the fast lane, alternately talking and texting on their cell phone.  Friend honked his horn (which his state's driver's manual says is the correct signal to another driver that the other driver needs to move to the right to allow faster traffic to pass).

Instead of moving over, the Slow driver extended his left hand out the driver's window to extend their middle finger.  The driver's left hand was also the hand with which they were holding the phone.  The phone comes out of the driver's hand, hits the road, and then my friend heard the crunch of his tires rolling over the slow driver's phone.

ladyknight1

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27473 on: June 16, 2014, 04:39:58 PM »
Oh my. That was not wise at all.

VorFemme

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27474 on: June 16, 2014, 04:46:04 PM »
I heard this SS-receives-instant-karma story from a friend of mine:

Friend was driving to work when he came up to someone who was driving 35mph in a 55mph zone and in the fast lane, alternately talking and texting on their cell phone.  Friend honked his horn (which his state's driver's manual says is the correct signal to another driver that the other driver needs to move to the right to allow faster traffic to pass).

Instead of moving over, the Slow driver extended his left hand out the driver's window to extend their middle finger.  The driver's left hand was also the hand with which they were holding the phone.  The phone comes out of the driver's hand, hits the road, and then my friend heard the crunch of his tires rolling over the slow driver's phone.

I would be that the "lesson" the SS learned was that other people will drive over his phone if he drops it, not that the phone needs to be put away when driving...

But he might have to spend enough money replacing the phone that it is going to be taken better care of than the one that got more or less "tossed" out the window, even if it was by accident/mistake.
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melicious

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27475 on: June 16, 2014, 04:47:24 PM »
I don't think it's her place to do so.

Can you elaborate? Whose place is it? Should he be kept in the dark about how his poor behavior has put people off? What does that accomplish? Lia is his friend - if there's a person whose "place" it is to respond with honesty to a question, a friend qualifies IMO

I agree. If he's demonstrating poor etiquette, why sweep it under the rug? He's a grown man and should be made aware of his behaviour. If he chooses to modify it, that's up to him, but at least he'd know why he's no longer welcome in Celany's home.

TootsNYC

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27476 on: June 16, 2014, 05:00:30 PM »
And what if Celany doesn't want the awkwardness of having this communicated t him.? Without express directions, then the mutual friend would owe it to Celany to keep the confidence.
    After all, Celany didn't say this directly to him; she made of point of having the convo when Eric wasn't around. So to repeat it to him is the height of rudeness to Celany.

Sirius

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27477 on: June 16, 2014, 05:24:03 PM »
Not sure if this is snowflakey, or just a bad case of counting one's chickens before they are hatched.  Older man with few relatives dies under ambiguous circumstances (He was dead in his apartment for about 2 weeks.)  Only close relative is a sister and her two grown children.  Between waiting for an autopsy, and some personal problems, the executor hasn't been in contact with the sister in over a month.  Now I understand that the sister is getting anxious about what her brother died of, and when he can be buried.   Meanwhile, Sister's husband (and I suspect Sister herself) wants their son to come up and clean out the apartment as soon as possible.  There's some family heirlooms, son's oldest kids moved out and can use some of the furniture, it's costing the estate a couple of thousand dollars a month in rent.  What gets into the snowflake category is that  they don't know what is in the brother's will.  In fact, they don't know for sure if the will has been located yet. (Apparently, it is/was in the apartment.)  It may well be that the whole estate is going to a charity. 

Granted, the executor should be better at keeping in contact, if only to say that the autopsy hasn't been done yet, and the apartment is still considered a possible crime scene.  But being a person's only living relative is not a guarantee that you will be in the will.

I've been an executor, and it is rather snowflakey for the relatives to be badgering the executor, especially ones who don't know for a fact that they are heirs.  When my aunt died I was staying in her house looking after her pets since she'd been hospitalized before her death, and if other relatives had descended on the place and started picking things out I'd have tossed them out the back door.  However, I already had a copy of my aunt's will and had been in contact with the other heirs, and since my aunt lived in a small town out in the middle of nowhere the other heirs were not really interested in her furnishings, etc.  The line about being someone's only living relative doesn't guarantee that the relative is an heir is very true; even in my aunt's case my dad (my aunt's brother) got upset that he wasn't mentioned in her will.  I simply told him that the will said what it said, and that was the end of it.  (I knew he wouldn't try to sue; my dad is such a tightwad he'd never pay a lawyer.)

Celany

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27478 on: June 16, 2014, 05:29:32 PM »
And what if Celany doesn't want the awkwardness of having this communicated t him.? Without express directions, then the mutual friend would owe it to Celany to keep the confidence.
    After all, Celany didn't say this directly to him; she made of point of having the convo when Eric wasn't around. So to repeat it to him is the height of rudeness to Celany.

It was less that I deliberately had it when he wasn't around & more that he literally walked out while my mouth was still wide open, catching flies.

Had he not walked out, I'm honestly not sure what I would have said to him, because "You are no longer welcome in my home" feels...weird. If I'd have been thinking quickly (and he hadn't gotten up & zipped right off), I think I'd have said something like "And on that note, I do thing it's best that you leave. I'll coordinate with Lia so that you don't join us any more when she stops by", because we're not FB friends & I don't know how I'd contact him otherwise (or want to, really).

But I can see how, if I deliberately had the conversation without him, it could be awkward if I didn't want him to know (like if I was worried about some kind of retaliation) or if I wanted to keep it confidential. But given the way he acted, I don't particularly care if he knows why I don't want him to come back.
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Adelaide

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Re: Special Snowflake Stories
« Reply #27479 on: June 16, 2014, 08:26:53 PM »
My SS coworker has now managed to tick off most people in the office. She cut out early to attend a conference (which she gave a long-winded explanation about why she didn't know it was today/had to attend/its importance) and I saw when i left that she hasn't finished her half of the project we're supposed to present together tomorrow. I can't wait to see how she explains to our supervisor the fact that she got none of her assigned work done because she *had* to leave before noon to go to this random thing she wanted to go to.