Special Snowflake Stories

[catgal]

It sounds like Bexx27's SBIL invited himself and his children to her house for Christmas dinner.  Then demands to know what is on the menu to see if it is good enough.  How rude, especially for a holiday dinner when the menu was panned without the anticipation that SBIL be there.  This is a perfect time to use "that won't be possible".

[Bexx27]

It sounds like Bexx27's SBIL invited himself and his children to her house for Christmas dinner.  Then demands to know what is on the menu to see if it is good enough.  How rude, especially for a holiday dinner when the menu was panned without the anticipation that SBIL be there.  This is a perfect time to use "that won't be possible".

Yes, pretty much, except we had initially invited him when we planned to have Christmas here about a month ago. At that time he said he wasn't sure because he didn't know yet whether the kids would be with him or what they'd want to do. So it wasn't completely out of the blue, but we'd assumed he wasn't coming.

He is still welcome (just not with McDonald's bags!) because he and his kids are going through a tough time with custody battles and it's possible he really didn't know until today if he could get the kids. My DD also loves seeing her cousins. There will be plenty of food, so that's not an issue. I've just worked hard putting a nice meal together (nothing fancy or exotic, very traditional and kid-friendly) and I don't want the occasion marred by fast food (not to mention my 3-year-old's reaction to not having a happy meal herself.) I don't care if the kids make a meal of crackers and cheese and dinner rolls. Heck, I'd even cook them a box of mac n cheese. 

[ladyknight1]

My in-laws have become a bit distant, which is fine with me. On Wednesday, MIL calls my son to tell him they would like to see us on Christmas Eve. I called Thursday, Friday, and Saturday to tell them that wouldn't work as DH had to work a partial day and we had prior plans in the evening. I finally got in touch with them today.

 I let them know we had other plans, and that we could see them for lunch on Christmas. Those plans are agreed upon.

FIL tells me that MIL wants DS to bring a very expensive, fairly rare (no longer available in our area, available for order online) video game over for MIL to have with her new gaming system. Not to play with DS while we are there, but to keep for a few weeks. I haven't yet decided how I am going to respond to this. Does this seem strange to you? I find it very odd that a parent or grandparent would demand an item be loaned to them.

[jedikaiti]

Seriously? Is she known to be a gamer, do she & DS have a history of loaning each other games? If not, then yea, I would say there is cause for the request to register on your hinky meter. How big of a disturbance in your personal Force this rates depends on your fam's history with your MIL.

I might just conveniently "forget" the game at home, if I were you.

[Slartibartfast]

I'm calling Bittybartfast a special snowflake tonight.  It's 11:45 on Christmas Eve, and she's screaming her head off.  (She's six months old and has almost all the signs of teething - fever, runny nose, grumpiness, drooling - everything except actual teeth.)

So Bittybartfast has decided if she can't sleep, nobody gets to sleep.  And I know Babybartfast will be up bright an early in the morning wanting to open presents, so I can't just hand her the iPad and tell her to wake me up in an hour 

[snowdragon]

     I am calling the Ushers at my mom's church SS's and the people who came LATE to Christmas eve mass - and would not be separated from each other - all six of them needed to be seated together in one of the two busiest masses of the year.
     I had gotten there early....and got a seat I wanted, only to be TOLD that I needed to move to accommodate these folks, to a seat where my mother could not sit with me. So I get out move my stuff and go to the seat I was allowed to sit in - only to have the Ushers come in and again try to move me. Because someone else who came late was more worthy of a seat than I.  This time I refused to accommodate. They could sit separately because I was not moving - so the wife sat sideways and acted like she was in her living room, elbowed me several times and her husband told me to move so their daughter could sit with them.  Again - no, I am not standing so your daughter can sit. Then the woman decided that the organist and choir were not worth listening to - on the only day when they do the Polish Carols, in Polish, she wanted to chat with me! I was singing along when they came and I was not stopping because her specialness wanted coffee hour. She did not stop talking until the Gospel reading. To me, to her husband ( about how rude I was for not moving or chatting to her) ,to the daughter standing in the aisle, no one around her could concentrate on the readings or prayers.
    You know if you want to sit together, get there early - or sit where you can, but expecting others to be displaced for you ( or displacing those who came early.) when you know this is going to be a packed house,,,, is ridiculous.   

[MissRose]

     I am calling the Ushers at my mom's church SS's and the people who came LATE to Christmas eve mass - and would not be separated from each other - all six of them needed to be seated together in one of the two busiest masses of the year.
     I had gotten there early....and got a seat I wanted, only to be TOLD that I needed to move to accommodate these folks, to a seat where my mother could not sit with me. So I get out move my stuff and go to the seat I was allowed to sit in - only to have the Ushers come in and again try to move me. Because someone else who came late was more worthy of a seat than I.  This time I refused to accommodate. They could sit separately because I was not moving - so the wife sat sideways and acted like she was in her living room, elbowed me several times and her husband told me to move so their daughter could sit with them.  Again - no, I am not standing so your daughter can sit. Then the woman decided that the organist and choir were not worth listening to - on the only day when they do the Polish Carols, in Polish, she wanted to chat with me! I was singing along when they came and I was not stopping because her specialness wanted coffee hour. She did not stop talking until the Gospel reading. To me, to her husband ( about how rude I was for not moving or chatting to her) ,to the daughter standing in the aisle, no one around her could concentrate on the readings or prayers.
    You know if you want to sit together, get there early - or sit where you can, but expecting others to be displaced for you ( or displacing those who came early.) when you know this is going to be a packed house,,,, is ridiculous.   

Both the woman and her family plus the ushers are SS's.  The ushers should have not forced you to move and the woman & her family defined SS.  That is why you arrive early for Xmas Masses to get the seats/pew you want.   Too bad the ushers do not have announcements made asking parents of infants and toddlers to hold them to free up space as most of the time kids under age 3 seldom want to sit down for any period of time (at least in my experiences going to church and observing kids of that age range there).

[ladyknight1]

Seriously? Is she known to be a gamer, do she & DS have a history of loaning each other games? If not, then yea, I would say there is cause for the request to register on your hinky meter. How big of a disturbance in your personal Force this rates depends on your fam's history with your MIL.

I might just conveniently "forget" the game at home, if I were you.

MIL's great nieces and ones DH and DS are visiting and she wanted it there for them to play with. I suggested to FIL that the game is available online and where he could get it.

[Slartibartfast]

Bits and pieces of background on DH's grandmother have been posted on other threads, but here it is all in one place:

[bg]FIL always has and always will put his mother first, over MIL.  This may be correlated with Grandma being a huge special snowflake.  She gets her way most of the time, and nobody's allowed to say boo to her or she'll throw a huge PA fit and FIL will go all crusader to fix whatever is making his mother unhappy.  Last year Grandma pulled the "It's going to be my last Christmas!" thing again (link to my previous thread - be sure to see the updates too) and DH went along with it but took her at her word.  Not surprisingly, this year she expected us to come up to see her for her "last Christmas" again, and was taken aback when DH pointed out that last year was her "last Christmas" so we made definite plans to be home this year.  We stuck to our guns and now the plan is for FIL to drive the eight-hour round trip to pick up Grandma and bring her back here to stay with him and MIL (note: Grandma and MIL pretty much hate each other) for a week over the holiday.

Second half of the background: DH's two sisters live in town near us, but we rarely see them.  We get along fine with the middle sister (just don't have anything in common) but his oldest sister royally messes up her life on a regular basis.  She has awful taste in abusive guys half her age, and her kids (my niece and nephew) - who are special snowflakes themselves - don't want anything to do with her as long as she has any of her user boyfriends around.  SIL1 only keeps in contact with MIL when she wants something, but MIL tries to keep a line open.[/bg]

Because of all this mess, MIL was basically being forced into hosting Christmas this year and was not happy about it.  (She hates cooking and entertaining and hates how her MIL, DH's Grandma, criticizes everything she does.)  If she hosted Christmas, she'd have to make it a "whole family" thing, which would have to include SIL1 and her current boy toy and Niece and her screaming brat toddler (not his fault, honestly, but still) and Nephew who would rather sit and ignore everyone and play on his phone and Grandma being upset the world wasn't revolving around her and it would have been a huge mess with the potential for a lot of hurt feelings, at the expense of MIL's nerves.

I actually kind of like hosting and needed an excuse to really get the house clean anyway, so I volunteered to have MIL, FIL, and Grandma over to our house on Christmas day.  Since MIL's not the hostess, she's not obligated to invite SIL1, and since we rarely see SIL1 and frequently see the ILs, it's natural to make it an "us and the parents" thing and not "us and the entire extended family."  We do plan to invite SIL2, but everyone knows not to mention it to SIL1 and if SIL1 gets mad it won't bother me because we don't see her anyway.

The special snowflake here is Grandma.  When I offered to host, I told MIL what I would be doing: we're having Christmas morning with just our family, then everyone can come over in the early afternoon and we'll have a buffet of "heavy appetizer"-type food to nibble on while we hang out, so there will be no big formal dinner and no huge cooking marathon and no specific timetable.  Grandma said this "won't work for her" - she expects someone to provide a full Christmas spread, complete with spiral-cut ham and roasted turkey and side dishes and fine china, because it's what she would have done if we had gone to her house (true) and therefore if we won't let her host we have to do the same.

Since this was relayed through MIL, I let her have to break the bad news to Grandma    Sorry, Grandma, but I'm hosting this year and this is what I'm choosing to do!  I'm trying to figure out a menu I can mostly prepare ahead of time (or things that don't take much prep time anyway), and I don't want to be stuck in the kitchen all day when I could be relaxing.  I don't know why Grandma is so upset - she's in her 90's now and eats less than my toddler anyway.

Yeesh!  SSy update on this: Grandma showed up with mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, fruit salad, and two kinds of cake.  When I was very clear that this isn't a potluck, and I was trying for foods we could keep on the table all afternoon and not have to keep heated/chilled (which the potatoes really weren't).  The fruit salad and BOTH kinds of cake had coconut in them, which I don't like.  Incidentally, I have about ten pounds of fruit I was planning to make my own fruit salad with, which I ended up not even cutting up because Grandma brought her own variety.  Apparently FIL likes coconut cake and fruit salad and I would have ruined Christmas if I had forced him to go without.  (Okay, that's my extrapolation, and she was trying to be really nice about "Look what I brought to share!", but still.)

I ended up skipping the cake and making myself a small portion of cut-up fruit.  Luckily we've been invited to a potluck New Year's Eve party - I think I'll be bringing fruit salad!

[Piratelvr1121]

     I am calling the Ushers at my mom's church SS's and the people who came LATE to Christmas eve mass - and would not be separated from each other - all six of them needed to be seated together in one of the two busiest masses of the year.
     I had gotten there early....and got a seat I wanted, only to be TOLD that I needed to move to accommodate these folks, to a seat where my mother could not sit with me. So I get out move my stuff and go to the seat I was allowed to sit in - only to have the Ushers come in and again try to move me. Because someone else who came late was more worthy of a seat than I.  This time I refused to accommodate. They could sit separately because I was not moving - so the wife sat sideways and acted like she was in her living room, elbowed me several times and her husband told me to move so their daughter could sit with them.  Again - no, I am not standing so your daughter can sit. Then the woman decided that the organist and choir were not worth listening to - on the only day when they do the Polish Carols, in Polish, she wanted to chat with me! I was singing along when they came and I was not stopping because her specialness wanted coffee hour. She did not stop talking until the Gospel reading. To me, to her husband ( about how rude I was for not moving or chatting to her) ,to the daughter standing in the aisle, no one around her could concentrate on the readings or prayers.
    You know if you want to sit together, get there early - or sit where you can, but expecting others to be displaced for you ( or displacing those who came early.) when you know this is going to be a packed house,,,, is ridiculous.   

Both the woman and her family plus the ushers are SS's.  The ushers should have not forced you to move and the woman & her family defined SS.  That is why you arrive early for Xmas Masses to get the seats/pew you want.   Too bad the ushers do not have announcements made asking parents of infants and toddlers to hold them to free up space as most of the time kids under age 3 seldom want to sit down for any period of time (at least in my experiences going to church and observing kids of that age range there).

No kidding.  We went early, about an hour early so that the boys could rehearse their parts in the pageant with the other kids so finding a seat wasn't hard for us at all and the front rows were reserved for the parents of the kids in the choir and pageant.  But I can definitely agree that little ones under 3 don't want to sit down for long.  Piratebabe was really good through the pageant (a wee shepherd) but after the sermon he got a bit fussy so DH (who usually doesn't go with me) took him out to the nursery to change him and then walked him around for a while to try and tire him out.  By the time they got back after communion, the little guy was quiet.

[twiggy]

I couldn't quite decide where to put this, as i think my sister was being ridiculous and a Super SS, but I don't think it merits its own thread.

Last week, on Wed or Thurs (so just a few days before Christmas) Sis said that she's organizing Christmas dinner, and is frustrated because "nobody wants to do Christmas" ie everyone already has plans I talked to DH and we decided that we will come over instead of just hanging out at home with the kids.

Sis then called to invite us to spend the night on Christmas Eve so we would all wake up together. She was annoyed at Bro because he wasn't coming--he and his fiancee went to visit her folks. I said no way. I don't want to lug my family of 5 over and sleep on the floor on Christmas Eve.

Next idea was that just the kids could spend the night. Ummm, no. My kids are going to wake up in their own beds on Christmas morning. And they're sure as heck going to be spending Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with me and their dad.**Bonus SS points because this is Baby's first Christmas. I told Sis that wasn't going to happen all 3 times she asked.

Friday I picked Niece up from school as usual, and when Sis came to pick her up, Sis asked my kids if they wanted to have a slumber party on Christmas Eve. The kids got all revved up and excited, and I got to be the Evil Dream Destroyer^tm. We left immediately, and as I was wrangling my kids out to the van, I let Sis have it. I may have made a comment about smacking her upside the head if she tried that male cow excrement again.

Saturday Sis and I were talking again. This time her plan was that we would bring all of our gifts over to the house and everyone would open gifts together. As in, not just our gifts for Dad, Sis and niece, but the gifts DH and I got each other and the kids as well. No, not happening. Sis was pouty again and didn't get why I don't want to do Christmas.

Monday, Christmas Eve, I get a call from Sis. It's niece calling to ask if DS, DD and baby can come over and have a sleepover. I asked her to give the phone to Sis, and told her that was a new low and that I would see her Christmas Day at 11:30, and not before.

Christmas Day, we come over and Sis asked what happened to us coming over last night. I ignored her, she sighed and muttered under her breath, and then it was done and we had a fun day. I seriously considered not coming over at all on Christmas day after all the pestering that Sis did, but I had told Dad we would be there, and if we didn't go we wouldn't have seen him. I was ok with that 2 weeks ago when our plan was to have a quiet, low key day, but once Sis started in with her plans, Dad rearranged his plans also. And Sis lives with Dad, so I couldn't really just see him without her as well.

[Mental Magpie]

I couldn't quite decide where to put this, as i think my sister was being ridiculous and a Super SS, but I don't think it merits its own thread.

Last week, on Wed or Thurs (so just a few days before Christmas) Sis said that she's organizing Christmas dinner, and is frustrated because "nobody wants to do Christmas" ie everyone already has plans I talked to DH and we decided that we will come over instead of just hanging out at home with the kids.

Sis then called to invite us to spend the night on Christmas Eve so we would all wake up together. She was annoyed at Bro because he wasn't coming--he and his fiancee went to visit her folks. I said no way. I don't want to lug my family of 5 over and sleep on the floor on Christmas Eve.

Next idea was that just the kids could spend the night. Ummm, no. My kids are going to wake up in their own beds on Christmas morning. And they're sure as heck going to be spending Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with me and their dad.**Bonus SS points because this is Baby's first Christmas. I told Sis that wasn't going to happen all 3 times she asked.

Friday I picked Niece up from school as usual, and when Sis came to pick her up, Sis asked my kids if they wanted to have a slumber party on Christmas Eve. The kids got all revved up and excited, and I got to be the Evil Dream Destroyer^tm. We left immediately, and as I was wrangling my kids out to the van, I let Sis have it. I may have made a comment about smacking her upside the head if she tried that male cow excrement again.

Saturday Sis and I were talking again. This time her plan was that we would bring all of our gifts over to the house and everyone would open gifts together. As in, not just our gifts for Dad, Sis and niece, but the gifts DH and I got each other and the kids as well. No, not happening. Sis was pouty again and didn't get why I don't want to do Christmas.

Monday, Christmas Eve, I get a call from Sis. It's niece calling to ask if DS, DD and baby can come over and have a sleepover. I asked her to give the phone to Sis, and told her that was a new low and that I would see her Christmas Day at 11:30, and not before.

Christmas Day, we come over and Sis asked what happened to us coming over last night. I ignored her, she sighed and muttered under her breath, and then it was done and we had a fun day. I seriously considered not coming over at all on Christmas day after all the pestering that Sis did, but I had told Dad we would be there, and if we didn't go we wouldn't have seen him. I was ok with that 2 weeks ago when our plan was to have a quiet, low key day, but once Sis started in with her plans, Dad rearranged his plans also. And Sis lives with Dad, so I couldn't really just see him without her as well.

All I can say is great for your spine!

[NyaChan]

Yeah twiggy, shiny steel through and through.

[Diane AKA Traska]

Steel nothing... that's an adamantium spine that Wolverine would be proud of!

[Poppea]

     I am calling the Ushers at my mom's church SS's and the people who came LATE to Christmas eve mass - and would not be separated from each other - all six of them needed to be seated together in one of the two busiest masses of the year.
     I had gotten there early....and got a seat I wanted, only to be TOLD that I needed to move to accommodate these folks, to a seat where my mother could not sit with me. So I get out move my stuff and go to the seat I was allowed to sit in - only to have the Ushers come in and again try to move me. Because someone else who came late was more worthy of a seat than I.  This time I refused to accommodate. They could sit separately because I was not moving - so the wife sat sideways and acted like she was in her living room, elbowed me several times and her husband told me to move so their daughter could sit with them.  Again - no, I am not standing so your daughter can sit. Then the woman decided that the organist and choir were not worth listening to - on the only day when they do the Polish Carols, in Polish, she wanted to chat with me! I was singing along when they came and I was not stopping because her specialness wanted coffee hour. She did not stop talking until the Gospel reading. To me, to her husband ( about how rude I was for not moving or chatting to her) ,to the daughter standing in the aisle, no one around her could concentrate on the readings or prayers.
    You know if you want to sit together, get there early - or sit where you can, but expecting others to be displaced for you ( or displacing those who came early.) when you know this is going to be a packed house,,,, is ridiculous.   

Both the woman and her family plus the ushers are SS's.  The ushers should have not forced you to move and the woman & her family defined SS.  That is why you arrive early for Xmas Masses to get the seats/pew you want.   Too bad the ushers do not have announcements made asking parents of infants and toddlers to hold them to free up space as most of the time kids under age 3 seldom want to sit down for any period of time (at least in my experiences going to church and observing kids of that age range there).

It would be extremely awkward to kneel, stand and sing while holding a toddler.  If a family with small children arrives in time to get seats for everyone there is no reason the parents should have to give up their seats because someone else was late.