Special Snowflake Stories

[nuit93]

My supervisor said "Wait, is that the guy [followed by long, accurate description of Bean}?"  We said "Yep."  "Yeah," said Supervisor, if I'm still here when he applies for a job, I'm going with NO.  I don't want a coworker who spends his free time on [name of revolting, lascivious website]."

Given the titles of the movies Bean keeps asking me to buy (and which I keep rejecting because--ewww) I believe it.

Is revolting website illegal or contains illegal material? If not, then I think it is none of anybody's business what he enjoys in his private time, as long as it doesn't affect work performance. I would be worried about the fact that he is lazy, incompetent and isn't learning what he needs to know.
<snip>

It's probably a website that should be blocked on library computers due to nudity or another issue that would be against their TOS of using a library computer.  He's probably found a way to go around the block to get to the website. 

However, if he is, then he could be blocked from using the computers in a normal library.  In Yarnspinner's library, Stonecold probably did away with that rule or something boneheaded.

If Bean wants to look at people sharing a 'special" rel@tionship w/farm animals (which is the site I understand he was on) in his private time, that's dandy.  But the keyword here is 'private".  Bean uses our computers for his browsing and our privacy screens have only so many ways to be private.  We've had complaints about him (and others) and I believe their right to free pr0n ends where the rights of others not to have to see/hear it begin.

As Angelic Gamer mentioned we comply with ALA standards and do not filter our computers.   Bean isn't the only problem...we've had to break up groups of gentlemen watching some very, very nasty stuff for the purposes of...a hands-in-pocket party Trying not to get shut  down/banned or locked here as it really isn't an etiquette question and more of a legal one.

Further, Bean's desire to watch films in which women are abused, tortured and otherwise ill used is certainly his right...but I don't think I can defend spending taxpayer dollars on what are known as 53xploitation films.

But you are right.  I am mostly concerned that if he is able to get his MLS and winds up working here, he will just be making more work for the properly trained and motivated people out there.

I thought they had to have filters *now*.

Back when the library I worked at first got internet access, that was not the case.  My teenage eyes got an eyeful in those years.

[Morrigan]

I think you are right, lady Disdain.  In the back of my mind, I had that fact written down...I'm just grateful that some of our regulars (who, unfortunately, are also offenders) haven't gone looking for children on line.

The problem with the regulations of filters is that we then have trouble looking up certain types of diseases (for a while, no one could look for breast cancer) and other issues.  The whole filter thing is a big mess.  If you filter, you run the risk of upsetting the ALA and they will complain about you and if you don't filter, then the government says it won't fund you.  (Those are extreme cases.) 

And I had better get us off this topic before i get us locked.

Since Stonecold's name was invoked:

She's on vacation.  One of our parttime employees asked me what was new and I said 'Well, Stonecold is on vacation."  Coworker waited a beat and then said "How can you tell?"

We filter out porn (supposedly...not according to the stuff I've caught patrons looking at, though), but have 2 unfiltered computers.  It's not too bad upstairs, in the reference area, though, since we don't get a lot of little kids.

AFAIK, no medical websites are blocked, though. 

[Diane AKA Traska]

If Bean wants to look at people sharing a 'special" rel@tionship w/farm animals (which is the site I understand he was on) in his private time, that's dandy.  But the keyword here is 'private".  Bean uses our computers for his browsing and our privacy screens have only so many ways to be private.  We've had complaints about him (and others) and I believe their right to free pr0n ends where the rights of others not to have to see/hear it begin.

/Emily Litella on
"I don't see the problem at all.  It's great to be an animal lover.  Animals enrich your life, they're companions and friends, everyone should love animals.  Why I..."
::Jane Curtain leans over and whispers into her ear::
::Momentary stunned look, then a simpering sweet smile into the camera::
"Never mind!"
/Emily Litella off

[wonderfullyanonymous]

"Britches be crazy, man."


I think I am going to adopt this phrase, it's hysterical!!

[crella]

because someone the MIL knows will have seen our car and tell her we were in town and we'll never hear the end of it,

I hope I trimmed the quote properly (will find out in a minute I suppose....)

These people! Why do they do it? MIL lived in a tiny town in the country. I drive a wine red car, which is unusual here (white is most popular lately) and so everybody knows it's me. I have friends in her town, we used to live with her and FIL and our son went to the local kindergarten. If I went to the house of a friend in her town, someone would tell her they saw my car and that would start her calling all my friends to track me down, if she couldn't I got hell on the phone that night for being in her town and not stopping by. Stopping by usually morphed into 'shop for me, move my plants, make me dinner' and a hundred other things she wanted done, I always tried to go under the radar but some  one of her friends would always rat me out.

After her hospitalization, same thing. I try to get into the coffee shop to have a cup after driving an hour, and to brace myself. Visits are hard these past few months, I never know if she'll be in a good mood, incoherent, alert, what. The hospital is in her home town, and people she knows are also there. I'm in the door less than a minute when invariably some little old lady or other will say 'I told her you're here!' and soon I'd hear the squeak-squeak of her walker as she'd come to find me. Now she's in a wheelchair and can't get around her on her own, so it's 'I told her you're here and she wants to see you right away!'

Why they do this is beyond me, but 'I saw C!' reporting's been going on for years now. Drives me nuts. Big Brother is alive an well in a little town out in the middle of Hyogo-ken Japan 

[StarDrifter]

Apparently antenatal care is *the* spot to encounter Snowflakes.

Now, I know that the whole pregnancy thing can be stressful. I know that it can be scary. I know that there can be emergencies, etc.

However.

Snowflake, you are in a waiting room full of other pregnant women. Most of us very visibly so. You are here for your 12 week checkup, as you have made abundantly clear by talking on your cell phone to someone who I assume is hard of hearing, given your volume. ~I could hear her from the intake desk, about 40m from the waiting room, behind a closed door.~

This is not the SS part.

The SS part was when she complained, loudly, when an emergency came up and we were advised that the consulting midwife had been called to a birth and there would be a ten minute delay in us being seen, because that's how long it takes for the resident midwife to get from the other side of the hospital.

Cue Snowflake - "I don't have time to wait, I have to get back to work. I need to go first, none of these other women are working, I should go first."
Nurse - "Everyone will be seen in the order they are booked, and your appointment is not scheduled for another twenty minutes. The midwife can give you a medical certificate to provide your employer if you need it, or we can reschedule for a day when you're not working."
Snowflake - "That's not acceptable. I have to go first, and I need to have my appointment now."
Nurse - "There is one person ahead of you, and you will be seen in less than half an hour. If that's not acceptable you need to reschedule."
Snowflake - "I can't reschedule, I have to see someone about this pregnancy today!"
Nurse - "Then you will have to wait." Nurse leaves, and Snowflake gets up, follows her back to the intake desk and continues to demand to be moved up the line, blocking access to other people who want to check in and let the staff know that they've arrived for their appointments.

She was so busy doing this that when the backup midwife arrived and called her name, she missed it. I was two names further down the list than Snowflake, and because she was so busy harassing the intake nurses, I was actually seen before her, because the backup midwife assumed that Snowflake hadn't checked in and therefore wasn't in the building - until she called her name one last time as I was leaving, at which point Snowflake almost knocked a heavily pregnant woman flying in her haste to get down the corridor and make sure she was seen *first!*.

[Nikko-chan]

That... that might actually win this thread. I don't even know how someone could do that...

[LadyJaneinMD]

Back when the library I worked at first got internet access, that was not the case.  My teenage eyes got an eyeful in those years.

Oh my...I have to admit it now.  Back in my early days of extreme computer geekiness, I worked for a company that made their initial money on pron.  Lots of it.   Yes, I was PAID to see sites that other people get FIRED for looking at.   One year of that and I move on, but that was enough to cure me for life of looking at that kind of stuff on a computer.  *shudder*
[No, I didn't do websites.  I still don't do websites.  I worked on the rest of the computer, though.]

[Waterlight]

Here's another SS Ellen story.  (Background information on the "final straw incident" that led to my ending the friendship is in this thread:  http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=125363.0 )

SS Ellen was invited to a party.  She called me the day of the party and asked me whether I had plans for the afternoon.  I said no, not really.  (I was a lot more naive than I am now--this was a few months before the final straw incident--and a little too trusting, which is why I was honest.)

She told me she'd been invited to this party.  (I hadn't been, and TBH didn't care.  I disliked large parties; didn't particularly like the hostess either; and frankly, could think of ways I'd rather spend a Sunday afternoon.) 

I said I wasn't invited, and didn't really want to go anyway, so I was fine with that.

"Well, she said I could bring a friend, and I'm inviting you.  It's rude to turn down an invitation when you don't have other plans.  And I was just planning to put in an appearance for an hour or so."

I agreed to go with her, since I didn't want to be rude, and we'd only be there an hour--although I made it pretty clear I wasn't happy about it.

At the party, it was obvious Hostess hadn't wanted me there; she didn't particularly like me either, and was distinctly icy when she saw me.  SS Ellen told her, "Oh, she insisted on coming"--a barefaced lie.  If I could find the words, I would have called her on her lie--E-Hell-approved or not--but I was speechless.

Once we were back in the car, I'm embarrassed to say I yelled at SS Ellen about how she'd PUBLICLY HUMILIATED ME by LYING to the hostess when I HADN'T wanted to be there, and SHE hadn't wanted me to BE there.  If she EVER did that to me again, our friendship would be OVER!   

SS Ellen said, "I don't know what you're talking about."

If I'd had a nice shiny spine then, I would have given that SS Female Dog the cut direct right after she drove me home--or better yet, never have gone to that party at all.  But I was too forgiving--and it would take a few more months before I broke off contact for good.

[Christabeldreams]

Here's another SS Ellen story.  (Background information on the "final straw incident" that led to my ending the friendship is in this thread:  http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=125363.0 )

SS Ellen was invited to a party.  She called me the day of the party and asked me whether I had plans for the afternoon.  I said no, not really.  (I was a lot more naive than I am now--this was a few months before the final straw incident--and a little too trusting, which is why I was honest.)

She told me she'd been invited to this party.  (I hadn't been, and TBH didn't care.  I disliked large parties; didn't particularly like the hostess either; and frankly, could think of ways I'd rather spend a Sunday afternoon.) 

I said I wasn't invited, and didn't really want to go anyway, so I was fine with that.

"Well, she said I could bring a friend, and I'm inviting you.  It's rude to turn down an invitation when you don't have other plans.  And I was just planning to put in an appearance for an hour or so."

I agreed to go with her, since I didn't want to be rude, and we'd only be there an hour--although I made it pretty clear I wasn't happy about it.

At the party, it was obvious Hostess hadn't wanted me there; she didn't particularly like me either, and was distinctly icy when she saw me.  SS Ellen told her, "Oh, she insisted on coming"--a barefaced lie.  If I could find the words, I would have called her on her lie--E-Hell-approved or not--but I was speechless.

Once we were back in the car, I'm embarrassed to say I yelled at SS Ellen about how she'd PUBLICLY HUMILIATED ME by LYING to the hostess when I HADN'T wanted to be there, and SHE hadn't wanted me to BE there.  If she EVER did that to me again, our friendship would be OVER!   

SS Ellen said, "I don't know what you're talking about."

If I'd had a nice shiny spine then, I would have given that SS Female Dog the cut direct right after she drove me home--or better yet, never have gone to that party at all.  But I was too forgiving--and it would take a few more months before I broke off contact for good.

Glad you broke contact with her, I would have yelled at her in front of everyone at the party.

[Diane AKA Traska]

Here's another SS Ellen story.  (Background information on the "final straw incident" that led to my ending the friendship is in this thread:  http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=125363.0 )

SS Ellen was invited to a party.  She called me the day of the party and asked me whether I had plans for the afternoon.  I said no, not really.  (I was a lot more naive than I am now--this was a few months before the final straw incident--and a little too trusting, which is why I was honest.)

She told me she'd been invited to this party.  (I hadn't been, and TBH didn't care.  I disliked large parties; didn't particularly like the hostess either; and frankly, could think of ways I'd rather spend a Sunday afternoon.) 

I said I wasn't invited, and didn't really want to go anyway, so I was fine with that.

"Well, she said I could bring a friend, and I'm inviting you.  It's rude to turn down an invitation when you don't have other plans.  And I was just planning to put in an appearance for an hour or so."

I agreed to go with her, since I didn't want to be rude, and we'd only be there an hour--although I made it pretty clear I wasn't happy about it.

At the party, it was obvious Hostess hadn't wanted me there; she didn't particularly like me either, and was distinctly icy when she saw me.  SS Ellen told her, "Oh, she insisted on coming"--a barefaced lie.  If I could find the words, I would have called her on her lie--E-Hell-approved or not--but I was speechless.

Once we were back in the car, I'm embarrassed to say I yelled at SS Ellen about how she'd PUBLICLY HUMILIATED ME by LYING to the hostess when I HADN'T wanted to be there, and SHE hadn't wanted me to BE there.  If she EVER did that to me again, our friendship would be OVER!   

SS Ellen said, "I don't know what you're talking about."

If I'd had a nice shiny spine then, I would have given that SS Female Dog the cut direct right after she drove me home--or better yet, never have gone to that party at all.  But I was too forgiving--and it would take a few more months before I broke off contact for good.

Glad you broke contact with her, I would have yelled at her in front of everyone at the party.

You know what they say about hindsight... it lets you see just how big a hindquarters someone else is.

[Softly Spoken]

Here's another SS Ellen story.  (Background information on the "final straw incident" that led to my ending the friendship is in this thread:  http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=125363.0 )

*snip*

I said I wasn't invited, and didn't really want to go anyway, so I was fine with that.

"Well, she said I could bring a friend, and I'm inviting you.  It's rude to turn down an invitation when you don't have other plans.  And I was just planning to put in an appearance for an hour or so."

I agreed to go with her, since I didn't want to be rude, and we'd only be there an hour--although I made it pretty clear I wasn't happy about it.

If I'd had a nice shiny spine then, I would have given that SS Female Dog the cut direct right after she drove me home--or better yet, never have gone to that party at all.  But I was too forgiving--and it would take a few more months before I broke off contact for good.

Glad you broke contact with her, I would have yelled at her in front of everyone at the party.

You know what they say about hindsight... it lets you see just how big a hindquarters someone else is.

1) This is one of the reasons that, when I don't have anything specific planned and I am asked about my plans, I keep things very vague and say "I'm not sure/I'll have to look at my schedule, why do you ask?" Then I am either luckily free or surprisingly (and so disappointingly) busy depending on what the person asking proposes.

2) I cannot believe that there is an actual written etiquette rule that says you are obligated to accept an invitation if you "don't have other plans." What exactly constitutes as "other plans"? Staying in for the evening sounds like a plan to me! An invitation is just that. It is not a summons. You aren't being subpoenaed or called for jury duty!

3) If you are invited to something and you choose not to go you don't owe anyone any explanation. If you want to bolster with honesty depending on the person and invitation, you might offer a polite excuse: Thanks for the invite but I'm behind on *my work*/It's nice of you to ask me but I'm not feeling well, etc. Bottom line - Thanks but no thanks. "I'm afraid that won't be possible."
To be honest, I have no trouble telling someone I am not up to coming. IME, if someone says aren't in the mood to go to a party, you do not want to drag them to one! You have every right to decline, and it is not rude as long as you decline politely.

4) Badgering someone to accept an invitation after they have declined is rude. By not accepting their 'no,' you are disregarding their feelings and disrespecting their boundaries. IMHO it is extremely ungracious, childish and not to mention highly annoying. If someone doesn't want to come they don't want to come. You just say "sorry to hear you can't make it" and move on. Any 'pushing' or wheedling is selfish and manipulative. Maybe you say "Are you sure?" once, but that's IT.

Once again, I can't helping noticing how people always pull out the "you are being rude" card when they aren't getting their way!

[Shalamar]

My MIL (whom I don't like) once invited me over for Boxing Day.  I said "I'm sorry, I already have plans."   She glared at me and spat "WHAT plans?", to which I replied honestly "Hitting the sales, ordering Chinese food, and drinking wine in my pyjamas."

Well, she DID ask ...

[Piratelvr1121]

That reminds me of a friend who dislikes the farm games on facebook.  She said she's done enough on farms in real life that she doesn't feel like playing a game that involves managing a farm.

You've reminded me of this:  http://partiallyclips.com/2010/07/09/farmer/
Warning for naughty words.

LOL! I love it!

[diesel_darlin]

My MIL (whom I don't like) once invited me over for Boxing Day.  I said "I'm sorry, I already have plans."   She glared at me and spat "WHAT plans?", to which I replied honestly "Hitting the sales, ordering Chinese food, and drinking wine in my pyjamas."

Well, she DID ask ...

Hey, plans are plans!