Midnight Kitty, she's actually trying really hard to be better this time around. She's my mother and I love her, and there's no doubt that she loves me, but she's difficult. Both my parents are difficult. They have major issues stemming from childhood that have never been truly dealt with. With my mother, she can't. It's too much. When she tries, she breaks down. She's not a bad person, but a person with a lot of baggage and an unhealthy way of dealing with personal relationships
. Her formative years were torture, and that's not exaggeration. What I know makes me want to vomit, and I know that I don't even know the worst of it. I try to give her the benefit of the doubt in every situation.
I guess from years of my own unhealthy upbringing, I have my insecurities. When this was brought up, I doubted myself. I'm growing stronger, and I really appreciate having a sounding board so I can differentiate between my weird self doubts and things that I do that really aren't okay.
ETA: I wanted to clarify that I was referring to my behavior and actions around other people. Obviously, I don't have the greatest examples, and I really want to learn how to be a more polite person, but I'm constantly second guessing myself as to what the "right" thing to do in any social situation is. I'm really glad I found this site.